Kappa Mikey Quotes

Mikey Simon: I... have... *a pimple*!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
(This is said on occasion by the Chums)
Chums: Chums! Chum it up! Ssssssss...

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Ozu: [to Lily] Have you talked to Mitsuki? Did she find Mikey?
Lily: Not yet, but Gonard says he has a back up plan
Gonard: (to the children) Maybe one day, you'l all be supeheroes when you grow up. Isn't that right, Mikey?
[A cat is dressed as Kappa Mikey and starts attacking Gonard]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Yes Man: Housewarming present!
Ozu: A window.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
[Mikey calls from his home, and his parents answer the phone]
Ms. Simon: Hi, you've reached the Simon residence. If your message is for Ms. Simon, press 1.
Mr. Simon: And if it's for me, Mr. Simon, press 2.
Ms. Simon: And if you're our only child in Japan and you're calling 'cause you're all alone in a big empty room and you miss the comforting sound of another human voice, stay on the line as we read from a list of words chosen at random from the dictionary.
Mr. Simon: "Vernacular."
Ms. Simon: "Flibbertigibbet."
Mr. Simon: "Mortgage."
Ms. Simon: "Pedal."
Mr. Simon: "Disenfranchise."
[Mikey hangs up]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Mikey: Guess it's just you and me tonight, Mirror.
Mirror: Speak for yourself. I have plans.
[The mirror closes itself up]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
[Mitsuki watches as Lily and Mikey are loudly arguing with each other outside of Ozu's apartment. Ozu comes out.]
Ozu: [annoyed] What are you doing in front of my door?
Yes Man: Ozu needs Ozu Time!
Lily: [pointing at Mikey] Ozu, Mikey is like the messiest, most inconsiderate human being ever!
Yes Man: He is a star that shines too bright!
Mikey: *She's* the inconsiderate one. She's always nagging me like, "Mi-key, don't eat meals in the shower."
[Lily starts getting mad]
Mikey: "Mikey, don't feed the plants people food."
Mikey: She's the worst roommate!
Mitsuki: I just keep that diary as a joke!
[Everybody stares at Mitsuki and crickets chirp; Mitsuki floats away into the elevator]
Ozu: I understand. Very well. Mikey, you can no longer live with Lily and Mitsuki.
[Lily laughs evilly to herself while Mitsuki starts to cry]
Ozu: Lily and Mitsuki will have to move out!
Mikey: Yes!
[Lily starts growling]
Mikey: I mean... ohh?
Mitsuki: Wait! What about us?
Ozu: You will live somewhere else!
[Gong bongs]
Ozu: Somewhere worse!
Lily: You've GOT to be joking! There aren't even any other rooms in the building!
Ozu: Oh, we'll figure something out.
[Dramatic music plays]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Guano: [spots the key on Gonard's butt; pointing at the key] Gonard! The key! It's stuck to your butt!
Gonard: Huh?! Where?!
[Gonard starts spinning around in circles trying to see the key and starts spinning Guano around too and Guano starts screaming]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Guano: You didn't destroy Ozu's bonzai tree with a samurai sword did you?
Mikey: Uhhh... kinda.
Mitsuki: Mikey, Ozu's gonna kill you!
Gonard: He'll send you back to America!
Guano: He'll cancel the show!
Mikey: I'll never walk on the moon!
[Mitsuki, Gonard, and Guano all give confused looks to Mikey]
Mikey: What? It's been on my mind.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Lily: Stupid boss awards! Stupid party! Stupid Mikey with his STUPID BONSAI TREE AND HIS STUPID DIAGRAM WITH OZU'S APARTMENT!
[Suddenly, Lily realizes something]
Lily: Mikey! He's trying to switch Ozu's bonsai tree! When I tell Ozu, Mikey's finished! [laughs evilly]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Mikey: I'm sorry about the cameraman.
Ozu: Cameraman? What cameraman?
[The scene switches to Yoshi, who is still standing in the same spot covered in poisoned spines]
Yoshi: Okay, keep calm.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Robot #1: Answer my riddle to pass. What has 4 legs in the--
[Mikey walks past anyway]
Robot #2: What?! He didn't answer the riddle!
Robot #1: [deep voice] Don't start, Steve!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Guano: Everyone remember their assignments? I'll go deactivate the alarm!
Mikey: I'll switch the broken bonsai with the new one!
Gonard: I'll go make a sandwich in the kitchen!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
[Lily's cellphone rings]
Lily: Lily speaking.
Mitsuki: [deep voice] Hello, Lily. My name is Mr. Suzuki.
Gonard: And I'm Mr. Tadoshiwaroshikopentaru... waki-san. You can call me "Mr.?"

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Mikey: Okay, there has to be a way to replace that stupid bonsai!
Gonard: It's 500 years old!
Guano: Listen, I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a botanist who knows a wizard who knows a magical princess who knows a...
Mitsuki: I just ordered one on Tree Trade.
Guano: But I... always Tree Trade!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Socky: Stay socky!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Gonard: Relax Mikey, it's just a dimple.
Guano: Not a dimple, Gonard. A pimple.
Gonard: .....You're a monster!!!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Lily: Be honest, Mitsuki. Did I lose my endorsement to Socky because I'm not beautiful anymore?
Mitsuki: That's crazy! You look great! Doesn't she, mirror?
Mirror: Looking great, Gonard.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Beef: You ain't going nowhere.
[an alarm sounds]
Gang member: Grammar police! You aren't going anywhere.
Beef: Man, the Grammar Police is always doggin me...

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Prosecutor: Ozu, do you think Mikey stole the coat?
Ozu: If Mikey says he didn't take the coat, I believe him.
Prosecutor: But didn't Mikey destroy your precious 500 year old bansai tree, then lie about it?
Ozu: Yes! [voice building with anger]
Prosecutor: And did he buy a pirated video game when you told him not to?
Ozu: Yes! [saying very angrily]
Prosecutor: And didn't he reveal Lilymu's secrets to the press?
Ozu: Yes! [saying with fury as he catches on fire]
Mikey: That was a good one.
Prosecutor: Let the records show that Ozu is surrounded by flame.
[Yes Man douses Ozu with an extinguisher]

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Judge: Mr. Simon, In light of this terrible crime and the fact that you BROKE MY GAVEL. I sentence you to life in prison.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
(It has been proven that Mikey was framed, but the police finds him in Lilymu Towers. The gang are all in Gonard's apartment.)
Gonard: Friends stick together. (outside to the police) Mikey's with us! If you arrest him, you have to arrest all of us!
Detective: Fine. You're all under arrest.
(Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief)
Gonard: You'll have to come and get us!
Detective: Fine. We'll come and get you.
(Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief)
Gonard: Take the elevator! From my experience, it's faster.
Detective: Fine. We'll take the elevator.
(Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief)

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Gonard: (while under a fallen tower of ice) I think I broke one of my livers.
Lily: You only have one liver.
Gonard: How many do I need to live?
Lily: One.
Gonard: ...I'm in trouble.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Mikey: (sees a pile of rotting garbage) Ew. Good luck recycling that.
(Garbage goes through a machine and comes out as a bouquet of roses)
Mikey: So that's where those come from.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
[Ozu pits Lily and Gonard together as Tokyo's newest celebrity couple]
Lily: EW! I can't date Gonard, he's... (looks to see Gonard blowing his nose with the table cloth)...Gonard!
Gonard: Yeah, I can't date Gonard! He's way out of my league!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
(Gonard walks into the Finest Restaurant in Tokyo carrying a small bouquet of roses. A lady walks up to him)
Woman #1: (sympathetically) I am so sorry.
(Gonard is confused)
Woman #2: Just because she's famous, she shouldn't treat you that way.
(Gonard's more confused. A man then comes up with tears in his eyes. He hugs Gonard tightly and cries)
Crying man: You'll always have the memories!
Gonard: Why is everyone confusing me with some loser who got dumped by a celebrity girlfriend?

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Lily: [hesistant] Gonard, listen. Ozu told me we need to generate even more publicity.
Gonard: Okay, I'll do it. (puts on a blonde beehive-style wig) Anything for the show.

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
[Lily and Gonard have been "split up" by Guano]
Guano: What makes you think she would choose you over me anyway?
Gonard: (Talking while eating spaghetti) Because I am a gentleman!
Man: Excuse me, that's my food.
Gonard: (Still with mouth full) AND IT IS DELICIOUS!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
Mikey: If I broke this vase, you'de want me to replace it, right? Well, think of this vase as your irreplacable memories. (drops it on the ground and breaks)
Mitsuki: (tearing up) I made that vase when I was four.
Mikey: And I'll replace it!

TV Show: Kappa Mikey
[Ozu and Lily look on as Gonard and Guano prepare to duel each other]
Ozu: I don't think this is a good idea.
Lily: Relax, they do this all the time...
(Flashbacks of Gonard and Guano's previous duels are shown, such as hitting each other with paddles while in Colonial costume, banjo play-offs in Old Western clothing, and breakdance-offs in hip-hop clothes)
Gonard: Ready?
Guano: (puts on a pirate hat) Ready. Enguard!
(They start pelting each other with water balloons)

TV Show: Kappa Mikey