Friends Quotes
Monica: (without looking up from what she's doing) Besides tampons and salt? (Then looks) Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. (Opens the box) That's weird... it's empty!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: (sounds excited) Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out... or... ? (Looks around the room nervously) do you... do you guys hear a buzzing?
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.
Rachel: All right, all right! You're right, I won't do anything with Joey. I just thought it would be...
[Joey walks in]
Rachel: Okay... so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion?
Monica: What the hell are you cooking?
Rachel: All right, all right! You're right, I won't do anything with Joey. I just thought it would be...
[Joey walks in]
Rachel: Okay... so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion?
Monica: What the hell are you cooking?
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe is about to give Rachel a massage]
Phoebe: [in a fake Swedish accent] Hello, ya! It's time for your massage, ya! Put your face in the hole!
Rachel: Oh, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person!
Phoebe: Then I'm Swedish!
Rachel: What's your name?
Phoebe: A normal Swedish name...Ikea.
Rachel: What an interesting name. You know, I...
Phoebe: [interrupts her and pushes her head down] Time for your scalp massage!
Rachel: [sees Phoebe's shoes through the hole] Wow! I really love- [gasps loudly]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Rachel: No, it just...feels so good...Ikea! You'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe: Stockholm.
Rachel: [to herself] Damn, I wish I knew if that was right!
Phoebe: [in a fake Swedish accent] Hello, ya! It's time for your massage, ya! Put your face in the hole!
Rachel: Oh, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person!
Phoebe: Then I'm Swedish!
Rachel: What's your name?
Phoebe: A normal Swedish name...Ikea.
Rachel: What an interesting name. You know, I...
Phoebe: [interrupts her and pushes her head down] Time for your scalp massage!
Rachel: [sees Phoebe's shoes through the hole] Wow! I really love- [gasps loudly]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Rachel: No, it just...feels so good...Ikea! You'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe: Stockholm.
Rachel: [to herself] Damn, I wish I knew if that was right!
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: [singing]Ipan stripan glupi glapi! And that's the Swedish National Anthem, thank you for asking!
Rachel: Wow, what a rich culture! You know, I have a friend who's a masseuse!
Phoebe: Oh, ya!
Rachel: She's not very good, though!
Phoebe: And why do you think that is?
Rachel: I don't know! Maybe because she's got callousy fingers from playing a crummy guitar!
Phoebe: Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass!
Rachel: [turns up] PHOEBE!!
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Rachel: For a half-hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Rachel: How can you not tell me you work here?
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Phoebe: Tips not included.
Rachel: Why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: I was ashamed! I sold out for the cash! They give me benefits like medical and dental and a 401! But you pay a price! Now I'm this corporate stooge, punching a clock, and paying taxes!
Rachel: If you hate it, you should walk out there and quit! Be true to what you believe in! You have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Phoebe: You're right, I am going to quit! It's time I took my life back!
Rachel: Good for you, Pheebs!
[Phoebe leaves the room, then looks up at the ceiling and whispers]
Phoebe: If you guys had microphones in there, I didn't mean that! I love you!
Rachel: Wow, what a rich culture! You know, I have a friend who's a masseuse!
Phoebe: Oh, ya!
Rachel: She's not very good, though!
Phoebe: And why do you think that is?
Rachel: I don't know! Maybe because she's got callousy fingers from playing a crummy guitar!
Phoebe: Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass!
Rachel: [turns up] PHOEBE!!
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Rachel: For a half-hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Rachel: How can you not tell me you work here?
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Phoebe: Tips not included.
Rachel: Why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: I was ashamed! I sold out for the cash! They give me benefits like medical and dental and a 401! But you pay a price! Now I'm this corporate stooge, punching a clock, and paying taxes!
Rachel: If you hate it, you should walk out there and quit! Be true to what you believe in! You have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Phoebe: You're right, I am going to quit! It's time I took my life back!
Rachel: Good for you, Pheebs!
[Phoebe leaves the room, then looks up at the ceiling and whispers]
Phoebe: If you guys had microphones in there, I didn't mean that! I love you!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
TV Show: Friends
Charlie: What?
Joey: He said "erectus"!
Charlie: You're... you're kidding, right?
Joey: No, he really said it.
Ross: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...
Joey: He said "erectus"!
Charlie: You're... you're kidding, right?
Joey: No, he really said it.
Ross: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...
TV Show: Friends
Monica: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
David: Oh, certainly. That's a combination of Bernoulli's principle and Newton's third law of motion.
Monica: (to Chandler) See?
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
David: Oh, certainly. That's a combination of Bernoulli's principle and Newton's third law of motion.
Monica: (to Chandler) See?
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Monica: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Monica: What? (looks very shocked) Why?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one!
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Monica: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Monica: What? (looks very shocked) Why?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Now that I've untangled you, how about you do something for me?
Monica: What do you have in mind?
Chandler: I think you know.
Monica: I really don't feel like it!
Chandler: This is what I want to do.
Monica: All right! I just don't see why you like it so much!
Chandler: [holding up 'Miss Congeniality' tape] She's an FBI agent posing as a beauty contestant!
Monica: What do you have in mind?
Chandler: I think you know.
Monica: I really don't feel like it!
Chandler: This is what I want to do.
Monica: All right! I just don't see why you like it so much!
Chandler: [holding up 'Miss Congeniality' tape] She's an FBI agent posing as a beauty contestant!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Fajitas! Be careful. Very hot plate, very hot!
Rachel: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on!
Ross: [laughs] That is gonna hurt tomorrow!
Rachel: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on!
Ross: [laughs] That is gonna hurt tomorrow!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?
Rachel: [to Joey and Charlie] Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Rachel: [to Joey and Charlie] Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Ross, you don't seem okay.
Ross: [starts crying] I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining! I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Ross: [starts crying] I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining! I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
TV Show: Friends
[Joey and Chandler are discussing Joey's impending date with Rachel.]
Chandler: Wow, so tonight might be the night. You nervous?
Joey: Nah. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?
Joey: It's okay!
Chandler: Wow, so tonight might be the night. You nervous?
Joey: Nah. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?
Joey: It's okay!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: But do you think that maybe, on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
Joey: No, I don't have another level.
Joey: No, I don't have another level.
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Is Emma awake yet?
Rachel: It's still nap time. She'll be up soon.
Ross: Where's Joey?
Rachel: I said, it's still nap time.
[Joey awakes from his nap.]
Ross: There's Uncle Joey! Say something to Emma for her 18th birthday!
Joey: [starts to turn on his charm for the camera] 18, huh?
Ross: [switches off the camera] NO!
Joey: It's for her hot friends!
Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!
Joey: And starting to think about settling down!
Rachel: It's still nap time. She'll be up soon.
Ross: Where's Joey?
Rachel: I said, it's still nap time.
[Joey awakes from his nap.]
Ross: There's Uncle Joey! Say something to Emma for her 18th birthday!
Joey: [starts to turn on his charm for the camera] 18, huh?
Ross: [switches off the camera] NO!
Joey: It's for her hot friends!
Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!
Joey: And starting to think about settling down!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Ross, don't forget to take a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.
Ross: Sure.
Rachel: [to Monica] You're going to love this cake! I got from from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's!
Monica: That place has the creamiest frosting! I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid!
Rachel: Well, they make make these great novelty cakes in different shapes; and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!
Monica: Did you do a picture of Emma?
Rachel: On a cake shaped like a bunny!
Ross: Does this bakery by any chance bake erotic cakes, for bachelorette parties?
Rachel: What are you talking? -OH, MY GOD! They put my baby's face on a penis!
[Everyone rushes to see the cake.]
Phoebe: Now it's a party!
Rachel: This is not funny! If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself!
Joey: Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious?
Judy: Jack, look at this!
Jack: I know what you're thinking! The resemblance is uncanny!
[Everyone turns to look at Ross]
Ross: [angry] I am THIS close to tugging on my testicles again!!
Ross: Sure.
Rachel: [to Monica] You're going to love this cake! I got from from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's!
Monica: That place has the creamiest frosting! I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid!
Rachel: Well, they make make these great novelty cakes in different shapes; and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!
Monica: Did you do a picture of Emma?
Rachel: On a cake shaped like a bunny!
Ross: Does this bakery by any chance bake erotic cakes, for bachelorette parties?
Rachel: What are you talking? -OH, MY GOD! They put my baby's face on a penis!
[Everyone rushes to see the cake.]
Phoebe: Now it's a party!
Rachel: This is not funny! If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself!
Joey: Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious?
Judy: Jack, look at this!
Jack: I know what you're thinking! The resemblance is uncanny!
[Everyone turns to look at Ross]
Ross: [angry] I am THIS close to tugging on my testicles again!!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis so we can put it on the bunny. That is a weird sentence.
Rachel: [on the phone with the bakery] Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. I don't even want it in my home... JOEY, DON'T TOUCH IT!
Joey: I'm so confused!
Rachel: [on the phone with the bakery] Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. I don't even want it in my home... JOEY, DON'T TOUCH IT!
Joey: I'm so confused!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Well, if I were a guy...
[Everyone stares at him.]
Chandler: Wait. Did I just say "If I were a guy"?
[Everyone stares at him.]
Chandler: Wait. Did I just say "If I were a guy"?
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Chandler: I don't... understand
Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep!
Monica: What was this sentence originally?
Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.
Monica: Uh, Joey, we can't use this.
Joey: Why not?
Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.
Chandler: I don't... understand
Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep!
Monica: What was this sentence originally?
Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.
Monica: Uh, Joey, we can't use this.
Joey: Why not?
Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe and Mike are planning their wedding.]
Ross: There's no way around it, Pheebs. You just got to accept the fact that this is going to cost you a lot of money.
Mike: I heard that weddings are, like, a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
Ross: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just, like, half of that.
Ross: There's no way around it, Pheebs. You just got to accept the fact that this is going to cost you a lot of money.
Mike: I heard that weddings are, like, a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
Ross: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just, like, half of that.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Look! Look what the-Look what the floating heads did!
Monica: I don't care.
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: That was the adoption agency.
Chandler: And?
Monica: We're getting a baby!
Chandler: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! (they embrace)
Monica: I don't care.
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: That was the adoption agency.
Chandler: And?
Monica: We're getting a baby!
Chandler: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! (they embrace)
TV Show: Friends
[The friends and Emma are at Central Perk and Monica is enjoying a piece of chocolate cake.]
Monica: Mmmm...this cake is amazing!
Rachel: [repulsed] Get a room!
Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I could show this cake a good time!
Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up? Food or sex?
Monica: [quickly] Sex.
Chandler: [unimpressed] Seriously, answer faster!
Monica: I'm sorry! When she said sex I wasn't thinking about sex with you!
Chandler: [still feeling hurt] It's like a giant hug!
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Which would you give up? Sex or food?
Ross: [quickly] Food!
Phoebe: How about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: [in a state of uncertainty] My God! It's like Sophie's Choice!
Rachel: What about you Joe? What would you give up? Sex or food?
Joey: [after thinking] I don't know, it's too hard!
Rachel: No, you have to pick one!
Joey: [quickly] Food! No, sex! Food! Sex! Food! Sex...I don't know, I want both! I want girls on bread!
Monica: Mmmm...this cake is amazing!
Rachel: [repulsed] Get a room!
Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I could show this cake a good time!
Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up? Food or sex?
Monica: [quickly] Sex.
Chandler: [unimpressed] Seriously, answer faster!
Monica: I'm sorry! When she said sex I wasn't thinking about sex with you!
Chandler: [still feeling hurt] It's like a giant hug!
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Which would you give up? Sex or food?
Ross: [quickly] Food!
Phoebe: How about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: [in a state of uncertainty] My God! It's like Sophie's Choice!
Rachel: What about you Joe? What would you give up? Sex or food?
Joey: [after thinking] I don't know, it's too hard!
Rachel: No, you have to pick one!
Joey: [quickly] Food! No, sex! Food! Sex! Food! Sex...I don't know, I want both! I want girls on bread!
TV Show: Friends