Friends Quotes
Chandler: I know I hate being left out of things.
Ross: I know and it's a wedding, it'll be weird if I'm not in it.
Ross: I know and it's a wedding, it'll be weird if I'm not in it.
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe takes off her coat while getting ready to get married.]:
Chandler: Aren't you going to be cold?
Phoebe: No, I'll be my something blue.
Chandler: Aren't you going to be cold?
Phoebe: No, I'll be my something blue.
TV Show: Friends
Amy: You know, this is classic Rachel!
Rachel: Yeah, right! Remember in high school, when I died and didn't give you my baby?
Amy: This might be my one chance to have a child. You know that I've been busy focusing on my career.
Rachel: What career?
Amy: I'm a decorator!
Rachel: You decorate Dad's office and you're a decorator! Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday. Now I'm a koala!
Amy: Why can't you be supportive?
Rachel: You want to talk supportive? You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby!
Amy: You didn't come and see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!
Rachel: I did the first time! And do you want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you?
Ross: It's Emma.
Rachel: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! [to Amy] I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responsibility of a child!
Amy: How hard could it be? You do it! [Joey laughs but stops when everyone stares at him.] You want to know why you don't want me to have the baby? Because you don't want me to be happy! You have always been jealous of me!
Rachel: Of what? Your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity? Your total disregard for other peoples' feelings?
Amy: To name a few!
Rachel: Yeah, right! Remember in high school, when I died and didn't give you my baby?
Amy: This might be my one chance to have a child. You know that I've been busy focusing on my career.
Rachel: What career?
Amy: I'm a decorator!
Rachel: You decorate Dad's office and you're a decorator! Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday. Now I'm a koala!
Amy: Why can't you be supportive?
Rachel: You want to talk supportive? You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby!
Amy: You didn't come and see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!
Rachel: I did the first time! And do you want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you?
Ross: It's Emma.
Rachel: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! [to Amy] I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responsibility of a child!
Amy: How hard could it be? You do it! [Joey laughs but stops when everyone stares at him.] You want to know why you don't want me to have the baby? Because you don't want me to be happy! You have always been jealous of me!
Rachel: Of what? Your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity? Your total disregard for other peoples' feelings?
Amy: To name a few!
TV Show: Friends
[Chandler is livid at a china plate being broken.]
Chandler: All right, that's it!! This is our apartment and you can't behave this way! If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all! Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out, but they're important to Monica! And I want you to apologize to her right now!
Amy: I'm sorry.
Rachel: I'm so sorry!
Chandler: That's better! Now I want you to apologize to each other, and mean it!
[The sisters apologize to each other.]
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing!
[The girls glare at Chandler and walk away.]
Ross: [to Chandler] Well done! If I die, Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma!
Chandler: Really? Thanks!
Ross: So... now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose!
Chandler: All right, that's it!! This is our apartment and you can't behave this way! If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all! Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out, but they're important to Monica! And I want you to apologize to her right now!
Amy: I'm sorry.
Rachel: I'm so sorry!
Chandler: That's better! Now I want you to apologize to each other, and mean it!
[The sisters apologize to each other.]
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing!
[The girls glare at Chandler and walk away.]
Ross: [to Chandler] Well done! If I die, Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma!
Chandler: Really? Thanks!
Ross: So... now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose!
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel gave Bill her phone number.]
Rachel: Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my God, he's gone!
Phoebe: "Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my God, he's gone." Dead on.
Rachel: Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my God, he's gone!
Phoebe: "Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my God, he's gone." Dead on.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Chandler: Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me than for him to think that I'm cheating on him? [Monica looks at him strangely] I heard it!
Chandler: Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me than for him to think that I'm cheating on him? [Monica looks at him strangely] I heard it!
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: And I heard him say, as he flew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
Joey: Wow, you really wrote that?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Joey: Wow, you really wrote that?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Wendy's a fat girls name.
Phoebe: Are we still on that?
Monica: No, you're right. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about snow. Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband's having sex on a copying machine?
Phoebe: Are we still on that?
Monica: No, you're right. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about snow. Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband's having sex on a copying machine?
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: How hard can it be, right? "Cheese. It's milk that you chew." "Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy." "A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?"
TV Show: Friends
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couple who let our rat babies control our lives?
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Ya, ho.. ya. OK, sure, look, can we, can we talk about what happened here last night?
Chandler: Sure, just gimme a second to get all huffy and weird like you. *harrumphing* Do you believe that whoever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do, I mean come on!
Chandler: Sure, just gimme a second to get all huffy and weird like you. *harrumphing* Do you believe that whoever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do, I mean come on!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Today is the 6th.
Monica: No. [shows Chandler a calendar]
Chandler: Yes. It's also 2003.
Monica: That means I may be done ovulating! I may also have served some very questionable meat at the restaurant!
Monica: No. [shows Chandler a calendar]
Chandler: Yes. It's also 2003.
Monica: That means I may be done ovulating! I may also have served some very questionable meat at the restaurant!
TV Show: Friends
Monica: (on the phone with Rachel, panicking because Emma's missing) Hey, Rach, by any chance, did you come by here and pick Emma up?
Rachel: No, why?
Monica: Oh, my God! Then that means-
(Just then, Joey comes in the door holding Emma):
Monica: Oh, Emma! Thank God! There you are!
Rachel: (worried) Wha-what do you mean "There you are"?! Where was she?!
Monica: (forgetting Rachel was still on the phone) Oh, uh, we were just playing peek-a-boo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. (quickly hangs up)
Monica: (to Joey) Why the hell did you take her?!
Joey: Because you two were having (whispers last word so Emma doesn't hear) sex!
Monica: No, we weren't.
Joey: Don't you lie to me. I can tell by Chandler's hair. (to Chandler) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: (embarrased, tries to fix his messy hair) All right, we were! We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Joey: Which is more than I can say for myself as of 2: 00 today. (He and Chandler laugh, and Joey indicates that he peed on Monica's ovulation sticks.)
Monica: You guys! Seriously, those sticks are expensive!
Joey: Well, it is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Monica and Chandler: No, no! Please don't. She'll kill us.
Joey: Hey, I have to. Unless...
Chandler: Unless what?
Joey: Unless you name your first-born child Joey.
Chandler: Why?
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids. And someone has to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Joey: (thinks this over for a few seconds) Oh-ho, you almost had me. (He leaves, and Chandler covers his face with his hands at the sh
Rachel: No, why?
Monica: Oh, my God! Then that means-
(Just then, Joey comes in the door holding Emma):
Monica: Oh, Emma! Thank God! There you are!
Rachel: (worried) Wha-what do you mean "There you are"?! Where was she?!
Monica: (forgetting Rachel was still on the phone) Oh, uh, we were just playing peek-a-boo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. (quickly hangs up)
Monica: (to Joey) Why the hell did you take her?!
Joey: Because you two were having (whispers last word so Emma doesn't hear) sex!
Monica: No, we weren't.
Joey: Don't you lie to me. I can tell by Chandler's hair. (to Chandler) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: (embarrased, tries to fix his messy hair) All right, we were! We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Joey: Which is more than I can say for myself as of 2: 00 today. (He and Chandler laugh, and Joey indicates that he peed on Monica's ovulation sticks.)
Monica: You guys! Seriously, those sticks are expensive!
Joey: Well, it is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Monica and Chandler: No, no! Please don't. She'll kill us.
Joey: Hey, I have to. Unless...
Chandler: Unless what?
Joey: Unless you name your first-born child Joey.
Chandler: Why?
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids. And someone has to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Joey: (thinks this over for a few seconds) Oh-ho, you almost had me. (He leaves, and Chandler covers his face with his hands at the sh
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Okay, I wasn't rich like you guys, okay? I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony. I had a hard life! My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica: Your mother killed herself!
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer!
Monica: Your mother killed herself!
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer!
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!"
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel tries to install baby-proofing things in the apartment.]
Rachel: Are you saying that women can't do it?
Joey: Women can do it; you can't.
Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he's a pig?
Monica: [to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] And you can't do this.
Rachel: Well, I found the hardware store by myself!
Joey: The hardware store's just down the street.
Rachel: There's a hardware store down the street?
Rachel: Are you saying that women can't do it?
Joey: Women can do it; you can't.
Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he's a pig?
Monica: [to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] And you can't do this.
Rachel: Well, I found the hardware store by myself!
Joey: The hardware store's just down the street.
Rachel: There's a hardware store down the street?
TV Show: Friends
[Monica and Chandler each borrow money from Joey, forcing him to lie to them both until they find out.]
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Mm-hmm! For your boob job!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over, Joe!
Joey: Okay. So I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Mm-hmm! For your boob job!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over, Joe!
Joey: Okay. So I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... (reads from the screen) "gay as the day is long"?
TV Show: Friends
[The friends are about to arrange the lottery tickets, in a bowl at the breakfast table]
Monica: We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Rachel: [raising her hand] I have another idea!
Monica: Sorry, idea time is over!
Phoebe: Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: What about the ones on the nightstand?
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
Monica: [uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
Chandler: There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Rachel: Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Monica: Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
Phoebe: [gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
Ross: I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
Monica: You just got in five minutes ago!
Ross: Three! I don't know why that's important!
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Joey: [sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Rachel: Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
Monica: We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Rachel: [raising her hand] I have another idea!
Monica: Sorry, idea time is over!
Phoebe: Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: What about the ones on the nightstand?
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
Monica: [uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
Chandler: There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Rachel: Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Monica: Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
Phoebe: [gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
Ross: I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
Monica: You just got in five minutes ago!
Ross: Three! I don't know why that's important!
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Joey: [sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Rachel: Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Why don't you take Ross?
Ross: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
Monica: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess... It still seems a little... (enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!
Ross: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
Monica: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess... It still seems a little... (enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: (playing guitar and singing) And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Olè! (Olé is spanish, but anyway..., and they speak Spanish in Agentina, but anyway...)
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control) ?
Ross: No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!
Chandler: Yes, but the batteries...
Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control) ?
Ross: No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!
Chandler: Yes, but the batteries...
TV Show: Friends