Veronica Mars Quotes
Keith: Can you think of any reason Logan would have got three calls from Kendall on the day of the crash?
Veronica: [sighs] Well, let's see...I believe the Latin term is coitus sordidus.
Keith: They were sleeping together? [Veronica nods] That was weeks before Kendall's husband fled the country.
Veronica: Logan may be a little fuzzy on the commandments.
Veronica: [sighs] Well, let's see...I believe the Latin term is coitus sordidus.
Keith: They were sleeping together? [Veronica nods] That was weeks before Kendall's husband fled the country.
Veronica: Logan may be a little fuzzy on the commandments.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: You here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?
Weevil: No. But I can see how you might get confused.
Weevil: No. But I can see how you might get confused.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Weevil: You believe me?
Veronica: How could I not when you're batting those maybelline lashes at me?
Veronica: How could I not when you're batting those maybelline lashes at me?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [voiceover] So what would Stan Marsh say in a situation like this? I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith. You give it to the people you love. But the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through, even when you don't love them enough.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: I'm off to steal the souls of the rich with my evil image capturing device.
Keith: Have fun.
Keith: Have fun.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica sees Wallace and Jackie kissing against her locker. She pushes them aside.]
Veronica: Please, get a room. In Australia.
Wallace: Hey, we're practicing for the prom.
Veronica: What debutante bit you and turned you into prom zombie?
Jackie: [waves] We just gave in, the whole nine yards - the ridiculous dress, the tux, lobster dinner, and limo. I mean, it happens once. Why not go all out?
Mac: Because no one sold you as an indentured servant to Butters.
Veronica: Mac, I didn't think he'd actually -
Mac: He's picking me up in a Hummer limousine, we're having dinner on a replica pirate ship, and I suspect he's hired a zeppelin for the ride home. I'm going to fill my pockets with rocks, get a good grip on your ankle, and I'm going to jump off the top of -
Clemmons: [over loudspeaker] Attention students: due to a significant number of alcohol related violations on the senior trip, this year's prom has been cancelled. That is all.
Mac: Yes! Prayer works!
Veronica: Please, get a room. In Australia.
Wallace: Hey, we're practicing for the prom.
Veronica: What debutante bit you and turned you into prom zombie?
Jackie: [waves] We just gave in, the whole nine yards - the ridiculous dress, the tux, lobster dinner, and limo. I mean, it happens once. Why not go all out?
Mac: Because no one sold you as an indentured servant to Butters.
Veronica: Mac, I didn't think he'd actually -
Mac: He's picking me up in a Hummer limousine, we're having dinner on a replica pirate ship, and I suspect he's hired a zeppelin for the ride home. I'm going to fill my pockets with rocks, get a good grip on your ankle, and I'm going to jump off the top of -
Clemmons: [over loudspeaker] Attention students: due to a significant number of alcohol related violations on the senior trip, this year's prom has been cancelled. That is all.
Mac: Yes! Prayer works!
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Mrs. C. I trust you're well.
Kendall: Oh, well, if it isn't Little Miss Teen Getaway. Your dad and I were just dealing with a little trouble.
Veronica: Like, trouble with a capital "T", that rhymes with "C", that stands for -
Keith: Veronica!
Veronica: I was gonna say "cute."
Kendall: Oh, well, if it isn't Little Miss Teen Getaway. Your dad and I were just dealing with a little trouble.
Veronica: Like, trouble with a capital "T", that rhymes with "C", that stands for -
Keith: Veronica!
Veronica: I was gonna say "cute."
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Cameras are on the roof, so if this guy followed you here, we should be able to spot him.
Gia: Wow, how Mission Impossible! I feel like at any moment, Tom Cruise is going to dangle from the ceiling on cables.
Veronica: Great. Now I won't be able to sleep. I hope he doesn't try to marry me.
Gia: Wow, how Mission Impossible! I feel like at any moment, Tom Cruise is going to dangle from the ceiling on cables.
Veronica: Great. Now I won't be able to sleep. I hope he doesn't try to marry me.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Okay, I have news. The senior memories once thought lost forever can, in fact, be generated after all, albeit in a slightly degraded form. The rich kids are throwing a private replacement prom.
Wallace: Damn, they just privatizing everything these days.
Jackie: [looking at invitation] Alterna-Prom? Hmm, formal attire.
Wallace: That's what I'm talking about.
Veronica: Please don't give us the tux speech again.
Wallace: What? You mean how, when I put on a tux, I make James Bond look like Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel?
Wallace: Damn, they just privatizing everything these days.
Jackie: [looking at invitation] Alterna-Prom? Hmm, formal attire.
Wallace: That's what I'm talking about.
Veronica: Please don't give us the tux speech again.
Wallace: What? You mean how, when I put on a tux, I make James Bond look like Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Who are you taking to the Alterna-Prom?
Dick: Well, I considered a lot of chicks, but finally, I figured I'd just go stag. I mean, it's not the prom. It's the Alterna-Prom. Why narrow my options?
Logan: Shot down, huh?
Dick: It's like a conspiracy.
Logan: It's a good thing we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in school knows you.
Dick: Bring on the sorority girls!
Dick: Well, I considered a lot of chicks, but finally, I figured I'd just go stag. I mean, it's not the prom. It's the Alterna-Prom. Why narrow my options?
Logan: Shot down, huh?
Dick: It's like a conspiracy.
Logan: It's a good thing we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in school knows you.
Dick: Bring on the sorority girls!
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: I'm stuck on something, and hoped you could help me.
Keith: Absolutely. Unless it's Physics or Chemistry. Or Math. Or English. P.E. - I was good at P.E.
Keith: Absolutely. Unless it's Physics or Chemistry. Or Math. Or English. P.E. - I was good at P.E.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me.
Veronica: Epic how?
Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic. But summer's almost here, and we won't see each other at all. And then you leave town... and then it's over.
Veronica: Logan...
Logan: I'm sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over...
Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.
Veronica: Epic how?
Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic. But summer's almost here, and we won't see each other at all. And then you leave town... and then it's over.
Veronica: Logan...
Logan: I'm sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over...
Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: When you get your chance to testify, it's important you keep yourself in check, okay? Aaron's lawyer is gonna use everything in his bag of tricks to rile you.
Veronica: Ah, but here's the thing - I'm "unrileable." Easygoing Veronica Mars: that's what the kids at school call me.
Keith: You sure you don't want to go over your testimony with the lawyers again?
Veronica: You know what I want, more than anything in the world? I want to be there, in court, watching Aaron at the moment the jury reads the verdict. I want to see that smirk wiped from his face. I want to see his expression at the exact moment he realizes he'll never be a free man again.
Keith: "Easygoing Veronica Mars," huh? [kisses her forehead] You know how fat men are sometimes called "Tiny"?
Veronica: Ah, but here's the thing - I'm "unrileable." Easygoing Veronica Mars: that's what the kids at school call me.
Keith: You sure you don't want to go over your testimony with the lawyers again?
Veronica: You know what I want, more than anything in the world? I want to be there, in court, watching Aaron at the moment the jury reads the verdict. I want to see that smirk wiped from his face. I want to see his expression at the exact moment he realizes he'll never be a free man again.
Keith: "Easygoing Veronica Mars," huh? [kisses her forehead] You know how fat men are sometimes called "Tiny"?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Do you know how long I've wanted to go to Stanford?
Wallace: Since middle school.
Veronica: Elementary, my dear Wallace.
[Wallace and Jackie chuckle.]
Veronica: Do you have any idea how long I've waited to say that?
Wallace: Since middle school.
Veronica: Elementary, my dear Wallace.
[Wallace and Jackie chuckle.]
Veronica: Do you have any idea how long I've waited to say that?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: I'm thinking about getting you some sort of... giant hamster ball, so you can roll everywhere in this protective sphere.
Veronica: It'd just draw attention to me. Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball.
Veronica: It'd just draw attention to me. Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: You better enjoy this, 'cause this is as nostalgic as I get. I just wanted to say, it was worth getting taped to a pole. I'm gonna miss you.
Veronica: And my stupid ass face?
...
Wallace: [walking away] This conversation never happened.
Veronica: Sure it did.
Veronica: And my stupid ass face?
...
Wallace: [walking away] This conversation never happened.
Veronica: Sure it did.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
["Amber is a bitch" has been keyed on Beaver's car.]
Veronica: Hey, Cassidy. Who's Amber?
Beaver: I have no idea.
Veronica: They keyed the wrong car? How's Amber gonna know that she's a bitch?
Veronica: Hey, Cassidy. Who's Amber?
Beaver: I have no idea.
Veronica: They keyed the wrong car? How's Amber gonna know that she's a bitch?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Weevil: This is pointless.
Beaver: [sighs] Okay, look, so you know quadratic equations, right?
Weevil: Do I look like someone who knows quadratic equations, huh?
Beaver: I'm just trying to see what you already know.
Weevil: Zero! You want your car fixed? Teach me.
Beaver: Okay, okay. All right, look, so this equation right here, what do you think we should do first?
Weevil: Am I a five-year-old girl, huh? Lay it out for me, dawg, c'mon! Make me understand.
Beaver: Okay, okay! Okay, so let's say that you and your buddy wanna buy a 12-pack of a certain item, say, like, uh, spark plugs for "X" dollars, and you wanna find out how many of another item, like, um, I dunno, like oil, that you can get for the same amount. Except oil is "Y" times as much -
Weevil: If this is your idea of terms I'll understand, I'm going to kill you. Or myself. It's a toss-up. Screw it, man. I'll just cheat.
Beaver: No, look... but what about my car?
Weevil: You know power buffers, right? Well, let's say your door panel is a summer home, right, and you need to clear out the south lawn to make a tennis court, so -
Mac: [from next table over] F-O-I-L. That's all it is. First, Outside, Inside, Last. All algebra - it's just the formula.
Weevil: Now can you teach me that?
Mac: You'll still fix his car?
Weevil: That's the deal.
Mac: Okay, say you and your buddy buy a 12-pack of spark plugs... [Weevil glares] I'm just kidding.
Beaver: [sighs] Okay, look, so you know quadratic equations, right?
Weevil: Do I look like someone who knows quadratic equations, huh?
Beaver: I'm just trying to see what you already know.
Weevil: Zero! You want your car fixed? Teach me.
Beaver: Okay, okay. All right, look, so this equation right here, what do you think we should do first?
Weevil: Am I a five-year-old girl, huh? Lay it out for me, dawg, c'mon! Make me understand.
Beaver: Okay, okay! Okay, so let's say that you and your buddy wanna buy a 12-pack of a certain item, say, like, uh, spark plugs for "X" dollars, and you wanna find out how many of another item, like, um, I dunno, like oil, that you can get for the same amount. Except oil is "Y" times as much -
Weevil: If this is your idea of terms I'll understand, I'm going to kill you. Or myself. It's a toss-up. Screw it, man. I'll just cheat.
Beaver: No, look... but what about my car?
Weevil: You know power buffers, right? Well, let's say your door panel is a summer home, right, and you need to clear out the south lawn to make a tennis court, so -
Mac: [from next table over] F-O-I-L. That's all it is. First, Outside, Inside, Last. All algebra - it's just the formula.
Weevil: Now can you teach me that?
Mac: You'll still fix his car?
Weevil: That's the deal.
Mac: Okay, say you and your buddy buy a 12-pack of spark plugs... [Weevil glares] I'm just kidding.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Mac is marking Weevil's work.]
Weevil: Okay, you put another "X" on that paper, and we're gonna have a problem.
Mac: I'd put little smiley faces, but I don't know if that's gonna sell "wrong."
Beaver: I told you you went too fast on balancing equations.
Mac: I didn't go too fast!
Beaver: You plowed right through! I didn't even understand what you were talking about.
Mac: No surprise there.
Beaver: What, you're saying you're smarter than me?
Mac: No, I wasn't. Here's what that would've sounded like: "I'm smarter than you." Hear the difference?
Beaver: You don't really believe that.
Mac: Then why did I get it tattooed on my hip?
Beaver: If this what you need to do to feel better about yourself...
Mac: [to Weevil] If I get you an A, will you shiv him?
Weevil: Hey, I got an idea. How about you two geniuses go work out your aggression in some coat room and then come back here and teach me algebra, huh?
(Mac and Beaver grin at each other)
Weevil: Okay, you put another "X" on that paper, and we're gonna have a problem.
Mac: I'd put little smiley faces, but I don't know if that's gonna sell "wrong."
Beaver: I told you you went too fast on balancing equations.
Mac: I didn't go too fast!
Beaver: You plowed right through! I didn't even understand what you were talking about.
Mac: No surprise there.
Beaver: What, you're saying you're smarter than me?
Mac: No, I wasn't. Here's what that would've sounded like: "I'm smarter than you." Hear the difference?
Beaver: You don't really believe that.
Mac: Then why did I get it tattooed on my hip?
Beaver: If this what you need to do to feel better about yourself...
Mac: [to Weevil] If I get you an A, will you shiv him?
Weevil: Hey, I got an idea. How about you two geniuses go work out your aggression in some coat room and then come back here and teach me algebra, huh?
(Mac and Beaver grin at each other)
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [voiceover] So this is how it is. The innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. ...There is neither a Santa Claus, nor an Easter Bunny, and there no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason, and nothing makes any sense.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: I'm on a flight to Reno leaving an hour after graduation.
Veronica: I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen.
Keith: That's why I rarely go to Texas.
Veronica: I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen.
Keith: That's why I rarely go to Texas.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: For you, on this momentous occasion. [hands her an envelope]
Veronica: [smells and shakes envelope] A pony?!
Veronica: [smells and shakes envelope] A pony?!
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Clemmons: I can't decide if my life is going to be easier or more difficult with you gone. Anything I should know in case I get another one like you someday?
Veronica: Don't keep all your passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool, Mr. C.
Veronica: Don't keep all your passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool, Mr. C.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Where's your brother?
Dick: I think he took Ghost World up to his room. They're probably up there makin' love. Or playing Dungeons and Dragons. Or both, at the same time. They're both, like, 12th-level dorks. Just sayin'.
Dick: I think he took Ghost World up to his room. They're probably up there makin' love. Or playing Dungeons and Dragons. Or both, at the same time. They're both, like, 12th-level dorks. Just sayin'.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: You all packed?
Veronica: Vagabond shoes and all. And pepper spray, for if we run into that Trump character.
Veronica: Vagabond shoes and all. And pepper spray, for if we run into that Trump character.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Beaver: [after blowing up the plane] I know this might be a [snickers] bad time to ask for a favor... How would you feel, now that you have nothing left to live for, about just rolling yourself off? It's just, I really don't want your DNA all over my shirt.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [imitating Clint Eastwood] You a bounty hunter, boy?
Logan: I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon. Now I've ruined you. I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch. Stupid, stupid Logan. Well, wanna feel like a man, walk me to class?
Veronica: [normal voice] Carry your books?
Logan: Why not? [they start walking to class] Guess who I saw on campus today?
Veronica: Some girl going wild? As I understand it, it happens all the time in college. I'm on the verge of it right now.
Logan: No, Dick, my BFF.
Veronica: I thought he was crashing with his dad in the Caymans.
Logan: Well, he's back.
Veronica: Did you guys talk?
Logan: Yeah, but it was brief - shouted his name, flipped me off: the bonds of friendship.
Logan: I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon. Now I've ruined you. I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch. Stupid, stupid Logan. Well, wanna feel like a man, walk me to class?
Veronica: [normal voice] Carry your books?
Logan: Why not? [they start walking to class] Guess who I saw on campus today?
Veronica: Some girl going wild? As I understand it, it happens all the time in college. I'm on the verge of it right now.
Logan: No, Dick, my BFF.
Veronica: I thought he was crashing with his dad in the Caymans.
Logan: Well, he's back.
Veronica: Did you guys talk?
Logan: Yeah, but it was brief - shouted his name, flipped me off: the bonds of friendship.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: Vinnie. What brings you to the good part of the wrong side of the tracks?
Vinnie: Dollar signs, mi amigo. The almighty buck. I got a case that requires a little double-detective duty. Lucky Pierre owns a jewelry store and suspects that he's got an embezzler. What do you say, huh? [holds out fist] Wonder Twin powers, activate.
Vinnie: Dollar signs, mi amigo. The almighty buck. I got a case that requires a little double-detective duty. Lucky Pierre owns a jewelry store and suspects that he's got an embezzler. What do you say, huh? [holds out fist] Wonder Twin powers, activate.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Daaad, come here.
[Keith joins Veronica in her room.]
Keith: You beckoned?
Veronica: Yeah, you'll never believe it, a maid from our hotel in New York found the flash card with our vacation pictures on it. Look.
Keith: HOT DOG!
[Veronica stares at Keith, confused.]
Veronica: Hot Dog?
Keith: Its an expression of excitement and enthusiasm.
[Keith joins Veronica in her room.]
Keith: You beckoned?
Veronica: Yeah, you'll never believe it, a maid from our hotel in New York found the flash card with our vacation pictures on it. Look.
Keith: HOT DOG!
[Veronica stares at Keith, confused.]
Veronica: Hot Dog?
Keith: Its an expression of excitement and enthusiasm.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: Took this side. Hope that's cool.
Piz: Yeah, no sweat. I rarely wear clothes indoors. Hope that's cool.
Wallace: [chuckles, then stops abruptly] That's not cool at all.
Piz: Yeah, no sweat. I rarely wear clothes indoors. Hope that's cool.
Wallace: [chuckles, then stops abruptly] That's not cool at all.
TV Show: Veronica Mars