Top Gear Quotes
James: The British toff: though rare and endangered, they are easy to identify. They are most readily spotted in the countryside, because they own it. Distinguishing features include their clothing, which used to belong to their parents, and their characteristic mating call of "Harrumph."
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Subaru Legacy Outback]
James: I almost forgot to tell you what it's like to drive. Well, I quite like it, actually. It's relaxing and it's... unstressful.
James: I almost forgot to tell you what it's like to drive. Well, I quite like it, actually. It's relaxing and it's... unstressful.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: This whole survey throws up some fascinating stuff. Like the Porsche 911. A favorite car of mine, known for its... somewhat scary handling sometimes. Ninety-six percent of 911 owners in this survey claim to be absolutely satisfied with their car's handling, which is very good. It leaves four percent, and they probably were entirely satisfied with the handling of their 911 right up until they hit the tree. Then they changed their mind.
Jeremy: Yeah, but think of it this way. The people who got their bone marrow and their eyes are very satisfied with the handling of the 911.
Jeremy: Yeah, but think of it this way. The people who got their bone marrow and their eyes are very satisfied with the handling of the 911.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: What do you drive, sir?
Audience member: A 355.
Jeremy: A Ferrari. There's an interesting statistic on Ferrari, ah... what is it, James?
James: [consulting clipboard] Um, 90% of people who said they had a Ferrari were lying.
Audience member: A 355.
Jeremy: A Ferrari. There's an interesting statistic on Ferrari, ah... what is it, James?
James: [consulting clipboard] Um, 90% of people who said they had a Ferrari were lying.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Of course, ever since the 2CV, Citroën has been the badge of choice for those of a Guardian disposition.
TV Show: Top Gear
[after Richard's sinking-car film, in which he needed the rescue diver's help to escape the car]
Jeremy: So did you die in the making of that film?
Richard: Well, yeah. I mean, if it was real, yes, I did.
Jeremy: And the thing is, it was very lucky you were in the GL model, 'cause that was the one that did come with the diver in the back seat with the aqualung.
Richard: Yeah. If it'd been an L, pfft. That would've been it, curtains.
Jeremy: So did you die in the making of that film?
Richard: Well, yeah. I mean, if it was real, yes, I did.
Jeremy: And the thing is, it was very lucky you were in the GL model, 'cause that was the one that did come with the diver in the back seat with the aqualung.
Richard: Yeah. If it'd been an L, pfft. That would've been it, curtains.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on people carriers]
Jeremy: Obviously all of them are uncool. If you buy a people - anyone got one? You have. Basically what you're saying about yourself, sir, is: you've had your children and now you're just waiting to die.
Jeremy: Obviously all of them are uncool. If you buy a people - anyone got one? You have. Basically what you're saying about yourself, sir, is: you've had your children and now you're just waiting to die.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: All dentists have Saabs, OK? All. And graphic designers all have them, and all architects have them, and all Stephen Frys have them.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Saab "night panel" function]
Jeremy: That's handy if you want to line up for a bombing run on a Soviet nuclear submarine base, but of limited use on the A38 just outside Burton-on-Trent.
Jeremy: That's handy if you want to line up for a bombing run on a Soviet nuclear submarine base, but of limited use on the A38 just outside Burton-on-Trent.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Now what I'd like to do at this point to demonstrate the difference between car and plane even more is bolt the Stig into the Saab here and have him race a fighter jet round our track. [laughing] Only trouble is, can you imagine ringing up the Royal Navy and saying, "Hello, I'm from that pokey motoring programme on BBC, would it be possible to borrow one of your Sea Harriers?" You can imagine what the response would be.
[cut to a shot of a Sea Harrier taxiing into position next to the Stig-driven Saab at the start/finish line of the test track]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Yes, they were there in a jiffy.
[cut to a shot of a Sea Harrier taxiing into position next to the Stig-driven Saab at the start/finish line of the test track]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Yes, they were there in a jiffy.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [On the Saab 9-5 Hot Aero] The handling is just hysterical. It's like driving a - fast! - bouncy castle!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard drives a green Lamborghini; James drives a blue Lamborghini; and I drive a yellow Lamborghini.
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard drives a green Lamborghini; James drives a blue Lamborghini; and I drive a yellow Lamborghini.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: [voiceover] And as befits the decade that celebrated being young and groovy, youth created the Miura. The man who designed its gorgeous body was just 22.
Richard: Think about that. What were you doing at 22? At that age the cars I was drawing still had guns on them.
Richard: Think about that. What were you doing at 22? At that age the cars I was drawing still had guns on them.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: So, beautiful and ingenious it may have been, but in terms of driving, you were still at the wheel of a bit of a dog's breakfast. The fuel tank was over the front wheels, so as it ran low on fuel, it went light at the front end, which meant you couldn't steer. Nice touch, that. Keeps you on your toes. The interior is, well, tiny, and every now and again the carburettors would spit petrol onto the hot engine and the whole thing would go up in flames. Gooood.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: Lamborghini knew their masterpiece wasn't perfect, and they steadily improved it throughout its life, culminating in this: the SV of 1971. It had a better gearbox, better differential, better tyres, better rear suspension, and these better gold wheels. D'you know what it was? It was better.
TV Show: Top Gear
[examining Jay Kay's Miura SV]
Richard: Um, Jay, I did notice there's, uh, there's no window in.
Jay: Well, I'll tell you what I did with the window. [opens driver's door]
Richard: Re-enact it for us.
Jay: I will re-enact it.
Richard: Go on, then.
[Jay shuts the door normally and mimes the window shattering]
Richard: Oh, you closed the door! You mad, impetuous rock star fool. You were asking for trouble, Jay!
Jay: You know, I mean, that's rock 'n roll, hey?
Richard: Um, Jay, I did notice there's, uh, there's no window in.
Jay: Well, I'll tell you what I did with the window. [opens driver's door]
Richard: Re-enact it for us.
Jay: I will re-enact it.
Richard: Go on, then.
[Jay shuts the door normally and mimes the window shattering]
Richard: Oh, you closed the door! You mad, impetuous rock star fool. You were asking for trouble, Jay!
Jay: You know, I mean, that's rock 'n roll, hey?
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: This is a man with a two-tone beard who's come here to tell us about style.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: This wasn't just a car, it was a pin-up. And you might like to know that countach is a bit of Italian slang. It translates roughly as phwoar!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [voiceover] So it looks fantastic and it sounds fantastic, and that's what matters when you're 15 and dreaming. But I'm not 15 any more, and after an hour at the wheel in 2003, my dream car turns out to be a bit of a nightmare.
James: It never occurred to me, for example, that I'd need a hammer to change gear. Or that depressing the clutch pedal would be a lot easier if I got a friend to help me. It's absolutely baking hot in here - look, I've got the window fully open [puts fingers through tiny slot of driver's window] - and there's also a really alarming smell of petrol.
James: It never occurred to me, for example, that I'd need a hammer to change gear. Or that depressing the clutch pedal would be a lot easier if I got a friend to help me. It's absolutely baking hot in here - look, I've got the window fully open [puts fingers through tiny slot of driver's window] - and there's also a really alarming smell of petrol.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: I'm absolutely gutted. But you know what, it's not the car's fault, it's mine. I've broken a golden rule: You never, ever meet your childhood heroes.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Lamborghini LM002]
Jeremy: When I started in this business, writing about cars, I was earning... about 40 quid a week. OK? I borrowed one of these, took it into a petrol station, to fill it up... £147!
Jeremy: When I started in this business, writing about cars, I was earning... about 40 quid a week. OK? I borrowed one of these, took it into a petrol station, to fill it up... £147!
TV Show: Top Gear
[indicating a board covered with photos of rock stars]
Jeremy: Problem is, what do all of these people have in common?
Audience member: They're all dead.
Jeremy: Problem is, what do all of these people have in common?
Audience member: They're all dead.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: This, then, is the £117,000 Gallardo. Lamborghini's idea of being sensible.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Talking about Lamborghinis]
Jeremy: Let me put it this way: a picnic, okay? If you went, you'd want the Germans to make the hamper so the handles don't fall off, but you'd want the Italians to make the food, yes? That's what you get with that [points to Murciélago]; it's a German-Italian picnic where the Italians have done what they're good at and the Germans have done what they're good at. With this [points to Gallardo], the Germans have done ze food.
Jeremy: Let me put it this way: a picnic, okay? If you went, you'd want the Germans to make the hamper so the handles don't fall off, but you'd want the Italians to make the food, yes? That's what you get with that [points to Murciélago]; it's a German-Italian picnic where the Italians have done what they're good at and the Germans have done what they're good at. With this [points to Gallardo], the Germans have done ze food.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: I attempt to destroy the indestructible; How fast can you go in a soft top before you lose your wig?; And we momentarily silence Simon Cowell.
Jeremy: Tonight: I attempt to destroy the indestructible; How fast can you go in a soft top before you lose your wig?; And we momentarily silence Simon Cowell.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mazda RX-8]
Jeremy: It's almost like they had a styling suggestion box at the factory, they got millions of ideas and then said "I know! Let's have all of them!" So it's got triangles and curves and gills and the back window from a Ford Anglia and look at these lights. They're busier than a bishop's hat!
Jeremy: It's almost like they had a styling suggestion box at the factory, they got millions of ideas and then said "I know! Let's have all of them!" So it's got triangles and curves and gills and the back window from a Ford Anglia and look at these lights. They're busier than a bishop's hat!
TV Show: Top Gear
[[on the RX-8's Wankel rotary engine]
Jeremy: It's not the torquiest engine in the world, or the most economical, but God it's smooth. You even get a little buzzer - ready? - to tell you to change gear at 9000 RPM 'cause it doesn't feel like it's running on anything as coarse and vulgar as petrol. Feels like it's running on double cream!
Jeremy: It's not the torquiest engine in the world, or the most economical, but God it's smooth. You even get a little buzzer - ready? - to tell you to change gear at 9000 RPM 'cause it doesn't feel like it's running on anything as coarse and vulgar as petrol. Feels like it's running on double cream!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: The guy who was running Mazda when they were designing the RX-8 used to race cars. [laughs] And it kind of shows.
TV Show: Top Gear