The Golden Girls Quotes
Sophia: And when there is no trust, there is no family. You marry this man, and we're no longer family. You do this, you are out of my life forever.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: The stripper used to be a cop and the cop always wanted to be a dancer. Now they're wearing each other's hats and it's getting really weird.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: You give that ring back and that's my final word! [Sophia comes back] No. You'll pawn the ring. That's my final word!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Blanche] Everybody who's come has been too young, too pretty, too thin, it's like you want to be surrounded by women who have absolutely no sex appeal.
[Rose and Dorothy connect the dots]
Rose: You think we're dogs, don't you?
[Rose and Dorothy connect the dots]
Rose: You think we're dogs, don't you?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I was just wondering the other day 'why doesn't our doorbell bark?'
Rose: Probably because we didn't have a bark bell.
Dorothy: You really expect this to scare Myra away?
Rose: Oh sure, look at the box, see the burglar running from the house?
Dorothy: And he's saying "YIKES!"
Rose: Probably because we didn't have a bark bell.
Dorothy: You really expect this to scare Myra away?
Rose: Oh sure, look at the box, see the burglar running from the house?
Dorothy: And he's saying "YIKES!"
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: The dogs are on my trail again, through the river, run through the river.
Dorothy: Ma, that's an alarm Rose put up to scare people away.
Sophia: It'll never work.
Dorothy: Ma, that's an alarm Rose put up to scare people away.
Sophia: It'll never work.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: You'll need two new roommates, Ma will be moving in with us.
Sophia: No, I won't.
Dorothy: You can't afford to stay here alone.
Sophia: Blanche is letting me keep my room and I have an interview at McDonald's today, if I can see over the counter, I'm their new fry girl.
Sophia: No, I won't.
Dorothy: You can't afford to stay here alone.
Sophia: Blanche is letting me keep my room and I have an interview at McDonald's today, if I can see over the counter, I'm their new fry girl.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [to Stanley] If you hurt her again I'll make you miserable for the rest of my life, and if I lay off meat and dairy that could be as much as five years!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I had an outdoor wedding. February 12th, I'll never forget...I had the most beautiful white flannel wedding dress, it even had feet sewn in.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Trudy: [to Blanche, about Rose] Crazy or stupid?
Blanche: We think it's a mix.
Blanche: We think it's a mix.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [to Sophia] Let me tell you about a lesson I learned when I was a little girl in St. Olaf. If you hold a bird gently, the bird will stay, but if you squeeze the bird, his eyes will bug out. [Sophia stares at Rose blankly; Blanche, listening off to the side, looks pained] And Mr. Pet Shop Owner gets very huffy and he won't let you touch the birds anymore. And the mice, he won't even let you...
Blanche: [hurrying over] ROOOOOOSE... what is eight times six? [Rose begins counting with her fingers.] Okay, now that we have a few minutes... I think Rose made two very good points. One, not all psychotics are dangerous; and two, honey, you have to let go. Dorothy's capable of making her own decisions. Does any of this make any sense to you, Sophia?
Sophia: Not completely. I still think Rose has the capacity to kill. [Walks away]
Blanche: [Realizes Rose is still counting] Oh Rose, sorry honey, pencils down.
Rose: I could've used a pencil?
Blanche: [hurrying over] ROOOOOOSE... what is eight times six? [Rose begins counting with her fingers.] Okay, now that we have a few minutes... I think Rose made two very good points. One, not all psychotics are dangerous; and two, honey, you have to let go. Dorothy's capable of making her own decisions. Does any of this make any sense to you, Sophia?
Sophia: Not completely. I still think Rose has the capacity to kill. [Walks away]
Blanche: [Realizes Rose is still counting] Oh Rose, sorry honey, pencils down.
Rose: I could've used a pencil?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Mail call. [Hands Rose a letter] Here you go Rose.
Rose: What if it's from Myra?
Dorothy: I'm sure it's not.
Rose: Well what if it is? What if it's got a big, black spider that's gonna jump out and attack me the minute I open it!
Dorothy: [Takes the letter, throws it on the floor and starts jumping on it. Hands back the letter to Rose.] There you go.
Rose: You're wise. You're just, wise.
Rose: What if it's from Myra?
Dorothy: I'm sure it's not.
Rose: Well what if it is? What if it's got a big, black spider that's gonna jump out and attack me the minute I open it!
Dorothy: [Takes the letter, throws it on the floor and starts jumping on it. Hands back the letter to Rose.] There you go.
Rose: You're wise. You're just, wise.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Yeah Blanche, so what? So life threw the dumb country girl a crumb for once. I mean, you're sexy and beautiful all the time. Let's face it, you have Bette Davis eyes and Freddy Krueger hands.
Blanche: I have had it with you! I'm going into my room and may never come out. [Blanche storms off to her room]
Rose: Is it the weekend already?
Blanche: I have had it with you! I'm going into my room and may never come out. [Blanche storms off to her room]
Rose: Is it the weekend already?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [on why she takes her job at the nursing home seriously] Have you ever seen what happens to a person when their brain is allowed to disintegrate and their minds turn completely to mush?
[Sophia and Dorothy both turn to look at Rose, who is examining her left hand]
Rose: Hey, my middle finger's the longest!
[Sophia and Dorothy both turn to look at Rose, who is examining her left hand]
Rose: Hey, my middle finger's the longest!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Girls, what a glorious day! I just feel so pretty and alive, and young as a teenager!
Dorothy: Oh, that's terrific, Blanche. Oh, by the way, you got a phone call this morning from your grandson - he got his driver's license!
[The smile quickly fades from Blanche's face and she walks quickly out of the kitchen.]
Dorothy: Oh, that's terrific, Blanche. Oh, by the way, you got a phone call this morning from your grandson - he got his driver's license!
[The smile quickly fades from Blanche's face and she walks quickly out of the kitchen.]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Mr. Porter: [pointing at an elderly gentleman in the nursing home who has his arm around a woman] And that's Smokey. He fancies himself a ladies' man. Sort of the rooster of our little henhouse. Whatever you do, don't dance with him, he'll put the moves on anybody.
Sophia: Smokey, I want you to meet my daughter---
Dorothy: MA!!!!
Sophia: Smokey, I want you to meet my daughter---
Dorothy: MA!!!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [reading the penny-saver ad, about which Rose and Blanche are very upset] "Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this? You need Ponce de Leon Anti-Aging Cream!" [begins laughing hysterically, then notices Blanche and Rose glaring at her] I'd sue.
Blanche: [snatching penny-saver out of Dorothy's hand] Dorothy Zbornak, how could you?! Oh, look - they have airbrushed liver spots all over us!!!
Dorothy: Tell me about it. You guys look like you should be barking on the front seat of a fire engine! [clams up when she sees Blanche and Rose glaring at her again] I really would sue.
Blanche: [snatching penny-saver out of Dorothy's hand] Dorothy Zbornak, how could you?! Oh, look - they have airbrushed liver spots all over us!!!
Dorothy: Tell me about it. You guys look like you should be barking on the front seat of a fire engine! [clams up when she sees Blanche and Rose glaring at her again] I really would sue.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I know but now there's more at stake, everything's changed. It's all new and exciting. In many ways I feel just the way I felt when I was a virgin.
Sophia: You mean the feeling isn't gonna last long?
Blanche: Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?
Sophia: I'm just saying you're lucky Jack and Jill Magazine didn't have a gossip column.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Please, pussycat, I'm on a roll.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Sophia. But I'm not gonna let your skepticism ruin my entire evening. Mel and I were meant to be together.
Sophia: I wish I could say the same for your thighs. God, I'm hot tonight.
Blanche: I'm not gonna stand for this.
Sophia: Take it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: But I'll bet you'll lay down for it.
Sophia: Well that was just plain rude!
Blanche: Some people just don't know when to quit.
Sophia: You mean the feeling isn't gonna last long?
Blanche: Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?
Sophia: I'm just saying you're lucky Jack and Jill Magazine didn't have a gossip column.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Please, pussycat, I'm on a roll.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Sophia. But I'm not gonna let your skepticism ruin my entire evening. Mel and I were meant to be together.
Sophia: I wish I could say the same for your thighs. God, I'm hot tonight.
Blanche: I'm not gonna stand for this.
Sophia: Take it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: But I'll bet you'll lay down for it.
Sophia: Well that was just plain rude!
Blanche: Some people just don't know when to quit.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Rose, who is sticking her head in the refrigerator, trying to see whether the glasses that she is testing fog up] Rose, leave the glasses in the refrigerator, close the door and keep your head out here with us.
Rose: Well, how will I know if they fog up?
Dorothy: The little man who lives in there who turns the light on and off, he'll tell you.
Rose: I'm not in the mood for jokes, especially about the little man. You know he scares me.
Rose: Well, how will I know if they fog up?
Dorothy: The little man who lives in there who turns the light on and off, he'll tell you.
Rose: I'm not in the mood for jokes, especially about the little man. You know he scares me.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Isn't it true that you have a drawer full of home retirement brochures, just waiting for the first sign of dribble on your mother's chin, to lock her away forever?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [laughs nervously] She's kidding.
Rose: You know, Dorothy, your sock drawer. The one you know who can't reach.
Sophia: I knew you were keeping pictures but I had no idea, you disgust me!
Dorothy: Look, I don't have to stand for this!
Sophia: Nail her, Rose! Nail her! Remember, a good reporter gets the story no matter what!
Dorothy: That sock drawer is MY business! Look, those times when Ma drives me crazy, I go in my room and have some pretend time, okay?!!
Rose: This is Rose Nylund signing off in a sad, sad situation. ... Thanks, Dorothy, that was fun!
Rose: You know, Dorothy, your sock drawer. The one you know who can't reach.
Sophia: I knew you were keeping pictures but I had no idea, you disgust me!
Dorothy: Look, I don't have to stand for this!
Sophia: Nail her, Rose! Nail her! Remember, a good reporter gets the story no matter what!
Dorothy: That sock drawer is MY business! Look, those times when Ma drives me crazy, I go in my room and have some pretend time, okay?!!
Rose: This is Rose Nylund signing off in a sad, sad situation. ... Thanks, Dorothy, that was fun!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [referring to Sophia] If anyone blows the whistle on me the old lady is out on the street.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Jason: Isn't she the most beautiful mother you have ever seen.
Sophia: Grand, just grand.
Sophia: Grand, just grand.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [entering kitchen] Dorothy when was the last time you had sex?
Dorothy: Well that's a very personal question.
Sophia: That long, huh?
Sophia: That's perfect. From now on, you will be known as the Queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
Dorothy: Explain.
Sophia: Every year all the women from my village would hold a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life "What kind of tramp do you take me for?"
Rose: We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins back in Saint Olaf. Every year we'd all go down to the lake and they'd be flopping around on the dock. Oh no Wait. That was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.
Dorothy: What is wrong with you woman?!
Dorothy: Well that's a very personal question.
Sophia: That long, huh?
Sophia: That's perfect. From now on, you will be known as the Queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
Dorothy: Explain.
Sophia: Every year all the women from my village would hold a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life "What kind of tramp do you take me for?"
Rose: We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins back in Saint Olaf. Every year we'd all go down to the lake and they'd be flopping around on the dock. Oh no Wait. That was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.
Dorothy: What is wrong with you woman?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I just don't know what I'm gonna do -- [walks into living room and sees Miles dressed in Amish attire] -- boy, you find out you're a Jew with a dilemma and these rabbis come out of the woodwork.
Dorothy: Rose...who is this?
Rose: Oh, this? This...this is...this is a friend...his name is Samuel Plankmaker. [to Miles] Samuel, these are my roommates. [to the others] Girls, you remember Miles -- Samuel ! [grimaces] Shoot!
Miles: I'm so sorry ladies, it's -- it's me! I was trying to play a trick on ya.
Sophia: Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids.
Dorothy: Rose...who is this?
Rose: Oh, this? This...this is...this is a friend...his name is Samuel Plankmaker. [to Miles] Samuel, these are my roommates. [to the others] Girls, you remember Miles -- Samuel ! [grimaces] Shoot!
Miles: I'm so sorry ladies, it's -- it's me! I was trying to play a trick on ya.
Sophia: Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [indicating Sophia, who is wearing a pair of dark glasses with prescription lenses because she lost her regular glasses] Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Orbison!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Dorothy, I thought you were going to make him suffer.
Dorothy: Oh and I will, tomorrow morning I'll tell him he's the worst lover I've ever had.
Dorothy: Oh and I will, tomorrow morning I'll tell him he's the worst lover I've ever had.
TV Show: The Golden Girls