The Closer Quotes
Tao: I Googled it. [To Fritz] It's an internet thing.
Fritz: Yeah, I know what Google is, Lieutenant. It's the FBI that has a hard time getting online, not me.
Fritz: Yeah, I know what Google is, Lieutenant. It's the FBI that has a hard time getting online, not me.
TV Show: The Closer
Fritz: Alright, we need to get some units over to this Crag Sherman's house right away. I'll call over to see if I can't get us FBI backup.
Brenda: Oh. Didn't I tell you? We picked him up fifteen minutes ago.
Brenda: Oh. Didn't I tell you? We picked him up fifteen minutes ago.
TV Show: The Closer
Flynn: Hey, you know what's funny?
Gabriel: What?
Flynn: She can't stand me. I'm doing everything I can to make her life miserable; and here you are - you've tried to help her out wherever you could, and she treats us both exactly the same. Heh.
Gabriel: What?
Flynn: She can't stand me. I'm doing everything I can to make her life miserable; and here you are - you've tried to help her out wherever you could, and she treats us both exactly the same. Heh.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: You must be upset.
Fritz: You know what would make me upset? Is if this whole working together thing screwed up our whole other thing.
Fritz: You know what would make me upset? Is if this whole working together thing screwed up our whole other thing.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Well, hello William.
Croelick: Oh, it's Bill. It's just plain Bill.
Brenda: Alright, just plain Bill. I'm just plain Brenda, LAPD.
Croelick: Oh, it's Bill. It's just plain Bill.
Brenda: Alright, just plain Bill. I'm just plain Brenda, LAPD.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: How'd you get my address?
Croelick: Why, haven't you heard, I'm a criminal? But don't worry; as it turns out, you're not my type. Although I admit to liking a fiery woman, you're a little on the bossy side.
Croelick: Why, haven't you heard, I'm a criminal? But don't worry; as it turns out, you're not my type. Although I admit to liking a fiery woman, you're a little on the bossy side.
TV Show: The Closer
Taylor: Do us a favor. Send this girl to the crematorium as a Jane Doe. Keep Croelick in prison. Don't damage the reputation of our department to let the killer go free.
Pope: Here is the favor I will do for you: I will forget you said that.
Pope: Here is the favor I will do for you: I will forget you said that.
TV Show: The Closer
[Brenda grabs a file from Fritz while they're kissing]
Brenda: Is this my Jane Doe?
Fritz: So much for foreplay.
Brenda: Is this my Jane Doe?
Fritz: So much for foreplay.
TV Show: The Closer
Taylor: Well, that one's gonna cost her.
Flynn: You want to gloat to someone you're close to? Grab a mirror, Captain. I'm applying for permanent transfer to her squad.
Flynn: You want to gloat to someone you're close to? Grab a mirror, Captain. I'm applying for permanent transfer to her squad.
TV Show: The Closer
Sandra: The Drill Team was his first film as a producer. And it never would've gotten made without me. I set it up; I attached Dick.
Provenza: [watching the interview] I bet she attached dick to a lot of things.
Provenza: [watching the interview] I bet she attached dick to a lot of things.
TV Show: The Closer
Gabriel: So, you guys all heard, right? About the, uh, IA investigation?
Provenza: What IA Investigation?
Gabriel: An anonymous complaint against Deputy Chief Johnson. Conduct unbecoming. Anybody here know anything about that?
[Everyone turns and looks at Flynn]
Provenza: What IA Investigation?
Gabriel: An anonymous complaint against Deputy Chief Johnson. Conduct unbecoming. Anybody here know anything about that?
[Everyone turns and looks at Flynn]
TV Show: The Closer
Gabriel: Let's suppose I have no specific knowledge as to who filed the complaint. Suppose I were just to discuss the charge of conduct unbecoming an officer on its merits because Internal Affairs is going to ask me about it. And I'm going to answer them.
Taylor: And your response will be...?
Gabriel: I'm going to tell them that I've observed Deputy Chief Johnson on every case that she's worked and that I think that the charges against her are small-minded, petty, and malicious, and that I'm ashamed of whoever may have filed them. That's what I'm going to tell them.
Taylor: [Laughing] You feel better now? You feel righteous, all puffed up?
Gabriel: No, sir. I feel sick to my stomach. If you'll excuse me, I'm investigating a murder, Sir.
Taylor: And your response will be...?
Gabriel: I'm going to tell them that I've observed Deputy Chief Johnson on every case that she's worked and that I think that the charges against her are small-minded, petty, and malicious, and that I'm ashamed of whoever may have filed them. That's what I'm going to tell them.
Taylor: [Laughing] You feel better now? You feel righteous, all puffed up?
Gabriel: No, sir. I feel sick to my stomach. If you'll excuse me, I'm investigating a murder, Sir.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: All I need from you is an expert to go over these dental records, match them with these teeth, and tell me which missing person she was.
Fritz: Ok. I'll bite.
Fritz: Ok. I'll bite.
TV Show: The Closer
Medical Examiner: What do we call this...Jane Doe?
Gabriel: The body formerly known as Lisa Barnes.
Gabriel: The body formerly known as Lisa Barnes.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Okay. Maybe this Samantha Jones lifted Bill Croelick's stainless steel lighter - with his fingerprints on it, made a copy of Lisa Barnes' driver's licence, stole a car, pushed it off a cliff, cutting her hands and feet off as she jumped into the falling car and set herself on fire. Maybe she trained for her suicide with Cirque du Soleil.
TV Show: The Closer
Forensic odontologist: I wasn't asked to confirm the identity of the victim, just to confirm that the body was that of Lisa Barnes.
Provenza: Oh, so you had an excuse to be sloppy.
Provenza: Oh, so you had an excuse to be sloppy.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: [to Sgt. Gabriel on the phone] I found Croelick. He's on my front porch. Be nice if we had some company.
TV Show: The Closer
Taylor: [about Brenda] The FBI hates her. The DA's hate her. The forensics specialists hate her. Everyone wants Croelick back in jail. But no one's gonna help her get him there.
TV Show: The Closer
Mr. Barnes: I have Lisa's death certificate [dated three years earlier]!
Brenda: So do I. Only mine's a litle more recent.
Brenda: So do I. Only mine's a litle more recent.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Doctor, do you think you might take another peek inside?
Medical Examiner: [glancing at the charred skeletal remains of the Jane Doe in question] Chief Johnson, where exactly do you see an inside?!?
Medical Examiner: [glancing at the charred skeletal remains of the Jane Doe in question] Chief Johnson, where exactly do you see an inside?!?
TV Show: The Closer
Gabriel: Well, I'd say the wife has a pretty airtight alibi.
Brenda: You know who needs airtight alibis? Murderers.
Brenda: You know who needs airtight alibis? Murderers.
TV Show: The Closer
[Provenza notices something furry floating inside the hot tub in which the victim was found]
Provenza: Is that a rat?
Flynn: That's his hair replacement system.
Provenza: His what?!
Flynn: They used to call it a toupee.
Provenza: They used to call it bald, too.
Provenza: Is that a rat?
Flynn: That's his hair replacement system.
Provenza: His what?!
Flynn: They used to call it a toupee.
Provenza: They used to call it bald, too.
TV Show: The Closer
Provenza: The water's still hot, this bottle's half empty. This guy got drunk and cooked to death.
TV Show: The Closer
Mr. Mitchell: So, he's really dead?
Brenda: Yes, I'm so sorry.
Mr. Mitchell: Will this affect property values?
Brenda: Yes, I'm so sorry.
Mr. Mitchell: Will this affect property values?
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: [After catching Provenza mocking her accent and task delegation] Lt. Provenza, I need this hurried through [using extra-heavy accent] SID, in about two shakes of a lamb's tail. [shaking wet toupee at him] Thank you so very much. Let's keep it taped off, ladies and gentlemen, because until we understand things better...[turns and looks at Provenza]
Provenza: Uh, [adding heavy southern accent] this is a crime scene, y'all.
Provenza: Uh, [adding heavy southern accent] this is a crime scene, y'all.
TV Show: The Closer