Weeds Quotes
Andy Botwin: Hey, what do you think is better Jesus say relax or I'm to sexy for my Lord?
TV Show: Weeds
Celia Hodes: When you stop being cute and funny and clean at home and start spending your afternoons with your head buried in the snatch of the tennis pro, yeah, you're a piece of ****.
TV Show: Weeds
Doug Wilson: It's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam only you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and shit.
TV Show: Weeds
Sarah McKnight: Can you tell me why you like weed whacking so much?
Rick Weidenhaft: Now that's probably testosterone related. I don't know any other reason except that it's a small gas-powered engine, and I'm a guy. I like to get underneath the oak trees and do a circle so you can see the roots and definition. Maybe it's artistic. I'm an artistic weed whacker, that's what I am.
Rick Weidenhaft: Now that's probably testosterone related. I don't know any other reason except that it's a small gas-powered engine, and I'm a guy. I like to get underneath the oak trees and do a circle so you can see the roots and definition. Maybe it's artistic. I'm an artistic weed whacker, that's what I am.
TV Show: Weeds
The Candyman: Heylia's a lazy fat-fat and I'm hoping to put her in a diabetic coma, so I have no problem selling to her.
TV Show: Weeds
Nancy: Shane, did you shoot the Elderman's cat?
Shane: What! No! I shot the mountain lion. Right in the eye.
Nancy: Why?
Shane: Because that's what Dad would've done.
Shane: What! No! I shot the mountain lion. Right in the eye.
Nancy: Why?
Shane: Because that's what Dad would've done.
TV Show: Weeds
Andy: If there's one thing I learned about the Christ crowd, absolutely no sense of humor. Should've gone after the Jew market, least we can take a joke
TV Show: Weeds
PTA Mom 1: Oh, we do not joke about our Lord Jesus Christ.
Nancy: (Laughs) It's a stupid t-shirt. We should ignore it.
Maggie: Only one man died for my sins, Nancy. And his name wasn't Chris.
Pam: Well, it sort of was, wasn't it? Like a nickname?
Nancy: (Laughs) It's a stupid t-shirt. We should ignore it.
Maggie: Only one man died for my sins, Nancy. And his name wasn't Chris.
Pam: Well, it sort of was, wasn't it? Like a nickname?
TV Show: Weeds
Maggie: Have you all seen these? They are all over the school. And as a Christian, I must say, I am deeply, deeply offended. It's profane.
PTA Mom 1: Has anyone talked to the principal about this?
Pam: Who's Chris?
PTA Mom 1: Has anyone talked to the principal about this?
Pam: Who's Chris?
TV Show: Weeds
Lupita: Doesn't smell like sage.
Nancy: Obviously menopause has affected your sense of smell.
Lupita: I don't smell with my coochie.
Nancy: Obviously menopause has affected your sense of smell.
Lupita: I don't smell with my coochie.
TV Show: Weeds
Heylia James: Yeah, lookin' in the dictionary the other day, saw your picture sittin' up in there. Right next to "Dumb ass white bitch."
TV Show: Weeds
Heylia: We should start that in this neighborhood. Call it the "I'm getting' skinny ‘cause some nigger stole my food" diet.
TV Show: Weeds
Nancy Botwin: Maybe black people need to start stealin' a little bit bigger.
Conrad Sheperd: Maybe fuckin' so.
Conrad Sheperd: Maybe fuckin' so.
TV Show: Weeds
Conrad: You should never question Heylia's eyeballin'. That's the Rainman of weed, right there.
TV Show: Weeds
Silas Botwin: What? Who told you that? She's totally deaf. And Dennis Kling says there's nothing wrong with her tongue.
TV Show: Weeds
Hunter [On television]: (In tree-stand) Next time we go bow huntin'. Guns are for pussies. (Now, running from a bear) I told you! You can't miss the bear!
TV Show: Weeds
Josh: Shit hasn't gone this fast since the Passion of the Christ.
Nancy: People got stoned for the Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing.
Josh: It's not as disturbing as seeing it not stoned. Religion my ass. It's a straight up snuff film.
Nancy: People got stoned for the Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing.
Josh: It's not as disturbing as seeing it not stoned. Religion my ass. It's a straight up snuff film.
TV Show: Weeds
Josh: If they're too young to bleed, they're too young for weed. If there's no grass in their field, no weed will they yield.
TV Show: Weeds
Nancy: (Sees Shane get knocked down on soccer field) Foul! Ref, what's the matter with your whistle?!
Celia Hodes: Well, technically, Nancy, Ref can't call a foul. Shane was kicked by his own teammates.
Celia Hodes: Well, technically, Nancy, Ref can't call a foul. Shane was kicked by his own teammates.
TV Show: Weeds
Shane Botwin: Can we go home now, please?
Nancy: It's not even half-time.
Shane: I don't feel well. I think I have rickets.
Nancy: It's not even half-time.
Shane: I don't feel well. I think I have rickets.
TV Show: Weeds