Strangers with Candy Quotes
Noblet: Jerri, I know you want to be homecoming queen. We all want to be homecoming queen.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[Sara is holding a Mad Mothers Against Drugs meeting.]
Sara: You can't help a drug addict until they've hit rock bottom. And sometimes it's important to help the process along. You dig a hole in the yard and cover it with sticks and leaves, put glass in their slippers...
Woman: Cut the brake cable in their car...
Sara: Exactly. Cut the brake cable in their car. The point is to help them hurt themselves.
Sara: You can't help a drug addict until they've hit rock bottom. And sometimes it's important to help the process along. You dig a hole in the yard and cover it with sticks and leaves, put glass in their slippers...
Woman: Cut the brake cable in their car...
Sara: Exactly. Cut the brake cable in their car. The point is to help them hurt themselves.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: In answer to the question, what was the Magna Carta, you wrote "Planet Zoot." And in response to the query, what was the capital of France during the Nazi occupation, you traced your hand.
Jerri: Oh yeah, I drew a beak on my thumb there. Oh! It’s a turkey! It must've been the holidays.
Noblet: It was yesterday, Jerri.
Jerri: Oh yeah, I drew a beak on my thumb there. Oh! It’s a turkey! It must've been the holidays.
Noblet: It was yesterday, Jerri.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: Look, all I'm saying is if you still wanna smoke pot then be prepared to spend a lot of time laughing with your friends.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[Jerri is standing in front of a water fountain, but Trish wants a drink.]
Trish: Do you mind? I'm kinda dry.
Jerri: Well I'm pretty wet.
[Jerri laughs at her own joke, but then puts a serious look on her face.]
Jerri: Seriously.
Trish: Do you mind? I'm kinda dry.
Jerri: Well I'm pretty wet.
[Jerri laughs at her own joke, but then puts a serious look on her face.]
Jerri: Seriously.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Dr. Williams: Let me welcome you to the kickoff of Flatpoint’s Career Week! I’m Dr. Rachel Williams, supermodel, and I’m here to talk to you about making your dreams a reality. When I was a student at Flatpoint, I was confused until a modeling agent told me what my dreams were. And so can you! Just ask yourself, what do you want to do?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Student 3: I want to be a gangsta with a crew, and knee deep in bitches.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Dr. Williams: Now, are there any questions I have the ability to answer?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Dr. Iris Puffybush: Dreams are a great thing, but you know something? They take a lot of energy. But that's ok. There's a job waiting for you down the block from your house that doesn't require a thought in your head or a hope in your heart. So come on down and work for the artificial flower factory. Why fight it? OK? Thank you.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I'm confused. Dreams... What are mine?
Noblet: I don’t know, Jerri. It's your future. What do you want to do in the future?
Jerri: Go to my locker.
Noblet: I mean way down the line, Jerri. I want you to think far into the future. What are you going to do?
Jerri: Open it.
Noblet: I don’t know, Jerri. It's your future. What do you want to do in the future?
Jerri: Go to my locker.
Noblet: I mean way down the line, Jerri. I want you to think far into the future. What are you going to do?
Jerri: Open it.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: My whole teaching career is a farce, wrapped in a masquerade, smothered in a facade frosting.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: I was a complete zero, Jerri.
Jerri: And now?
Jellineck: Well, and now you can multiply that zero by a hundred!
Jerri: Wow, that must be a lot.
Jerri: And now?
Jellineck: Well, and now you can multiply that zero by a hundred!
Jerri: Wow, that must be a lot.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: Why are you pushing me away?
Jellineck: I'm not pushing you away. I'm pulling me towards myself.
Jellineck: I'm not pushing you away. I'm pulling me towards myself.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: It must be nice to hope for the thing you wish to want. Sure beats doing it!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Sara: This has nothing to do with you Alan. We just need to talk about you someplace where you can't hear us.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[Principal Blackman leads the team in prayer before the big game.]
Blackman: Dear Lord, thank you for giving this game your undivided attention. We'll try to be brief so you can return your energies to the movement of the stars and the condemnation of the Jews. Please hand us an easy victory. I'm not saying that if we lose we'll turn away. But do you really want to take that risk? And finally, just as you cured the blind, thank you for curing this team of the blind. Oh, and, uh, forgive me for that thing I did with the thing. Amen.
Blackman: Dear Lord, thank you for giving this game your undivided attention. We'll try to be brief so you can return your energies to the movement of the stars and the condemnation of the Jews. Please hand us an easy victory. I'm not saying that if we lose we'll turn away. But do you really want to take that risk? And finally, just as you cured the blind, thank you for curing this team of the blind. Oh, and, uh, forgive me for that thing I did with the thing. Amen.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I hope you're all happy, keeping Alan off the team. Couldn't you, for once, open your minds and hearts and hear something that he couldn't see? I, for one, am glad that Alan is blind, so he can't see what, I am so sad to say, you can't hear.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Drake! Why did you spread those vicious lies?
Drake Rogers: 'Cause you didn't spread those vicious thighs.
Drake Rogers: 'Cause you didn't spread those vicious thighs.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Tammi: I've got something that boys want and they can't have it.
Jerri: Really? How about girls?
Tammi: What?
Jerri: Nothing. Just testing the waters.
Jerri: Really? How about girls?
Tammi: What?
Jerri: Nothing. Just testing the waters.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: The ways of love are a mystery to me. The feeling of man’s pelvis pounding against your haunches as you lie bent over a beer-soaked pool table grasping for leverage. And the endless jackhammer action turns you into a quivering mound of oozing pleasure.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Tammi: Are you thinking about having sex already?
Jerri: Does a pimp carry a razor?
Tammi: I don't know!
Jerri: Trust me, they all do.
Jerri: Does a pimp carry a razor?
Tammi: I don't know!
Jerri: Trust me, they all do.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy