Strangers with Candy Quotes
[Noblet attempts to infiltrate the cult to gain information on where Jerri is.]
Noblet: [casually] So, what are you selling here?
Cult member: Flowers. Do you need someone to love you?
Noblet: [breaking down instantly] Oh God, yes, desperately! I'm so lonely!
Cult member: Would you like to come with us?
Noblet: I'll go anywhere you want and do anything you say! Just love me. Oh, I should tell you, I'm a plant. They're watching us. [points to where Blackman, Jellineck and Orlando are hiding] We're looking for Jerri. I'm her teacher and that's her principal - they don't know anything about love.
Cult member: I don't think you can come with us.
Noblet: What? No! Please! I need you!
Blackman: [yelling] Noblet! What are you doing?!
Noblet: I'm sorry. I just wasn't prepared for that kind of onslaught.
Noblet: [casually] So, what are you selling here?
Cult member: Flowers. Do you need someone to love you?
Noblet: [breaking down instantly] Oh God, yes, desperately! I'm so lonely!
Cult member: Would you like to come with us?
Noblet: I'll go anywhere you want and do anything you say! Just love me. Oh, I should tell you, I'm a plant. They're watching us. [points to where Blackman, Jellineck and Orlando are hiding] We're looking for Jerri. I'm her teacher and that's her principal - they don't know anything about love.
Cult member: I don't think you can come with us.
Noblet: What? No! Please! I need you!
Blackman: [yelling] Noblet! What are you doing?!
Noblet: I'm sorry. I just wasn't prepared for that kind of onslaught.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Blackman: In order to enhance your individuality to conformity, I'm instituting a dress code based on your own requests that I imagine you would have requested had I asked for your requests.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I poisoned all the grain and the water. We'll be ready to kill ourselves when the devil's henchmen come on the day of judgement.
Father: But that's the only food we have! What are we supposed to eat now?!
Jerri: All the other only food we have.
Father: But that's the only food we have! What are we supposed to eat now?!
Jerri: All the other only food we have.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: Mrs. Blank, I think it's time someone who truly loves her try to reach her.
Sara: No, I think I should.
Sara: No, I think I should.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[Jellineck attempts to deprogram Jerri.]
Jellineck: Hey, Jerri! I know you're in there. Listen, I have no idea what you went through. I don't have any answers, I'm not acting in your best interests. Why won't you trust me?
Jerri: I wanna go back! Those people care about me!
Jellineck: Yes, maybe that's true. But do they care about me? I don't think so. Do you see the flaw in your logic now?
Jerri: No.
Jellineck: Agh! I can't reach her! She's lost in some frightening world that isn't centered around me!
Jellineck: Hey, Jerri! I know you're in there. Listen, I have no idea what you went through. I don't have any answers, I'm not acting in your best interests. Why won't you trust me?
Jerri: I wanna go back! Those people care about me!
Jellineck: Yes, maybe that's true. But do they care about me? I don't think so. Do you see the flaw in your logic now?
Jerri: No.
Jellineck: Agh! I can't reach her! She's lost in some frightening world that isn't centered around me!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: Perhaps Chuck could get through to her. He was in the cult for 45 seconds, he knows.
Noblet: I'll try, but we'll need to be alone.
Blackman: All right, everybody out.
[Everybody else exits, leaving Noblet alone with Jerri.]
Noblet: Thank you. Thank you. [waits until everybody has left, then turns quickly to Jerri] Okay, Jerri, let's go!
Jerri: Where?
Noblet: [tugging on her arm] Back to the cult!
Jerri: How?
Noblet: [opening the furnace] Through the furnace and then out through the air shaft!
Jerri: We'll burn to death!
Noblet: Father will protect us! Where is your faith, woman?!
Noblet: I'll try, but we'll need to be alone.
Blackman: All right, everybody out.
[Everybody else exits, leaving Noblet alone with Jerri.]
Noblet: Thank you. Thank you. [waits until everybody has left, then turns quickly to Jerri] Okay, Jerri, let's go!
Jerri: Where?
Noblet: [tugging on her arm] Back to the cult!
Jerri: How?
Noblet: [opening the furnace] Through the furnace and then out through the air shaft!
Jerri: We'll burn to death!
Noblet: Father will protect us! Where is your faith, woman?!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Dr. Zorders: Jerri, I have some bad news. You have syphilis.
Jerri: No!
Dr. Zorders: Not only that, it appears your syphilis is infested with crabs that are carrying gonorrhea. Don't you use condoms?
Jerri: Look, doc, I go all natural. That's why my prices are so high.
Dr. Zorders: That's pretty irresponsible. But, thanks to Penicillin, there's no need to act responsible. Penicillin is nature's condom!
Jerri: No!
Dr. Zorders: Not only that, it appears your syphilis is infested with crabs that are carrying gonorrhea. Don't you use condoms?
Jerri: Look, doc, I go all natural. That's why my prices are so high.
Dr. Zorders: That's pretty irresponsible. But, thanks to Penicillin, there's no need to act responsible. Penicillin is nature's condom!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Dr. Zorders: Jerri, you're not hearing what I'm saying.
Jerri: Oh, that's okay, Doc, 'cause you're not saying what I'm hearing.
Jerri: Oh, that's okay, Doc, 'cause you're not saying what I'm hearing.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Do a lot of the people die of syphilis?
Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.
Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: How was the city of Pompeii lost?
Jellineck: No one knows. It was buried under tons of lava, which of course destroyed all the records.
Jellineck: No one knows. It was buried under tons of lava, which of course destroyed all the records.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: We'll go on a hunger strike, together!
Jerri: Really?
Jellineck: Yeah! You won't eat and I won't feed you!
Jerri: Really?
Jellineck: Yeah! You won't eat and I won't feed you!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Orlando, you can't be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I'm not adopted and I'm not an Indian. It's just a coincidence that I have a love of gambling and booze and a knack for catching syphilis.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: Hey, mister, eyes on your own test.
Student: But we're not taking a test.
Noblet: I can fix that right now. Okay, everybody get out a piece of paper! Hey, don't get angry with me, blame Mister Nosy-Eyes here. Question number one: Explain Western history. Be specific; support your answer.
Student: But we're not taking a test.
Noblet: I can fix that right now. Okay, everybody get out a piece of paper! Hey, don't get angry with me, blame Mister Nosy-Eyes here. Question number one: Explain Western history. Be specific; support your answer.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Have you seen my mother?
Stew: Which one? The real one, the dead one, or the one I'm having sex with?
Stew: Which one? The real one, the dead one, or the one I'm having sex with?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[At the make-out party.]
Blackman: Maybe you care to partner up. I happen to know plenty of mature, eligible men.
Sara: That's a very kind offer, Principal, but I strongly oppose racial commingling.
Blackman: I'm with you 100 percent, except, of course, for my uncontrollable desire for middle-aged white women.
Blackman: Maybe you care to partner up. I happen to know plenty of mature, eligible men.
Sara: That's a very kind offer, Principal, but I strongly oppose racial commingling.
Blackman: I'm with you 100 percent, except, of course, for my uncontrollable desire for middle-aged white women.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I've recently learned something about self-respect... I don't have any.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: You're new here, so let me lay it down for ya. I run a pretty tight ship around here. That's why the students call me "The Hammer".
Orlando: We don't call you that.
Noblet: Shut up.
Orlando: We don't call you that.
Noblet: Shut up.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: Some have called me a coward, but others have called me a pussy. Understand?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Coach Wolf: Today as you can see we're having class in the gym. It's important to keep a trim figure through exercise, starving yourself, and later: plastic surgery. OK, why don't you all uh.. wander around without any supervision and acquaint yourselves with some of this dangerous equipment.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: As it is the end of our school year, I thought it would be be-hoovy if I used my final lesson to talk about eschatology, or the study of the end of things. Now, I asked my lover, Mr. Jellineck, to make some transparencies.
Jellineck: He's just kidding, we're not lovers. We just have sex.
Noblet: Hot, ass-thumping sex.
Jellineck: He's just kidding, we're not lovers. We just have sex.
Noblet: Hot, ass-thumping sex.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Fran: The only reason you're cool is that you're a little satellite circling the planet Frosty. Surface temperature: zero degrees Franenheit.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Fran: Look Jerri, as long as you're with me, you'll never go bad, because I've got you stored in my crisper, and the refrangerator is always dialed up to 9.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Fran: Jerri, you're going to have to choose whether to stay here and be uncool in loser-land or to follow me into Frantarctica!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy