Batman - The Animated Series Quotes

Bullock: I want my own tactical squad for the sole purpose of throwing the net over this "Batman".
Gordon: I've already denied the request. Nobody is taking a vigilante force onto my streets.
Bullock: Your Honor, any nutcase that dresses up like a bat sooner or later is gonna snap.
Gordon: Listen, it's just not Batman's M.O.
Bullock: Oh yeah?! Tell that to the guy he just tossed through the window!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: [reading paper] "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman?"
Alfred: I gather you've been reading How to Make Friends and Influence People.
Batman: Somebody's setting me up.
Alfred: My heavens! You mean it wasn't you tossing guards out of windows last night?
Batman: I only toss butlers, Alfred.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Selina: I'm afraid I'm not going to be very good company.
Bruce: Is there anything I can do?
Selina: Not really... unless you can get me a meeting with the chairman of Multigon International.
Bruce: [Picks up a phone and dials] What time's good for you?
Selina: Hey, I'm starting to like this guy.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Stern: Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare.
Selina: You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Red Claw? A woman???
Red Claw: Do you have a problem with that, Batman?
Batman: Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Red Claw: You've finally met your match, Batman! Not surprising it's a woman!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Batman analyses several stolen objects on the Batcomputer]
Alfred: Taking up videogames, are we, sir?
Batman: I've accessed police files on the Gothcorp raids, these are the stolen objects. They don't look like much alone, but in this configuration....
[Batman clicks several buttons and the objects on the screen combine into a large cannon]
Alfred: My word!
Batman: They combine into a massive weapon able to generate intense cold. There's still one component missing, and only one Gothcorp plant makes it.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Mr. Freeze: The snow is beautiful, don't you think? Clean, uncompromising...
Batman: And cold.
Mr. Freeze: Like the swift hand of vengeance.
Batman: I saw what happened to your wife. I'm sorry.
Mr. Freeze: I am beyond emotions. They've been frozen dead in me.
Batman: That suit you wear - a result of the coolant?
Mr. Freeze: Very good; a detective to the last. I can no longer survive outside a sub-zero environment. Tonight, I mean to pay back the man who ruined my life... our lives.
Batman: Even if you have to kill everyone in the building to do it?
Mr. Freeze: Think of it, Batman: to never again walk on a summer's day, with the hot wind in your face and a warm hand to hold. Oh, yes. I'd kill for that.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Matt Hagen: [testing his new shapeshifting powers] The formula must have soaked every cell in my body.
Teddy: It's some kind of miracle!
[Matt changes back into Clayface]
Teddy: Wha... What are you doing?
Clayface: No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long!! MY CAREER, MY LIFE - IT IS GONE!!! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK!!!
[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]
Clayface: I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a man!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Woman: I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects.
Daggett: Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue-
Woman: What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...pain!
Daggett: No! I mean... That's just not so!
Woman: Why don't you tell them what an overdose can do, Daggett? Why don't you tell them... [She transforms into Clayface] about ME?!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Joker: [tosses two pennies on the ground] There's your two cents. Now, what were you going to do to me?
Charlie: Listen, I've had a rough day. Boss turned me down for a raise, and...
Joker: Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply not polite! [jumps down and grabs him] I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. [reaches into his coat]
Charlie: Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything!
Joker: Anything, says you? [Charlie nods; Joker releases him] Okee-dokee! Wallet.
Charlie: Uh, okay. I don't have much cash.
Joker: Oh, please! Don't insult me! [takes out driver's license] Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. [tosses the wallet back and keeps the license] Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me.
Charlie: Okay. What?
Joker: I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET! You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. [walks away, laughing maniacally]

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Joker: (On phone) Hello, Charlie.
Charlie: Wrong number, pal. My name's Don.
Joker: Oh, no, this is the right number. This is Charles Michael Collins... oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace, and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal.
Charlie: (Terrified) How did you find me?
Joker: Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my hobby! (Laughs hysterically)

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Dent: So, what do you think?
Bruce: Does she have a sister?
Dent: Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
[Bruce spits while drinking water upon hearing this]
Bruce: WHAT?!!
Dent: Yup, that's right. Hey... is it starting to get warm?
Bruce: You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week!
Dent: And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's so hot in here...
Bruce: Marriage is a major step, Harv. Don't you think you're rushing it?
Dent: No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, it would hit me right in the face.
[Dent falls unconscious]
Bruce: [laughs] Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. Harv? Harvey!
[The doctors brings Dent to an ambulance]
Bruce: Hang on, Harvey. Hang on.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Why, Isley?
Poison Ivy: Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime.
Batman: What crime?
Poison Ivy: Why, murder, of course. Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! [calms down after her tantrum] So his fate was sealed.... [Applies lipstick] ...with a kiss. And now so is yours.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Scarecrow sprays a strange gas into a guard's face.]
Guard: Hey, what the--? N-no. No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! No! [Cowers in terror.]
Anthony: What did you do to him, boss?
Scarecrow: I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously arachnophobia.
Nigel: A-whack-a-what?
Scarecrow: Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Thomas Wayne: (Hallucination) You are a disgrace!!
Batman: No. You are not my father. I am not a disgrace! I am vengeance. I am the night! I - am - BATMAN!!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Hamilton Hill: [on TV, about Batman] He and criminals like the Joker are cut from the same fabric.
Joker: [watching] What?! Compare ME to BATMAN?! I've got more style! More brains! I'm certainly a better dresser!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Gleason: The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son, Jordan was missing.
Joker: Missing?
Jordan: It's me, Jekko. I ran away.
Joker: You did WHAT?!!
Jordan: I want to be a magician, like you.
Joker: Why, you... [laughs] Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Mayor Hill: Oh! Good morning, um...
Fugate: Fugate. Temple Fugate. I should think you remember the name by now, councillor. We've only been taking the same train every day for one year, seven months and thirteen days.
Hill: Oh, right! The efficiency expert.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Clock King: Well, well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up. I'll bet you're wondering why I've sent downtown Gotham into a standstill. Well, let's just say that I'm a civic-minded citizen with a lot of time on my hands. (Throws a clock-grenade at Batman, who dodges)
Batman: I want some answers, wise-guy. Talk!
Clock King: A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman... except that the 9: 15 is always six minutes early. [He jumps off the roof, landing on a train going by]

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Summer Gleeson: I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gon stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will April Fool's Day mark the end of Gotham City as we know it?
Joker: The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! [laughs]

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Justice will be served, Joker.
Joker: Service with a smile?
[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it just in time.]
Batman: Clean up your act, Joker.
Joker: Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Thomas: You wicked, evil-
Poison Ivy: Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! That's evil!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Bruce: [to "Batman"] Here I am! I've been waiting for you! YOU did this to me!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]
Poison Ivy: This spray is triple strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! [Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands] He should be sprouting leaves by now!
Batman: [Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances] You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote!
Poison Ivy: Keep spraying!
[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[After Frankie kicks mud onto his suit, Harvey Dent switches personalities and attacks him]
Frankie: Hey!
[Dent tosses Frankie to the mud]
Dent: You little weasel! I'll tear you apart!
Frankie: Help! Get him off! He's crazy! Someone get him off me!
Policeman: Hey, give me some help here!
Dent: Kick mud on my face, will ya?!
Frankie: Help!
Gordon: Harvey! Get a hold of yourself!
Dent: Jim, I... I... I...
[The reporters stare at Dent, shocked]
Gordon: Come on, you don't need this kind of publicity.
Frankie: The guy's a maniac! He's the one who should be going to jail!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to lack of reliable evidence]
Bruce Wayne: [tries to restrain him] Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behaviour doesn't run well with the voters-

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Rupert Thorne: All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative.

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Bruce: [On a ledge, preparing to jump] You're wrong! There is a way out!
Mad Hatter: Now wait just a minute! Don't do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Gotham Police Officer: [After Bruce gets away from him by climbing a wall with a grappling hook] That guy moves like Batman!

TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series