Glee Quotes

Terri Schuester: I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. So, I want you to run any and all tests you have.
Doctor: Trust me, you're clear.

TV Show: Glee
Sam Evans: [about keeping to his strict dietary regimen] There's no carpool lane to sexy.

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Kurt Hummel: [after he Slushies himself] Someone get me to a day spa, stat! [the Glee girls rush him into the ladies' room]

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Mercedes Jones: Oh, Hell to the no! Look, I'm not down with all this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland!

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Sue Sylvester: Lady justice wept tonight.

TV Show: Glee
Will Schuester: [Rachel's sulking in the stands of the football field] You changed out of your costume.
Rachel Berry: I'm tired of being laughed at.
Will Schuester: You're the best kid in there, Rachel. It comes with a price.
Rachel Berry: Look, I know I'm just a sophomore, but I can feel the clock ticking away and I don't want to leave high school with nothing to show for it.
Will Schuester: You get great grades. You're a fantastic singer.
Rachel Berry: Everybody hates me.
Will Schuester: You think glee club is going to change that?
Rachel Berry: Being great at something is going to change it. Being part of something special makes you special, right?

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Sue: You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded. That's hard!

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Rachel: You might laugh because every time I sign my name I put a gold star after it, but it's a metaphor. And metaphors are important. My gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star.

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Rachel: I am not homophobic. In fact, I have two gay dads.

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Rachel: You might think that all of the boys in school would want to tap this, but my MySpace schedule keeps me way too busy to date.

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Rachel: Now-a-days being anonymous is worse than being poor. Fame is the most important thing in our culture now. And if there is one thing I've learned it is that no one is just going to hand it to you.

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Rachel: Mr. Schuester, do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to give the lead solo in "Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat" to a boy in a wheelchair?
Artie: I think Mr. Schuester is using irony to enhance the performance.
Rachel: There is nothing ironic about show choir!

TV Show: Glee
Rachel: Everybody hates me.
Will: And you think being in Glee Club is going to change that?
Rachel: Being great at something is going to change it. Being part of something special makes you special, right?

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Sue: These students are like a caste system. All the popular kids are in the penthouse. All the nerds playing wizards and trolls in the forest, bottom floor.
Will: Where do the kids in Glee lie?
Sue: Subbasement.

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Mercedes: Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

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Rachel: You're very talented.
Finn: Really?
Rachel: Yeah. I would know. I'm very talented too.

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Rachel: [to Finn] I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the hot, male lead, and me, the stunning, young ingenue everyone roots for.

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Puck: Hey, what's going on?
Finn: Ah, I just... I have to miss practice Saturday afternoon. It's my mom, I gotta help her cook and ah... do things.
Puck: Why?
Finn: She just had ah.. surgery.
Puck: What kind of surgery?
Finn: Ah... well... she had to have her prostate out.
Puck: Man, that's tough break.

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Tina: [after seeing Carmel High School's performance of "Rehab"] We're d-d-doomed.

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Puck: Chicks don't have prostates. I looked it up.

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Rachel: Look guys, these steps are not hard. I've been doing them since preschool!
Kurt: I'm sorry, did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you.
Rachel: I know what I'm talking about. I won my first dance competition when I was three months old!

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Finn: Look, I owe you guys an apology. I never should have quit. I don't want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people.
Rachel: That was you?
Kurt: You and your friends threw pee balloons at me.
Finn: I know.
Kurt: You nailed all my lawn furniture to my roof.
Finn: I wasn't actually there for that, but I'm really sorry.

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Sue: Iron tablet? Keeps your strength up while menstruating.
Will: I don't menstruate.
Sue: Yeah? Neither do I.

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Will: You're performing this song in front of the whole school at the assembly Friday.
Kurt: They're gonna throw fruit at us. And I JUST had a facial.
Rachel: I'll press charges if that happens!

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Sue: So here's the deal. You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy elderly mother: Euthanize it. It's their time.

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Sue: Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I've seen in twenty years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

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Rachel: So, why did you ask me to help you?
Finn: : Cause it's the only way I'm gonna be you.
Rachel: You think I'm good?
Finn: Yeah. I mean when we first met I thought you were intimidating, and that you talk way more than you should. I even looked under my bed to see if you were hiding there. [Sees Rachel is upset by this] But then I heard you sing. I don't know how to explain it, but it touched me... here. [puts his hand on his heart but, mistakenly puts it on his right side of his chest]
Rachel: You're heart is on this side of your chest [places her hand on Finn's and moves it to the left side of his chest. They look at each other]
Finn: It's beating really fast.
Rachel: Do you want a drink?
Finn: Yeah.
[Rachel takes two plastic cups, and pours the drinks]
Rachel: Virgin Cosmos
Finn: I like the cups. Like airplane cups.
[They stop drinking. Finn notices some of the Cosmo on Rachel's lip.]
Finn You've got a little Virgin Cosmo...[Finn wipes the drink away from Rachel's lip]
Rachel: You know, you can kiss me, if you want to.
Finn I want to.
[They kiss]

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Finn: You see anyone else in here with a plate of I'm Sorry cookies? I don't, just you.

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Henri St. Pierre (having lost both thumbs in an accident): I'll never hitchhike across Europe. That was a dream, man.

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Finn: Wait, what's a cliché? Is that a bad thing?

TV Show: Glee