Coronation Street Quotes
Eileen Grimshaw: Tracy Barlow! I mean, even her initials are a killer disease!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Rita Littlewood: [about Norris's secret book] The hero of his novel has got himself caught up in a menage-a-trois!
Emily Nugent: Oh, really!
Rita Littlewood: Emily, you do know what a menage-a-trois is?
Emily Nugent: I most certainly do!
Rita Littlewood: Oh. Well, the two women involved in this...
Emily Nugent: Love triangle?
Rita Littlewood: Yes. Are a mild-mannered church-goer called Emilia...
Emily Nugent: [subtly shocked] Oh.
Rita Littlewood: ...and a racy, Titian temptress called Reeba.
Emily Nugent: [suspicious] Oh.
Rita Littlewood: [reading from the novel] Norris jumped out of the moped as Emilia and Reeba alighted the side-car...
Emily Nugent: That's a big side-car!
Rita Littlewood: ... and hand in hand, the three of them ran barefoot through Chester Zoo. Atop the souvenir kiosk, Reeba belts out a quick rendition of Paper Moon, whilst Emilia chose this moment - for some solemn prayer.
Emily Nugent: It's not really a page-turner, is it?
Rita Littlewood: You wait till you hear what happens in the meercat enclosure!
Emily Nugent: I like meercats... I've a tea towel with some on - Norris knows that!
Emily Nugent: Oh, really!
Rita Littlewood: Emily, you do know what a menage-a-trois is?
Emily Nugent: I most certainly do!
Rita Littlewood: Oh. Well, the two women involved in this...
Emily Nugent: Love triangle?
Rita Littlewood: Yes. Are a mild-mannered church-goer called Emilia...
Emily Nugent: [subtly shocked] Oh.
Rita Littlewood: ...and a racy, Titian temptress called Reeba.
Emily Nugent: [suspicious] Oh.
Rita Littlewood: [reading from the novel] Norris jumped out of the moped as Emilia and Reeba alighted the side-car...
Emily Nugent: That's a big side-car!
Rita Littlewood: ... and hand in hand, the three of them ran barefoot through Chester Zoo. Atop the souvenir kiosk, Reeba belts out a quick rendition of Paper Moon, whilst Emilia chose this moment - for some solemn prayer.
Emily Nugent: It's not really a page-turner, is it?
Rita Littlewood: You wait till you hear what happens in the meercat enclosure!
Emily Nugent: I like meercats... I've a tea towel with some on - Norris knows that!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Shelley Unwin: [at the altar, Shelley has just told the vicar and congregation that she will not marry Charlie]
Charlie Stubbs: Sorry about this, mate. She's been having a few problems upstairs!
Shelley Unwin: Yes, I have, and I thought it was me but it's not. It's you, Charlie! I was okay till I met you. Everyone kept telling me you're destroying me, that you go with other women. And I kept denying it and denying it and denying it 'cos I was so scared of losing you. But you 'are' destroying me. You do go with other women. I've seen it with my own eyes! And you made me feel it was my fault! You made me feel scared, you made me feel inferior. I can't trust you! I can't marry you!
Blanche Hunt: Do you think they wrote their own vows?
Charlie Stubbs: Sorry about this, mate. She's been having a few problems upstairs!
Shelley Unwin: Yes, I have, and I thought it was me but it's not. It's you, Charlie! I was okay till I met you. Everyone kept telling me you're destroying me, that you go with other women. And I kept denying it and denying it and denying it 'cos I was so scared of losing you. But you 'are' destroying me. You do go with other women. I've seen it with my own eyes! And you made me feel it was my fault! You made me feel scared, you made me feel inferior. I can't trust you! I can't marry you!
Blanche Hunt: Do you think they wrote their own vows?
TV Show: Coronation Street
[Marvin and Ashley square up ahead of their big fight]
Marvin Maddocks: When the bell starts ringing and the trainer says Go, I'm telling you, girlie, there's something you ought to know. Your knees are going to tremble, your feet will turn to lead. I'm going to smack your nose into the back of your head.
Marvin Maddocks: When the bell starts ringing and the trainer says Go, I'm telling you, girlie, there's something you ought to know. Your knees are going to tremble, your feet will turn to lead. I'm going to smack your nose into the back of your head.
TV Show: Coronation Street
[Sally hands Kevin a leaflet]
Kevin Webster: "Websters' Auto Centre"?
Sally Seddon: Yeah, re-branding they call it. All the big firms are doing it. It's all about image these days. Now, the thing about flyers is it's all about the artwork and the larger the print run, the cheaper they are. You can claim it back on tax as an employment expense. I've had 10,000 run.
Kevin Webster: Sal! We are working flat out to try and get work done and you're wasting money!
Sally Seddon: Do you know what you sound like? You sound like a parent whose kids go to Weatherfield High, a parent with no ambition. But us, me and you, we are Oak Hill parents...
Kevin Webster: But what about the lads?
Sally Seddon: Never mind the lads. We'll take on some new staff, we'll expand, because all that matters is our girls. Our maths genius helped with all this. You've been too busy so I got Rosie to help me. I got three different quotes from three different printers, three different thicknesses of paper, one, two or three colours, and Rosie worked out all the different unit costs for me, so we've all been pulling our weight, which is why I need to talk to you about the apostrophe. Rosie was the one who spotted it, she's so sharp - I should have asked her to do the proof- reading. Anyway, it's only a little mistake and the printer's put it after the 'S' in Websters and now it looks like the auto centre belongs to all of the Websters instead of just you! It's going to cost another 300 quid to get it fixed, but I figure only bright spots like Rosie would notice and she's probably going to be your accountant in a few years' time and with you being so busy I'm going to have to start coming into the office and doing your admin full time, but don't worry Kevin I'm not expecting any wages, 'cos you'll still be in charge of the lad
Kevin Webster: "Websters' Auto Centre"?
Sally Seddon: Yeah, re-branding they call it. All the big firms are doing it. It's all about image these days. Now, the thing about flyers is it's all about the artwork and the larger the print run, the cheaper they are. You can claim it back on tax as an employment expense. I've had 10,000 run.
Kevin Webster: Sal! We are working flat out to try and get work done and you're wasting money!
Sally Seddon: Do you know what you sound like? You sound like a parent whose kids go to Weatherfield High, a parent with no ambition. But us, me and you, we are Oak Hill parents...
Kevin Webster: But what about the lads?
Sally Seddon: Never mind the lads. We'll take on some new staff, we'll expand, because all that matters is our girls. Our maths genius helped with all this. You've been too busy so I got Rosie to help me. I got three different quotes from three different printers, three different thicknesses of paper, one, two or three colours, and Rosie worked out all the different unit costs for me, so we've all been pulling our weight, which is why I need to talk to you about the apostrophe. Rosie was the one who spotted it, she's so sharp - I should have asked her to do the proof- reading. Anyway, it's only a little mistake and the printer's put it after the 'S' in Websters and now it looks like the auto centre belongs to all of the Websters instead of just you! It's going to cost another 300 quid to get it fixed, but I figure only bright spots like Rosie would notice and she's probably going to be your accountant in a few years' time and with you being so busy I'm going to have to start coming into the office and doing your admin full time, but don't worry Kevin I'm not expecting any wages, 'cos you'll still be in charge of the lad
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: The first episode. Elsie Tanner is fighting with her son Dennis.
Elsie Tanner(Patricia Phoenix): Sometimes I wish we were more like them Barlows. At least they're not rowin' all the time!
Elsie Tanner(Patricia Phoenix): Sometimes I wish we were more like them Barlows. At least they're not rowin' all the time!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: The second episode. Martha and Ena are discussing death.
Ena Sharples: Sometimes I think I am bout ready to go down to that cemetery.
Martha: Really?
Ena: I would just like to go the way me mother did.
Martha: Ooh, that were a beautiful ending.
Ena: Lovely - she just sat up, broke wind, and died.
Ena Sharples: Sometimes I think I am bout ready to go down to that cemetery.
Martha: Really?
Ena: I would just like to go the way me mother did.
Martha: Ooh, that were a beautiful ending.
Ena: Lovely - she just sat up, broke wind, and died.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Albert and Irma are talking about Val Barlow's sudden death in a fire.
Albert: I have lived my life. Why couldn't the Good Lord have taken me stead of our Valerie?
Irma: I think it has something to do with being born a Barlow or marrying a Barlow, life sure has it in for us.
Albert: I have lived my life. Why couldn't the Good Lord have taken me stead of our Valerie?
Irma: I think it has something to do with being born a Barlow or marrying a Barlow, life sure has it in for us.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Minnie is going to tell Albert that she does not want to marry him.
Albert Tatlock(Jack Howarth): Have you got summat to tell me?
Minnie Caldwell(Margot Bryant): Yes, Albert, I'm afraid I have.
Albert: Well, if you got summat to say, spit it out instead of rabbitin' on about nothin'.
Minnie: I am not rabbitin' on about nothin', Albert, I am definitely rabbitin' on about somethin'.
Albert: What?
Minnie: Our future life together. I don't think we got one.
Albert Tatlock(Jack Howarth): Have you got summat to tell me?
Minnie Caldwell(Margot Bryant): Yes, Albert, I'm afraid I have.
Albert: Well, if you got summat to say, spit it out instead of rabbitin' on about nothin'.
Minnie: I am not rabbitin' on about nothin', Albert, I am definitely rabbitin' on about somethin'.
Albert: What?
Minnie: Our future life together. I don't think we got one.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Annie Walker discusses the nobility of yesteryear with Fred Gee while sewing her Queen Elizabeth costume for the Jubilee celebrations.
Annie Walker(Doris Speed): They knew the meaning of magnificence.
Annie Walker(Doris Speed): They knew the meaning of magnificence.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: After a day at the Lake, Fred had sent Annie Walker's car in the lake, with Bet Lynch and Betty Turpin inside.
Bet Lynch(Julie Goodyear): Things were bad. You had more than enough to answer for before, but now...
Fred Gee(Fred Feast): Oh, belt up, will you?
Bet: ...you've done me and my gorgeous new outfit the final, the most unforgivable mischief! Not content with doing your damnedest to feed me to the flamin' fishes, you have put me down right slap bang in the middle of a flamin' cow plop!
Bet Lynch(Julie Goodyear): Things were bad. You had more than enough to answer for before, but now...
Fred Gee(Fred Feast): Oh, belt up, will you?
Bet: ...you've done me and my gorgeous new outfit the final, the most unforgivable mischief! Not content with doing your damnedest to feed me to the flamin' fishes, you have put me down right slap bang in the middle of a flamin' cow plop!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Steve, on the eve of his re-marriage to Karen, summarizes the plot so far for his twin brother Andy (who is revisiting the Street briefly to be Steve's best man). Of course it all falls apart at the wedding.
Steve MacDonald(Simon Gregson): I got Tracy Barlow pregnant, who stalked me, and cancelled my wedding behind my back. I've got a baby daughter nobody knows about, who is being looked after by the Croppers. Roy thinks he's the father, and so does his trans-sexual partner Hayley. ... I am officially the luckiest man alive. The Croppers are happy, Tracy is happy, and I'm getting married in the morning.
Steve MacDonald(Simon Gregson): I got Tracy Barlow pregnant, who stalked me, and cancelled my wedding behind my back. I've got a baby daughter nobody knows about, who is being looked after by the Croppers. Roy thinks he's the father, and so does his trans-sexual partner Hayley. ... I am officially the luckiest man alive. The Croppers are happy, Tracy is happy, and I'm getting married in the morning.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: After Tracy had cancelled Karen and Steve's wedding plans
Karen Macdonald(Suranne Jones) to Tracy Barlow (Kate Ford): Try any more stunts like that and I will be booking your funeral!
Karen Macdonald(Suranne Jones) to Tracy Barlow (Kate Ford): Try any more stunts like that and I will be booking your funeral!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Kelly flirts with the new mechanic.
Kelly Crabtree(Tupele Dorgu): I treat my body like a temple.
Janice Battersby(Vicky Entwistle): Open to everyone, day and night.
Kelly Crabtree(Tupele Dorgu): I treat my body like a temple.
Janice Battersby(Vicky Entwistle): Open to everyone, day and night.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Blanche is throwing Danny and Frankie out of her house without notice.
Frankie Baldwin(Debra Stephenson): You can't do that. It's illegal!
Blanche Hunt(Maggie Jones): Then sue me! (Slams her front door shut. Frankie looks through the letter box)
Frankie: You cannot kick us out of our house, you looney!
Danny Baldwin(Bradley Walsh): Get up Frankie. She won't hear you - she's as deaf as a post!
Blanche: I heard that!
Frankie Baldwin(Debra Stephenson): You can't do that. It's illegal!
Blanche Hunt(Maggie Jones): Then sue me! (Slams her front door shut. Frankie looks through the letter box)
Frankie: You cannot kick us out of our house, you looney!
Danny Baldwin(Bradley Walsh): Get up Frankie. She won't hear you - she's as deaf as a post!
Blanche: I heard that!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Jason and Sarah are having the mother of all rows.
Jason Grimshaw(Ryan Thomas): I don't know what I ever saw in you, you bunny boiling freak! Cheap sex whinging gob! Legs from heaven, personality from hell.
Jason Grimshaw(Ryan Thomas): I don't know what I ever saw in you, you bunny boiling freak! Cheap sex whinging gob! Legs from heaven, personality from hell.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Danny and Leanne are discussing Ken Barlow in the Rovers' prior to Mike's funeral.
Leanne: If he so much as looks at me wrong today, I'll bop him one.
Leanne: If he so much as looks at me wrong today, I'll bop him one.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Emily, Blanche and Norris are discussing Frankie and Danny Baldwins recent engagement.
Emily: Well, you know what they say. Third time lucky.
Blanche: They'll be lucky if they make it to the end of the reception.
Norris: Do jewellers do refunds?
Emily: Well, you know what they say. Third time lucky.
Blanche: They'll be lucky if they make it to the end of the reception.
Norris: Do jewellers do refunds?
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Sonny and Sean are thrashing out their situation.
Sean Tully(Antony Cotton): Get out, and go and ruin someone else's life. Your work here is done.
Sean Tully(Antony Cotton): Get out, and go and ruin someone else's life. Your work here is done.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Sean is the next person to feel Paul's wrath. The mincing machinist is thrown out of the factory.
Sean: And she's like, you know, "You stay at your side of the bar and I'll stay at mine" and that I love the girl to bits but, admit defeat.
Paul Connor(Sean Gallagher): Get out.
Fiz Brown(Jennie McAlpine): Oh come on it was just affectionate!
Paul: GET OUT!!!!
Sally Webster(Sally Whittaker): Hey, you can't do that!
Female 1: GET OFF HIM!
Female 2: What do you think you're playing at?
Paul: If you saw the state of her the night Ryan's dad died, if you had the slightest idea...
Sean: I know.
Paul: NO YOU DON'T KNOW! But for a second there we thought she might be happy again.
Liam Connor(Rob James-Collier): PAUL! That's enough!
Kelly: You ain't and you can't just blame Sean what about Sonny boy!
Paul: Yeah but then you come along a mate, and then you lied to her, you ruined her trust, AND BRING IT ALL FLOODING BACK TO HER!
Sean: I'm so sorry!
Paul: Prancing round my factory? Laughing at my sister? For this is a family business mate NOW GET OUT!!!!
Sean: And she's like, you know, "You stay at your side of the bar and I'll stay at mine" and that I love the girl to bits but, admit defeat.
Paul Connor(Sean Gallagher): Get out.
Fiz Brown(Jennie McAlpine): Oh come on it was just affectionate!
Paul: GET OUT!!!!
Sally Webster(Sally Whittaker): Hey, you can't do that!
Female 1: GET OFF HIM!
Female 2: What do you think you're playing at?
Paul: If you saw the state of her the night Ryan's dad died, if you had the slightest idea...
Sean: I know.
Paul: NO YOU DON'T KNOW! But for a second there we thought she might be happy again.
Liam Connor(Rob James-Collier): PAUL! That's enough!
Kelly: You ain't and you can't just blame Sean what about Sonny boy!
Paul: Yeah but then you come along a mate, and then you lied to her, you ruined her trust, AND BRING IT ALL FLOODING BACK TO HER!
Sean: I'm so sorry!
Paul: Prancing round my factory? Laughing at my sister? For this is a family business mate NOW GET OUT!!!!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Outside the salon, Sean says he has found the perfect man for Violet.
Sean: And I have found a perfect man for you.
Violet Wilson(Jenny Platt): You find that hard to believe.
Sean: I guarantee you won't be disappointed.
Violet: So when you know.
Sean: Kinda.
Violet: Well if he's so perfect for me then why is it taking so long to think of him?
Sean: Because sometimes you can't see what's under your snoz.
Violet: Well, what's his name?
Sean: Johnny.
Violet: Right, and where does he live?
Sean: In my pocket.
Violet: In your...
Sean: Johnny Depp. Pirates Of The Caribbean.
Violet: What can I say... the perfect man.
Sean: All you need is a bar of chocolate, a packet of crisps and a nice bottle of dry white and it's a perfect date.
Violet: Well I think that's exactly what I need - a disposable man, you can pop him back in the box when you're done with him.
Sean: Aw, it's nice to see you smile again.
Sean: And I have found a perfect man for you.
Violet Wilson(Jenny Platt): You find that hard to believe.
Sean: I guarantee you won't be disappointed.
Violet: So when you know.
Sean: Kinda.
Violet: Well if he's so perfect for me then why is it taking so long to think of him?
Sean: Because sometimes you can't see what's under your snoz.
Violet: Well, what's his name?
Sean: Johnny.
Violet: Right, and where does he live?
Sean: In my pocket.
Violet: In your...
Sean: Johnny Depp. Pirates Of The Caribbean.
Violet: What can I say... the perfect man.
Sean: All you need is a bar of chocolate, a packet of crisps and a nice bottle of dry white and it's a perfect date.
Violet: Well I think that's exactly what I need - a disposable man, you can pop him back in the box when you're done with him.
Sean: Aw, it's nice to see you smile again.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Sean arrives in the pub with a birthday card for Steve.
Sean: (singing) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday sorry it's late, happy birthday to you!
Steve: Thank you Sean.
Sean: Oh charming, I'll have it back.
Sean: Oooh, Michelle!
Sean: (singing) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday sorry it's late, happy birthday to you!
Steve: Thank you Sean.
Sean: Oh charming, I'll have it back.
Sean: Oooh, Michelle!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Eileen has spilled white wine on Sarah's already torn wedding dress to get the red wine stains out from which Sally had spilt onto moments before.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Gail(Helen Worth): What did you do that for?
Eileen(Sue Cleaver): It's white wine it gets red wine stains out.
Gail: On carpets, not on wedding dresses!
Eileen(Sue Cleaver): It's white wine it gets red wine stains out.
Gail: On carpets, not on wedding dresses!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Context: Ken is showing off his kimono at a dinner party to Deirdre, Liz, Lloyd and Blanche.
TV Show: Coronation Street
Blanche: Oh, for the love of God!
Ken Barlow(William Roache): OK. Come on. Let's have it. You've got a problem with this, I should imagine?
Blanche: A grown man, dressed as a Giesha? Have you gone stark staring mad?
Ken: It is no different to a dressing gown. I mean what. Is there a rule? "Thou shalt wear terry towelling in the North West of England"?
Blanche: There should be.
Lloyd Mullaney(Craig Charles): Oh come on, Blanche. If a man can't indulge his eccentricities at home, where can he indulge them?
Deirdre Barlow(Anne Kirkbride): I wouldn't mind if he didn't indulge them in front of guests.
Ken: Look it's not eccentric, it's Japanese and it makes me feel comfortable.
Liz MacDonald(Beverley Callard): Well I'm with the boys. I mean Lloyd wears all manner of weird and wonderful things.
Blanche: Well that's understandable. (Turns back to Ken) But Ken! Always got to be different. Always sniffing out controversy. Does Tennessee Williams wear kimono?
Ken: Tennessee Williams is dead!
Blanche: I'm not surprised!
Ken Barlow(William Roache): OK. Come on. Let's have it. You've got a problem with this, I should imagine?
Blanche: A grown man, dressed as a Giesha? Have you gone stark staring mad?
Ken: It is no different to a dressing gown. I mean what. Is there a rule? "Thou shalt wear terry towelling in the North West of England"?
Blanche: There should be.
Lloyd Mullaney(Craig Charles): Oh come on, Blanche. If a man can't indulge his eccentricities at home, where can he indulge them?
Deirdre Barlow(Anne Kirkbride): I wouldn't mind if he didn't indulge them in front of guests.
Ken: Look it's not eccentric, it's Japanese and it makes me feel comfortable.
Liz MacDonald(Beverley Callard): Well I'm with the boys. I mean Lloyd wears all manner of weird and wonderful things.
Blanche: Well that's understandable. (Turns back to Ken) But Ken! Always got to be different. Always sniffing out controversy. Does Tennessee Williams wear kimono?
Ken: Tennessee Williams is dead!
Blanche: I'm not surprised!
TV Show: Coronation Street
Blanche Hunt (to Steve MacDonald): That's the second fiance to chuck that ring away. You'd be better off buying a boomerang!
TV Show: Coronation Street