SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
Squidward: This isn't my show! Spongebob! The remote control's broken! Get over here and fix it!
SpongeBob: I've got a better idea! Why don't I call someone whose job it is to fix it? You know why? Because when I need a job done I get someone with a job to do that JOB!
Squidward: What are you saying?
SpongeBob: I've got a better idea! Why don't I call someone whose job it is to fix it? You know why? Because when I need a job done I get someone with a job to do that JOB!
Squidward: What are you saying?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Now you've ruined my appetite, go fetch me something to read!
Spongebob: Oh, ok, how about this! [Holds up job listings in newspaper]
Squidward: AH! You know i'm allergic to newsprint!
Spongebob: Oh, ok, how about this! [Holds up job listings in newspaper]
Squidward: AH! You know i'm allergic to newsprint!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: [on the phone] Donate to the Children's Fund? Why? What have children ever done for me?
SpongeBob: [ripping phone away] You want your dime back?! TAKE IT! Now Squidward can come back, right?
[Mr. Krabs inspects the dime]
Mr. Krabs: Wrong! That ain't me first dime!
SpongeBob: Then have some more dimes! I'VE GOT PLENTY OF 'EM!
Mr. Krabs: You can't put a price on me first dime! And I can't forgive that thieving bilge rat Squidward for stealing it!
[SpongeBob seizes Mr. Krabs by the throat and lifts him up into the air]
SpongeBob: Listen, you crustaceous cheapskate! Squidward's been living at my house, driving me crazy! [shaking Mr. Krabs] AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIRE HIM BACK, ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID DIME?!!
SpongeBob: [ripping phone away] You want your dime back?! TAKE IT! Now Squidward can come back, right?
[Mr. Krabs inspects the dime]
Mr. Krabs: Wrong! That ain't me first dime!
SpongeBob: Then have some more dimes! I'VE GOT PLENTY OF 'EM!
Mr. Krabs: You can't put a price on me first dime! And I can't forgive that thieving bilge rat Squidward for stealing it!
[SpongeBob seizes Mr. Krabs by the throat and lifts him up into the air]
SpongeBob: Listen, you crustaceous cheapskate! Squidward's been living at my house, driving me crazy! [shaking Mr. Krabs] AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIRE HIM BACK, ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID DIME?!!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: What are you saying?
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's obvious that you put the dime in me pants. Dimes don't just fly in people's pants.
Squidward: Are you accusing me of something?
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's obvious that you put the dime in me pants. Dimes don't just fly in people's pants.
Squidward: Are you accusing me of something?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: 1) You put the dime in me pants, 2) You put the dime in me pants, or 3) YOU PUT THE DIME IN ME PANTS!!!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: [after being fired from the Krusty Krab] I've lost my clothes, my house, EVERYTHING!!!
Spongebob: [gasps] Even your paintings?
Squidward: No one would take them, so I had to EAT THEM! [Squidward's stomach is shown in the shape of a picture frame]
Spongebob: [gasps] Even your paintings?
Squidward: No one would take them, so I had to EAT THEM! [Squidward's stomach is shown in the shape of a picture frame]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Sandy: SpongeBob's acting jumpier than a rattlesnake in a pickle barrel. Wait...what?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob, while karate-fighting Sandy, has accidentally landed in a picnicking family's potato salad]
Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad. [SpongeBob shoots away] THREE DAYS!
Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad. [SpongeBob shoots away] THREE DAYS!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob is ready to attack Sandy again, but then he realizes she is nowhere in sight]
SpongeBob: Sandy?
Sandy: Oh, I'm sandy, all right. [emerges from the sand beneath Spongebob's feet] I'm very sandy.
Spongebob: [while sent flying into the air] Oh, i get it, she's Sandy, that's also her name, and she's covered in....yes!
SpongeBob: Sandy?
Sandy: Oh, I'm sandy, all right. [emerges from the sand beneath Spongebob's feet] I'm very sandy.
Spongebob: [while sent flying into the air] Oh, i get it, she's Sandy, that's also her name, and she's covered in....yes!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob and Sandy come across a long line of tough-looking fish]
Sandy: Hey, what's everyone waitin' in line for?
Gruff Sailor Fish: Oh, wait, fair lass. It be the line to get into the Salty Spitoon, the roughest, toughest sailor club ever to be built under the seven seas. Only the baddest of the bad can get in. You need to have muscles. [reveals his powerful muscles] You need to have muscles on your muscles! [reveals smaller muscles on his larger muscles] You need to have muscles on your eyeballs! [sticks out his eyeballs and reveals his eyeball muscles]
SpongeBob: Eww.
Sandy: Hey, what's everyone waitin' in line for?
Gruff Sailor Fish: Oh, wait, fair lass. It be the line to get into the Salty Spitoon, the roughest, toughest sailor club ever to be built under the seven seas. Only the baddest of the bad can get in. You need to have muscles. [reveals his powerful muscles] You need to have muscles on your muscles! [reveals smaller muscles on his larger muscles] You need to have muscles on your eyeballs! [sticks out his eyeballs and reveals his eyeball muscles]
SpongeBob: Eww.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?
Sandy: How tough am I? [rips off his tattoo, which reads "MOM", off his chest and puts it back upside down, so that it now reads "WOW"]
SpongeBob: Wow...
Sandy: Got any more tattoos?
Reg: Uh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead in.
Sandy: How tough am I? [rips off his tattoo, which reads "MOM", off his chest and puts it back upside down, so that it now reads "WOW"]
SpongeBob: Wow...
Sandy: Got any more tattoos?
Reg: Uh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead in.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?
SpongeBob: How tough am I? You got a bottle of ketchup?
Reg: Sure. [hands SpongeBob a bottle of ketchup]
SpongeBob: It's on! [takes the bottle and struggles to open it] Now if I could run this under some hot water...
Reg: Get outta here!
SpongeBob: How tough am I? You got a bottle of ketchup?
Reg: Sure. [hands SpongeBob a bottle of ketchup]
SpongeBob: It's on! [takes the bottle and struggles to open it] Now if I could run this under some hot water...
Reg: Get outta here!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Robotic Waiter: Care for another sundae, weenie?
SpongeBob: I am not a weenie!
Nerd 1: Relax, you're among friends.
SpongeBob: My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr.'s!
Patrick: [slurping a soda] You tell 'em, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing here?!
Patrick: I'm always here on Double Weenie Wednesday.
Nerd 1: Actually they moved Double Weenie Wednesday to Friday.
Nerd 2: And besides, today's Monday.
Patrick: Oh, so it's Mega Weenie Monday?
Nerd 1: Uh, that's now on Sunday.
Patrick: Barnicles!
Nerd 2: Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s has a Mega Weenie Monday.
Nerd 1: Uh, no, you're thinking of Monster Weenie Monday
SpongeBob: I don't have time for this!
SpongeBob: I am not a weenie!
Nerd 1: Relax, you're among friends.
SpongeBob: My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr.'s!
Patrick: [slurping a soda] You tell 'em, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing here?!
Patrick: I'm always here on Double Weenie Wednesday.
Nerd 1: Actually they moved Double Weenie Wednesday to Friday.
Nerd 2: And besides, today's Monday.
Patrick: Oh, so it's Mega Weenie Monday?
Nerd 1: Uh, that's now on Sunday.
Patrick: Barnicles!
Nerd 2: Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s has a Mega Weenie Monday.
Nerd 1: Uh, no, you're thinking of Monster Weenie Monday
SpongeBob: I don't have time for this!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Nerd 1: Hey, how come you never help us with any of our problems?
Robotic Waiter: I am a robot, not a miracle worker.
Robotic Waiter: I am a robot, not a miracle worker.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: This is the happiest day of my life! [runs into Salty Spitoon]
[Cuts away to the inside of ambulance, where SpongeBob is injured and Sandy stands beside him]
SpongeBob: Sandy? [groans] What happened?
Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: [at hospital] What happened?
SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: Boo-boos, eh? Hmm... I think you guys want that hospital. [points to other building]
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut General?!
[Cuts away to the inside of ambulance, where SpongeBob is injured and Sandy stands beside him]
SpongeBob: Sandy? [groans] What happened?
Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: [at hospital] What happened?
SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: Boo-boos, eh? Hmm... I think you guys want that hospital. [points to other building]
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut General?!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Please, Mr. Krabs, you got to help me! When they get here tonight, they’re going to see I’m just a big phony and a loser!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the world’s smallest violin. (moves his fingers and music plays)
Squidward: This is serious.
Mr. Krabs: I know, this really is the world’s smallest violin. (violin is shown) See?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the world’s smallest violin. (moves his fingers and music plays)
Squidward: This is serious.
Mr. Krabs: I know, this really is the world’s smallest violin. (violin is shown) See?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Squi...Squi...Squi...Squilliam? [picture of a unibrow appears over his head] The guy that made millions, doing what you wish you could do?
Squidward: Don't rub it in.
Mr. Krabs: Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners
Squidward: Don't rub it in.
Mr. Krabs: Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Inside Spongebob's thoughts: Just got an order from the boss: dump everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining!
Spongebobs: Everything?!
Boss Spongebob: Everything! Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?
Other Spongebob: You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.
Boss Spongebob: One more crack like that, and you're outta here!
Other Spongebob: No! Please! I have three kids!
Spongebobs: Everything?!
Boss Spongebob: Everything! Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?
Other Spongebob: You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.
Boss Spongebob: One more crack like that, and you're outta here!
Other Spongebob: No! Please! I have three kids!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Squidward's father... never hugged him... isn't that sad?
Mr. Krabs: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can hug himself DURING HIS BREAK!
Mr. Krabs: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can hug himself DURING HIS BREAK!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs. But how?
SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
Squidward: They poop on the robot?
SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
Squidward: They poop on the robot?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Spongebob, I never thought I'd say this, but, let's get that poop!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instant!
Squidward: Shut up! (slaps Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?
Squidward: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (slaps him again)
SpongeBob: I can't take it! (runs off, crying)
Squidward: SpongeBob, are you okay?
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!
Squidward: No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. (Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair)
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
SpongeBob: Right. (slaps Mr. Krabs)
Squidward: SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (slaps him again)
Squidward: SpongeBob, let me handle this. (turns a light on Mr. Krabs) Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. (Squid slaps him again)
Squidward: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
SpongeBob: This is one stubborn robot.
Mr. Krabs: (yells) WHAT?! (his yelling knocks over the light) YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!
Squidward: We don't think; we know.
Squidward: Shut up! (slaps Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?
Squidward: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (slaps him again)
SpongeBob: I can't take it! (runs off, crying)
Squidward: SpongeBob, are you okay?
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!
Squidward: No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. (Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair)
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
SpongeBob: Right. (slaps Mr. Krabs)
Squidward: SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (slaps him again)
Squidward: SpongeBob, let me handle this. (turns a light on Mr. Krabs) Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. (Squid slaps him again)
Squidward: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
SpongeBob: This is one stubborn robot.
Mr. Krabs: (yells) WHAT?! (his yelling knocks over the light) YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!
Squidward: We don't think; we know.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: I want to be the mom!
SpongeBob: I don't think you can be the mom, Patrick, because you never wear a shirt.
Patrick: You're right. if I was a mom... [the camera draws back to reveal Patrick's hairy, obese, unsightly form] ...this would be kind of shocking. [lifts his arms, revealing armpit hair] Just call me Daddy!
SpongeBob: I don't think you can be the mom, Patrick, because you never wear a shirt.
Patrick: You're right. if I was a mom... [the camera draws back to reveal Patrick's hairy, obese, unsightly form] ...this would be kind of shocking. [lifts his arms, revealing armpit hair] Just call me Daddy!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Patrick and SpongeBob are having a huge fight when the scallop's chirping interrupts them]
Patrick: There's that stupid noise again!
SpongeBob: Oh, that's not a stupid noise. That's just Junior about to jump out of the two-story window.
[Patrick and SpongeBob see Junior teetering on the edge of the window of SpongeBob's house]
Patrick: Oh.
[All at once Patrick and Spongebob are struck by what's happening]
Patrick & SpongeBob: JUNIOR!!!!!
Patrick: There's that stupid noise again!
SpongeBob: Oh, that's not a stupid noise. That's just Junior about to jump out of the two-story window.
[Patrick and SpongeBob see Junior teetering on the edge of the window of SpongeBob's house]
Patrick: Oh.
[All at once Patrick and Spongebob are struck by what's happening]
Patrick & SpongeBob: JUNIOR!!!!!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Did you catch him?
Patrick: [looking sadly at his empty hands] No.
Patrick & SpongeBob: [crying] We're bad parents!
Patrick: [looking sadly at his empty hands] No.
Patrick & SpongeBob: [crying] We're bad parents!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[As SpongeBob and Patrick watch the scallop fly away]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, he doesn't need us anymore.
Patrick: This is the hardest part of every parent's life, I assume.
SpongeBob: Despite all we've been through, it was worth it.
Patrick: Yeah... Let's have another!
[SpongeBob looks alarmed]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, he doesn't need us anymore.
Patrick: This is the hardest part of every parent's life, I assume.
SpongeBob: Despite all we've been through, it was worth it.
Patrick: Yeah... Let's have another!
[SpongeBob looks alarmed]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Mr. Krabs sees the pandemonium SpongeBob and Patrick are causing in the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: What the devilfish is going on here? Time is money! And if you boys is wasting time, then you're wasting money! And that's just sick.
SpongeBob: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?
[Squidward smiles sheepishly and hides his face behind the magazine he's reading]
Mr. Krabs: What the devilfish is going on here? Time is money! And if you boys is wasting time, then you're wasting money! And that's just sick.
SpongeBob: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?
[Squidward smiles sheepishly and hides his face behind the magazine he's reading]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants