SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
Squidward: Nobody cares about the fate of laborers as long as they can get their instant gratification.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [singing] We're goin' on strike, we're goin' on strike! I still don't know what "strike" means...but we're goin' on strike! [accidentally kicks Mr. Krabs]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: I'll never survive in prison! They'll mop the floor with me!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: [after finding out that the health inspector isn't dead after all, and that the Krusty Krab has passed the health inspection] Come on, everybody! Krabby Patties at half price! Well, not really.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Narrator: [at the end] Well, that's the story. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Krusty Krab is unfair. Mr. Krabs is in there, standing at the consession, plotting? his opression.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Oh yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the magic conch? The conch is the one who gave us this banquet. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization.
Patrick: Maybe he's not a brother.
Squidward: Hey, you guys got it all wrong. I love this... piece of plastic.
SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the magic conch? The conch is the one who gave us this banquet. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization.
Patrick: Maybe he's not a brother.
Squidward: Hey, you guys got it all wrong. I love this... piece of plastic.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: I'll have you know, I am a member of over twenty exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom!
Patrick: What'd he say?
SpongeBob: I don't know, something about his nose?
Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will never fit in!
Patrick: What'd he say?
SpongeBob: I don't know, something about his nose?
Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will never fit in!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Magic Conch? What do we do to escape the kelp forest?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Patrick: The shell has spoken!
Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do nothing! [sees that they are doing nothing; groans angrily]
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Patrick: The shell has spoken!
Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do nothing! [sees that they are doing nothing; groans angrily]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Forest Ranger: Okay, Magic Conch, what do we do now?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Spongebob, Patrick & Forest Ranger: All hail the Magic Conch!(sit down and do nothing)
Squidward: [looks defeated and exhausted] All... hail... the Magic Conch!(sits down with them)
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Spongebob, Patrick & Forest Ranger: All hail the Magic Conch!(sit down and do nothing)
Squidward: [looks defeated and exhausted] All... hail... the Magic Conch!(sits down with them)
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Karen projects holographic meatloaf, Plankton pokes it with a fork]
Plankton: Oh goodie, holographic meatloaf again. [slams fist on table] When do I get to have some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to have real food. Just look at his daughter-- she's as big as a whale!
Plankton: Oh goodie, holographic meatloaf again. [slams fist on table] When do I get to have some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to have real food. Just look at his daughter-- she's as big as a whale!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Plankton: All mine... it's finally all mine... the patties... the wealth... the noteriety... the- [notices Spongebob] SpongeBob? What are you doing here?
SpongeBob: Um... Well, sir, just that it's Tuesday again, and I was hoping for...my... [quickly] weekly performance review.
Plankton: Review? But I've never reviewed anything...except for those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.
SpongeBob: Um... Well, sir, just that it's Tuesday again, and I was hoping for...my... [quickly] weekly performance review.
Plankton: Review? But I've never reviewed anything...except for those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: I tried, Mr. Plankton... I really did...
Plankton: What?!
SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the Krusty Krab name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! [continues]
Plankton: [points finger at SpongeBob] I command you to stop that. Stop that at once! [pokes at SpongeBob] Where's the off button on this thing?!
Pearl: That's it, daddy! I've decided I'm going to run away! Run away and find a new daddy!
Plankton: MAKE IT STOP! [an alarm goes off] What, did I say the secret word?
Plankton: What?!
SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the Krusty Krab name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! [continues]
Plankton: [points finger at SpongeBob] I command you to stop that. Stop that at once! [pokes at SpongeBob] Where's the off button on this thing?!
Pearl: That's it, daddy! I've decided I'm going to run away! Run away and find a new daddy!
Plankton: MAKE IT STOP! [an alarm goes off] What, did I say the secret word?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: With imagination, I can be anything I want. A pirate. [pretends to be a pirate] Argh! A football player! [pretends to be a football player] Hup!
Patrick: A starfish!
Squidward: Patrick, you're already a starfish.
Patrick: See, Squidward, it works!
Patrick: A starfish!
Squidward: Patrick, you're already a starfish.
Patrick: See, Squidward, it works!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: But sir, there's gotta be something I need to improve on... ANYTHING!
Plankton: All right, the sauce.
SpongeBob: [takes a step back] What...?
Plankton: The sauce, you're usin' too much sauce. Okay? Review's over.
[SpongeBob's eyes grow squinted and slanted, lips become distorted, and starts to spasm back and forth with his arms, making noises as if he's about to sob]
Plankton: What's wrong with you? All I said was a little too much sauce, it's no big deal, really. Aah, what do you want from me, a promotion?!
SpongeBob: [turns instantly normal] A promo- a promo- A PROMOTION?!
Plankton: Eeh, sure, kid. You're uh... you're on register now.
SpongeBob: [a lit fuse having appeared as if he were a bomb][gasps] Register? [explodes]
Plankton: Glad that's over.
Plankton: All right, the sauce.
SpongeBob: [takes a step back] What...?
Plankton: The sauce, you're usin' too much sauce. Okay? Review's over.
[SpongeBob's eyes grow squinted and slanted, lips become distorted, and starts to spasm back and forth with his arms, making noises as if he's about to sob]
Plankton: What's wrong with you? All I said was a little too much sauce, it's no big deal, really. Aah, what do you want from me, a promotion?!
SpongeBob: [turns instantly normal] A promo- a promo- A PROMOTION?!
Plankton: Eeh, sure, kid. You're uh... you're on register now.
SpongeBob: [a lit fuse having appeared as if he were a bomb][gasps] Register? [explodes]
Plankton: Glad that's over.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Plankton: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! [rips off shirt] It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Larry: [on being a lifeguard] You know, SpongeBob, the girls and the big chair are great, but the best part is knowing that you're the only thing standing between these good people [cuts to annual hot dog chug, then back] and a watery grave. And that's what it's all about. Their lives are in your hands now... 'Cause I got a date with a tanning booth!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: I'm every bit as cool as Larry. And if I'm not, let me be struck by-- [lightning flashes overhead] --a flying ice cream truck! [a flying ice cream truck plummets in Spongebob's direction] AND LIVE!
[The flying ice cream truck stops just above SpongeBob, then drops onto him gently]
Larry: [through megaphone] PLEASE DO NOT LAND FLYING ICE CREAM TRUCKS ON THE BATHERS.
[The flying ice cream truck stops just above SpongeBob, then drops onto him gently]
Larry: [through megaphone] PLEASE DO NOT LAND FLYING ICE CREAM TRUCKS ON THE BATHERS.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: Being a lifeguard is so dumb! All they do is blow, blow, blow on their stupid whistles, rub, rub, rub that white stuff on their noses, and show off their GROSS, MISSHAPEN BODIES!!
[Patrick's enormous belly pops into view]
Fish: Dude, put that thing away! There are, like, children here!
[Patrick tucks his belly into his pants, then his feet triple in size]
Patrick: (angrily) I'm going to the snack bar.
[Patrick's enormous belly pops into view]
Fish: Dude, put that thing away! There are, like, children here!
[Patrick tucks his belly into his pants, then his feet triple in size]
Patrick: (angrily) I'm going to the snack bar.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Besides, what's the worst that can happen? [imagines everybody in the lake turning into tombstones]AHHHHH!![runs into the lifeguard tower, rings the bell, and screams into the megaphone] EMERGENCY! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WATER!!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: Help, help! I'm drowning, I've got butt cramps, I still want ice cream, and now it's daaaark!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: But it's good for you.
Squidward: Good for you? That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
SpongeBob: No, Squidward, I meant...good for your soul.
[A halo appears over Spongebob's head, and a heavenly background is displayed. An angelic choir is heard singing serenely]
Squidward: Oh, please! I have no soul.
[Background turns to flames; an evil, demonic laugh is heard. Squidward gets a shocked look on his face]
Squidward: Good for you? That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
SpongeBob: No, Squidward, I meant...good for your soul.
[A halo appears over Spongebob's head, and a heavenly background is displayed. An angelic choir is heard singing serenely]
Squidward: Oh, please! I have no soul.
[Background turns to flames; an evil, demonic laugh is heard. Squidward gets a shocked look on his face]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Hey, everyone! Squidward says he doesn't like Krabby Patties! Haw!
[Everyone laughs]
Squidward: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say...
Customers: The only people who don't like a Krabby Patty have never tasted one!
[Everyone laughs]
Squidward: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say...
Customers: The only people who don't like a Krabby Patty have never tasted one!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [trying to get Squidward to eat a Krabby Patty] If you try it, you'll love it!
Squidward: Try one of those radioactive sludge balls you call food? Next, I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick!
SpongeBob: [to Patrick, who is dressed as a cowboy] Sorry, Patrick.
[Patrick whimpers and walks away]
Squidward: Try one of those radioactive sludge balls you call food? Next, I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick!
SpongeBob: [to Patrick, who is dressed as a cowboy] Sorry, Patrick.
[Patrick whimpers and walks away]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [holding the Krabby Patty out to Squidward while Squidward is in the restroom] Just smell it!
Squidward: If I didn't want it out there, what makes you think I find it more appealing In here?!
Squidward: If I didn't want it out there, what makes you think I find it more appealing In here?!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: [snatching the Krabby Patty away] Give me that! When I die, you stay away from my funeral.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: (hands a customer his tray of food) Here you go, sir. A King Size Ultra Krabby Supreme with the works, double batter fried on a stick. (puts a stick into the food)
Harold: Thanks! (walks off)
Squidward: Barnacle head. (Harold comes back)
Harold: Pardon me?
Squidward: (holds up a mayonnaise bottle) You forgot your mayonnaise. (sets it on the harold’s tray)
Harold: Thanks. (walks off and sits at his table)
Harold: Thanks! (walks off)
Squidward: Barnacle head. (Harold comes back)
Harold: Pardon me?
Squidward: (holds up a mayonnaise bottle) You forgot your mayonnaise. (sets it on the harold’s tray)
Harold: Thanks. (walks off and sits at his table)
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants