Only Fools and Horses Quotes
Del Boy: As dear old Mum used to say, "It's better to know you've lost than not to know you've won." Dear old Mum... she used to say some bloody stupid things.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: I'm not a ruthless mercenary. Who is it that goes around the estate every Christmas time, making sure all the old people have got enough to eat and drink?
Rodney: Yeah, and who was it, during the Brixton riot, that drove down in the van, selling paving stones to the rioters? I mean, what did you think they were going to do with them, eh? All run off home and start building patios?
Del Boy: Mine is not to reason why, mine is to sell and buy.
Rodney: Yeah, and who was it, during the Brixton riot, that drove down in the van, selling paving stones to the rioters? I mean, what did you think they were going to do with them, eh? All run off home and start building patios?
Del Boy: Mine is not to reason why, mine is to sell and buy.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Rodney: And what have we got in this country to combat the might of the Soviet Union? Three Jump Jets and a strongly worded letter to the Russian ambassador.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Rodney: I'd never wear a British uniform on principle.
Del Boy: What principle?
Rodney: Well, on the principle that the Russians might shoot at it.
Del Boy: What principle?
Rodney: Well, on the principle that the Russians might shoot at it.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: How are we doing for time Rodney?
Rodney: (looking at his watch) Erm, we died 45 seconds ago.
Rodney: (looking at his watch) Erm, we died 45 seconds ago.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Grandad: I don't know why they have these drug addiction centres. Aren't there enough drug addicts about as it is? Without them recruiting them.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: (to Rodney, in the Monte Carlo Club) I've heard your line of patter my son. If they don't know Adam Ant's birthday or the Chelsea result it's goodnight Vienna, innit?
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Grandad: You've always been a bad 'un, Rodney.
Rodney: What, 'cos I didn't wear a crash helmet?
Grandad: I mean smoking mari-jew-arna!
Rodney: What, 'cos I didn't wear a crash helmet?
Grandad: I mean smoking mari-jew-arna!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Heather: (after listening to Old Shep) Did you have an old dog?
Del Boy: I've had many old dogs in my time!
Del Boy: I've had many old dogs in my time!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: There are 2,000 stories in the Naked City and this plonker is looking for a basket on wheels.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: (after Rodney goes on a date with a policewoman) One minute you're walking along quite nicely, and the next minute... Whack! Life jumps out and gives you sobering thoughts.
Grandad: Oh, I've had a lot of sobering thoughts in my time, Del Boy. It were them that started me drinking.
Del Boy: Yeah, I can understand that. The boy's grown into a man. I don't, I don't feel as needed as I used to be. Soon he'll, he'll fly the nest! But you know what the most sobering thought of the lot is? One wrong word from that plonker Rodney and I could end up doing five years!
Grandad: Oh, I've had a lot of sobering thoughts in my time, Del Boy. It were them that started me drinking.
Del Boy: Yeah, I can understand that. The boy's grown into a man. I don't, I don't feel as needed as I used to be. Soon he'll, he'll fly the nest! But you know what the most sobering thought of the lot is? One wrong word from that plonker Rodney and I could end up doing five years!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Grandad: (to Sandra) Rodney's got a police record!
Del Boy: That's right, it's "Walking on the Moon"!
Del Boy: That's right, it's "Walking on the Moon"!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Sandra: Now, what do you think my commanding officer would do if he found me in possession of stolen property?
Rodney: Put you in charge of the Christmas Club more like.
Rodney: Put you in charge of the Christmas Club more like.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Sandra: I'll give you 24 hours breathing space time to shall we say spring clean your flat and after that I'm coming round with the CID, That's 24 hours Rodney".
Rodney: Reminds me of that Gene Pitney song you know "24 Hours from Dartmoor".
Rodney: Reminds me of that Gene Pitney song you know "24 Hours from Dartmoor".
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Trigger: You knew my granddad, Arthur, didn't you?
Granddad: Oh yeah, I knew Arthur alright.
Trigger: He was a smashing man. He took care of me after my mum went.
Rodney: Where was your dad?
Trigger: He died a couple of years before I was born.
Granddad: Oh yeah, I knew Arthur alright.
Trigger: He was a smashing man. He took care of me after my mum went.
Rodney: Where was your dad?
Trigger: He died a couple of years before I was born.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Rodney: It's Arthur's Ashes!
Del Boy: Arthur's Ashes? That's the black bloke who won Wimbledon innit?
Del Boy: Arthur's Ashes? That's the black bloke who won Wimbledon innit?
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: Do you Know any hymns?
Rodney: Er "We Three Kings of Orient Are".
Del Boy & Rodney: (singing) We Three Kings...
Del Boy: (suddenly stops) That's a Christmas carol, you wally.
Rodney: Er "We Three Kings of Orient Are".
Del Boy & Rodney: (singing) We Three Kings...
Del Boy: (suddenly stops) That's a Christmas carol, you wally.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Grandad: You play cards again last night?
Del Boy: Hmm... Yeah. You know me, eh: he who dares, wins.
Grandad: How did you get on?
Del Boy: I lost.
Del Boy: Hmm... Yeah. You know me, eh: he who dares, wins.
Grandad: How did you get on?
Del Boy: I lost.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: Beneath all this finery, there lies... a berk. Now that surprises you dunnit?
Rodney: No.
Rodney: No.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Boycie: Is that all you've got Del?
Del Boy: uh no, no (nudging his head towards Rodney), Rodney's got the rest of it...
Rodney: Have I? Oh yeah... here's the four pounds thirty-two pence for the empties I took back...
Del Boy: uh no, no (nudging his head towards Rodney), Rodney's got the rest of it...
Rodney: Have I? Oh yeah... here's the four pounds thirty-two pence for the empties I took back...
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: What you got?
Boycie: I've got kings.
Del Boy: How many?
Boycie: Un, deux, tois, quatre.
Del Boy: FOUR!?
Boycie: I didn't know you were good at maths Del Boy.
Boycie: I've got kings.
Del Boy: How many?
Boycie: Un, deux, tois, quatre.
Del Boy: FOUR!?
Boycie: I didn't know you were good at maths Del Boy.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Boycie: Come on Del, let's see your two pair.
Del Boy: Well I've got a pair of aces and another pair of aces.
Boycie: That's FOUR aces.
Del Boy: I didn't know you were good at maths either Boycie.
Del Boy: Well I've got a pair of aces and another pair of aces.
Boycie: That's FOUR aces.
Del Boy: I didn't know you were good at maths either Boycie.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Boycie: (grudgingly) Well done, Del. Nicely played. (whispers) Where did you get those four bloody Aces from?
Del Boy: Same place you got those Kings. I knew you was cheating, Boycie.
Boycie: Oh yeah, how?
Del Boy: Because that wasn't the hand that I dealt you.
Del Boy: Same place you got those Kings. I knew you was cheating, Boycie.
Boycie: Oh yeah, how?
Del Boy: Because that wasn't the hand that I dealt you.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Rodney: (to himself on spotting that picture of Tommy whilst alone in the room) Bloody Hell, he's a big bloke!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Irene: You'd better tell me your name, it'll get a bit embarrasing if I have to call you "Thingy" all night!
Rodney: My name's Rodney.
Irene: Irene.
Rodney: No, Rodney.
Rodney: My name's Rodney.
Irene: Irene.
Rodney: No, Rodney.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: How old is she, 20?
Rodney: No, she's about, 30!
Del Boy: How old is "about 30"?
Rodney: 40!
Del Boy: (coughing) 40! 40? Stone me Rodney.
Rodney: What's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
Del Boy: Nothing. Nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey, she's even too old for me!
Grandad: Well I'd have to think twice!
Rodney: No, she's about, 30!
Del Boy: How old is "about 30"?
Rodney: 40!
Del Boy: (coughing) 40! 40? Stone me Rodney.
Rodney: What's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
Del Boy: Nothing. Nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey, she's even too old for me!
Grandad: Well I'd have to think twice!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: Oh, but it was only a friendly drink.
Tommy Mackay: But I'm not a friendly geezer. And that kind of thing makes me really angry! I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll remember for the rest of your life, Rodney, my old son!
Del Boy: Now let's not be hasty, eh? Rodney? Did you say Rodney?
Tommy Mackay: Yeah that's right, Rodney Trotter, that's you, annit?
Del Boy: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah I'm... I'm Rodney Trotter, yeah!
Tommy: Good, okay, Leroy, give him some air!
Del Boy: (to Tommy and Leroy after his camel coat lands in a puddle before the fight) Now look what you made do! That was a brand new coat!!
Tommy Mackay: But I'm not a friendly geezer. And that kind of thing makes me really angry! I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll remember for the rest of your life, Rodney, my old son!
Del Boy: Now let's not be hasty, eh? Rodney? Did you say Rodney?
Tommy Mackay: Yeah that's right, Rodney Trotter, that's you, annit?
Del Boy: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah I'm... I'm Rodney Trotter, yeah!
Tommy: Good, okay, Leroy, give him some air!
Del Boy: (to Tommy and Leroy after his camel coat lands in a puddle before the fight) Now look what you made do! That was a brand new coat!!
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Del Boy: It's quiet here.
Rodney: (not really listening to what Del Boy is saying) Yeah...
Del Boy: Peaceful.
Rodney: Yeah.
Del Boy: You're decorating the kitchen of a Chinese take away tomorrow.
Rodney: Yeah...
Del Boy: The sun is shining and the birds are singing.
Rodney: (realises what Del Boy has said) What was that?
Del Boy: The sun is shinging and the birds are singing?
Rodney: No, before that.
Del Boy: Everything's quiet and peaceful?
Rodney: No Del, in between everything being quiet and peaceful and the sun shining and the birds signing, you said something about a Chinese take away?
Rodney: (not really listening to what Del Boy is saying) Yeah...
Del Boy: Peaceful.
Rodney: Yeah.
Del Boy: You're decorating the kitchen of a Chinese take away tomorrow.
Rodney: Yeah...
Del Boy: The sun is shining and the birds are singing.
Rodney: (realises what Del Boy has said) What was that?
Del Boy: The sun is shinging and the birds are singing?
Rodney: No, before that.
Del Boy: Everything's quiet and peaceful?
Rodney: No Del, in between everything being quiet and peaceful and the sun shining and the birds signing, you said something about a Chinese take away?
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses
Mr Chin: This man phone me. He does not give me his name but he say to me, "Get your kitchen painted or you'll be in big trouble John."
Rodney: Oh. (penny drops) John?
Del Boy: Yeah, John. You know the expression John. Cockney expression bruv.
Rodney: Oh. (penny drops) John?
Del Boy: Yeah, John. You know the expression John. Cockney expression bruv.
TV Show: Only Fools and Horses