Nip Tuck Quotes

Patient (looking at a model walking by): How do you improve on that, huh?
Christian: Oh, there are ways. Believe me.
Patient: [referring to Christian's broken nose] Can I ask you how...?
Christian: Bedroom acrobatics.
Patient: Are you here to get it reset?
Christian: That's for wimps. I'm here to consult with Dr. Jordan about a surgical technique. She's a colleague of mine.

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Dr. Jordan: I couldn't believe it when I saw your name on my appointment sheet. What happened to your nose?
Christian: That's why I'm here. I broke it during a game of hoops with the boys. I'm looking to have a rhinoplasty A.S.A.P. How's your schedule?

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Dr. Jordan: No moles, but I'd recommend some lipo for those hips.
Christian: Are you saying I have love handles? I do not have love handles.
Dr. Jordan: Not that they are noticeable to the untrained eye, but to a professional...
Christian: Hey, I am a professional, sweetheart. Don't try and sell me something I don't need. Men half my age want to look as good as this, okay? You're the one who needs work done, doctor. Lasik.

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Sean: [discussing Manya] I don't think this is something we can do!
Christian: Look, Sean, you may be the expert on nerve reattachment, but I'm a goddamn genius when it comes to pussy. If I build it, she will come.

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Christian: [giving Sean bedroom advice] Have you tried doing the alphabet? Women are right-brained. They are instinctive and verbal. Want to be a better lover? Work on your language skills.

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Sean: [about women's orgasms] We´ll never really know what gets them off just like they´ll never know what it´s like to have a hard-on. It´s like trying to describe the sky to a blind man. We´re just groping in the dark.

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Christian: The procedure is rare. This has nothing to do with your competence as a surgeon.
Sean: Or your technique as a lover.

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Gina: [to Christian] In case you have forgotton, there is no law against having multiple sexual partners, or you will be on death row.

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Sean McNamara: Remember, We're treating a patient here, not just a vagina.
Christian Troy: That's easy for you to say. You've never been with Vagina Gina!

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Christian: [to Mrs. Grubman] Tell me what you don't like about yourself...again.

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Young Doctor: [referring to Sean, who's just survived a car accident] Hey, that's my patient!
Christian: And he's my partner and best friend. Why would I leave his mug in your inexperienced hands? I have pubic hair older than you!

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Christian: There's a difference between being a pussy and being respectful of fear. It's what reminds me to slide on a johnny hat every time I perform a slipindicktomy on a woman of questionable standards.

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Matt: What are you writing?
Sean: My obituary. I read somewhere that writing your own was a good motivational tool.
Mtt: And what does it say?
Sean: "Dr. Sean McNamara, 101 years old, died Tuesday night of natural causes. Inventor of bipolar liposuction. He was described by his friends and large family as a good doctor, good husband..."
Matt: ...And a good father.

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Julia: Loss is a part of life. You can't really care for something or someone until you realize that one day, they may be gone. And when they do go, we feel as if everything goes with them and we feel like we'll never really care about anything again. But we do. And we discover that that loss was a gift, that helps us appreciate all of the things we still have.

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Christian: [referring to Wilbur] I love him. I love him more than I´ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. Cicely´s right. I´ve held hundreds of women in my bed and counted the minutes till the sun came up and I could get rid of them. But when it´s late at night and that little boy is asleep in my arms I wish the Earth could just freeze there forever.

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Christian: [to Gina, about fighting for Wilbur's custody] Get your coat and your bitch on.

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Christian: [saying farewell to Wilbur] Never give a girl your number, always take hers. Keeps you in control. No American cars. German, Italian, or the occasional English. Treat yourself to a barber shop shave once a month. Take a beautiful girl to Florence and eat at the Enoteca. Talk to Marino, he'll take care of you. Tell him you're my son. Don't take any crap from anyone, you're better than that. But.. try to be good to people. Never get too jaded to care. Remember me. Remember me."

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Christian: [to Sean] If Anne Frank were hiding in your attic, she wouldn't have gotten past the words 'Dear Diary.' I'm putting pussy lips back on the schedule!

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Christian: [upon learning Liz's wish to become a mother] Medusa's going to breed?

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Christian: [pointing to an overweight patient and referring to Liz's wish to become a mother] Not fair, they let him get pregnant.

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Matt: She's the life coach my mom hired to get my grades up.
Christian: Your grades, asshole, not your dick!

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Ava: I have no idea you are so puritanical.
Christian: I am a goddamn pilgrim.

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Christian: I'll have you arrested for statutory rape.
Ava: Matt's 17. By Florida laws he is a consenting adult.
Christian: You certainly know your rape laws.
Ava: For someone who according to Matt has had his share of teenage girls, you are stupid if you don't.

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Ava: [to Adrian] You are not too old to get a backhand and I'm wearing heavy rings.

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Matt: No, this whole family is bullshit. And you're the reason why.
Julia: Don't talk to me like that, I am still your mother.
Matt: You're not my mother, you're a whore.
[Julia raises her hand, but Matt blocks it.]
Matt: Even if you did hit me, it would still be true.

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Liz: I'm getting my kid baptized.
Christian: Over my dead body.
Liz: Easily arranged.

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Liz: I loved being a Catholic when I was a kid. The drama of it. The feeling that there was a mysterious man in the heavens watching out for you.
Sean: When did you lapse?
Liz: When I became a pro-choice lesbian.

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Julia: He's not your son.
Sean: What are you talking about? I was there when he was conceived. I pulled him out of you when he was born. He's everything like me; too emotionally shut off, he's tuned in his head. This thing with Ava... is completely not McNamara like, I'll give you that. Is that what you're trying to say? Is that what you're saying?!
Julia: I didn't mean--
Sean: Just answer me! I am Matt's father!
Julia: Christian is!

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Sean: [after punching Christian to the ground] I loved you the most!

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Sean: Agatha Ripp did at least have one point that makes sense. That Bible quote, "Watch out for false prophets, they come to you in sheep´s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves". That´s what the devil is, you know. Not some obvious Machiavellian figure with horns and a tail but a silent foe disguised as friend. Someone you trust, even love, whom you let into your life only to find out too late they´ve made a shambles of it.

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