Dead Like Me Quotes

Brian: Look! A Pterodactyl!
George: [thinking] Please tell me I didn't just fall for that.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Daisy Adair: You are always in your own head. It's like your talking to yourself.
George: [voice over] Am I?

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Data Entry Guy: Files don't just disappear.
George: They do if you drop them down an elevator shaft.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] Let's go for a ride. My name is Georgia Lass. I'm 18 years old and I'm down there. somewhere [shows world]
George: I'm going to tell you a story, not my story, that's later, this is just a story... Ready? Once upon a time, or more specifically at the dawn of time, god, lower case "g", was getting busy with creation, as the kids these days are saying. He gave Toad a clay jar and said, "Be careful with this. It's got death inside". Pleased as punch and oblivious to the fact that he was about to become god's fall guy on the whole death issue, Toad promised to guard the jar. Then one day Toad met Frog. "Let me hold the jar of death, or what ever you call it", Frog begged. With a nod to Nancy Reagan's pros of wisdom, Toad just said no. But Frog was determined, and after much whining Toad finally gave in. "You can hold it, but only for a second", he said. In his excitement, Frog began to hop around and juggle the death jar from one foot to the other. Frog was an asshole. "Stop!" Toad cried out, but it was to late. Frog dropped the jar and it shattered to the ground. When it broke open, death got out, and ever since then all living things have to die. Makes you wonder how much better the world would be if frogs just stuck to hawking beer. So there you have it, the mystery of death finally revealed. We all die, some of us sooner then later. For me it's going to be much sooner. But that's only the beginning of my story.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: [to a hurried woman who sees an acquaintance in line at the post office and moves in line next to her] I have a question for you... is everyone in this line an asshole?
Woman in Post Office: Excuse me?
Rube: Is everyone you just cut in front of an asshole?
Woman in Post Office: No.
Rube: So it's just you then?
Woman in Post Office: I have children in the car.
Rube: I have a cake in the oven. [pointing]
Rube: He's got three minutes left on the meter. And she's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that - it's shameful.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
[last lines]
George: I'm not supposed to be here, but I am. I don't know if I'm supposed to watch over them or just haunt them. Either way, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having fun. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be here, walking thru a graveyard, the day after Halloween, on a quiet and beautiful November morning. It's not so bad... being dead like me.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] Now that I'm older and… deader… I see that Halloween is amateur night for death.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Daisy: Goddamn it Georgia! Show some ambition! That's what separates us from the animals, you know. It's not the opposable thumb.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: When I was your age, I used to treat the crust like it was just there to hold the good stuff in. I used to leave the whole back end of it on the plate. As I got older, I learned to appreciate the crust.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] Once upon a time, there was a girl named George. Who couldn't quite forget… there was once upon a time.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
[The camera closes in on cubicle land, where a teenage girl with a dull expression listens to her headset.]
George: [voiceover]That's me. I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you… but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C equals A, or… whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed.
[Cut to a guy robbing a convenience store…]
George: [voiceover] Bad people are punished by society's law.
[… only to find the police outside. Bad guy is shot dead. Cut to a woman, standing precariously on a picket fence to lure a treed cat with food.]
George: [voiceover] And good people…
Cat Woman: Who's the pretty kitty? Ooh, you are. Come on, sweetheart.
[The woman falls off the fence. Pan down to the dead woman…]
George: [voiceover] … are punished by Murphy's Law.
[… then over to the cat on the ground, eating the food. Cut back to the office.]
George: [voiceover] So you see my dilemma.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
[An aggressively cheery middle-aged woman approaches the morose George.]
Dolores: Hi, I'm Dolores Herbig… as in "her big…"
[She points to her eyes, grinning.]
Dolores: "… brown eyes?" I'll be your Happy Time career counselor.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Dolores: Some college, huh? Didn't finish?
George: Some seemed like enough.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Referring to her nagging mother…]
George: Who had the nerve to name you "Joy"?

TV Show: Dead Like Me
[As a toilet seat from the re-entering Mir station plummets through the sky, George is awkwardly moving through a city plaza.]
George: [voiceover] They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die? That might be true if you're terminally ill, or your parachute doesn't open…
[She looks up to see the fireball heading straight for her.]
George: [voiceover] … but if death sneaks up on you, the only thing you have time to think is…
George: Aw, shit.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] I didn't know what was more disturbing: being dead or the fact that the first man to touch my naked body was a coroner.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] Everyone always says the same shit at funerals... they talk about how sweet, wonderful, and oh-so-full-of-life you were, how it was your time and you can't question God's plan... they never say anything bad. You could be the biggest turd in the toilet bowl and you'd still come out smelling like a rose.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: So what's next? Onward and upward?
Rube: Onward not upward. No pearly gates for you, no choirs of angels neither.
George: You dick! You're sending me to hell?!
Rube: Don't flatter yourself. You're not that interesting.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: That's Roxy. She could kick your ass.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
[seeing un-George for the first time]
George: Who decides what we look like?
Mason: I don't know. Maybe this is what our inner child looks like when it grows up.
George: If that were the case, it looks like my inner child's road to adulthood was paved with crack cocaine, ten-dollar blowjobs, and maybe even a trick baby or two.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: I've been dead for seven days. Okay, that's a little dramatic.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Roxy: You know what your problem is? You wake up every morning wondering what the world's gonna do for you, wondering who's gonna bend over backwards, kiss your ass and make you happy when you should just thank God for another day and leave it the fuck at that.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Roxy: Sir, I'm going to say this as politely as possible. I will fuck you up.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: Well, you really fucked the dog, Peanut.
George: What?
Rube: What? You had an appointment.
George: I didn't make an appointment.
Roxy: Beat her.
Rube: Doesn't matter who made the appointment. You had an appointment.
George: Correct me if I'm wrong but- mission accomplished.
Rube: You're wrong. That was me correcting you.
George: I'm confused.
Roxy: He's still in there, you silly bitch.
[Flashback to the dead man's soul screaming as he is forced to watch his own autopsy.]
George: Holy shit! Is he in pain?
Rube: Physically, no. He's dead. But emotionally, I imagine this sort of thing is pretty traumatic.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: You like spaghetti, George? I like spaghetti. I like board games. I like grabbing a trifecta with that long shot on top... that ozone smell you get from air purifiers... and I like knowing the space between my ears is immeasurable... Mahler's first, Bernstein conducting. You've got to think about all the things you like and decide whether they're worth sticking around for. And if they are, you'll find a way to do this.
George: And what if I don’t?
Rube: Then you go away, and you don't get to like anything anymore.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: Do you really care how it's going with me?
Rube: Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voice over] One desperate attempt after another to find something in common with someone else and then cling. “Hey, you have ten fingers, I have ten fingers, let's be friends. We'll make rules and slogans. Then if we find someone with nine fingers, we can beat the crap out of them.”

TV Show: Dead Like Me
Joy: You're just lucky we are not doing this with my mother, she used to make us practice smiling before we left the house.
Reggie: That's because she doesn't like your smile.
Joy: Did she tell you that?
Reggie: Yeah, she said it was fake.
Joy: That bitch.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: What would happen if everybody died?
Mason: What do you mean?
George: Like if we were the only ones left
Mason: Oh, like if the frogs ate everyone on the planet?
George: Yeah.
Mason: I reckon we'd be shoveling a lot of frog shit.

TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: So... my whole life, everything... All I get to keep are thoughts and memories?
Rube: That's all we ever have, Peanut.

TV Show: Dead Like Me