Nip Tuck Quotes

Christian: There's really no point in having a consultation without the patient present.
Dr. Forsythe: She's a gorilla.
Sean: Well, I'm sure you're exaggerating.

TV Show: Nip Tuck
Christian: What is it with you and this animal?
Liz: She is an outcast from her tribe, and she is suffering because of it. I know what that feels like.
Christian: Ok, I just want to point out that it was you who compared yourself to a gorilla, not me.

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Christian: Look. Maybe Kumba can see past Kiki's scar, to her "inner beauty" -- Maybe he's not a shallow bastard like the rest of us.
Dr. Forsythe: Don't be so hard on yourself. Beauty attracts to preserve the species. In evolutionary terms, Dr. Troy, all males are bastards.

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Erica: [to Matt] I don't care what kind of sex you have or with whom. But if you're so appalled by your own feelings that you deny their existence, they'll run your tight little ass for the rest of your repressed middle-brow life. Do you want a safe life or an authentic one?

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Sean: [about Christian] If I can't offer him naked Victoria's Secret models and a case of Cristal, I'm a persona non grata on a Friday night.

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Christian: My girlfriend I can handle, it's my girlfriend's girlfriend that's wiping me out.
Quentin: You are my idol. How do you get up for work?
Christian: The sex isn't the exhausting part. It's the constant jockeying for position. I am trying to establish myself as the Walk of Cock here.

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Christian: Three tickets for the Vin Diesel movie.
Kimber: I thought we're watching Jude Law.
Christian: [rolls eyes] I'm not watching three hours of Jude Law. Doesn't he get castrated at the end of this one?
Kimber: You always choose the movie. We haven't seen anything I like in the past two years.
Christian: I'm sorry the movies I like are not the cinematic masterpieces you direct, Kimber.
Kimber: These 'masterpieces' grossed more in first-month DVD sales than you made the entire year last year, asshole.
Christian: [to Kit] This is all your fault. You are constantly whispering in her ear to box me out. [Edit] Kimber and I understand each other. We have a shorthand. [buys two movie tickets and storms off] Jerk each other off.

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Christian: College BJ's are cute and nice. But aim a little higher.

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Sean: Wake up, Christian! Our coddling and laissez-faire attitude led him to getting pissed on by a bunch of transexuals!

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Sean: The Hutton Academy is not a military school. It's a disciplinary institution.
Christian: And the two plums between my legs are not balls, they're testicles.

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Matt: You wouldn't dare mess up your most perfect work.
Sean: I already have!

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Christian: Kimber's not a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart, she's not to be passed around the table.

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Christian: [toasting to the foursome] To even numbers.

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Kit: I had higher expectations of you Christian, but the truth is you're nothing more than a domesticated housecat with an expensive haircut, and no sense of adventure.
Christian: Domesticated or not there is no pussy for you here.

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Sean: I have an 8: 30 lift with Quentin.
Christian: Make sure you don't drop the scalpel. Our new partner plays for both teams.
Sean: Could you have misinterpreted?
Christian: I've never had a buddy of mine stick his pinky up my ass just for shits and giggles.
[Edit]
Christian: I think he has a man-crush on you.
Sean: Me? It is you that he's trying to screw!

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Julia: With all due respect you know more about the different classes of tequila than you do parenting.
Christian: I know enough to know that the pound wouldn't give either of you a 10 year old mutt covered in shit right now.

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Sean: My guess it's phantom pain.
Christian: Who do I see for phantom pain, Ghostbusters?

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Sean: What's the big deal? What part of you being or having an asshole could shock me?

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Christian: Is this surgery or open mic night at the lesbian coffee bar?

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Sean: The police found a condom a the crime scene with Christian's DNA.
Quentin: So? The police planted it, that happens all the time.
Sean: DNA doesn't lie.
Quentin: Ask O.J. He'll tell you otherwise.

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Christian: Fourteen hours in this place without a cup of coffee even Ghandi would become a narcoleptic.

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Christian: Throw a stone down South Beach and you would hit some model I did not call back.

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Christian: [to Kit] If I'm not home by ten o'clock and deep into a beer and some Chinese food, I'll have my lawyer sue you for defamation of character, false arrest and, if possible, being a royal bitch.

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Quentin: I think you know more about someone in the first five minutes than you do in an entire twenty-year relationship. Those first gut instincts, they're always right. It's time and sentimentality that cloud the mind's ability to judge.

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Liz: [to Sean, about Christian] You've known him for twenty years and you would have never imagined that he was Matt's father.

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Christian: I used to fantasize when I was beaten and molested by my foster father that everything would be okay because my mother was an angel watching over me. She'd want to see me make something out of this life. (edit)

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Christian: If I didn't fight back, it's because in some kind of way I feel like I deserve it.
Sean: For what?
Christian: For what? For screwing Julia when you were engaged, for cheating on every girlfriend I've ever had, for charging ten grand to raise a pair of sagging tits on some socialite bitch, for generally being a soulless man. Take your pick.

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Christian: I haven't struck out like this since there was a rumor that I had genital warts.

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Joan Rivers: Don't think of me as a celebrity. Think of me as a familiar face that changes every couple years.

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Joan Rivers: Ladies. Time is money. And at my age, inflation is a bitch.

TV Show: Nip Tuck