Home Movies Quotes
Lynch: Shannon, what are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Shannon: What are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Lynch: I'm asking you, what are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Shannon: What are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Lynch: What are you doing in the...my students locked me out, but that's neither here nor there.
Shannon: What are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Lynch: I'm asking you, what are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Shannon: What are you doing in the hallway during class time?
Lynch: What are you doing in the...my students locked me out, but that's neither here nor there.
TV Show: Home Movies
[Brendon films a movie starring Melissa and Jason as Bonnie and Clyde, who are trying to steal a car using a coat hanger]
Jason: This isn't working. I can't get into the car.
Melissa: I thought you were a criminal!
Jason: I am a criminal. I stole the coat hanger, didn't I?
Jason: This isn't working. I can't get into the car.
Melissa: I thought you were a criminal!
Jason: I am a criminal. I stole the coat hanger, didn't I?
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Thank you all for coming here today!
Male Student: We go to school here!
Brendon: Well, okay.
Male Student: We go to school here!
Brendon: Well, okay.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Therefore I shall resign the presidency, effective at noon tomorrow.
Male Student: Tomorrow's Saturday!
Brendon: Okay, noon today.
Male Student: It's 2: 30!
Brendon: All right! 2: 31, I shall resign officially at 2: 31 today.
Male Student: Tomorrow's Saturday!
Brendon: Okay, noon today.
Male Student: It's 2: 30!
Brendon: All right! 2: 31, I shall resign officially at 2: 31 today.
TV Show: Home Movies
Shannon: Why is Brendon resigning?
Melissa: Because he knows it wasn't a fair election, Shannon. You beat up Thurmond and stuffed the ballot boxes and threatened everybody.
Shannon: No, I didn't.
Melissa: You didn't?
Shannon: No.
Melissa: Then what happened to Thurmond Thackeray?
Shannon: I don't know, maybe he fell. He's a stupid, clumsy kid.
Brendon: [on stage]] And so now I turn the office of the presidency over to the man who should have won. Ladies and gentlemen, Thurmond Thackeray.
[Thurmond walk onto the stage, trips and falls off the stage.]
Melissa: Well, look at that.
Jason: : He's not getting up.
Melissa: Because he knows it wasn't a fair election, Shannon. You beat up Thurmond and stuffed the ballot boxes and threatened everybody.
Shannon: No, I didn't.
Melissa: You didn't?
Shannon: No.
Melissa: Then what happened to Thurmond Thackeray?
Shannon: I don't know, maybe he fell. He's a stupid, clumsy kid.
Brendon: [on stage]] And so now I turn the office of the presidency over to the man who should have won. Ladies and gentlemen, Thurmond Thackeray.
[Thurmond walk onto the stage, trips and falls off the stage.]
Melissa: Well, look at that.
Jason: : He's not getting up.
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: But you did steal all those supplies and beat up those kids and stole the CDs.
Shannon: Yeah, Because that's what I do, I'm a thug. We've been over this. What is so hard for you to understand?
Shannon: Yeah, Because that's what I do, I'm a thug. We've been over this. What is so hard for you to understand?
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Any questions? Anybody have any requests?
Female Student: Can we get pizza more?
Brendon: "Pizzamore"! I have no idea what that means. Next question!
Male Student #2: Is ketchup a vegetable?
Brendon: Very good question. Ketchup is actually a fruit. It's a magical fruit...from outer space! Next question.
Male Student: You suck!
Brendon: Looks like we have a heckler in the audience! Why don't I take off my head and remove my brain, and we'll start out as equals, huh? Hello?
Male Student #3: Shut up!
Brendon: I don't think that's a question.
Female Student: Can we get pizza more?
Brendon: "Pizzamore"! I have no idea what that means. Next question!
Male Student #2: Is ketchup a vegetable?
Brendon: Very good question. Ketchup is actually a fruit. It's a magical fruit...from outer space! Next question.
Male Student: You suck!
Brendon: Looks like we have a heckler in the audience! Why don't I take off my head and remove my brain, and we'll start out as equals, huh? Hello?
Male Student #3: Shut up!
Brendon: I don't think that's a question.
TV Show: Home Movies
[During the credits]
McGuirk: So what's with women and crying?
McGuirk's mom: Oh man, you suck!
McGuirk: Thanks, mom. My mother, ladies and gentlemen. I remember my first drink too, lady. So anyway, folks...
McGuirk's mom: Yeah, I remember your first drink, too! You were three, and you drank your father's gin!
McGuirk: Oh, my god. It really is my mom.
McGuirk's mom: You know what sucks worse than you?
McGuirk: What?
McGuirk's mom: Nothing!
McGuirk: Wow! This is awkward. So a...
McGuirk's mom: Boo!
McGuirk: All right, mom, I get the point.
McGuirk's mom: Boo!
McGuirk: Anyway, I've been John McGuirk, The Soccer Comic!
McGuirk: So what's with women and crying?
McGuirk's mom: Oh man, you suck!
McGuirk: Thanks, mom. My mother, ladies and gentlemen. I remember my first drink too, lady. So anyway, folks...
McGuirk's mom: Yeah, I remember your first drink, too! You were three, and you drank your father's gin!
McGuirk: Oh, my god. It really is my mom.
McGuirk's mom: You know what sucks worse than you?
McGuirk: What?
McGuirk's mom: Nothing!
McGuirk: Wow! This is awkward. So a...
McGuirk's mom: Boo!
McGuirk: All right, mom, I get the point.
McGuirk's mom: Boo!
McGuirk: Anyway, I've been John McGuirk, The Soccer Comic!
TV Show: Home Movies
Coach John McGuirk: This sausage is probably eighteen years old... This sausage could vote. It could go to war and die for its country.
TV Show: Home Movies
Coach John McGuirk: He left me a frozen sausage that's what you're telling me...oh my life.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Melissa, how high can you jump?
Melissa: How high do you need?
Brendon" 18 feet.
(She jumps up a short distance)
Jason: That was a haiku.
Melissa: How high do you need?
Brendon" 18 feet.
(She jumps up a short distance)
Jason: That was a haiku.
TV Show: Home Movies
Jason: Brendon, can, um, I have another pudding?
Brendon: You already had six.
Jason: No way.
Brendon: Way.
Jason: Wow! That was my goal, but it happened so fast.
Brendon: You already had six.
Jason: No way.
Brendon: Way.
Jason: Wow! That was my goal, but it happened so fast.
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: Jason, what are you getting Fenton for his birthday?
Brendon: Oh, right, Fenton's party.
Jason: Um...I got him an eraser. It's looks like, um, a little football.
Brendon: It sounds great.
Jason: It has a dual fuction.
Melissa: What does it do other than erase.
Jason: You can play catch with it.
Melissa: Oh...
Brendon: You can almost do that with anything.
Jason: But it's shaped like a football, Brendon.
Brendon: Melissa, what did you get him.
Melissa: I got him a CD.
Jason: That's stupid.
Melissa: You could also play catch with it.
Brendon: Oh, right, Fenton's party.
Jason: Um...I got him an eraser. It's looks like, um, a little football.
Brendon: It sounds great.
Jason: It has a dual fuction.
Melissa: What does it do other than erase.
Jason: You can play catch with it.
Melissa: Oh...
Brendon: You can almost do that with anything.
Jason: But it's shaped like a football, Brendon.
Brendon: Melissa, what did you get him.
Melissa: I got him a CD.
Jason: That's stupid.
Melissa: You could also play catch with it.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: We need effects, guys.
Jason: Oh, yeah, like some, uh, bones cracking or...
Brendon: Yeah. Oh, I think we need to suspend Melissa in midair when she kicks me...in the stomach.
Melissa: I said I was sorry.
Jason: Oh, yeah, like some, uh, bones cracking or...
Brendon: Yeah. Oh, I think we need to suspend Melissa in midair when she kicks me...in the stomach.
Melissa: I said I was sorry.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: Now listen up. That was a good game. You all showed up, and I'm proud of that.
Melissa: Coach McGuirk, I was just wondering, how come they canceled the game after ten minutes?
McGuirk: Well, because we were losing by twenty goals, Melissa. It's called the slaughter rule. You know, Melissa, if we played the full game, we'd probably would have lost by hundreds goals. I don't know why I'm saying "we." I wasn't out there running around like it was the first time I'd ever used my legs...Melissa.
Melissa: Okay.
McGuirk: You know, it's like when they stop a boxing match because the guy is bleeding too much. You know, all cut up. Only this was worse. I mean, fractured jaws get wired shut. Broken noses become badges of courage...Melissa.
Melissa: Okay.
McGuirk: But to loose by twenty goals in ten minutes is...oh forget it. You played a good game.
(Everybody cheers)
Melissa: Coach McGuirk, I was just wondering, how come they canceled the game after ten minutes?
McGuirk: Well, because we were losing by twenty goals, Melissa. It's called the slaughter rule. You know, Melissa, if we played the full game, we'd probably would have lost by hundreds goals. I don't know why I'm saying "we." I wasn't out there running around like it was the first time I'd ever used my legs...Melissa.
Melissa: Okay.
McGuirk: You know, it's like when they stop a boxing match because the guy is bleeding too much. You know, all cut up. Only this was worse. I mean, fractured jaws get wired shut. Broken noses become badges of courage...Melissa.
Melissa: Okay.
McGuirk: But to loose by twenty goals in ten minutes is...oh forget it. You played a good game.
(Everybody cheers)
TV Show: Home Movies
Fenton: Bye, everybody. See you at my party.
Everybody: Bye.
McGuirk: All right, Fenton, waddle out of here. Played a good game.
Fenton: Thanks.
McGuirk: Not really. And thanks again for the invite.
Brendon: What's that, coach McGuirk?
McGuirk: It's an invitation, Brendon. Fenton invited me to his party.
Brendon: You're going to a kid's party?
McGuirk: Of course I'm not going, Brendon. It's nice to be invited, you know.
Everybody: Bye.
McGuirk: All right, Fenton, waddle out of here. Played a good game.
Fenton: Thanks.
McGuirk: Not really. And thanks again for the invite.
Brendon: What's that, coach McGuirk?
McGuirk: It's an invitation, Brendon. Fenton invited me to his party.
Brendon: You're going to a kid's party?
McGuirk: Of course I'm not going, Brendon. It's nice to be invited, you know.
TV Show: Home Movies
Junior: The Skunk Scouts are like a second family to me; a family that all wear the same clothes.
Brendon: Well I would have to be like ultimate skunk commander or something.
Junior: Oh you have to earn that. You see this badge, I got this badge for earning that badge.
Brendon: Well I would have to be like ultimate skunk commander or something.
Junior: Oh you have to earn that. You see this badge, I got this badge for earning that badge.
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: Stop it, Jason. you've had enough. You're embarrassing me.
Jason: (mocking) Stop it, Jason. you've had enough.
Melissa: You're embarrassing yourself.
Jason: You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me.
Melissa: Keep your voice down.
Jason: Keep your voice down, Melissa.
Melissa: My voice is down.
Jason: Well, mine's down, too, then!
Melissa: Jason, everyone's staring.
Jason: Nobody's staring at me. People are staring at you and your stupid rich-bitch dress.
Melissa: Jason, you've had enough.
Jason: I know when I've had enough, Melissa, all right? And I certainly haven't had enough. The only thing I've had enough of is you.
Melissa: I'm just trying to help you.
Jason: (grabs Melissa) Oh, my god, help me. Help me, Melissa.
Melissa: (hugs Jason) I'll help you, Jason.
Fenton's Mom: (holding a bowl of gummy bears) More candy, kids?
Jason: I gotta go. (grabs the bowl of gummy bears)
Jason: (mocking) Stop it, Jason. you've had enough.
Melissa: You're embarrassing yourself.
Jason: You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me.
Melissa: Keep your voice down.
Jason: Keep your voice down, Melissa.
Melissa: My voice is down.
Jason: Well, mine's down, too, then!
Melissa: Jason, everyone's staring.
Jason: Nobody's staring at me. People are staring at you and your stupid rich-bitch dress.
Melissa: Jason, you've had enough.
Jason: I know when I've had enough, Melissa, all right? And I certainly haven't had enough. The only thing I've had enough of is you.
Melissa: I'm just trying to help you.
Jason: (grabs Melissa) Oh, my god, help me. Help me, Melissa.
Melissa: (hugs Jason) I'll help you, Jason.
Fenton's Mom: (holding a bowl of gummy bears) More candy, kids?
Jason: I gotta go. (grabs the bowl of gummy bears)
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: [narrating video]] "Who is Fenton Mulley? I mean, Fenton sounds like a drug to take care of a rash or something... Honk, Honk!"
Fenton: Not that funny.
Fenton: Not that funny.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: [narrating video] Fenton is... thoughtful.
Girl in Duck Sweater: Do you like my new sweater?
Fenton Mulley: Is it supposed to be ugly?
Girl in Duck Sweater: Do you like my new sweater?
Fenton Mulley: Is it supposed to be ugly?
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: [narrating video] Fenton is... generous.
Fenton Mulley: [playing tug-of-war with doll with his foot on Perry's face] It's mine!
Perry: I just want to look at it!
Fenton Mulley: I don't care! It's mine! Don't look at it!
Perry: Walter? W-where are you?
Fenton Mulley: [playing tug-of-war with doll with his foot on Perry's face] It's mine!
Perry: I just want to look at it!
Fenton Mulley: I don't care! It's mine! Don't look at it!
Perry: Walter? W-where are you?
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: [narrating video] Fenton is... grateful.
Fenton Mulley: It's not great at all! I want pony rides!
Fenton's Mom: Renting a pony was too expensive, Fenton. Maybe next year.
Fenton Mulley: Maybe next year? I want pony rides THIS YEAR!
Fenton's Mom: But the magician was supposed to be the...
Fenton Mulley: [interrupting] He sucks, mom!
Fenton's Mom: [shocked] Fenton!
Fenton Mulley: You know what, Mom?
Fenton's Mom: [nearly in tears] What, honey?
Fenton Mulley: I don't love you anymore!
Fenton's Mom: [breaking down] Oh, Fenton!
Fenton Mulley: It's not great at all! I want pony rides!
Fenton's Mom: Renting a pony was too expensive, Fenton. Maybe next year.
Fenton Mulley: Maybe next year? I want pony rides THIS YEAR!
Fenton's Mom: But the magician was supposed to be the...
Fenton Mulley: [interrupting] He sucks, mom!
Fenton's Mom: [shocked] Fenton!
Fenton Mulley: You know what, Mom?
Fenton's Mom: [nearly in tears] What, honey?
Fenton Mulley: I don't love you anymore!
Fenton's Mom: [breaking down] Oh, Fenton!
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Mom, can you do me a favor while I'm away?
Paula: Sure, what?
Brendon: I want you to have fun.
Paula: Brendon.
Brendon: See? It doesn't feel so good.
Paula: Go.
Brendon: No!
Paula: Bye, Brendon, have fun.
Brendon: No, you have fun!
Paula: No, you have fun!
Brendon: No, you have fun!
Paula: Brendon, stop it.
Brendon: No.
Paula: Be nice.
Brendon: You be nice.
Paula: You be nice.
Brendon: I...
Paula: [pushes Brendon out the door] You're going, have fun!
Paula: Sure, what?
Brendon: I want you to have fun.
Paula: Brendon.
Brendon: See? It doesn't feel so good.
Paula: Go.
Brendon: No!
Paula: Bye, Brendon, have fun.
Brendon: No, you have fun!
Paula: No, you have fun!
Brendon: No, you have fun!
Paula: Brendon, stop it.
Brendon: No.
Paula: Be nice.
Brendon: You be nice.
Paula: You be nice.
Brendon: I...
Paula: [pushes Brendon out the door] You're going, have fun!
TV Show: Home Movies
Andrew: Oh, by the way, we're going to meet my girlfriend Linda at the zoo, since you've agreed to go to the zoo.
Brendon: What, is she one of the exhibits?
Andrew: Let me tell you something, she could be.
Brendon: Is she an animal?
Andrew: No, you're not kidding.
Brendon: What, is she one of the exhibits?
Andrew: Let me tell you something, she could be.
Brendon: Is she an animal?
Andrew: No, you're not kidding.
TV Show: Home Movies
Andrew: The Sumatran tiger, panthera tigris sumatrae. Says here it's a very beautiful anima, and very rare.
Brendon: I like my beautiful animals medium rare.
Andrew: Good one.
Brendon: Thank you.
Brendon: I like my beautiful animals medium rare.
Andrew: Good one.
Brendon: Thank you.
TV Show: Home Movies
Linda: : So, can we leave now?
Andrew: Well, actually we're waiting for the Panthera tigris verius rarus to come out us.
Brendon: He's a very shy animal.
Linda: : Why don't you just throw a rock at it?
Andrew: We should probably just get going
Brendon: Yeah, let's get going.
Andrew: Well, actually we're waiting for the Panthera tigris verius rarus to come out us.
Brendon: He's a very shy animal.
Linda: : Why don't you just throw a rock at it?
Andrew: We should probably just get going
Brendon: Yeah, let's get going.
TV Show: Home Movies
Andrew: Hey, can you see the stars?
Brendon: [looking through a telescope] Those people are famous?
Andrew: Stop looking in people's windows, Brendon.
Brendon: Hey did you ever see any murders?
Andrew: No.
Brendon: [looking through a telescope] Those people are famous?
Andrew: Stop looking in people's windows, Brendon.
Brendon: Hey did you ever see any murders?
Andrew: No.
TV Show: Home Movies
Linda: : Where's my blue towel?
Andrew: Huh?
Linda: : Did you take a blue towel off the shelf?
Brendon: I, uh, I might have, what color was it?
Linda: Yeah, I think you did.
Andrew: Huh?
Linda: : Did you take a blue towel off the shelf?
Brendon: I, uh, I might have, what color was it?
Linda: Yeah, I think you did.
TV Show: Home Movies
Linda: [talking to Andrew in another room] I ask one thing: don't let anybody use my towel.
Brendon: [quietly to himself] I'll use your stupid towel any time I want. And your stupid green towel and your stupid red towel. [looks through a telescope] Hey, shooting star. You know what? I'll use your toothbrush too. That's what I'll do.
Linda: Did you use my toothbrush?!
[Brendon snickers]
Brendon: [quietly to himself] I'll use your stupid towel any time I want. And your stupid green towel and your stupid red towel. [looks through a telescope] Hey, shooting star. You know what? I'll use your toothbrush too. That's what I'll do.
Linda: Did you use my toothbrush?!
[Brendon snickers]
TV Show: Home Movies