The Jack Benny Program Quotes

Jack Benny: Now cut that out!

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program
Don Wilson: Now, wait a minute, Jack. You can't talk to me that way. I've got pride - self-respect.
Jack Benny: Don, if you had any self-respect, you wouldn't work for the salary I pay you.

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program
Jack Benny: What are you gonna to do?
Babyface Bogart: [aiming handgun at Benny] I'm gonna put a red eye between them two blue ones.
Jack Benny: Where'd ya get the gun?
Babyface Bogart: You didn't frisk me so good when I came in, did ya?
Jack Benny: No. No, when I put my hand in your pocket, I found a dollar bill, and got so excited I didn't look any further.

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program
Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out. [Bob adjusts Jack's gun arm, so that the pistol is now pointing at Bob's head]
Bob Hope: Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh.

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program
Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?
'Clyde': General Electric.

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program
Rochester Van Jones: What's the matter, Boss?
Jack Benny: Rochester, I just answered the phone. Who was ever on the other end hung up!
Rochester Van Jones: How do you know they hung up?
Jack Benny: How do I know? I heard the click. I distinctly heard the sound of a click.
Rochester Van Jones: Well, maybe they were using a payphone, and that sound you heard was the dropping of a dime.
Jack Benny: [scoffs] Oh, the dropping of a dime - I've known that sound since I was two years old.

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program
[Jack picks up a jar from the dresser]
Jack: Hey, wait a minute. What kind of make up is this?
Rochester: Well, you said you wanted something to make you look nice and tanned.
Jack: I know, but peanut butter? [Audience laugh]
Jack: I want to look tanned, not lumpy.

TV Show: The Jack Benny Program