Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
Frank: He wants you to deliver his eulogy
Ray: Why? I hardly knew the guy.
Frank: It was his dying wish.
Robert: Even dead people love Raymond.
Ray: Why? I hardly knew the guy.
Frank: It was his dying wish.
Robert: Even dead people love Raymond.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Alda: What's your problem Marie? I can't even say a word without you topping me.
Marie: I can't help it, you're easily topped!
Marie: I can't help it, you're easily topped!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: You never even sent a gift
Alda: My gift was that I came at all
Marie: What kind of a horse's ass gift is that?
Alda: You'd be lucky to have a horse's ass!
Alda: My gift was that I came at all
Marie: What kind of a horse's ass gift is that?
Alda: You'd be lucky to have a horse's ass!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ally drew a moustache on Geoffrey]
Frank: Can Hitler have a juice-box?
Frank: Can Hitler have a juice-box?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: Hey, do you know what I think is really sexy?
Ray: What?
Debra: A man who does the dishes
Ray: No, does nothing for me... Do you know what does it for me? A woman who does the dishes... with another woman!
Ray: What?
Debra: A man who does the dishes
Ray: No, does nothing for me... Do you know what does it for me? A woman who does the dishes... with another woman!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Hi, I'm Ray. I'm here to talk about...Gus Batrone.
Robert: Haaaaarrrr!!!
Ray: Thank you.
Robert: Haaaaarrrr!!!
Ray: Thank you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: You know I read somewhere where the happiest marriages are the ones where the man is smarter.
Debra: Oh, guess who wrote that...
Debra: Oh, guess who wrote that...
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray puts away tax papers and sits next to Debra]
Debra: You promised you'd get this done!
Ray: That's not the point. The point is that... I will rub your feet!
Debra: You gotta, you gotta get this done.
[Ray pulls off Debra's socks and starts rubbing her bare feet]
Ray: Don't worry, in fact the whole idea of rubbing feet makes me sick.
Debra: Just shut up and rub.
[Ray continues to massage her feet, but starts tickling them as well]
Debra: That's not rubbing, that's tickling!
[Robert walks in]
Robert: Glad to see you're not busy.
[Ray is still caressing Debra's bare feet]
Ray: What makes you think we're not busy, Rob?
Debra: You promised you'd get this done!
Ray: That's not the point. The point is that... I will rub your feet!
Debra: You gotta, you gotta get this done.
[Ray pulls off Debra's socks and starts rubbing her bare feet]
Ray: Don't worry, in fact the whole idea of rubbing feet makes me sick.
Debra: Just shut up and rub.
[Ray continues to massage her feet, but starts tickling them as well]
Debra: That's not rubbing, that's tickling!
[Robert walks in]
Robert: Glad to see you're not busy.
[Ray is still caressing Debra's bare feet]
Ray: What makes you think we're not busy, Rob?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: There's more than one kind of intelligence Ray.
Frank: That's right. There's STREET SMARTS!
Frank: That's right. There's STREET SMARTS!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Debra smashes a bowl of ice cream into Ray's lap]
Ray: Mmm, fudgey.
Ray: Mmm, fudgey.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Andy is staring at Angelina, the attractive waitress.]
Andy: So, Angelina, how are you?
Angelina: Did you want something?
Andy: No, thanks. I just thought we could talk.
Andy: So, Angelina, how are you?
Angelina: Did you want something?
Andy: No, thanks. I just thought we could talk.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Bernie: [Angelina walks away] Ahh, did you smell her?
Ray: No, I read the sign Bernie, "Thank You for not smelling the help."
Ray: No, I read the sign Bernie, "Thank You for not smelling the help."
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Bernie: Oh, man look at her. If I wasn't married, do you know what I'd do?
Ray: You'd wear the same underwear every day.
Ray: You'd wear the same underwear every day.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: Hello, ladies!
Ray: What are you doing here?
Frank: Hehehe, I came to check out the new waitress.
Ray: Oh god.
Angelina: Hello, will you be staying for lunch?
Frank: Holy Crap! Uh....yes, I will, thank you.
Ray: What are you doing here?
Frank: Hehehe, I came to check out the new waitress.
Ray: Oh god.
Angelina: Hello, will you be staying for lunch?
Frank: Holy Crap! Uh....yes, I will, thank you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Marie thinks Ray might have an affair with Angelina, the attractive waitress]
Debra: Marie, I'm not worried. I trust Ray.
Marie: Oh, I'm not worried about Raymond either, dear. I'm worried about that pizza parlor putana!
Debra: Marie, I'm not worried. I trust Ray.
Marie: Oh, I'm not worried about Raymond either, dear. I'm worried about that pizza parlor putana!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: [to Angelina] I'm sorry that was rude of me. This is Debra, the little lady. I don't mean little in a size way, or that she doesn't matter. She's my lady. She's my great big lady.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert: Michael threw his milk at me!
Frank: Isn't that great? That could be my second story! The digest loves a naughty baby.
Frank: Isn't that great? That could be my second story! The digest loves a naughty baby.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: Ray, Robert is still here.
Ray: Hey, Robert! What are you doing here?
Robert: I had a suspicion I needed to confirm.
Debra: Robert, what's wrong?
Robert: I don't think Michael loves me anymore.
Debra: What are you talking about?
Robert: He's not like Geoffery, he seems standoffish.
Ray: You do know Michael is a baby, right?
Robert: Just a feeling. Cop's instinct. He wants nothing to do with me.
Ray: Hey, Robert! What are you doing here?
Robert: I had a suspicion I needed to confirm.
Debra: Robert, what's wrong?
Robert: I don't think Michael loves me anymore.
Debra: What are you talking about?
Robert: He's not like Geoffery, he seems standoffish.
Ray: You do know Michael is a baby, right?
Robert: Just a feeling. Cop's instinct. He wants nothing to do with me.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray and Debra are going over their bills.]
Debra: According to this, we can afford a car phone.
Ray: No. No car phone.
Debra: Why? Why do you fight technology?
Ray: I'm against technology?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Who introduced you to Wonderbra?
Debra: According to this, we can afford a car phone.
Ray: No. No car phone.
Debra: Why? Why do you fight technology?
Ray: I'm against technology?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Who introduced you to Wonderbra?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn't get Ally to take a nap.
Debra: Good job, honey.
Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.
Debra: Good job, honey.
Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: Would you look at this great big stain here? The carpet guy swore up and down that he could get it out.
Ray: I don't want to hear about stains. The kids are asleep, the house is quiet. Now it's quality time. Just me and you.
[Ray starts reading the newspaper.]
Debra: You better be looking at jewelery ads.
Ray: I don't want to hear about stains. The kids are asleep, the house is quiet. Now it's quality time. Just me and you.
[Ray starts reading the newspaper.]
Debra: You better be looking at jewelery ads.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Marie barges into the house.]
Marie: Your father has finally done it.
Ray: What's that, learned to buckle his pants?
Marie: Your father has finally done it.
Ray: What's that, learned to buckle his pants?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: I've got the complete works of Arnold Schwarzenegger, except the one where he gets pregnant.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: Where's Frank?
Ray: By now he's probably taping the toilet seat so he never has to flush.
Ray: By now he's probably taping the toilet seat so he never has to flush.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: [To Ray, about Marie] Anything she cooks for me you're tasting first.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: You hear that?
Debra: No, I don't hear anything.
Ray: That’s the sound of all our clothes being refolded.
Debra: No, I don't hear anything.
Ray: That’s the sound of all our clothes being refolded.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: It's the celery that makes "tuna salad" tuna salad. What you gave me was tuna slop!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond