Get Smart Quotes

Maxwell Smart: Would you believe?

TV Show: Get Smart
"# 99: Oh Max, the labmen asked me to bring you this belt to wear to the party tonight.
Maxwell Smart: Oh, thank you, 99.
Maxwell Smart: It's the latest piece of special equipment. The buckle contains a miniscule tape recorder.
Maxwell Smart: What?
Maxwell Smart: Miniscule. Diminutive. Microcosmic.
Maxwell Smart: Heh. You certainly have a way with words, 99. [turns to the Chief for further explanation]
Chief: Teensy weensy.

TV Show: Get Smart
Algernon DeGrasse: [aiming a gun at Max & 99] That's a very interesting picture of you in the Control file, Mr. Smart.
Maxwell Smart: Thank you.
Algernon DeGrasse: But why were you sitting on a pony?
Agent 99: It was taken on his birthday.

TV Show: Get Smart
Beastmaster: Welcome Maxwell Smart. You are no match for the brilliance of KAOS. You have fallen into our very clever trap.

TV Show: Get Smart
Hans Hunter: As you can see, Mr. Smart, my trophy collection includes one of almost every kind of animal... Except one. You. A homo sapien.
Maxwell Smart: Now just a minute, Hunter, I'm as normal as you are. # 99: What about me, Hunter?
Hans Hunter: I have other plans for you, my dear. I hope that you will stay on here as my permanent... guest. # 99: I'd rather take my chances in the jungle with Max.
Hans Hunter: Very loyal my dear, and very stupid.
Maxwell Smart: We're Control agents, Hunter. We're trained to be very loyal and very stupid.

TV Show: Get Smart
Jacoby: [trying to decypher the map on Smart's chest] This is a mountain.
Kohlman: That's a mole.
Jacoby: Well, it looks like a mountain to me.
Kohlman: I said it's a mole, stop trying to make a mountain out of a mole.

TV Show: Get Smart
Maxwell Smart: Just a minute, Hunter. You don't really thing we'd be stupid enough to come here alone, do ya?
Hans Hunter: What do you mean?
Maxwell Smart: Just this. In a very short while, General Crawford and a hundred of his crack paratroopers will come crashing into this landing. [Hunter begins to snicker]
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe J. Edgar Hoover and ten of his G-men? [Hunter laughs louder]
Maxwell Smart: How about Tarzan and a couple of his apes?
Hans Hunter: [after another chuckle or two Hunter becomes serious] Get moving.
Maxwell Smart: Bomba the Jungle boy?

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: Chief, we must use the Cone of Silence if we are to continue this conversation.
Chief: Max, the Cone of Silence never works.
Max: Still we must use it.
[The Cone of Silence lowers over them.]
Chief: Can you hear me?
Max: What?

TV Show: Get Smart
Smart: The old Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick.

TV Show: Get Smart
Chief: Now listen carefully: [gives a series of complex instructions] Did you get that?
Max: Not all of it.
Chief: Which part didn't you get?
Max: The part after 'Now listen carefully'.

TV Show: Get Smart
Chief: You don't happen to have any asprin on you, do you, Max?
Max: Why, Chief? Getting a headache?
Chief: Only when you're around.

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: Missed it by that much. [Corresponding hand gesture to demonstrate by how little he'd missed it]

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: Don't tell me [some undesirable news]
[Colleague confirms it verbatim.]
Max: I asked you not to tell me that.

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: Well, well, if it isn't my old friend the Craw.
The Claw: [exasperated, in a distinctive Chinese accent] Not the Craw, the Craw!

TV Show: Get Smart
Harry Hoo: [after a trivial explanation] ... AmazingĀ !

TV Show: Get Smart
99: If we take the left exit, turn around and come up on them, we'll be able to surprise them.
Max: [rolling eyes] 99, if you don't mind, I'd like to be the one that plans this.
99: Right Max.
Max: You see, what we're going to do is take the left exit, turn around and come up on them, which should surprise them.
99: Good thinking Max.

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: Can you give me a good example?
[99 performs various dances.]
Max: Now how about a bad one?

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: Oh, yes, I'm a big music lover. Would you believe that I once listened to three weeks of Beethoven? Would you believe it? Three weeks!
Villain: I find that quite hard to believe.
Max: Would you believe (thinks a while) Two weeks of Bach?
Villain: I don't think so.
Max: Would you believe... one hour of Looney Tunes?

TV Show: Get Smart
Max: You might as well surrender, because at this very moment, you are being surrounded by 5,000 crack Swiss troops. Would you believe it? 5,000 crack Swiss troops.
Villain: I find that very hard to believe, Mr Smart.
Max: Oh. Well, would you believe 150 Tyrolean skijumpers?
Villain: No, I wouldn't.
Max: How 'bout two St. Bernards in heat?

TV Show: Get Smart