Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
Ray Barone: She had that look like Mom did when we were kids and she caught us eating that whole box of Sucrets, remember?
Robert Barone: Yeah, my tongue was numb for a month.
Ray Barone: Remember, Mom thought we were drug addicts. She said, "That's how it starts."
Robert Barone: Yeah, my tongue was numb for a month.
Ray Barone: Remember, Mom thought we were drug addicts. She said, "That's how it starts."
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: All right Ally, you have to do what Mommy says.
Ally Barone: Why?
Ray Barone: 'Cause I do.
Ally Barone: Why?
Ray Barone: 'Cause I do.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: What is a DVD player? Is it for pornography?
Debra Barone: (sarcastically) Yes, Marie, I bought Ray a porn machine!
Marie Barone: I don't like that, Debra.
Debra Barone: (sarcastically) Yes, Marie, I bought Ray a porn machine!
Marie Barone: I don't like that, Debra.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: A clean house is not the most important thing in the world.
Marie Barone: You know who says that? A messy person.
Marie Barone: You know who says that? A messy person.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: You don't exist?
Debra Barone: It's like It's A Wonderful Life. No Debra.
Ray Barone: [fake voice] Well, then, it's not a wonderful life, is it? [hugs her]
Debra Barone: It's like It's A Wonderful Life. No Debra.
Ray Barone: [fake voice] Well, then, it's not a wonderful life, is it? [hugs her]
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: What makes you think we're not busy, Robert?
Robert Barone: I saw you through your window.
Robert Barone: I saw you through your window.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: When I was married to Joanne she wanted time alone. She used it to pack up and move out.
Marie Barone: Raymond, whatever happens, you and I are keeping the children.
Marie Barone: Raymond, whatever happens, you and I are keeping the children.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: You know, with your availability and my mystique we were unstoppable.
Robert Barone: Yeah, we were like a whole other entity.
Ray Barone: We were better than just Ray.
Ray Barone: Better than just Robert.
Robert Barone: We were.... Raybert.
Robert Barone: Yeah, we were like a whole other entity.
Ray Barone: We were better than just Ray.
Ray Barone: Better than just Robert.
Robert Barone: We were.... Raybert.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Honey, show Daddy what you drew.
Ray Barone: That's okay, I can figure it out.
[Ally hands Ray a drawing]
Ray Barone: Um, lets see. A big wall of red?
Ally Barone: No.
Debra Barone: Ally told me that was a picture of you in hell.
Ray Barone: That's okay, I can figure it out.
[Ally hands Ray a drawing]
Ray Barone: Um, lets see. A big wall of red?
Ally Barone: No.
Debra Barone: Ally told me that was a picture of you in hell.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: What's a matter, Robert?
Robert Barone: I made this traffic stop that's kind of bothering me... Amy was in the car.
Ray Barone: Oh, Amy the virgin?
Debra Barone: Oh, Ray!
Ray Barone: What, that's what she is, right?
Robert Barone: I'm not so sure anymore. She was in the car with a guy. They were all dressed up. This was a date.
Debra Barone: Well, Robert, you two did break up.
Ray Barone: Yeah, and you've been going on a few dates yourself, Mr. Lucky Pants.
Robert Barone: Alright, Deb, tell me everything you know about this guy.
Debra Barone: I know she's been seeing some people, but I don't know who--
Robert Barone: James P. Kitsos of Queens, 5'10", 165lbs., hair brown, eyes green, not an organ donor. Selfish bastard!
Robert Barone: I made this traffic stop that's kind of bothering me... Amy was in the car.
Ray Barone: Oh, Amy the virgin?
Debra Barone: Oh, Ray!
Ray Barone: What, that's what she is, right?
Robert Barone: I'm not so sure anymore. She was in the car with a guy. They were all dressed up. This was a date.
Debra Barone: Well, Robert, you two did break up.
Ray Barone: Yeah, and you've been going on a few dates yourself, Mr. Lucky Pants.
Robert Barone: Alright, Deb, tell me everything you know about this guy.
Debra Barone: I know she's been seeing some people, but I don't know who--
Robert Barone: James P. Kitsos of Queens, 5'10", 165lbs., hair brown, eyes green, not an organ donor. Selfish bastard!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: We're gonna learn the meaning of life from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank Barone: It's called protecting your sandwich!
Frank Barone: It's called protecting your sandwich!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: You've read the Bible, Frank?
Frank Barone: I've read plenty of damn bibles!
Frank Barone: I've read plenty of damn bibles!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: Three women, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Ray Barone: You do a dance, you gigantic, lucky bastard.
Ray Barone: You do a dance, you gigantic, lucky bastard.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive dirfwad who instead of trying to make life better for his wife tape-records her to prove she's a terrible person.
Ray Barone: What's a dirfwad?
Ray Barone: What's a dirfwad?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Raymond, Layman, Gayman, go away man!
Ray Barone: BULLY! BULLY!
Debra Barone: Oh, relax.
Ray Barone: Debra, Debra, Lovely Wife, why am I stuck with you for life!
Ray Barone: BULLY! BULLY!
Debra Barone: Oh, relax.
Ray Barone: Debra, Debra, Lovely Wife, why am I stuck with you for life!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: Well I think it's sad when people start having surgery to make themselves bigger.
Frank Barone: Marie did it the natural way. Pound cake!
Frank Barone: Marie did it the natural way. Pound cake!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: Please keep your comments to yourself that you and your lodge buddies come up with and laugh about during bouts of gas
Frank Barone: Don't say nothing about my lodge buddies.
Ray Barone: Who, the guys you swim naked with?
Frank Barone: That's lodge policy!
Frank Barone: Don't say nothing about my lodge buddies.
Ray Barone: Who, the guys you swim naked with?
Frank Barone: That's lodge policy!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: That's the restaurant where the crazy old Chinese lady yells at you while you're leaving, right?
Debra Barone: You know what she's yelling, right?
Ray Barone: Yeah, "habanadah!"
Debra Barone: She's saying, "Have a nice day."
Ray Barone: Oh. [pause] Well, maybe she isn't crazy.
Debra Barone: You know what she's yelling, right?
Ray Barone: Yeah, "habanadah!"
Debra Barone: She's saying, "Have a nice day."
Ray Barone: Oh. [pause] Well, maybe she isn't crazy.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Okay, you know what? I'm tired of this. I'd rather be normal than this.
Debra Barone: [imitates Marie] Ooh, dear how are you. Frosting in a can, so much easier than homemade. Look in that refrigerator. Whoa, smells like there wasn't anything good in here for a while.
Debra Barone: [imitates Frank] Time for desert. Holy crap. I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah...
Debra Barone: [imitates Robert]Oh, everything's turning out perfect for Raymond.
[increasingly frustrated]
Debra Barone: Oh, lucky Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. EVERYBODY loves Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!
[everybody laughs]
Robert Barone: Do me. Do me, now.
Debra Barone: [imitates Marie] Ooh, dear how are you. Frosting in a can, so much easier than homemade. Look in that refrigerator. Whoa, smells like there wasn't anything good in here for a while.
Debra Barone: [imitates Frank] Time for desert. Holy crap. I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah...
Debra Barone: [imitates Robert]Oh, everything's turning out perfect for Raymond.
[increasingly frustrated]
Debra Barone: Oh, lucky Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. EVERYBODY loves Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!
[everybody laughs]
Robert Barone: Do me. Do me, now.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray buys Debra a sex game]
Marie Barone: Another sex game?
Ray Barone: What do you mean another
Marie Barone: You know, the one with all the colored dots...
Ray Barone: what TWISTER?
Marie Barone: I know what was going on down there
Ray Barone: I played with Robert
Frank Barone: I don't wanna hear anymore
Marie Barone: Another sex game?
Ray Barone: What do you mean another
Marie Barone: You know, the one with all the colored dots...
Ray Barone: what TWISTER?
Marie Barone: I know what was going on down there
Ray Barone: I played with Robert
Frank Barone: I don't wanna hear anymore
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: Frank do you love me?
Frank Barone: YOU STILL NEED REASSURANCE, AFTER 45 YEARS OF BONDAGE?
Frank Barone: YOU STILL NEED REASSURANCE, AFTER 45 YEARS OF BONDAGE?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Robert has escaped from a woman, by climbing out of her window]
Marie Barone: Why did you do that?
Robert Barone: She eats bugs!
Marie Barone: But, why did you climb out her window?
Frank Barone: Hey, that's a very convenient way to get away from a dangerous woman. I mean, if your mother's apartment had been one floor lower, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Marie Barone: Why did you do that?
Robert Barone: She eats bugs!
Marie Barone: But, why did you climb out her window?
Frank Barone: Hey, that's a very convenient way to get away from a dangerous woman. I mean, if your mother's apartment had been one floor lower, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: [about Debra's dad's new girlfriend]
Ray Barone: Well, usually guys his age go for younger women. Instead of going for somebody younger he went for somebody different.
Debra Barone: Ray!
Ray Barone: I meant... No! I mean, I always say the opposite phrases of what I say. Like, just this morning I told Debra "I'm soup, can I get some hungry?" [laughs nervously]
[Debra's mom leaves, Debra looks at Ray menacingly and goes after her mother]
Ray Barone: Oh, man...
Frank Barone: Kill is going to Debra you.
Ray Barone: Well, usually guys his age go for younger women. Instead of going for somebody younger he went for somebody different.
Debra Barone: Ray!
Ray Barone: I meant... No! I mean, I always say the opposite phrases of what I say. Like, just this morning I told Debra "I'm soup, can I get some hungry?" [laughs nervously]
[Debra's mom leaves, Debra looks at Ray menacingly and goes after her mother]
Ray Barone: Oh, man...
Frank Barone: Kill is going to Debra you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: You know, Robert gets the jealousy thing from me.
Ray Barone: Oh, yeah?
Frank Barone: Yeah, one time I drove my fist through a Desoto, on account of your mother.
Ray Barone: Really?
Frank Barone: Yeah. She started talking about marriage, and I told her to go to hell. I remember hearing through the grapevine, that your mother was going to have dinner at Chuck Pacarello's. Now, your mother's cooking, that's something... special. And, I figured, she was only gonna cook like that for me. So, I went to Chuck Pacarello's and punched the headlights off of his car. I spent the night in the hospital, picking glass out of my arm.
Ray Barone: Wow, dad, I never thought there was a story like that behind you and mom. It's almost romantic.
Frank Barone: Yeah, I know. I don't tell that story a lot, though.
Ray Barone: How come?
Frank Barone: Because it doesn't have a happy ending.
Ray Barone: Oh, yeah?
Frank Barone: Yeah, one time I drove my fist through a Desoto, on account of your mother.
Ray Barone: Really?
Frank Barone: Yeah. She started talking about marriage, and I told her to go to hell. I remember hearing through the grapevine, that your mother was going to have dinner at Chuck Pacarello's. Now, your mother's cooking, that's something... special. And, I figured, she was only gonna cook like that for me. So, I went to Chuck Pacarello's and punched the headlights off of his car. I spent the night in the hospital, picking glass out of my arm.
Ray Barone: Wow, dad, I never thought there was a story like that behind you and mom. It's almost romantic.
Frank Barone: Yeah, I know. I don't tell that story a lot, though.
Ray Barone: How come?
Frank Barone: Because it doesn't have a happy ending.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: We got to find a way to get away from your parents.
Ray Barone: I got the perfect solution- the witness protection program.
Debra Barone: Ray, I'm serious.
Ray Barone: So am I. Let see them try to find Steve and Phyllis Rosenberg in Tucson, Arizona.
Ray Barone: I got the perfect solution- the witness protection program.
Debra Barone: Ray, I'm serious.
Ray Barone: So am I. Let see them try to find Steve and Phyllis Rosenberg in Tucson, Arizona.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: We have to invite your parents. It's like when the Russians boycotted the Olympics. It diminished the whole event.
Ray Barone: Yeah, but you're forgetting one thing. When the Russians boycotted, we won everything.
Ray Barone: Yeah, but you're forgetting one thing. When the Russians boycotted, we won everything.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Dr. Nora thought I was boring.
Ray Barone: You're not boring, you're normal. Living in my house, I prayed for normal. Then, I had to fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes. There was 'Fat Tony', 'Danny the Weasel' and 'Billy Stretch and Tastes Bad'.
Ray Barone: You're not boring, you're normal. Living in my house, I prayed for normal. Then, I had to fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes. There was 'Fat Tony', 'Danny the Weasel' and 'Billy Stretch and Tastes Bad'.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray is taking parenting classes]
Ray Barone: Hey, Ma, did you change the twins' pajamas?
Marie Barone: Yeah, I left them here. I wanted to get some of the old stains out.
Ray Barone: We have a washing machine, Ma.
Marie Barone: Some of those stubborn stains need special treatment.
Frank Barone: Why don't you take a class for THAT? I got grand-parenting class at 3. Today's lessons are "Blow my nose" and "Pull my finger". [laughs]
Ray Barone: Yeah, while you're there, don't miss the seminar about moving to Florida.
Ray Barone: Hey, Ma, did you change the twins' pajamas?
Marie Barone: Yeah, I left them here. I wanted to get some of the old stains out.
Ray Barone: We have a washing machine, Ma.
Marie Barone: Some of those stubborn stains need special treatment.
Frank Barone: Why don't you take a class for THAT? I got grand-parenting class at 3. Today's lessons are "Blow my nose" and "Pull my finger". [laughs]
Ray Barone: Yeah, while you're there, don't miss the seminar about moving to Florida.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: Shouldn't you be yelling at me, or something?
Debra Barone: Ray, when you're on the Titanic and you're manning the life boats, you don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
Debra Barone: Ray, when you're on the Titanic and you're manning the life boats, you don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Somebody spelled "Ray stinks" with letter magnets on Ray's fridge]
Ray Barone: I knew it! It's that damn Spencer kid!
Robert Barone: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not jump to conclusions. It could've been somebody else.
Ray Barone: Well, did you write it?
Robert Barone: No. But, it could've been the twins.
Ray Barone: No, if it was them, they would've wrote "Daddy Stinks". Was it you, dad?
Frank Barone: If it was me, it wouldn't say STINKS.
Ray Barone: I knew it! It's that damn Spencer kid!
Robert Barone: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not jump to conclusions. It could've been somebody else.
Ray Barone: Well, did you write it?
Robert Barone: No. But, it could've been the twins.
Ray Barone: No, if it was them, they would've wrote "Daddy Stinks". Was it you, dad?
Frank Barone: If it was me, it wouldn't say STINKS.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond