Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Narrator: When it came to dances, there were two kinds: the white kind and the black kind.
Chris: Why would I go to that dance, anyway? It's just a bunch of people who hate me, hating me in a room while dancing.
Narrator: We could film it and call it Dancing with the Bigots.
Chris: Why would I go to that dance, anyway? It's just a bunch of people who hate me, hating me in a room while dancing.
Narrator: We could film it and call it Dancing with the Bigots.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: On Mother's Day, all I could do was hope my mom didn't know the difference between Pure Voodoo and Pure Voo-don't.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: Hey, check out what I made for my mom for Mother's Day: macaroni pajamas.
Chris: Don't you think you're a little bit too old to be making macaroni presents?
Narrator: When Greg got engaged, he gave his fiancée a piece of rigatoni.
Chris: Don't you think you're a little bit too old to be making macaroni presents?
Narrator: When Greg got engaged, he gave his fiancée a piece of rigatoni.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: The problem with going to department stores is every time a black person enters, they get followed. It didn't matter if you were a baby wearing diapers or a senior citizen wearing diapers... or even one of their own.
White Security Guard: He's on the move.
Black Security Guard: What do you mean, "I'm on the move?" I work here!
White Security Guard: Sorry. Force of habit.
White Security Guard: He's on the move.
Black Security Guard: What do you mean, "I'm on the move?" I work here!
White Security Guard: Sorry. Force of habit.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: You'd think it'd be Christmas, and it might have been if Jesus cleaned our house and cooked our meals.
[Jesus appears to serve the family meatloaf]
Tonya: That smells good.
Jesus: Who wants meatloaf?
[Jesus appears to serve the family meatloaf]
Tonya: That smells good.
Jesus: Who wants meatloaf?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: Hey Dad, what you gettin' Mom for Mother's Day?
Julius: Me? Why should I get anything? It's Mother's Day, not Wife's Day.
Julius: Me? Why should I get anything? It's Mother's Day, not Wife's Day.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: She may not know how to work an oven, but she knows how to work me!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I was cool with Angel, but not with androgyny, so I asked my dad for help.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: Unless you show up wearin' makeup, heels, and a dress, nobody's gonna think you're androgynous.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: There haven't been this many ex-cons in one place since Naomi Campbell had lunch with Amy Winehouse.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
[Rochelle says that the kids always give her great Mother's Day gifts]
Chris: No we don't! We just make you some stupid gift out of macaroni
Tonya: My macaronni oven mitts were not stupid!
Drew: You're right. They weren't nearly as stupid as your macaronni hotcon.
Tonya: Shut up!
Narrator: Or your macaronni macaronni bowl.
Adult Tonya: [narrating] Hey, you shut up, too.
Narrator: Get outta my voice-over booth, woman! Save that for the show, "Everybody Hates Tonya"!
Adult Tonya: [narrating] Whatever.
Chris: No we don't! We just make you some stupid gift out of macaroni
Tonya: My macaronni oven mitts were not stupid!
Drew: You're right. They weren't nearly as stupid as your macaronni hotcon.
Tonya: Shut up!
Narrator: Or your macaronni macaronni bowl.
Adult Tonya: [narrating] Hey, you shut up, too.
Narrator: Get outta my voice-over booth, woman! Save that for the show, "Everybody Hates Tonya"!
Adult Tonya: [narrating] Whatever.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I wanted to give my mother something nice because all I could think of was how much she sacrificed. She sacrificed at home.
Rochelle: OK, who wants pizza? [the rest of her family each grabs a slice]
Narrator: And she sacrificed on the street.
[it is cold outside]
Tonya: Thanks for your coat, Momma.
Rochelle: That's OK, baby. I like the cold.
Rochelle: OK, who wants pizza? [the rest of her family each grabs a slice]
Narrator: And she sacrificed on the street.
[it is cold outside]
Tonya: Thanks for your coat, Momma.
Rochelle: That's OK, baby. I like the cold.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Perfume Clerk: The perfume contains up to 20% more aromatic compounds than the eau de toilette, and is classified by the olfactive family, though it does not exist as a true, singular aromatic material, whereas the eau de toilette contains up to five to ten...
Narrator: You can see the rest of this 20-minute speech over at PerfumeNut.net.
Narrator: You can see the rest of this 20-minute speech over at PerfumeNut.net.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Mother's Day was two days away, and I was up the creek without a present.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: You better not get on stage and embarrass me in front of a bunch of white people, or else I'm gonna smack the pomp outta your circumstances.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: It looks like you're going to Tattaglia after all.
Chris: But this isn't fair!
Ms. Morello: I know, but always remember this: When you get to the other side of the river, the streets of heaven will be lined with gold for you, me, and all God's children.
Narrator: I was still in shock, so I didn't have the presence of mind to smack her upside the head and run.
Chris: But this isn't fair!
Ms. Morello: I know, but always remember this: When you get to the other side of the river, the streets of heaven will be lined with gold for you, me, and all God's children.
Narrator: I was still in shock, so I didn't have the presence of mind to smack her upside the head and run.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: You know, we can't let this happen. Starsky and Hutch didn't break up.
Narrator: They were both white.
Greg: Butch and Sundance didn't break up.
Narrator: White again.
Greg: Crockett and Tubbs didn't break up.
Narrator: Tubbs thought he was white.
Narrator: They were both white.
Greg: Butch and Sundance didn't break up.
Narrator: White again.
Greg: Crockett and Tubbs didn't break up.
Narrator: Tubbs thought he was white.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ryan: You know what would be a good idea? A show about cops arrestin' people.
Narrator: But what would you call it?
Narrator: But what would you call it?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Graduatin' from Corleone was one of the best days of my life because I was surrounded by my family, and this was the one day I wasn't gonna get punched, kicked, beat down or talked about.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: [to Mr. Perkins] Where are you gettin' this information?
Narrator: I'll tell you where he's gettin' it.
Ms. Morello: Unfortunately, I think Chris is a crack baby. The mother's a little delusional. Her brain is addled by years of drug abuse and cheap wine spo-dee-o-dee. She's actually convinced herself that she has a husband who works two jobs and that they own a house in the ghetto. You can't believe a word she says.
Narrator: I'll tell you where he's gettin' it.
Ms. Morello: Unfortunately, I think Chris is a crack baby. The mother's a little delusional. Her brain is addled by years of drug abuse and cheap wine spo-dee-o-dee. She's actually convinced herself that she has a husband who works two jobs and that they own a house in the ghetto. You can't believe a word she says.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: These weren't your everyday white kids; they were bigger, faster, and stronger. Also, they were sexier. They had sexier backs... and sexier fronts.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Finally, I thought my troubles were over. I wasn't gonna be the only black kid on the bus, and I wasn't gonna be the only black kid at lunch. And for a change, I wasn't gonna be the only black kid in my class.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: Want some cash?
Chris: You kiddin' me?
Greg: Take it, man. I can get more tomorrow.
Narrator: Greg was like an ATM machine with acne.
Chris: You kiddin' me?
Greg: Take it, man. I can get more tomorrow.
Narrator: Greg was like an ATM machine with acne.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: I do not need this, OK?! My man has two jobs!
Narrator: Two jobs equals one finger.
Narrator: Two jobs equals one finger.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: [standing on a man's car] MY BABY WANTS A JOB!
Man: Get off of my car, fool!
Man: Get off of my car, fool!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: [overjoyed] Oh, my God! Chris!
Narrator: It'd be 20 years before another woman had that reaction.
Narrator: It'd be 20 years before another woman had that reaction.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: [to a blond woman] Did you dye your hair blond or did you dye your eyebrows black?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Thurman: If you wanna get along with me, don't be lazy.
Narrator: Or black.
Narrator: Or black.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Vanessa: I'm losin' more customers than a Muslim rib shack.
Narrator: Ah salaam a-lick-'em!
Narrator: Ah salaam a-lick-'em!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris