Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Narrator: It's better to hang out with friends that get you out of trouble, not into it. If only 2Pac had known that.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: I'm not hungry.
Narrator: For my father to waste food, that could only mean one thing: hell must've frozen over.
The Devil: Damn, it's cold!
Narrator: For my father to waste food, that could only mean one thing: hell must've frozen over.
The Devil: Damn, it's cold!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: When it came to our friendship, we didn't see color.
Caruso: Hey Count Chocula. Hey Cap'n Crunch.
Narrator: Never woulda happened if I'd convinced Greg to wear blackface.
Caruso: Hey Count Chocula. Hey Cap'n Crunch.
Narrator: Never woulda happened if I'd convinced Greg to wear blackface.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Cleanin' up Kill Moves was tougher than cleanin' up New Orleans after Katrina.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: Can I have some money to buy a Christmas present for my friend Monica?
Julius: I'm afraid that's not in accordance with the principles of Kwanzaa.
Narrator: Or my father's cheapness!
Julius: I'm afraid that's not in accordance with the principles of Kwanzaa.
Narrator: Or my father's cheapness!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: This year, my holiday gift to you is a homework assignment.
Narrator: I'm glad I didn't get her anything.
Narrator: I'm glad I didn't get her anything.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Kill Moves and his mother taught me a valuable lesson: No matter what you celebrate, the holidays should be spent with people you love.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: I'm gonna do what I do every Christmas at the old folks' home.
Chris: What's that?
Greg: Pose for pictures dressed as baby Jesus.
Narrator: I posed for pictures as big baby Jesus. R.I.P., ODB.
Chris: What's that?
Greg: Pose for pictures dressed as baby Jesus.
Narrator: I posed for pictures as big baby Jesus. R.I.P., ODB.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Christmas was my mother's favorite time of year. She loved the food, and she loved the decorations. My father, on the other hand, hated Christmas. He hated the food.
Rochelle: I need to go grocery shoppin'.
Narrator: And he hated the decorations.
Rochelle: We need decorations.
Rochelle: I need to go grocery shoppin'.
Narrator: And he hated the decorations.
Rochelle: We need decorations.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: Mom, Kathleen Devereaux, 551 East 63 Street.
Greg: Dude, that's on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Do you know what kind of people live there?
Narrator: White people and Spike Lee.
Greg: Dude, that's on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Do you know what kind of people live there?
Narrator: White people and Spike Lee.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Since there was no "Kwanzaa Eve" celebration for my family, Christmas Day turned into just another Wednesday.
Drew: Aren't there any Kwanzaa shows on?
Narrator: Yeah. The Bob Hope Kwanzaa Special.
Rochelle: Everything is about Christmas.
Julius: Our ancestors played games and told stories.
Rochelle: Because our ancestors didn't have TV.
Drew: See? That's Kwanzaa's second principle, kujichagulia-- self-determination.
Rochelle: Kuji-what?
Julius: We define ourselves. We don't need the man tellin' us what to watch.
Drew: Aren't there any Kwanzaa shows on?
Narrator: Yeah. The Bob Hope Kwanzaa Special.
Rochelle: Everything is about Christmas.
Julius: Our ancestors played games and told stories.
Rochelle: Because our ancestors didn't have TV.
Drew: See? That's Kwanzaa's second principle, kujichagulia-- self-determination.
Rochelle: Kuji-what?
Julius: We define ourselves. We don't need the man tellin' us what to watch.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Omar: What's wrong with y'all? You look like the Grinch stole your Christmas.
Julius: We're not celebratin' Christmas this year. We're celebratin' Kwanzaa.
Drew: Yeah, we're tired of being consumed by this capitalistic nation's mindless consumerism.
Mr. Omar: Tragic.
Julius: We're not celebratin' Christmas this year. We're celebratin' Kwanzaa.
Drew: Yeah, we're tired of being consumed by this capitalistic nation's mindless consumerism.
Mr. Omar: Tragic.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Kathleen: Baby, it's so good to see you. I've been very worried.
Kill Moves: It's good to see you too, Mom.
Kathleen: How have you been?
Kill Moves: Homeless.
Kathleen: Other than that.
Kill Moves: Good. You know, watchin' my diet. I get a lotta exercise, and I don't talk to space people as much as I used to. Except for Gazoo.
Kathleen: Of course.
Kill Moves: It's good to see you too, Mom.
Kathleen: How have you been?
Kill Moves: Homeless.
Kathleen: Other than that.
Kill Moves: Good. You know, watchin' my diet. I get a lotta exercise, and I don't talk to space people as much as I used to. Except for Gazoo.
Kathleen: Of course.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Kathleen: And who are you?
Chris: Oh, I'm Chris.
Kathleen: Welcome to my home, Chris.
Chris: Looks like a department store.
Kathleen: Well, this is my favorite time of year.
Chris: Oh, I'm Chris.
Kathleen: Welcome to my home, Chris.
Chris: Looks like a department store.
Kathleen: Well, this is my favorite time of year.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Omar: If you know of any young men who would like to learn about the wonderful world of death, this scholarship is worth $250.
Narrator: Sounds like ticket money to me!
Narrator: Sounds like ticket money to me!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Vanessa: Hey, slick, if you wasn't a psychotic, homeless bum, I'd go out with you.
Kill Moves: Get in line, sister. Get in line.
Kill Moves: Get in line, sister. Get in line.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: What's Kwanzaa?
African Expert: Kwanzaa is celebrated for seven days after Christmas and emphasizes principles of family, community and culture. This peaceful African holiday was the great idea of Dr. Maulana Karenga. Later, one of his bad ideas led him to prison for four years for felonious assault and false imprisonment. Although Kwanzaa has enjoyed limited success, felonious assault swept the nation and continues to thrive throughout the African-American community today.
African Expert: Kwanzaa is celebrated for seven days after Christmas and emphasizes principles of family, community and culture. This peaceful African holiday was the great idea of Dr. Maulana Karenga. Later, one of his bad ideas led him to prison for four years for felonious assault and false imprisonment. Although Kwanzaa has enjoyed limited success, felonious assault swept the nation and continues to thrive throughout the African-American community today.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: After 15 bottles of shampoo and a Silkwood shower, our job was complete.
Vanessa: You're done.
Kill Moves: Ooh-ee! I look like a young Cleavon Little.
Narrator: More like an old Clifton Davis.
Vanessa: You're done.
Kill Moves: Ooh-ee! I look like a young Cleavon Little.
Narrator: More like an old Clifton Davis.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: While Tonya wouldn't speak about Kwanzaa, Drew was ready to start speakin' Swahili.
Drew: The first principle of Kwanzaa is umoja; unity. That means us black people gotta stick together.
Narrator: Well, that's it for Kwanzaa.
Drew: The first principle of Kwanzaa is umoja; unity. That means us black people gotta stick together.
Narrator: Well, that's it for Kwanzaa.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: All I wanted was some Southern hospitality, but all I got was Northern hostility.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Drew: I don't like down South. People act too country.
Narrator: They're not acting.
Narrator: They're not acting.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: [looking at a family photo] Hey Ma, who's that?
Rochelle: Oh, that's your Cousin Beanie! You know what? She's 12, just like you.
Narrator: Except Cousin Beanie's not evil.
Rochelle: Oh, that's your Cousin Beanie! You know what? She's 12, just like you.
Narrator: Except Cousin Beanie's not evil.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I tried to bring Greg up to speed on the new direction of the South.
Greg: Down South? You mean, like, across the Mason-Dixon Line?
Chris: Yeah. You know, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.
Greg: Mississippi? Are you trying to get yourself killed? You going to Mississippi is like me going to... hmm, I don't know, Mississippi.
Greg: Down South? You mean, like, across the Mason-Dixon Line?
Chris: Yeah. You know, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.
Greg: Mississippi? Are you trying to get yourself killed? You going to Mississippi is like me going to... hmm, I don't know, Mississippi.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: Ma, I'm hungry. Can we get a snack?
Rochelle: Are you nuts?! Have you seen the rats in this place?
Drew: Let's just go home and eat there.
Narrator: Same rats, different borough.
Rochelle: Are you nuts?! Have you seen the rats in this place?
Drew: Let's just go home and eat there.
Narrator: Same rats, different borough.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: After my mother convinced Uncle Louis to fly, we headed to Port Authority, the only place in New York scarier than our neighborhood.
Rochelle: OK, I want y'all to be real careful in here. This place is full of pickpockets, pimps, and... and, and murderers and child molesters and thieves.
Narrator: That's the Port Authority slogan.
Rochelle: OK, I want y'all to be real careful in here. This place is full of pickpockets, pimps, and... and, and murderers and child molesters and thieves.
Narrator: That's the Port Authority slogan.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I was a bad boy long before Will Smith and Martin Lawrence.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Maître D': Young man, I'm going to have to ask you to take your feet off the table.
Chris: And what if I don't?
Maître D': Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Chris: And what if I don't?
Maître D': Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Drew: Maybe we can bring somebody.
Rochelle: Wait a minute. This sounds like a nice place. We can't just bring somebody.
Narrator: We thought about bringin' Vanessa.
Vanessa: I dated a French guy once. I can't stand French food. I mean, hors d'oeuvres. Who wants a piece of liver on a toothpick? [to a waiter] You got any chimichangas?
Narrator: We thought about Jerome.
Jerome: Excuse me, garçon, can we get some more silverware?
Waitress: I just put some out.
Jerome: I don't know what happened to it. [it is then revealed that he stole some silverware]
Narrator: We even thought about Mr. Omar.
[a woman is trying to save her choking husband]
Rochelle: Oh, my God! He's chokin'! Help him!
Mr. Omar: Hold on! There's nothing we can do.
Woman: But he's still choking! [her husband dies]
Mr. Omar: Not anymore. Tragic!
Rochelle: Wait a minute. This sounds like a nice place. We can't just bring somebody.
Narrator: We thought about bringin' Vanessa.
Vanessa: I dated a French guy once. I can't stand French food. I mean, hors d'oeuvres. Who wants a piece of liver on a toothpick? [to a waiter] You got any chimichangas?
Narrator: We thought about Jerome.
Jerome: Excuse me, garçon, can we get some more silverware?
Waitress: I just put some out.
Jerome: I don't know what happened to it. [it is then revealed that he stole some silverware]
Narrator: We even thought about Mr. Omar.
[a woman is trying to save her choking husband]
Rochelle: Oh, my God! He's chokin'! Help him!
Mr. Omar: Hold on! There's nothing we can do.
Woman: But he's still choking! [her husband dies]
Mr. Omar: Not anymore. Tragic!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: Dude, once a friend, always a friend. It's the Westermarck effect.
Chris: West what?
Greg: Edward Westermarck. He was a scientist. He concluded that when two people live together in close proximity during the early years of life, they will never become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Narrator: That means I still have a chance with Shakira.
Chris: West what?
Greg: Edward Westermarck. He was a scientist. He concluded that when two people live together in close proximity during the early years of life, they will never become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Narrator: That means I still have a chance with Shakira.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris