Greg the Bunny Quotes
Greg: Hey, Dottie, I just saw your hooters!
Dottie: WHAT?
Greg: The two owls for the counting sketch. They're right over there.
Dottie: WHAT?
Greg: The two owls for the counting sketch. They're right over there.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
[On dogs]
Warren: What do humans see in these things, anyway? If I wanted someone to lick my face and poop on my lawn I'd get back together with Farrah Fawcett.
Warren: What do humans see in these things, anyway? If I wanted someone to lick my face and poop on my lawn I'd get back together with Farrah Fawcett.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: Boy, you actually brought a synthesizer.
Warren: Yes, well, nothing but the best for Blah's birthday.
Gil: It's Jack's birthday.
Warren: Yeah, whatever. Come on, shove aside, Bender -- the reporter can't see me.
Warren: Yes, well, nothing but the best for Blah's birthday.
Gil: It's Jack's birthday.
Warren: Yeah, whatever. Come on, shove aside, Bender -- the reporter can't see me.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Warren, Warren, we have exactly three hours to plan a surprise party for Jack, okay? Spread the word.
Warren: Oh, good God, this isn't going to be like the time you threw me a party and then cleaned out my liquor cabinet, is it?
Alison: That wasn't a party; that was an intervention.
Warren: Oh, good God, this isn't going to be like the time you threw me a party and then cleaned out my liquor cabinet, is it?
Alison: That wasn't a party; that was an intervention.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Oh, hey! Yay! Look who's here! Everybody, this is Laura Carlson from TV Guide.
Jimmy: Oh, wow. I hope she's as easy as their crossword puzzles.
Greg: No kidding. I would like to see a magician try to pull me out of her.
Jimmy: Oh, wow. I hope she's as easy as their crossword puzzles.
Greg: No kidding. I would like to see a magician try to pull me out of her.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Yeah, the whole angle is going to be how, even behind the scenes, we're one, big, happy family.
Jack: Yeah, right.
Alison: Yeah, right, and if we do this right, we could wind up on the cover, which would do incredible things for me. Us. The show.
Warren: This could be perfect. I could plug my CD entitled, "It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's Demontague."
Alison: As much as I would love you to go plug yourself, Warren, this is not the time.
Jack: Yeah, right.
Alison: Yeah, right, and if we do this right, we could wind up on the cover, which would do incredible things for me. Us. The show.
Warren: This could be perfect. I could plug my CD entitled, "It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's Demontague."
Alison: As much as I would love you to go plug yourself, Warren, this is not the time.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Leo Tolstoy began "Anna Karenina" by writing that all happy families resemble one another, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Yeah, that's right -- I've read the first page of a lot of books.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Well, when you think about it, father-son relationships are a lot like omelets. You know, the more you put into them, the better they're going to be. Nobody likes them when they're cold, and if you want to make a good one, sometimes you got to break a few eggs.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Listen, I need to fill some seats tonight. Uh, how'd you like come to my play?
Tardy: I like to play with Warren.
Warren: No, uh, Tardy. I will be in a play. You understand? Performing.
Tardy: I'm not 'upposed to eat the Legos.
Warren: Oh God, it's like talking to Keanu Reeves.
Tardy: I like to play with Warren.
Warren: No, uh, Tardy. I will be in a play. You understand? Performing.
Tardy: I'm not 'upposed to eat the Legos.
Warren: Oh God, it's like talking to Keanu Reeves.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jimmy: You never tell me anything.
Jimmy's Mother: I tell you things! Like when grandma had a stroke --
Jimmy: Grandma had a stroke!?
Jimmy's Mother: Yes, but don't worry - she can still criticise my every decision with the left side of her body.
Jimmy's Mother: I tell you things! Like when grandma had a stroke --
Jimmy: Grandma had a stroke!?
Jimmy's Mother: Yes, but don't worry - she can still criticise my every decision with the left side of her body.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: I'm losing everything. Sandy and I are getting a divorce.
Blah: You're kidding. What happened?
Gil: Oh, you know, she says I spend too much time in the office. Uh, you know, uh, I'm not affectionate enough. Uh, I'm distant. Uh, I pat my fingers too much. You know, I'm cheap. Uh, I breathe funny. You know, I don't listen. Who knows what she's saying half the time.
Blah: You're kidding. What happened?
Gil: Oh, you know, she says I spend too much time in the office. Uh, you know, uh, I'm not affectionate enough. Uh, I'm distant. Uh, I pat my fingers too much. You know, I'm cheap. Uh, I breathe funny. You know, I don't listen. Who knows what she's saying half the time.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: History is filled with fathers and sons who just can't get along. Oedipus and Mr. Oedipus. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Son of Sam and Sam. You know, it makes you wonder if fathers and sons will always be destined to collide.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jimmy: I don't know if this is going to work.
Greg: Dude, it's time travel. How hard could it be? If I'm successful, I will go back to 1988 and stop them from making Back to the Future 3.
Greg: Dude, it's time travel. How hard could it be? If I'm successful, I will go back to 1988 and stop them from making Back to the Future 3.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Why is there so much wrong and so little right? Where have the saints gone marching tonight? What won't you do for the almighty buck?
Jimmy: Is it just me, or does this thing suck?
Jimmy: Is it just me, or does this thing suck?
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: So no one likes to be the bad guy. Well, alright, except for skilled character actors like Alan Rickman. But the point is, you know, if you're the one calling the shots, well, then there's always going to be some people who get, well, pissed. But there are also always going to be people who will look out for you, and make sure that they've got you covered no matter what comes down.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: You know about my movie.
Alison: Your agent called. See you bright and early in the morning, Professor Ape.
Warren: I don't think so. Because I quit.
Alison: You can't quit. We treasure you here, Warren. Plus, you're contractually obligated.
Warren: Force me to appear, and my performances will be soulless, unimpassioned and sterile.
Gil: Good. So everything's back to normal.
Alison: Your agent called. See you bright and early in the morning, Professor Ape.
Warren: I don't think so. Because I quit.
Alison: You can't quit. We treasure you here, Warren. Plus, you're contractually obligated.
Warren: Force me to appear, and my performances will be soulless, unimpassioned and sterile.
Gil: Good. So everything's back to normal.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Tardy: [when asked by his boss if he likes Allison the network executive] I love Allison.
Allison How do you like ashtrays?
Tardy I love ashtrays.
Allison How do you like ashtrays?
Tardy I love ashtrays.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: I'm thrilled, sir! I am honored! I, um, well, you know, Gary, I--I would like to talk to you about, uh, you know, some, uh, clunky writing there in the second act.
Gary: But... it's Shakespeare.
Warren: Yeah. Yeah. Alright, I'll make it work.
Gary: But... it's Shakespeare.
Warren: Yeah. Yeah. Alright, I'll make it work.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gary: When you're ready. Um, we've, uh, we've got a lot of people to see.
Warren: Oh, yes. Well, of course you do. Uh, many fine choices out there... if you're looking to put the "Ham" in "Hamlet."
Warren: Oh, yes. Well, of course you do. Uh, many fine choices out there... if you're looking to put the "Ham" in "Hamlet."
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Yeah, well, I can't act. And I can't sing. I--I tried to write. I-I tried writing a--a script for Full House. It was really, really horrible.
Dottie: Well, that's okay. Most scripts don't get anywhere.
Alison: No, they made it.
Dottie: Well, that's okay. Most scripts don't get anywhere.
Alison: No, they made it.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Alright, listen. Uh, sometimes when people drink a little too much, they tend to... hallucinate.
Greg: Yeah, they also tend to urinate, which is what I saw you doing last night.
Greg: Yeah, they also tend to urinate, which is what I saw you doing last night.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: You know, you made her cry, man. You hurt her feelings.
Warren: Oh, please. She is a network robot, okay? They didn't program her model with feelings.
Warren: Oh, please. She is a network robot, okay? They didn't program her model with feelings.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: 'Cause she always seems so sad.
Blah: Don't you mean cranky, blah?
Dottie: What about Cranky? We invited him.
Cranky: Yeah, well, I ain't comin', ya bastards!
Blah: Don't you mean cranky, blah?
Dottie: What about Cranky? We invited him.
Cranky: Yeah, well, I ain't comin', ya bastards!
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Being in a position of authority rarely makes you popular. In high school, I thought my service as a hall monitor might have gotten me elected homecoming king. But instead, it made me the football team's favorite toilet brush.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Of course. Of course. Well, let her know that I would be willing to do a monologue on the show tomorrow. Perhaps Claudius' angst over the murder of his brother might be fun for the kiddies.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny