Drawn Together Quotes

Clara's Father: You are a princess. Hu-DUHHHHHHHH!
Clara: I know that, father. But I long for so much more.
Clara's Father: Of course you do, because you're a princess and that's what princesses do. They long for more. Or die in a car crash in France. Now, let us never speak of this again.

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Clara's Father: They took everything! My crown, my jewels, but not my innocence. No, I lost that a long time ago when I was but a naive prince who would do anything for his jousting instructor. Anything.

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Toot: [drunk] I thought you loved me, Captain Morgan! [smashes the bottle against a wall] Oh no, you're bleeding! I'll save you Cap'n Morgan! [licks it off the wall]

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Toot: You want to do what to pizza? The most tasty and delicious of all that is tasty and delicious? So you can shit on it? I should kill you where you stand! [punches a hole through the wall]

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Clara's Father: Now, Clara, do you promise to stay away from that boyishly handsome pig?

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Foxxy: Here's how it's gonna go down. I'm gonna finish my hair. Spanky, you order the pizza. And Clara, you go into the confession room and tell the camera how you never felt so aliiiiiivvvve.
[Clara is now in the confession room]
Clara: My first naughty prank. I've never felt so aliiiiiivvvve.

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Xandir: And where have you been? I walked that entire mall all by myself.
Captain Hero: Oh. Was that today?
Xandir: Yes, that was today!
Captain Hero: Sorry. I had to restore peace to the Middle East. Again. Oy, those Muslims are kooky, man! I mean, have you read that Koran? It's mostly knock-knock jokes.
Xandir: You used to care about me... about us.
Captain Hero: What?
Xandir: You used to say I was pretty.
Captain Hero: No, I didn't.
Xandir: You used to dress up for me.
Captain Hero: Only that one time!
Xandir: Oh, forget it! I hope you enjoy the couch!
Captain Hero: But Xandir...
Xandir: I said COUCH!

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Clara: What happened to me? Messing with the minimum-wage pizza man, going to jail, shivving my cellmate... these are things a princess should never do, and that's why I liked it so much.

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Captain Hero: I figured, what the hell. Make the gay kid happy. Besides, I know a certain pony-less superhero who had a few choice words for Mr. Claus.

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Clara's Father: Clara, what are you doing?
Clara: I am laughing, Father. Laughing!
Clara's Father: My goodness, you are! I've never seen you so happy.
Clara: Because I've never been so happy.
Clara's Father: Oh Clara, that is all I've ever wanted for you. Who knew it was dooting on pizza that would make you so happy?

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Robot Alien Fly: We have finally destroyed all the humans... but we have also learned from them!
[cut to an alien house]
Robot Alien Fly: I did not order a blaxicon with... seethle blark! [shows a pizza man-like robot alien fly what looks like soiled pizza; the "pizza man" leaves] Ha-ha-ha! You suck!

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[Lyrics to This Is Our Version]
If so, it's supposed to be
Just like the song in Dirty Dancing
The one where they talk about having the greatest time
While they set the dirty dance floor on fire
So, this is our version, though
The chords are not quite the same
And the melody is different
It's even kinda lame
But hell, it's the best that we could do
We had to make something fit
So given the scene, it's fitting
If it sounds like...
[the song stops abruptly when Clara starts to defecate on the pizza; the last word is apparently "shit"]

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Pizza Man: [after Spanky shows him a pizza box with a turd in it] What in the name of Vishnu...? AAIEEE!

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End Credits Bonus Feature: Clara and her father make out during the credits.

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Foxxy: But if we don't fight, or drink, or fuck, or suck, or jerk, or three-way fuck, or necro-fuck-philia, then the Producers won't have no show to show.

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[the girls have just finished watching the Jesus movie they made]
Foxxy: That was great! So now what? We go door to door and give out free copies?
Clara: Free? Are you nuts? We can sell these at ten bucks a pop and rake in the cash as a new wave of anti-Semitism sweeps the country... Wait, was that not the challenge?

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Foxxy: Now Foxxy Love did not want a riot to break out. Even though she sho' could use a new TV set!

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Toot: Before coming on this reality show, how many times have you guys really been in a Mexican standoff?
Clara: Oh, what a cute name for it!
Wooldoor: Twice!

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Bucky Bucks: I am Bucky Bucks, eccentric billionaire. The producers have sent me here to announce a competition, the winner of which will help me run my billion dollar empire.
Clara: Bucky Bucks?
Foxxy: Billion dollar empire?
Spanky: Parody of The Apprentice?

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Foxxy: Now, I didn't like the Jell-O wrestling idea, but the producers gave me a golden opportunity, and just like that necklace some fool left on Clara's dresser, I'm gonna take it.

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Toot: Ugh! You were just gonna leave that there? Bitch, pick it up!
Captain Hero: Fuck you, fatty foopah!
Toot: Pick it up or I'm sending you back to hell! [pulls a gun at Captain Hero]

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Clara: All right, Toot, drop your weapon! [pulls a gun at Toot]

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Xandir: No, you drop it! [pulls a gun on Clara]

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Spanky: Nobody holds a gun to my girl, but me! [also pulls a gun on Clara]

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Wooldoor: All right!! Let's fucking do this!!! [has a lot of mulitiple arms with guns, knife, etc. pointed at everyone but himself] I'm not afraid to DIE!!!!! [sprouts yet another arm with a gun pointed at himself]

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Toot: Let's blow this goddamn house to bits!!

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Xandir: We went to a children's hospital and had them put their faith in the Lord instead of those silly pills and potions.
Bucky Bucks: Very nice. How about you guys?
Clara: We made 617 million dollars.
Bucky Bucks: [to Xandir and the rest of his team] Wow, you guys got your asses whipped!

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Bucky Bucks: Xandir, I can't help but think this is all your fault.
Xandir: What?! But I'm a Certified Air Traffic Controller with Ten Years of experience!
Spanky: I heard Gay Traffic Controller, with Gay Years of experience! [high-fives Captain Hero]
Bucky Bucks: Spanky brings up a good point.

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Toot: Like the unfortunate head of a boy with a pituitary gland disorder, my army was slowly growing!

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Captain Hero: The Pillsbury Doughbroad is right! [pokes Toot in the stomach]
Toot: Hoo-hoo!

TV Show: Drawn Together