Drawn Together Quotes
Spanky: [in attic with Ling-Ling] We're gonna make imitation name-brand sneakers, ones that everyone will likey! But our sneakers will be bigger, and cooler, and more sneakery! Can you do it little buddy?!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Spanky: Ah, so! [he pats Ling-Ling's head like a dog] That's a good Oriental! We're gonna do great things, just like Fat Man and Little Boy!
Ling-Ling: [shaking Spanky's hand] Ah, hai!
Spanky: Yeah, now make 100 more: in big ones! Fame for the midget girl-feet you Asiatics get off on! [Ling-Ling quickly starts sewing more shoes].
Ling-Ling: [shaking Spanky's hand] Ah, hai!
Spanky: Yeah, now make 100 more: in big ones! Fame for the midget girl-feet you Asiatics get off on! [Ling-Ling quickly starts sewing more shoes].
TV Show: Drawn Together
[Lord Slashstab is lowering Xandir's girlfriend into a pit of megacobras]
Xandir's Girlfriend: Xandir, thank God you called! EVIL LORD SLASHSTAB HAS LOWERED ME INTO A PIT OF MEGACOBRAS!
Xandir: Listen. Before we talk about your problems, there's something I have to...
Xandir's Girlfriend: THESE SNAKES ARE GONNA EAT ME ALIVE!
Xandir: Shh. Sweetheart, lemme get this out: I... I'm gay.
Xandir's Girlfriend: AAAH! THE VENOM! IT BURNS! What? You're gay?
Xandir: Mais oui.[chuckles nervously] But don't worry, I'm still on a never-ending quest to save you.
Xandir's Girlfriend: The hell you are! I don't wanna be saved by no limp-wristed, fart-catching, rump-ranging fairy boy, so you should just fly your flesh rocket to chocolate-land, for all I care! Goodbye, Xandir P. Wifflebottom!
Xandir: Wait! Don't hang up!
Xandir's Girlfriend: Xandir, thank God you called! EVIL LORD SLASHSTAB HAS LOWERED ME INTO A PIT OF MEGACOBRAS!
Xandir: Listen. Before we talk about your problems, there's something I have to...
Xandir's Girlfriend: THESE SNAKES ARE GONNA EAT ME ALIVE!
Xandir: Shh. Sweetheart, lemme get this out: I... I'm gay.
Xandir's Girlfriend: AAAH! THE VENOM! IT BURNS! What? You're gay?
Xandir: Mais oui.[chuckles nervously] But don't worry, I'm still on a never-ending quest to save you.
Xandir's Girlfriend: The hell you are! I don't wanna be saved by no limp-wristed, fart-catching, rump-ranging fairy boy, so you should just fly your flesh rocket to chocolate-land, for all I care! Goodbye, Xandir P. Wifflebottom!
Xandir: Wait! Don't hang up!
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Spanky: What you need is some good old-fashioned positive reinforcement. You can do it. [starts whipping Ling-Ling] You're special because you're you! There's two I's in Ling-Ling!
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[doorbell rings, Spanky answers it]
Asian Kid: Mister, sir, I work at a real sweatshop in the Vietnam. Your cheap sneakers make us lose low-paid jobs. We starving in street.
Spanky: So, whatchu gonna do about it, Chinese?
Asian Kid: Please, honorable pig demon, you take gruel from my mouth and mouth of forty-seven brothers and one sister.
Spanky: Oh, yeah? [makes a face resembling Asian buck-teeth] Well, me no carey! [slams the door]
Asian Kid: Mister, sir, I work at a real sweatshop in the Vietnam. Your cheap sneakers make us lose low-paid jobs. We starving in street.
Spanky: So, whatchu gonna do about it, Chinese?
Asian Kid: Please, honorable pig demon, you take gruel from my mouth and mouth of forty-seven brothers and one sister.
Spanky: Oh, yeah? [makes a face resembling Asian buck-teeth] Well, me no carey! [slams the door]
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Foxxy: Call her. Your girlfriend deserves to know you love mangina.
Xandir: Foxxy was right. She did deserve to know. And I do love mangina.
Xandir: Foxxy was right. She did deserve to know. And I do love mangina.
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Xandir: Foxxy, don't you understand? That big-mouthed tranny is gonna tell my girlfriend I'm out!
Foxxy: You and Pac-Man, huh? Well you won't be the first fruit he ate!
Foxxy: You and Pac-Man, huh? Well you won't be the first fruit he ate!
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Clara: So Xandir finally found a new purpose and a new love, and like all fairy tale endings, I'm sure he'll live happily ever after... until God casts him into the fiery pits of Hell, of course. But until then, he'll be happy.
God: That Clara is such an asshole. I love the gays! Come on, they're adorable! And calling hair gel product? That's just fancy, that's what that is! [a penis appears out of nowhere] What the...? Hello. You're a funny fella. [sniffs the penis] What's your name? [pokes the penis]
God: That Clara is such an asshole. I love the gays! Come on, they're adorable! And calling hair gel product? That's just fancy, that's what that is! [a penis appears out of nowhere] What the...? Hello. You're a funny fella. [sniffs the penis] What's your name? [pokes the penis]
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Producer: [on television] Coming up on Drawn Together! [Spanky's eyes roll to become 'Yen' symbols before Ling-Ling turns off the T.V].
Spanky: Damn! That Asian thing sure can sew! [His eyes roll to become 'Yen' symbols, like on the T.V. He then walks up to Ling-Ling and presents a business card to him, which Ling-Ling accepts]. Let me introduce myself: I'm Spanky Ham, and you are?
Ling-Ling: [speaking in Engrish, annoyed] My name Ling-Ling dammit! Me live here long time.
Spanky: Well, Mr. Asian Gibberish, I've got a business proposition for you. [he walks off with Ling-Ling].
Spanky: Damn! That Asian thing sure can sew! [His eyes roll to become 'Yen' symbols, like on the T.V. He then walks up to Ling-Ling and presents a business card to him, which Ling-Ling accepts]. Let me introduce myself: I'm Spanky Ham, and you are?
Ling-Ling: [speaking in Engrish, annoyed] My name Ling-Ling dammit! Me live here long time.
Spanky: Well, Mr. Asian Gibberish, I've got a business proposition for you. [he walks off with Ling-Ling].
TV Show: Drawn Together
Genie: Look, buddy, there's lots of gay reasons to live. I myself enjoy the ballet, crepes and snerd-nurgling for dollars.
Clara: Wait. You mean, you're a gay too?
Genie: Uh-DUHHHH!
Clara: Wait. You mean, you're a gay too?
Genie: Uh-DUHHHH!
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Toot: OK, who left their Golden Ring of Qwelldar in the fucking crapper?!
Xandir: Guilty! [giggles] Sorry.
Toot: [sexily] Oh, this is yours? [she places the ring between her cleavage her and shakes her hips] Then come and get it, big boy!
Xandir: Guilty! [giggles] Sorry.
Toot: [sexily] Oh, this is yours? [she places the ring between her cleavage her and shakes her hips] Then come and get it, big boy!
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Xandir: [happily] Fabbo! That makes 100! [he giggles] Ooh, now I can jump with a spin! [he repeatedly jumps and spins in the air to a beeping sound effect whilst laughing gleefully. When he stops Toot, Hero and Ling-Ling all laugh at him].
Xandir: [in silent tears in the confessional] Ohh, I thought it was cute.
Xandir: [in silent tears in the confessional] Ohh, I thought it was cute.
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Clara: My friends! They're all dead! DEAD! BECAUSE OF YOU!
Wooldoor: What? I am so sorry!
Clara: I thought you were my friend!
Wooldoor: I am your friend!
Clara: YOU'RE A MURDERER!!
Wooldoor: [hugging Clara] I know! I know! Are you as turned on as I am?
Clara: WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?!?
Wooldoor: I'm sorry. It's that when I'm terrified I say the craziest things.
[pause]
Wooldoor: Can I borrow five bucks?
Clara: Just go, Wooldoor! In my room, my purse is in the top drawer. In it, there should be like five or ten dollars!
[Wooldoor leaves, sobbing.]
Wooldoor: What? I am so sorry!
Clara: I thought you were my friend!
Wooldoor: I am your friend!
Clara: YOU'RE A MURDERER!!
Wooldoor: [hugging Clara] I know! I know! Are you as turned on as I am?
Clara: WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?!?
Wooldoor: I'm sorry. It's that when I'm terrified I say the craziest things.
[pause]
Wooldoor: Can I borrow five bucks?
Clara: Just go, Wooldoor! In my room, my purse is in the top drawer. In it, there should be like five or ten dollars!
[Wooldoor leaves, sobbing.]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara: [singing] Bullies are people who hate themselves. Abused at age six, or molested at twelve. So they pick on others, isn't it odd? Because their real quarrel is with God. Who's afraid of a bully?
Wooldoor: Me.
Clara: Not me.
Clara: [singing] For there are much better things to be frightened of. Like people of color and gay homo love. So stand up to the bullies, stand tall and true! Just like Jesus stood up to those misguided Jews.
Wooldoor: Wow, you're right!
Clara: Now who's afraid of a bully?
Wooldoor: Not me. No, not me.
Clara: When you stand up to that bully --
Wooldoor: He'll flee!
Clara: Oh yes, he'll flee like the pathetic, insecure, cowardly loser he be.
Wooldoor: Me.
Clara: Not me.
Clara: [singing] For there are much better things to be frightened of. Like people of color and gay homo love. So stand up to the bullies, stand tall and true! Just like Jesus stood up to those misguided Jews.
Wooldoor: Wow, you're right!
Clara: Now who's afraid of a bully?
Wooldoor: Not me. No, not me.
Clara: When you stand up to that bully --
Wooldoor: He'll flee!
Clara: Oh yes, he'll flee like the pathetic, insecure, cowardly loser he be.
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[after Wooldoor stands up to Spanky while singing Clara's song]
Spanky: [singing] He's not the only one who can sing from his heart I have the feelings inside that... Oh, fuck this shit! [walks off]
Spanky: [singing] He's not the only one who can sing from his heart I have the feelings inside that... Oh, fuck this shit! [walks off]
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[after Foxxy makes Captain Hero do a nude dance in chains for food]
Foxxy: All right, enough! I'm done with yo ass. [throws a towel at him] Go clean yo'self up you disgust me!
Foxxy: All right, enough! I'm done with yo ass. [throws a towel at him] Go clean yo'self up you disgust me!
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Foxxy: The considerable alternative is anorexia. All the benefits of bulimia with none of the mess.
Toot: Does it really work?
Xandir: Of course it works! All you have to do is make sure to look in the mirror every day and see yourself as ugly and obese no matter how much weight you lose.
Ling-Ling: Then everyone's happy.
Toot: Does it really work?
Xandir: Of course it works! All you have to do is make sure to look in the mirror every day and see yourself as ugly and obese no matter how much weight you lose.
Ling-Ling: Then everyone's happy.
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Xandir: Toot, we all know you're bulimic. We don't know how you got started down this horrible road.
Toot: But you're the one who showed me how to do it...
Xandir: All that matters now is that we get you to stop.
Toot: But you're the one who showed me how to do it...
Xandir: All that matters now is that we get you to stop.
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Xandir: Poor Toot was feeling fat and sad. It was up to me to help her feel better about her disgusting, revolting, and hideous body.
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Spanky: Just get her royal heiny to sing again. I'll trap the critters. And we'll eat like dingoes in a maternity ward!
Wooldoor: But those critters are Clara's friends!
Spanky: I'm not askin' ya, Wooldouche, I'm tellin' ya.
Wooldoor: But those critters are Clara's friends!
Spanky: I'm not askin' ya, Wooldouche, I'm tellin' ya.
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Toot: I was so happy. With an endless supply of food, I could finally fill the loveless void inside me. Hee hee hee, Toot!
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Clara: For the food competition, we were split into two teams. The winners would eat like kings, but the losers would get no food at all, and surely starve like Mexicans.
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Ling-Ling: Ling Ling wake up inside land whale. Nothing to do. Only sex with chicken.
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Foxxy: We'll always have Paris. That's what we called it when I smashed his penis with a lead model of the Eiffel Tower.
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Captain Hero: I've never bowed to any villain, or any Asian person, even though it's the polite thing to do. And I won't bow to Foxxy!
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Foxxy: It seems that every week my team gets the easiest challenge. It also seems that every week I blow the producers.
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