Drawn Together Quotes

Foxxy: Pee Pee rhymes with tee pee, which is what you use to wipe yo ass.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero: [in the confessional discussing the reward the housemates have just received] I thought the sewing machine was pretty lame, but someone was happy about it. [short pause] You know I'm talkin about the queer, right?
Xandir: [back in the living room] I'm so happy we finally got a sewing machine. I've been so looking forward to finishing my tea cosy! [he holds up a pink and purple tea cosy with features of a cottage] Have you ever seen anything so adorable?! [he giggles].
Captain Hero: Dude, you are sooo gay!
Xandir: [standing up and sounding hurt] You know something? These jokes you make: they can be so hurtful!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Strong, Xandir. Strong, Xandir! Be-

TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: All my life I've had one purpose: to be on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend. But, now that I'm gay, I have no purpose. I wish I were dead.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Ling-Ling: Thank you, Spanky-san, for giving Ling-Ling honor in hat form!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: Homosexuality isn't something you can just wish away, it's something you born with, like red hair or a dead twin.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: [knocking on door] Xandir, please come on out. It's totally cool that you gay, stop beatin yourself up!
Clara: Seriously Xandir, it's not your place to punish yourself, it's God's!
Xandir: [in the bathroom] Leave me alone! I'm taking another gay test!
Foxxy: What? The only test in there is a pregnancy test!
Xandir: Oh, great, now I've got two problems.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Housemates: Surprise! It's a gay bash! [a wide shot of the garden reveals the 'gay bash' to be a party full of gay people, pink and purple phallic balloons, a rainbow flag and dance music playing].
Foxxy: Xandir, look around you. Everything the light touches is gay. [shots of gay people in the garden are shown as a choir of deep male voices sing 'HOMO' in the background in the manner of The Lion King and a light from the sky shines on Xandir].

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: [in the confessional] You see, all Xandir needed was to be surrounded by his queer peers! [cut back to party] Now, c'mon! [she moves Xandir towards a group of gay men, two of whom are Snagglepuss and Elmer Fudd from Looney Tunes: they are dressed in skimpy T-shirts and shorts and have their faces blurred to avoid copyright restrictions and possibly to censor their status as being homosexual icons].
Snagglepuss: [speaking to Xandir] Heavens to Mergatroide, you're fabulicious even!
Elmer Fudd: Wow, what a wear end!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara: The one person who knew where the lamp was was sworn never to reveal it's sacred location. But luckily, I knew his one weakness. [holds up a steaming tray of muffins]
[Clara beats Wooldoor up with the muffin tray]
Clara: Tell us where the lamp is, you lousy, lying, piece of shit!
Wooldoor: Lamp? [gets hit with muffin tray twice] I don't know what you're talking about.
Clara: Listen, bitch, tell us where the lamp is and maybe we talk to the D.A. about extenuating circumstances!
Wooldor: Guys, Guys, seriously! I have no idea where the lamp is!
Xandir: Fuck this shit! I'm gonna off this glue sniffing cocksucker right fuckin' now!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Producer: [over speaker] Houseguests, please report to the living room.
Wooldoor: [in the confessional as housemates enter the living room] Since we'd gone 5 days without a hate crime, we were rewarded with a new household item! I sure hope it's a new stereo, ours is getting old.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Pterodactyl: [squawking] It's a living.
Producer: [over speaker] Roommates, we have decided to reward you with...
Captain Hero: Come on, television...
Producer: [over speaker] ...a brand-new, 36-inch, plasma...
Captain Hero: Boo-ya!
Producer: Sewing machine!
Captain Hero: [annoyed] Boo-ya.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Elmer Fudd: Shhh, be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm gonna welease your thwobbing membuh from its weather pwison.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: C'mon Xandir, we all know you're gay. You don't have to keep living a lie. You know, I used to say I weren't black. I just tell everybody I fell into a vat of chocolate pudding.
Wooldoor: [licking Foxxy's foot] You mean this isn't pudding?
Foxxy: Did I tell you to stop licking?! [Wooldoor continues licking her foot] But Xandir, I finally admitted the truth. And so should you.
Xandir: Helllooo! I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend! What more prove do you need?!
Wooldoor: How about this?! [he reaches inside and down his throat as a baseball, chicken leg and toy penguin are launched out of his mouth before pulling out an 'ACME Gay Test'].
Xandir: [looking at the test box] ACME Gay Test? [he pauses] Let's do it!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: OK, question 1: you gay?
Xandir: No!
Foxxy: Question 2: homo say what?
Xandir: First of all Foxxy, I'm not an idiot! [he shakes his hand and gasps frustrated] OK, I've heard that one like a million times! And secondly!...wait, what?

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: [typing into a GAY TEST remote control and speaking to Xandir] Well, according to this thang, you real gay.
Toot: Of course Xandir's gay, why else wouldn't he be attracted to all this?
Wooldoor: 'Cause you're fat! And nobody likes fat chicks! Wheee!
Captain Hero: [offscreen] Dude, I like fat chicks.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Fat Chick: [squawking] It's a living.
Xandir: [taking the 'ACME Gay Test' from Foxxy] Let me see that box. [he sees a sticker on the front with the words 'FOR AGES 6-12' printed on it] Hey, this gay test is for ages 6-12: it doesn't even apply to me!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara: [in the confessional] Xandir continued protesting that he was in fact straight, so I turned to the Bible and was reminded of the one true test of a man's sexuality: the Mysterious and Deadly Woodbeast.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara: Deep inside this stump of tree lives the all-knowing Woodbeast. Choose a hole and stick your hand in. Should the beast bite you, then it is true: you are indeed homosexual!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Aaahhh, my arm! AAAHHH, I'M GAY! [dramatic music plays].

TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Dare I say it? I am Xandir and I am on a never-ending quest to save my boyfriend!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Good-bye, cruel world! [dies and comes back] Good-bye, cruel world! [dies and comes back] Good-bye, cruel world... this could take a while.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Lord Slash'n'Stab: Hahaha! I will steal this lamp for no particular reason! Hahaha!

TV Show: Drawn Together
Toot: [to Xandir] Damnit Xandir, the noise! You're keeping us all awake! Can't you kill yourself more quietly... like Bizarro Captain Hero did?
[a body hanging from a tree blows in the breeze]
Captain Hero: Uh... yeah. He killed himself. Of course. Tragic.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Pac-Man: [lisping] Oh, my. Isn't this juicy? Does your girlfriend know?
Xandir: Listen, Paccie, I know my girlfriend is best friends with your ex, but there's no reason that Ms. Pac-Man has to know I'm gay.
Pac-Man: [puts on a bow] Oh, sweetie... I think she already knows.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Bizarro Captain Hero: [at Xandir's gay bash] Oh, hello hello Captain Hero, I not seen you since initiation into League of Heroes.
Captain Hero: [grabs Bizarro Hero] Zip it! What happens in Bizarro World, stays in Bizarro World.
Bizarro Captain Hero: Well, technically, bathroom at bus station not considered Bizarro World. Huh?
[Captain Hero punches him into the distance]

TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero: Oh, c'mon! If you're in a bus station, and they're selling postcards for Bizarro World, you have to assume you're in Bizarro World, right? I mean, am I crazy?

TV Show: Drawn Together
Genie: [appears as Groucho Marx] Hey-hey-hey! I'm Groucho Marx! What's the secret word? [turns into Popeye] Now I'm a wacky sailor! [turns into Mrs. Doubtfire] Now I'm a cross-dressing nanny. [turns into Patch Adams] And now I'm a wacky doctor who kills cancer with laughter and a big red nose! [changes back to normal] Jumanji! Nanu nanu!
Clara: Wow! You're a comic genie-us! [laughs]
Genie: Tell 'em the rules, man with mustache! Contestants get one wish and one wish only!
Xandir: Oh! OK. [inhales deeply] I wish... not to be gay.
Genie: Well then, step right up and... Whatchoo talkin' about, Xandir?
Xandir: My wish is to no longer be gay so I can have my old life back.
Genie: That is, without a doubt, the single most offensive wish ANYONE has ever made... next to that stupid Make-a-Wish kid. I mean, c'mon, trip to the circus, really!
Xandir: W-what? B-b-b-but...
Genie: Oh, sorry, sweetheart, you can shove that wish up your gay-hating mangina! [disappears]

TV Show: Drawn Together
Wooldoor: [talking to Captain Hero] Gee Mr. Hero, we can always sew a television.
Spanky: That has to be the dumbest thing I've heard since I taught those special ed classes. But...seriously, those kids try hard.

TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: Tell me the first thing you see.
[Foxxy pulls out a Rorschach ink image of a rooster]
Xandir: Cock.
[Foxxy pulls out a Rorschach ink image of Willie Nelson]
Xandir: Willie.
[Foxxy pulls out a Rorschach ink image of an Asian man]
Xandir: Wang.
[Foxxy pulls out a Rorschach ink image of Woody Woodpecker]
Xandir: Woody.
[Foxxy pulls out the same image a second time]
Xandir: Wood.
[Foxxy pulls out the same image a third time]
Xandir: Pecker.
[Foxxy pulls a Rorschach ink image of a medieval catapult with ink lines]
Xandir: Blue-veined custard chucker.
[Foxxy pulls out a Rorschach ink image of a Welshman with an eye patch doing a jig]
Xandir: One-eyed wiggling Welshman.
[Foxxy pulls out a Rorschach ink image of a banana wearing a helmet and aiming a gun at a donkey's anus]
Xandir: Pink-helmeted, milk-shooting man-banana plunging into the hole of an ass!

TV Show: Drawn Together