Desperate Housewives Quotes
Gabrielle: "If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you."
Carlos: "If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you."
Gabrielle: "Boy, with all this passion, isn't it a shame that we're not having sex?"
Carlos: "If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you."
Gabrielle: "Boy, with all this passion, isn't it a shame that we're not having sex?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "I feel trapped."
John: "You want me to open a window?"
Gabrielle: "No, I'm talking about my life."
John: "Oh. Are we done making out?"
John: "You want me to open a window?"
Gabrielle: "No, I'm talking about my life."
John: "Oh. Are we done making out?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Andrew: (referring to the wine) You don't suppose I can get some of that?
Rex: Nope. I'm gonna need every drop.
Rex: Nope. I'm gonna need every drop.
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "Carlos cut up all my credit cards. I'm married and I can't shop which is the worst of all of all possible worlds."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
John: "Why dont you return the shoes and get the money back?"
Gabrielle: "Return the shoes!?! I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical!"
Gabrielle: "Return the shoes!?! I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Your father is into S&M. He makes me beat him with a riding crop. No wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Edie: "When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in. I make her my best friend."
Lynette: "I thought you said you didn't have any female friends."
Edie: "I don't. And I've never felt threatened by another woman, either.
Lynette: "I thought you said you didn't have any female friends."
Edie: "I don't. And I've never felt threatened by another woman, either.
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Martha(about Mary Alice): "Are you saying she stole the baby?"
Felicia: "Don't look shocked, Martha. It makes your face look fat. The biological mother was a drug addict. If Angela is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky."
Felicia: "Don't look shocked, Martha. It makes your face look fat. The biological mother was a drug addict. If Angela is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me?"
Rex: "Ha,ha. No. But come on, we've been married eighteen years."
Bree: "Yes we have. And you still don't know when I need you to lie."
Rex: "Ha,ha. No. But come on, we've been married eighteen years."
Bree: "Yes we have. And you still don't know when I need you to lie."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Father Crowley: "Gabrielle, what brings you down here? (she looks concerned) Oh, sweet mother of God what have you done this time?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Tom: "...It seems like you're not going to be happy until you drive me out of this marriage just to prove yourself right (Pause)...You know what, forget I said that."
Lynette: "It's too late."
Tom: "Well, then just consider it something husbands say to their wives."
Lynette: "It's too late."
Tom: "Well, then just consider it something husbands say to their wives."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Carlos: "Where are you going?"
Gabrielle: "I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mother's grave when it hits."
Gabrielle: "I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mother's grave when it hits."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Carlos: "Before the accident I told her how much I wanted a child and she said that she would take care of it. I just thought that she would talk to you. Baby, I am so sorry."
Gabrielle: "That bitch! I can’t believe her."
Carlos: "I loved her, but even I had issues sometimes. I mean she could be very controlling."
Gabrielle: "Reaching out from the grave to screw with me. God, she’s good!"
Gabrielle: "That bitch! I can’t believe her."
Carlos: "I loved her, but even I had issues sometimes. I mean she could be very controlling."
Gabrielle: "Reaching out from the grave to screw with me. God, she’s good!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Felicia: "I hid the originals in a safe place. It seemed like a reasonable precaution seeing as you murdered Martha and all. Would you like a cookie?"
(Paul Young refuses)
Felicia: "Suit yourself."
(Paul Young refuses)
Felicia: "Suit yourself."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Edie: (to Bree) You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican.
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "You see, your health insurance sent us a letter because someone ordered a year's worth of birth control pills, and apparently our policy doesn’t cover drugs bought by the kilo."
Carlos: "I told you, it was mamá."
Gabrielle: "The prescription was dated, Carlos, and Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed. You did this, not your mother. At least be man enough to own up to it. She would’ve been."
Carlos: "I told you, it was mamá."
Gabrielle: "The prescription was dated, Carlos, and Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed. You did this, not your mother. At least be man enough to own up to it. She would’ve been."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Carlos: "Why’d you hit the lawn boy?"
Gabrielle: "Well if you saw what he did to our begonias, you’d slap him too."
Gabrielle: "Well if you saw what he did to our begonias, you’d slap him too."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Susan: "Okay, next time I won't bring my daughter to stalk my boyfriend. It was a slight error in judgement."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Think of something unpleasant...like famine, or disease, or hobos!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Susan: "You wasted your time... and your donuts."
Edie: "Not if you choke on them."
Edie: "Not if you choke on them."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
John: (to Carlos) "Just so you know, you beat up the wrong guy. Didn't you think it was strange that your lawn was the only one that needed to be mowed three times a week?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Matthew: "I was just trying to cover up."
Betty: "I know you were but next time leave the cleverness to me."
Betty: "I know you were but next time leave the cleverness to me."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Carlos: "I can't believe you had an affair."
Gabrielle: "Well you tampering with my birth control pills was a lot worse than that."
Carlos: "We're not very nice people are we?"
Gabrielle: "No."
Carlos: "When we got married I thought we were gonna be so happy."
Gabrielle: "Me too. But look on the bright side. At least we're still rich."
Carlos: "Thank God for that."
Gabrielle: "Well you tampering with my birth control pills was a lot worse than that."
Carlos: "We're not very nice people are we?"
Gabrielle: "No."
Carlos: "When we got married I thought we were gonna be so happy."
Gabrielle: "Me too. But look on the bright side. At least we're still rich."
Carlos: "Thank God for that."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
(Susan, Lynette, & Gabrielle are wondering why Bree is acting so calm about Rex's death)
Bree: "I can't afford to break down right now."
Gabrielle: "Why?"
(Rex's mother, Phyllis, comes around in a taxi sobbing)
Bree: "You're about to find out."
Bree: "I can't afford to break down right now."
Gabrielle: "Why?"
(Rex's mother, Phyllis, comes around in a taxi sobbing)
Bree: "You're about to find out."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
(Phyllis has been rude to Bree)
Bree: "You are no longer invited to the funeral."
Phyllis Van De Kamp: "What?!?"
Bree: "I will have security guards at the door of the church with sticks and they will be assigned to beat you with those sticks if you do so much as enter."
Reverend Sikes: "Bree, this is your grief talking."
Bree: "Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, I will take the funeral away from your church."
Reverend Sikes: "Bree!"
Bree: "I'm not kidding. I will get non-denominational so fast it will make your head spin."
Bree: "You are no longer invited to the funeral."
Phyllis Van De Kamp: "What?!?"
Bree: "I will have security guards at the door of the church with sticks and they will be assigned to beat you with those sticks if you do so much as enter."
Reverend Sikes: "Bree, this is your grief talking."
Bree: "Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, I will take the funeral away from your church."
Reverend Sikes: "Bree!"
Bree: "I'm not kidding. I will get non-denominational so fast it will make your head spin."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Andrew: "Mom, Grandma's leaving."
Bree: "I know. She's been uninvited to the funeral."
Andrew: "Why?"
Bree: "If only you heard all the nasty things she said to me."
Andrew: "Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, but she's family, so that's makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad."
Danielle: "(crying) Mom, if you don't invite Grandma to the funeral I'll never forgive you!"
Andrew: (to Danielle) "Did I ask for your help? (back to Bree) I'm sure Dad would've wanted her there."
Bree: "I know. She's been uninvited to the funeral."
Andrew: "Why?"
Bree: "If only you heard all the nasty things she said to me."
Andrew: "Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, but she's family, so that's makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad."
Danielle: "(crying) Mom, if you don't invite Grandma to the funeral I'll never forgive you!"
Andrew: (to Danielle) "Did I ask for your help? (back to Bree) I'm sure Dad would've wanted her there."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives