Arrested Development Quotes
Lindsay: That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon.
Tobias: : And this time, no tears!
Tobias: : And this time, no tears!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Dr. Fishman: Excuse me, are you the Bluths?
Lucille: Not Doctor Wordsmith. How's my son?
Dr. Fishman: He's going to be all right.
Oscar: Oh, thank God.
Lindsay: Finally, some good news from this guy.
George Michael: There's no other way to take that.
Dr. Fishman: That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was given this news, I don't know if I would take it this well.
Lucille: But... you said he was alright.
Dr. Fishman: Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right.
Lucille: You son of a bitch. I hate this doctor!
Lucille: Not Doctor Wordsmith. How's my son?
Dr. Fishman: He's going to be all right.
Oscar: Oh, thank God.
Lindsay: Finally, some good news from this guy.
George Michael: There's no other way to take that.
Dr. Fishman: That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was given this news, I don't know if I would take it this well.
Lucille: But... you said he was alright.
Dr. Fishman: Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right.
Lucille: You son of a bitch. I hate this doctor!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Mom, after all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: The cow is coming after me.
Michael: Your wife? She was super-thin.
Gob: She was? What about her cans? She have big cans?
Michael: You don't remember her at all, do you?
Gob: Hey, it was one night of wild passion!
Michael: And yet you didn't notice her body?
Gob: I like to look in the mirror.
Michael: Your wife? She was super-thin.
Gob: She was? What about her cans? She have big cans?
Michael: You don't remember her at all, do you?
Gob: Hey, it was one night of wild passion!
Michael: And yet you didn't notice her body?
Gob: I like to look in the mirror.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay: Oh, God. Not that "I’m in love with my mother" dance thing. I’m so glad there wasn’t one of those for daddies and daughters.
Lucille: Of course they have father-daughter dances.
Lindsay: They do? He never took me?
Lucille: It was before we did your nose. Toodle-oo.
Lucille: Of course they have father-daughter dances.
Lindsay: They do? He never took me?
Lucille: It was before we did your nose. Toodle-oo.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: So then, he’s more popular than George Michael?
Maeby: Well, that’s like comparing apples and some fruit nobody’s ever heard of.
Maeby: Well, that’s like comparing apples and some fruit nobody’s ever heard of.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: You've got to be the laziest person in the world.
Lindsay: If you weren’t all the way on the other side of the room, I’d slap your face.
Lindsay: If you weren’t all the way on the other side of the room, I’d slap your face.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Buster: Hey! I'm finally being treated like a real person. Not some deformed...
Gob: Ah! Hook. I forgot about that there, Elephant Man. We'll have to find something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves.
Gob: Ah! Hook. I forgot about that there, Elephant Man. We'll have to find something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: My baby is sick, but Mother is here to nurse you.
Michael: Well, now I’m a little sicker.
Michael: Well, now I’m a little sicker.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Michael, I've been looking for you.
Michael: Looks like you're looking for dragons... In the future.
Michael: Looks like you're looking for dragons... In the future.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael: Ann just called. They had a pre-dawn mass. Then they were going to mass, so...
Michael: Ann’s got a great deal of mass.
Michael: Ann’s got a great deal of mass.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I think they are too young to get involved that seriously.
Rev. Veal: My wife and I were about the same age when we got engaged.
Michael: [Glancing at the reverend's wife] Well, yeah, you've gotta lock that down.
Rev. Veal: My wife and I were about the same age when we got engaged.
Michael: [Glancing at the reverend's wife] Well, yeah, you've gotta lock that down.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Well, gee, I never thought the woman I'd be checking out at spring break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better looking than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts "whores."
Buster: Mom's still got it!
Gob: I DON'T DATE WHORES!
Lindsay: Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop.
Michael: It’s just Mom and whores.
Buster: She's better looking than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts "whores."
Buster: Mom's still got it!
Gob: I DON'T DATE WHORES!
Lindsay: Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop.
Michael: It’s just Mom and whores.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: Oh, please. I’ve been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol’s the reason I’m here, I got news for you, bub. It’s the only reason you’re here, too.
Michael: Hey, look at that. You’re mean sober, too.
Michael: Hey, look at that. You’re mean sober, too.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Why don’t you get Gob to do your dirty work for you? Shall I knock Dad out and chain him to a pipe somewhere, or should I risk another herpes outbreak with Kitty? Which is it this time, Michael?
Michael: Well, definitely neither of those two things.
Michael: Well, definitely neither of those two things.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Gob had hidden his father under a house that had just collapsed.
Gob: [Seeing George Michael and Maeby] Children - you're small. Crawl under there.
Gob: [Seeing George Michael and Maeby] Children - you're small. Crawl under there.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Pardon me if I don't burst into tears, Michael. At least he promised to take you. [bursts into tears] He just let me blindly enjoy my childhood! [sobbing] I didn't even know there was a cabin... he wasn't taking me to!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay: We did it, Mikey! We're super-rich again. And I'm going to buy a car. The Volvo. [hands Michael a piece of paper]
Michael: No, Lindsay, you're not going to start spending money. [looks at paper] And this is not a Vol-vo.
Lindsay: Oh, that's from sitting on the copier. Michael, I've got nothing. My husband dumped me and ran off to Vegas with Kitty, that bleached-blonde whore.
Michael: He's definitely got a type.
Lindsay: I can't believe he left me. I mean, this? [points to her face] And these? [points to her breasts] And this? [holds up paper]
Michael: That's the car.
Lindsay: Oh. [holds up other paper] This?
Michael: Glad I didn't spring for color.
Michael: No, Lindsay, you're not going to start spending money. [looks at paper] And this is not a Vol-vo.
Lindsay: Oh, that's from sitting on the copier. Michael, I've got nothing. My husband dumped me and ran off to Vegas with Kitty, that bleached-blonde whore.
Michael: He's definitely got a type.
Lindsay: I can't believe he left me. I mean, this? [points to her face] And these? [points to her breasts] And this? [holds up paper]
Michael: That's the car.
Lindsay: Oh. [holds up other paper] This?
Michael: Glad I didn't spring for color.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
George, Sr.: I thought, I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work.
George, Sr.: I thought, I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Great. I was wondering if you might be willing to go somewhere with me. I would pay you.
Rita: You’ll pay me?
Michael: Not... not for sex. You’re going to think that I’m Jack the Ripper, right? Didn’t he kill prostitutes or...?
Rita: I’m not a prostitute.
Michael: Then I shall let you live.
Rita: You’ll pay me?
Michael: Not... not for sex. You’re going to think that I’m Jack the Ripper, right? Didn’t he kill prostitutes or...?
Rita: I’m not a prostitute.
Michael: Then I shall let you live.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael: Steve Holt? The moron jock?
Gob: That's my son, you pothead!
George Michael: Steve Holt? The moron jock?
Gob: That's my son, you pothead!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Michael did try again with Rita, but this time determined to keep no secrets.
Michael: I want to tell you everything if... if you're willing to listen.
Rita: I'm a very good listener.
Michael: Great. Start with the misdemeanors and then, we're gonna' push right on through to the lighter treasons. So, 1983...
Michael: I want to tell you everything if... if you're willing to listen.
Rita: I'm a very good listener.
Michael: Great. Start with the misdemeanors and then, we're gonna' push right on through to the lighter treasons. So, 1983...
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Hey, can you do me a favor? A young neighborhood tough by the name of Steve Holt will be dropping by, and...
Michael: Your son?
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I hear the jury's still out on science.
Michael: Your son?
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I hear the jury's still out on science.
TV Show: Arrested Development
[During a work-out montage with Michael]
Steve Holt: Don't ask "can I?," ask "I can!"
Steve Holt: You can control your bladder when you're dead!
Steve Holt: No blood, no oil!
Steve Holt: There's no "I" in "win"!
Steve Holt: Don't ask "can I?," ask "I can!"
Steve Holt: You can control your bladder when you're dead!
Steve Holt: No blood, no oil!
Steve Holt: There's no "I" in "win"!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Besides, I already got George Michael the big present for his birthday...
George Michael: A suit! Dad, is it Jack Welch?
Michael: I want you to look under the pants.
George Michael: Quicken! Premiere! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
Michael: You want to return that?
George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it.
George Michael: A suit! Dad, is it Jack Welch?
Michael: I want you to look under the pants.
George Michael: Quicken! Premiere! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
Michael: You want to return that?
George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city, put it outside the window, tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters. [looks at Larry the surrogate] What do you think, Dad? A whole, tiny town.
George Sr./Larry: Another brilliant idea, Einstein.
Gob: Really? You'd like to build it with me?
George Sr./Larry: Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm. It's a stupid idea.
George Sr./Larry: Another brilliant idea, Einstein.
Gob: Really? You'd like to build it with me?
George Sr./Larry: Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm. It's a stupid idea.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Rita: Are houses terribly hard to make?
Michael: Well, the hardest part is finding the land.
Rita: Instead of building houses, maybe you should be building land. On the ocean. There's no land on the ocean, Michael.
Michael: [pause] You are brilliant.
Narrator: Yeah. She wasn't.
Michael: Well, the hardest part is finding the land.
Rita: Instead of building houses, maybe you should be building land. On the ocean. There's no land on the ocean, Michael.
Michael: [pause] You are brilliant.
Narrator: Yeah. She wasn't.
TV Show: Arrested Development
[Michael has just revealed that he knows Rita is mentally challenged]
Rita: You found out.
Michael: Took me long enough.
Rita: Maybe you're not smart, either! I didn't know until they told me.
Rita: You found out.
Michael: Took me long enough.
Rita: Maybe you're not smart, either! I didn't know until they told me.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Can't a guy call his mother pretty without it seeming strange?
Buster: Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute!
Michael: I've opened a door here that I regret.
Lucille: Oh, he's just talking about his stupid turtle.
Buster: She has a name, Mother, and it's Mother.
Buster: Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute!
Michael: I've opened a door here that I regret.
Lucille: Oh, he's just talking about his stupid turtle.
Buster: She has a name, Mother, and it's Mother.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.
TV Show: Arrested Development