Arrested Development Quotes
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: [noticing Tobias dressed in all leather] Didnt you get a job or something?
Tobias Fünke: No, no I didnt. Unless... you consider "World's Coolest Daddy" a job.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you remember that French film we snuck into? Dangerous Cousins?
George Michael Bluth: No, actually, I dont remember it.
Narrator: In fact, George Michael knew the movie very well. He currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico.
George Michael Bluth: Of course. [pause]
George Michael Bluth: You're mocking me.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Of course.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: You and I are so different. It's like we're not even related. [she leaves]
George Michael Bluth: That would be amazing.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Maebe: All Pop-Pop ever wanted was to see you with another man besides Daddy.
Lindsay Funke: You're right. I'll just throw on a skirt, take off my underwear and make your Pop-Pop proud.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Maebe: So, you killed Kitty, huh?
Michael: No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. [whoops and hollers heard from the conference room]
Michael: And apparently, a fun one. Why don't we go see what's going on in the back, shall we?
Maebe: Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?
TV Show: Arrested Development
General Garvey: [Lucille is trying to get Buster out of combat by visiting the General, an old boyfriend of hers from her USO days] I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.
Lucille: Is there anything *I* can do?
General Garvey: Well, maybe if you go? [leans back in his chair]
General Garvey: ?downtown.
Lucille: [grins] Oh, I haven't done that in thirty years. [pauses, then sings]
Lucille: When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Marta: [after Gob's magic trick scares some children] They're children. How could you do that?
Gob: Oh, sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille Bluth: Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out?
Gob: She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille Bluth: I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael Bluth: Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother.
Lucille Bluth: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille Bluth: I'm going to Annyong's soccer awards ceremony, and...
Annyong: Annyong. [everyone glares at Annyong]
Lucille Bluth: ...and I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are.
Gob: Yeah, I think that they're gonna know that Annyong's not...
Annyong: Annyong.
Gob: [screaming] ... would somebody *please* tell this insufferable child to... GOD.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille Bluth: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister.
Michael Bluth: I hope she's okay...
Lucille Bluth: She's awful. Can barely wash a dish. [Lucille sees Lupe cleaning the inside of the fireplace]
Lucille Bluth: Uh oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there. [to Lupe]
Lucille Bluth: Tell me you've got an exit strategy.
Michael Bluth: [chiding her] Mother...
Lucille Bluth: Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille Bluth: You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man. [Everyone cringes]
Barry Zuckerkorn: They still look fabulous.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: [after beating Kitty at a drinking contest] I've got to get back to rehab.
Man at Bar: [in background] SHE'S IN REHAB. [people cheer]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: [after Michael and GOB switch coolers containing evidence and Kitty gets a hold of them] THERE WERE 250 CCs OF YOUR FATHER'S SEMEN IN THE COOLER IN THE BANANA STAND.
Michael: No touching.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: [shrieking at a waiter] Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: [talking to the press about her husband] The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: [upon discovering Lupe in bed with Buster] [to Lupe]
Lucille: And yet you're too busy to polish the candlesticks? You're fired.
Buster: You can't fire me, I'm your son. I'm firing you.
Lucille: I was firing Lupe.
Buster: O-oh, that makes more sense.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward.
Buster: A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS? [holds out a stuffed seal]
Lucille: What the hell is that?
Buster: These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: I bought it using the new unfrozen stock as soon as I received the memo.
Michael Bluth: You mean, the memo that specifically told you not to sell?
Lucille: Did it say that? I stopped after "unfrozen."
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E.
Buster: I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice.
Lucille: What a genius. Let's see you find it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: I heard about the banana stand and now there's been a break-in. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. [holds up an air horn and a fire poker]
Lucille: First I blow him, then I poke him.
Michael: Guy has no idea what he's in for.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally.
Lucille: [earlier that day] I don't care for Gob.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: Michael Moore confronted me on national television.
Michael: First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason.
George Sr.: Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lucille: Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds".
TV Show: Arrested Development