Xena - Warrior Princess Quotes
Nigel: Then why is Xena trying to steal the Golden Apples? And why is she shacked up with Ares? Did you know that? That's the same Ares that killed Eli while your mother stood by and did nothing.
Eve: You want to know about my mother? [gives him a good shove] I will tell you about my mother, you little sh*t! If my mother is with Ares, you can bet she's got a pretty f*cking good reason!
Nigel: Are you still jealous that Ares was obsessed with your mother the entire time he was sleeping with you?
Eve: [being held back by her fellow Elijans] You f*cking brat! Stay the Hell away from my mother! You stay the f*ck away from me or I will kick your f*cking ass!
Nigel: Not the kind of words you would expect to hear from Eve, the Messenger of Eli. [following in Eve's wake] Whatever happened to walking the path of light, Eve?
Eve: F*ck off!
Nigel: You want your mother on Olympus, don't you? You want to see the God of War put back on his throne so Xena and Ares can continue your bloody ménage et trois? [gets decked by Eve then turns to camera] Tell me you got that. You got that, didn't you?
Eve: You want to know about my mother? [gives him a good shove] I will tell you about my mother, you little sh*t! If my mother is with Ares, you can bet she's got a pretty f*cking good reason!
Nigel: Are you still jealous that Ares was obsessed with your mother the entire time he was sleeping with you?
Eve: [being held back by her fellow Elijans] You f*cking brat! Stay the Hell away from my mother! You stay the f*ck away from me or I will kick your f*cking ass!
Nigel: Not the kind of words you would expect to hear from Eve, the Messenger of Eli. [following in Eve's wake] Whatever happened to walking the path of light, Eve?
Eve: F*ck off!
Nigel: You want your mother on Olympus, don't you? You want to see the God of War put back on his throne so Xena and Ares can continue your bloody ménage et trois? [gets decked by Eve then turns to camera] Tell me you got that. You got that, didn't you?
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Madam: Calling number 27! One Thor's Hammer! We'll make you feel like the God of Thunder!
Ares: 27! Yo, I got 27!
Nigel: Ares, the former God of War!
Ares: No, I'm not … crap! [runs out of the tavern]
Nigel: We found Ares, the former God of War, half naked and stinking of booze in a bordello.
Ares: I'm trying to get laid! I'm not a criminal!
Ares: 27! Yo, I got 27!
Nigel: Ares, the former God of War!
Ares: No, I'm not … crap! [runs out of the tavern]
Nigel: We found Ares, the former God of War, half naked and stinking of booze in a bordello.
Ares: I'm trying to get laid! I'm not a criminal!
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Nigel: Wait! Hold it! [to camera] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a world exclusive -- for the first time anywhere, Xena and Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship. Gabrielle, Xena, are you two lovers?
Xena: You want the truth?
Nigel: That's right, Xena, we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth.
Xena: It's like this, technically... [the camera begins to fade in and out and then finally the screen has only two words on it: STAND BY]
Nigel: What?! It's dead?! The battery! This is the world's greatest story and you're telling me the battery is dead?! I don't believe this! Oh, man!
Xena: You want the truth?
Nigel: That's right, Xena, we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth.
Xena: It's like this, technically... [the camera begins to fade in and out and then finally the screen has only two words on it: STAND BY]
Nigel: What?! It's dead?! The battery! This is the world's greatest story and you're telling me the battery is dead?! I don't believe this! Oh, man!
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Ares: (voice only) Xena, tell me, have you heard the story of the scorpion and the swan?
Xena: You haven't even got the guts to face me.
Ares: See, the scorpion needs to get across the river, and he asks the swan for a ride. And the swan figures it's not much of a risk. The scorpion wouldn't sting the creature who's carrying him over the raging river.
Xena: My daughter's about to die because of you, and you're feeding me fairy tales?
Ares: (appears behind Xena) Bear with me, it's worth the wait. So, about halfway across, the scorpion stings the swan, and as they're both being swept to their death, the swan asks the scorpion, "I was helping you. Why did you sting me?" And the scorpion answers...
Xena: "It's what I do."
Ares: Yeah, it's what I do.
Xena: You haven't even got the guts to face me.
Ares: See, the scorpion needs to get across the river, and he asks the swan for a ride. And the swan figures it's not much of a risk. The scorpion wouldn't sting the creature who's carrying him over the raging river.
Xena: My daughter's about to die because of you, and you're feeding me fairy tales?
Ares: (appears behind Xena) Bear with me, it's worth the wait. So, about halfway across, the scorpion stings the swan, and as they're both being swept to their death, the swan asks the scorpion, "I was helping you. Why did you sting me?" And the scorpion answers...
Xena: "It's what I do."
Ares: Yeah, it's what I do.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Ares: Hey, can I help it if I've played this like the malevolent genius I am? Remember what the scorpion said.
Xena: Ares, the scorpion drowned.
Xena: Ares, the scorpion drowned.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
(Xena has fought Varis to show her where the path of vengence leads. Varia decides not to take Ares' path)
Ares: You had this planned all along. You are so good.
Xena: It's what I do.
Ares: And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Ares: You had this planned all along. You are so good.
Xena: It's what I do.
Ares: And I wouldn't have it any other way.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Varia: As queen of the Amazon nation, I hereby sentence Livia, killer of the Amazons, to death. (gasps are heard among the chamber) So that Eve, the messenger of peace, may live.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Varia: To a strong Amazon nation.
Gabrielle: To a strong Amazon nation.
Varia: How's the eye?
Gabrielle: How's the hand?
Varia: Fine. Why?
Gabrielle: I thought maybe you sprained it on my face
Gabrielle: To a strong Amazon nation.
Varia: How's the eye?
Gabrielle: How's the hand?
Varia: Fine. Why?
Gabrielle: I thought maybe you sprained it on my face
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: Queen Mawu-Ka, Queen Gwyn-Teir, your friend, Bane, their blood, on the shores of this land. Our sisters have died, but death is not an end to their spirits. Death, it's a pathway to an afterlife. And when it is my time to join them, I want to know that I can grasp them by the hands, I can look them, all in the eyes, and tell them, that their blood was not shed without purpose, that we finished the job that they began. More of us may die today, but the Amazon nation. It will live on forever. That is the duty that we carry, and the everlasting honor that we will hold.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Clea: Let's start with the official video salute to Gabrielle to the tune of Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings".
Mac: Whoa, they need a wake-up call, not sleep aids.
Mac: Whoa, they need a wake-up call, not sleep aids.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Clea: You cut her hair! I wanted her to have long hair, like classic Gabby!
Mac: Only in the reruns babe!
Mac: Only in the reruns babe!
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Clea: Um, how much do you remember?
Mac: She remembers the pinch pretty good. Hey! I just got pinched by Xena!
Mac: She remembers the pinch pretty good. Hey! I just got pinched by Xena!
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Mac: So, what do you guys think of the show?
Xena: I like the one who plays me. She's kinda sexy.
Gabrielle: What about this writing, Xena? I mean, it's not exactly Euripides. They've taken liberties with my scrolls.
Xena: Yeah, and what are they trying to say about our relationship, anyway?
Gabrielle: Who knows.
Xena: I like the one who plays me. She's kinda sexy.
Gabrielle: What about this writing, Xena? I mean, it's not exactly Euripides. They've taken liberties with my scrolls.
Xena: Yeah, and what are they trying to say about our relationship, anyway?
Gabrielle: Who knows.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Mac: Xena, um...you know...uh...you and Ares...uh...did you...um...ever...you know...well...
Xena: Get a life, pervert.
Xena: Get a life, pervert.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Ephiny & Gabrielle: Moon shines bright, by fire's light. Amazon baby, sleep tonight.
Xenon: A lot of people know that song.
Ephiny & Gabrielle: Hush-a-bye. Please don't cry. Xenon sings his lullaby.
Xenon: A lot of people know that song.
Ephiny & Gabrielle: Hush-a-bye. Please don't cry. Xenon sings his lullaby.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: Word of advice for ya, kid, never step between two people and their passion.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: I will kill you, Belach.
Belach: I'm prepared to die for my child.
Xena: Your father was the same.
Belach: When was my father ever willing--
Xena: For our baby! Your brother. You spent your life trying to be the opposite to your father, but what you don't know is that when he grew away from me, he grew into a better man.
...
Xena: Borias died trying to change what he'd become. That was the real story of your father. How will your story end, Belach?
Belach: I'm prepared to die for my child.
Xena: Your father was the same.
Belach: When was my father ever willing--
Xena: For our baby! Your brother. You spent your life trying to be the opposite to your father, but what you don't know is that when he grew away from me, he grew into a better man.
...
Xena: Borias died trying to change what he'd become. That was the real story of your father. How will your story end, Belach?
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Xena: Leave us.
Joxer: [as a Roman centurion] But Caesar said...
Xena: ...to enrage the Empress until she beats the tar out of you?
Joxer: I must have missed that one.
Joxer: [as a Roman centurion] But Caesar said...
Xena: ...to enrage the Empress until she beats the tar out of you?
Joxer: I must have missed that one.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: You brought the world back to us.
Gabrielle: I'm glad. I like this one better.
Xena: Even though you're not a famous playwright?
Gabrielle: Fame, who needs it?
Gabrielle: I'm glad. I like this one better.
Xena: Even though you're not a famous playwright?
Gabrielle: Fame, who needs it?
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: "What is that?" … [pulls a telescope out of Argo's bag and proceeds to look through it the wrong way]
Gabrielle: "Xena, give me that … huh, I don't see anything." … [pulls the telescope away to reveal a dark ring around her eye]
Xena: "My mistake."
Gabrielle: "Xena, give me that … huh, I don't see anything." … [pulls the telescope away to reveal a dark ring around her eye]
Xena: "My mistake."
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: Aphrodite, meet Genia … a virgin.
Genia: I don't believe it.
Aphrodite: I don't either! I thought you guys were extinct!
Genia: I don't believe it.
Aphrodite: I don't either! I thought you guys were extinct!
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: You know, how did you fall for my fish guts gag?
Xena: I don't know.
Gabrielle: You knew that I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, didn't see it coming. [tries to take a drink out of a cup, which promptly spills all over her]
Xena: Nor that. Now, we're even.
Xena: I don't know.
Gabrielle: You knew that I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, didn't see it coming. [tries to take a drink out of a cup, which promptly spills all over her]
Xena: Nor that. Now, we're even.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena Fan #1: Hey, how did you get over the horror of finding out you were that bumbling idiot, Joxer?
Annie/Joxer: Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a goofball, that's all. He was the producer's brother, for crying out loud.
Xena Fan #2: At least you got to hang out with Xena and Gabby in a past life. We can't lay claims to anything that cool.
Annie/Joxer: Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a goofball, that's all. He was the producer's brother, for crying out loud.
Xena Fan #2: At least you got to hang out with Xena and Gabby in a past life. We can't lay claims to anything that cool.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena Fan #2: Speaking of the Warrior Princess and the Bard, what happened when your boyfriend, Harry, found out he was Xena in a past life?
Xena Fan #1: And then your past lives counselor was none other than his beloved sidekick, Gabrielle.
Annie/Joxer: [looking sick] They got hitched.
Xena Fan #1: Decent. Xena and Gabby finally a couple.
Xena Fan #2: Wait till we tell the rest of the fans.
Xena Fan #1: And then your past lives counselor was none other than his beloved sidekick, Gabrielle.
Annie/Joxer: [looking sick] They got hitched.
Xena Fan #1: Decent. Xena and Gabby finally a couple.
Xena Fan #2: Wait till we tell the rest of the fans.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Mattie/Gabrielle: Nice driving, dear. Oh, that was the most fabulous vacation since our honeymoon, and I thought that nothing could top that. Wasn't it fascinating how being back in Greece brought back our lives as Xena and Gabrielle?
Harry/Xena: Yeah, except I shouldn't have had those last two goat cheese milkshakes.
Mattie/Gabrielle: Is my little Warrior Princess' tummy still bothering him?
Harry/Xena: Yeah, except I shouldn't have had those last two goat cheese milkshakes.
Mattie/Gabrielle: Is my little Warrior Princess' tummy still bothering him?
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
(Ares bursts into the press conference)
Roxanne: Did you schedule any celebrity appearances?
Fred: No, we contacted Bruce Campbell, but he was too much money.
Roxanne: Did you schedule any celebrity appearances?
Fred: No, we contacted Bruce Campbell, but he was too much money.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Ares: Stay right there [tries to zap Xena/Annie, who holds out the contract, which is incinerated] Un-freakin' believable!
Annie/Xena: Ares made it, Ares destroyed it. I guess this means you ain't got no soul.
Annie/Xena: Ares made it, Ares destroyed it. I guess this means you ain't got no soul.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: I mean, Gabrielle, what are we gonna do? Wander around Greece our whole lives looking for trouble? Why don't we go away? Far away? What do ya say?
Gabrielle: I can't believe you're awake, much less listening to me.
Xena: Let's go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram.
Gabrielle: I can't believe you're awake, much less listening to me.
Xena: Let's go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram.
TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess