Will and Grace Quotes
Grace: Look, I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you all. I wish that I were. But I'm not. Will, your lover of 7 years left you and you have to live everyday knowing that he's out there loving someone else. I couldn't do that. I would die. And Karen, your husband is in prison. The rock of your life, and you don't know when you're going to see him again. If I were you, I'd be a total wreck. And Jack, you're so resilient, you're a 32 year old actor/singer who gets involved in a million different relationships, and never gets invested in any of them. I wish that I could do that, but I can't. I'm not like any of you. I just handle things differently, so please, just let me go back to bed, and deal with things the only way I know how.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Oh, honey. You have a dream. You know, I had a dream too. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh, look, my dream came true!
TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: So I repeated the joke. When you discovered "Hold me closer, Tony Danza," you rode that till the wheels fell off.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus, up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidl and see if there's six more weeks of winter.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: Jack, this isn't like the pound, where you can take home the one that wags his tail at you... Or some gay bar where you can... take home the one that wags his tail at you.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: Oh, Grace. You're dating a convict? Does it come to this?
Grace: He's not a convict. He is just some guy who did some white-collar real-estate thing and needs to be behind bars for a little while until he learns his lesson.
Will: Oh. Hey, he wouldn't happen to have a brother who's not gay but likes to have sex with men, does he?
Grace: He's not a convict. He is just some guy who did some white-collar real-estate thing and needs to be behind bars for a little while until he learns his lesson.
Will: Oh. Hey, he wouldn't happen to have a brother who's not gay but likes to have sex with men, does he?
TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: You're not a lesbian.....say something lesbionic
Elliot's mom: Home Depot
Jack: K.D.Lang you are a lesbian
Elliot's mom: Home Depot
Jack: K.D.Lang you are a lesbian
TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: I hate Leo. Yeah.
Grace: What?
Karen: Yep. Hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. He's dull, he's ugly and he don't make me laugh.
Grace: What?
Karen: Yep. Hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. He's dull, he's ugly and he don't make me laugh.
TV Show: Will and Grace
[Jack is trying to find out whether his new singing partner, Owen, is really gay]
Jack: Why don't we start with some vocal exercises. What gym do you go to? Why haven't I seen you in the clubs? And who have we slept with in common?
Owen: I work out at home. I'm allergic to smoke. And I'm in a long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend.
Jack: Name?
Owen: Ben.
Jack: I know him.
Owen: No, you don't.
Jack: How do you know?
Owen: He told me you don't.
Jack: Why don't we start with some vocal exercises. What gym do you go to? Why haven't I seen you in the clubs? And who have we slept with in common?
Owen: I work out at home. I'm allergic to smoke. And I'm in a long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend.
Jack: Name?
Owen: Ben.
Jack: I know him.
Owen: No, you don't.
Jack: How do you know?
Owen: He told me you don't.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: I met Karen's mother. She's not dead. She's a cocktail waitress. It turns out Karen's father died when she was seven. Oh, my God. Can you imagine what Karen looked like when she was seven years old? Cute little pumps, cute little martini, cute little pills. Ah-ha-ha. Anyway, from then on they moved around a lot until Lois met a man, a ne'er-do-well named Bernie. Or was it Todd? I don't know. I can't remember, 'cause at that point I zoned out 'cause some real hot fireman came into the bar. Oh, his name was Todd. That's right. Hot Toddy. Hot Toddy. Hot Toddy. Anyway, what did I do with his number? Actually, when Karen was 16, her and her mother had some big falling-out, and Lois wouldn't tell me what it was; but I have a feeling Karen killed a man with her bare breasts. All this is in my movie. I smell sequel.
[Will pushes Jack out the door.]
Grace: Wow. Karen has a mother?
[Will pushes Jack out the door.]
Grace: Wow. Karen has a mother?
TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: So, Karen, on this, the centennial of your birth, Jack wants me to wish you a happy birthday. I hope all your wishes come true. And when you do become Satan's mistress, don't you forget the little people.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: Bill just said 2002 was the last palindrome year of our lifetime, and I laughed, and he looked at me weird. A palindrome is some kind of elephant, right?
TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: My mother is a con artist, okay? I send her a check once a month to keep her out of my hair. Yeah, my entire childhood was spent traveling with her from town to town, running scams on people. Never settling down. Just when I'd make a friend, have 'em over for milk and cookies... Bam! It was time to move on.
Jack: Karen, that's shocking. You drank milk?
Karen: The last town we lived in, I fell in love with a boy. Heh. He had long blond hair, delicate features, soft skin... At least, I think it was a boy. Well, anyway, I was in love. And he or she loved me. Until my mom scammed her, too. Then he left me. That was when I left home and never looked back.
Jack: Karen, this isn't something you can run away from. It's not like a hotel bill or a crying baby.
Jack: Karen, that's shocking. You drank milk?
Karen: The last town we lived in, I fell in love with a boy. Heh. He had long blond hair, delicate features, soft skin... At least, I think it was a boy. Well, anyway, I was in love. And he or she loved me. Until my mom scammed her, too. Then he left me. That was when I left home and never looked back.
Jack: Karen, this isn't something you can run away from. It's not like a hotel bill or a crying baby.
TV Show: Will and Grace
George: Oh, by the way, Will, that guy that just made partner at my firm — Brian. He's gay.
Will: Really? The Canadian guy?
George: Oh, jeez, that was it: Canadian. He's gonna call ya anyway.
Will: Really? The Canadian guy?
George: Oh, jeez, that was it: Canadian. He's gonna call ya anyway.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: I'll never forget it. My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and, suddenly... The lights went out, the elevator dropped, and... Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met. I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out. [cries.]
Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!
Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus? Wh— ?
Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!
Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus? Wh— ?
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Lois: And i certainly wouldn't have broken up you and what's his name. I mean she was nice!
Karen: Yeah, she was — I miss him!
Karen: Yeah, she was — I miss him!
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Jack: Oh, look! My ride's here, and it's a huff! I believe I'll leave in it!
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Zandra: This better be good. You're taking time away from my slow, agonizing march toward death.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: Okay, here's the scoop, Jackson. Elliot's got a basketball tournament in Connecticut this weekend. All the dads are going, but my boss Dorleen the Whore-leen is making me do inventory. So, will you take him? Please? I'll be up on Saturday. Please just say yes. I promise I won't ask for anything else again!
Will: Okay.
Jack: Damn you, Will! Damn your shiny, pointy face and your sarcastic quips!
Will: Hey, lord of the ring-dings, I said I'd do it.
Jack: Oh. Sorry. I wasn't listening.
Will: Okay.
Jack: Damn you, Will! Damn your shiny, pointy face and your sarcastic quips!
Will: Hey, lord of the ring-dings, I said I'd do it.
Jack: Oh. Sorry. I wasn't listening.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Hi, what's going on? What's happening? What's the emergency?
Grace: I think I'm in trouble.
Karen: Well, you came to the right place. Here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna change your name, get you a new face and ship you out of the country. Here's your passport.
Grace: [reading passport] "Rosario Salazar." This is your maid's.
Karen: She don't need it. She ain't going anywhere.
Grace: I think I'm in trouble.
Karen: Well, you came to the right place. Here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna change your name, get you a new face and ship you out of the country. Here's your passport.
Grace: [reading passport] "Rosario Salazar." This is your maid's.
Karen: She don't need it. She ain't going anywhere.
TV Show: Will and Grace
[Karen is showing Jack a card trick.]
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up a card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: I can't remember.
Karen: Ta-da!
Jack: That is so freaky, Karen. How did you do that?
Karen: Oh, sorry, honey. A magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up a card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: I can't remember.
Karen: Ta-da!
Jack: That is so freaky, Karen. How did you do that?
Karen: Oh, sorry, honey. A magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Rita: Maybe you could be a little more specific in your analysis.
Jack: Oh, don't try to confuse us by speaking French.
Jack: Oh, don't try to confuse us by speaking French.
TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: Hey, that guy looks suspicious. He's in a gay bar eating a hot dog without any irony.
TV Show: Will and Grace