Torchwood Quotes
Emily: The Torchwood Institute was created to combat the threat posed by the Doctor and other phantasmagoria.
Jack: (laughs) He's not a threat. The Doctor's the one who will save you from your phantasma-hoogits.
Jack: (laughs) He's not a threat. The Doctor's the one who will save you from your phantasma-hoogits.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: Hey, when you joked about the Millennium Bug, I didn't realise it was gonna have 18 legs stacked with poison. Anyone home? Hey! You know you're supposed to party like it's... (stops and sees his dead crew, then a man) Alex?
Alex: Jack! Just in time.
Jack: Alex? What happened? Who did this?
Alex: Me.
Jack: What? Why?
Alex: We got it wrong, Jack. We thought we could control the stuff we found. And what's it brought us? So much death.
Jack: What happened to them?
Alex: It's good you're here. Always did have great timing. This place, it's yours. Torchwood Three. My gift to you, Jack, for a century of service as field operative. Fill this place with purpose. Before it's too late. Please.
Jack: Alex, listen. It's going to be okay.
Alex: No. It's not. It's really not. I looked inside. It showed me what's coming. They were mercy killings. It's the kindest thing I could do. So none of us see the storm. I'm sorry I can't do the same for you. 21st century, Jack. Everything's gonna change. And we're not ready. (gun to forehead)
Jack: Alex!
Alex: Jack! Just in time.
Jack: Alex? What happened? Who did this?
Alex: Me.
Jack: What? Why?
Alex: We got it wrong, Jack. We thought we could control the stuff we found. And what's it brought us? So much death.
Jack: What happened to them?
Alex: It's good you're here. Always did have great timing. This place, it's yours. Torchwood Three. My gift to you, Jack, for a century of service as field operative. Fill this place with purpose. Before it's too late. Please.
Jack: Alex, listen. It's going to be okay.
Alex: No. It's not. It's really not. I looked inside. It showed me what's coming. They were mercy killings. It's the kindest thing I could do. So none of us see the storm. I'm sorry I can't do the same for you. 21st century, Jack. Everything's gonna change. And we're not ready. (gun to forehead)
Jack: Alex!
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: And you are?
Ianto: Jones, Ianto Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you Jones Ianto Jones.
Ianto: Jones, Ianto Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you Jones Ianto Jones.
TV Show: Torchwood
[Talking about the pterodactyl]
Jack: Quite excitable!
Ianto: Must be your aftershave.
Jack: I never wear any.
Ianto: You smell like that naturally?
Jack: Fifty first century pheromones, you people have no idea!
Jack: Quite excitable!
Ianto: Must be your aftershave.
Jack: I never wear any.
Ianto: You smell like that naturally?
Jack: Fifty first century pheromones, you people have no idea!
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto: Like a butler! I could be a butler!
Jack: We don't need a butler.
Ianto: Excuse me, dried egg on your collar!
Jack: It was a busy week!
Jack: We don't need a butler.
Ianto: Excuse me, dried egg on your collar!
Jack: It was a busy week!
TV Show: Torchwood
Katie: It's like being lost in a place you know really well, you can't get your bearings. Sometimes it comes back to you. and sometimes, I'm sorry, Owen.
Owen: What've you got to be sorry for?
Katie: I don't want to put you through this. Last night, I dreamt that you left me.
Owen: Come on. Nobody's leaving anyone.
Owen: What've you got to be sorry for?
Katie: I don't want to put you through this. Last night, I dreamt that you left me.
Owen: Come on. Nobody's leaving anyone.
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto (trying to catch a pterodactyl): I've got a secret weapon. Chocolate. Preferably dark.
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto: What exactly is your plan?
Jack: I'm gonna be the decoy.
Ianto: And it won't rip you to shreds?
Jack: Dinosaurs? Had them for breakfast. Had to. Only source of food protein after the asteroid crashed. Long story.
Jack: I'm gonna be the decoy.
Ianto: And it won't rip you to shreds?
Jack: Dinosaurs? Had them for breakfast. Had to. Only source of food protein after the asteroid crashed. Long story.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: Come back with me. I've got somewhere nice and big where you can fly around.
Ianto: So you'll let the pterodactyl in and not me?!
Jack: I need a guard dog.
Ianto: I could be that!
Ianto: So you'll let the pterodactyl in and not me?!
Jack: I need a guard dog.
Ianto: I could be that!
TV Show: Torchwood
Owen: If you're not a figment of my imagination, then I don't know what's happening anymore. Maybe this is what a mental breakdown feels like.
Jack: You're fine. It's the rest of the world that's delusional.
Jack: You're fine. It's the rest of the world that's delusional.
TV Show: Torchwood
John: Here's what's going to happen: everything you love, everything you treasure, will die. I'm gonna tear your world apart, Captain Jack Harkness, piece by piece. Starting now.
TV Show: Torchwood
PC Andy: Rhys! What are you doing here?! It's a crime scene!
Gwen: Oh come on, Andy, Rhys won't blab.
Rhys: Excuse me! I've kept loads of secrets!
PC Andy: Like what?
Rhys: Like a Time Agency based in Cardiff!
Gwen: It's not based in Cardiff.
PC Andy: Brilliant secret. I ask, you tell. Well done.
Gwen: Oh come on, Andy, Rhys won't blab.
Rhys: Excuse me! I've kept loads of secrets!
PC Andy: Like what?
Rhys: Like a Time Agency based in Cardiff!
Gwen: It's not based in Cardiff.
PC Andy: Brilliant secret. I ask, you tell. Well done.
TV Show: Torchwood
[Jack enters the Hub. "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" is playing in the background.]
John: Come on! Sing along! It's our song!
Jack: We don't have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song!
John: [deadpan] You're no fun!
John: Come on! Sing along! It's our song!
Jack: We don't have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song!
John: [deadpan] You're no fun!
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: What do you want?
John: I want you to know that I love you.
Jack: Funny way of showing it.
John: No, seriously. You have to understand. [turns around] I really do love you.
[John pulls out two submachine guns and shoots Jack repeatedly. John stands over his "corpse".]
John: 'Cause this is gonna get nasty.
John: I want you to know that I love you.
Jack: Funny way of showing it.
John: No, seriously. You have to understand. [turns around] I really do love you.
[John pulls out two submachine guns and shoots Jack repeatedly. John stands over his "corpse".]
John: 'Cause this is gonna get nasty.
TV Show: Torchwood
John: You took your time!
Gwen: On your knees!
John: [sigh] Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.
Gwen: Now!
Gwen: On your knees!
John: [sigh] Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.
Gwen: Now!
TV Show: Torchwood
[Owen is trapped in a room and is about to be vaporised]
Owen: [hysterical] Tosh! Toshiko, I can't get out! Not like this! I'm not dying here! Get me out of here Tosh, get me out of here, I died once and I'm not doing it again! Where's Jack? Where's Gwen, Ianto, John?!? You wanna watch the dead man die again?!
Tosh: Owen, just stay calm.
Owen: Why should I do that? Where's the fun in that? I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!
Tosh: [upset, quietly] Please stop.
Owen: Why? Give me good bloody reason why I should, one good reason why I shouldn't keep screaming!
Tosh: [crying] Because you're breaking my heart!
Owen: [calms down] Sorry.
Tosh: [still crying, harder] It's my fault.
Owen: No, no no it isn't, no it isn't, don't you dare go there Tosh, I'm really sorry. [pause] What's gonna happen to me Tosh?
Tosh: [whisper] I can't.
Owen: Please, okay, I need to know.
Tosh: [not crying but barely able to get the words out] The containment chamber will be flooded with irradiated coolant.
Owen: Ah, my body will slowly decompose, while I watch.
Tosh: [crying] I should have been able to stop it!
Owen: Sshh, come on Tosh, there's no way you could have anticipated that power spike, come on. Besides you've saved my back so many times in the past, right from the moment I joined.
Tosh: Your second week, I had to cover for you, pretend I was a medic because you were hung over and unreachable.
Owen: [weak laugh] What was it, space pig?
Tosh: Space pig.
Owen: We never did get that date did we, you and me? We sort of, uh, missed each other, was my fault, didn't
Owen: [hysterical] Tosh! Toshiko, I can't get out! Not like this! I'm not dying here! Get me out of here Tosh, get me out of here, I died once and I'm not doing it again! Where's Jack? Where's Gwen, Ianto, John?!? You wanna watch the dead man die again?!
Tosh: Owen, just stay calm.
Owen: Why should I do that? Where's the fun in that? I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!
Tosh: [upset, quietly] Please stop.
Owen: Why? Give me good bloody reason why I should, one good reason why I shouldn't keep screaming!
Tosh: [crying] Because you're breaking my heart!
Owen: [calms down] Sorry.
Tosh: [still crying, harder] It's my fault.
Owen: No, no no it isn't, no it isn't, don't you dare go there Tosh, I'm really sorry. [pause] What's gonna happen to me Tosh?
Tosh: [whisper] I can't.
Owen: Please, okay, I need to know.
Tosh: [not crying but barely able to get the words out] The containment chamber will be flooded with irradiated coolant.
Owen: Ah, my body will slowly decompose, while I watch.
Tosh: [crying] I should have been able to stop it!
Owen: Sshh, come on Tosh, there's no way you could have anticipated that power spike, come on. Besides you've saved my back so many times in the past, right from the moment I joined.
Tosh: Your second week, I had to cover for you, pretend I was a medic because you were hung over and unreachable.
Owen: [weak laugh] What was it, space pig?
Tosh: Space pig.
Owen: We never did get that date did we, you and me? We sort of, uh, missed each other, was my fault, didn't
TV Show: Torchwood
Tosh: [on video] Okay. So, if you're seeing this, I guess it means I'm, well, dead. Hope it was impressive! Not crossing the road or an 'incident' with a toaster. I just wanted to say, it's okay, it really is. Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen. You never knew. I love you. All of you. And.... I hope I did good.
Jack: Now we carry on.
Gwen: I don't think I can. Not after this.
Jack: You can. We all can. The end is where we start from.
Jack: Now we carry on.
Gwen: I don't think I can. Not after this.
Jack: You can. We all can. The end is where we start from.
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: Alright Glyn? What's occurring?
Glyn: Been watching the Bay, no sea monsters yet.
Gwen: Ah, still early!
Glyn: Been watching the Bay, no sea monsters yet.
Gwen: Ah, still early!
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto: Heh, he thought we were a couple, he said 'You two', the way he said it 'You two'.
Jack: Well we are, does it matter?
Jack: Well we are, does it matter?
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: [mockingly] Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going into England. Farewell forever.
Rhys: [mock-concerned] Good luck. Have you got currency?
Gwen: Yes, and I've had my injections.
Rhys: [mock-concerned] Good luck. Have you got currency?
Gwen: Yes, and I've had my injections.
TV Show: Torchwood
Rhiannon: Susan on the corner was in town and it was her anniversary so they went to that posh french place in town by the memorial and there was you.
Ianto: So...
Rhiannon: There was you...having dinner...with a man.
Ianto: So?
Rhiannon: Having dinner with a man...in a restaurant.
Ianto: So you have dinner with Tina.
Rhiannon: Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort.
Ianto: He's my boss.
Rhiannon: She said it was intimate. I said well he's had girlfriends, and she said, well no girl was getting her feet around that table. No chance! Have you gone bender?
Ianto: [looks at Misha] Misha's hearing this.
Rhiannon: She's not bothered. Her friend Shan's got two mothers. [pauses] Go on? [longer pause] You never tell me anything these days. Dad died that was it. You were off-you couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't. Did I?
Ianto: [shaking his head] It's not that. It's my job. It's... difficult. It's...[closes his eyes for a second and opens them again] He is very handsome.
Rhiannon: No?
Ianto: Now stop it.
Rhiannon: You're kidding me? Really though? Really? Christ all mighty! [pause] He's nice though, is he? Is he? Oh my...I mean, since when?
Ianto: It's weird. It's just different. It's not men. It's...it's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is really, so...so I'm not broadcasting it.
Ianto: So...
Rhiannon: There was you...having dinner...with a man.
Ianto: So?
Rhiannon: Having dinner with a man...in a restaurant.
Ianto: So you have dinner with Tina.
Rhiannon: Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort.
Ianto: He's my boss.
Rhiannon: She said it was intimate. I said well he's had girlfriends, and she said, well no girl was getting her feet around that table. No chance! Have you gone bender?
Ianto: [looks at Misha] Misha's hearing this.
Rhiannon: She's not bothered. Her friend Shan's got two mothers. [pauses] Go on? [longer pause] You never tell me anything these days. Dad died that was it. You were off-you couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't. Did I?
Ianto: [shaking his head] It's not that. It's my job. It's... difficult. It's...[closes his eyes for a second and opens them again] He is very handsome.
Rhiannon: No?
Ianto: Now stop it.
Rhiannon: You're kidding me? Really though? Really? Christ all mighty! [pause] He's nice though, is he? Is he? Oh my...I mean, since when?
Ianto: It's weird. It's just different. It's not men. It's...it's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is really, so...so I'm not broadcasting it.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: Ianto! We're having a baby.
Ianto: Congratulations. Is now a good time to tell you I lost the car?
Jack: You did what?!
Ianto: Congratulations. Is now a good time to tell you I lost the car?
Jack: You did what?!
TV Show: Torchwood
PC Andy: She shot the wheels. What kind of "terrorist" shoots your wheels, hm?
Johnson: A clever one.
Johnson: A clever one.
TV Show: Torchwood
[While travelling to London, in a truck, on top of a cargo of potatoes, Rhys has just found out that Gwen is pregnant: ]
Rhys: This changes everything.
Gwen: No. No, it doesn't. We're up the same creek and we still need a paddle.
Rhys: Yeah! But three of us in a boat.
Rhys: This changes everything.
Gwen: No. No, it doesn't. We're up the same creek and we still need a paddle.
Rhys: Yeah! But three of us in a boat.
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto: Do you ever think that one day your luck'll run out? That you won't come back?
Jack: I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever.
Ianto: So, one day you'll see me die... of old age... and just keep going?
Jack: Yeah...
Ianto: We'd better make the most of it then.
Jack: Suppose...
Ianto: Like right now?
Jack: Ianto, the world could be ending.
Ianto: World's always ending. And I have missed that coat.
Jack: Rhys, do you want to take the car down to those shops by the Wharf? We need some discs for these things. Should take about 20 minutes.
Ianto: [quickly] Thirty.
Jack: 30 minutes.
Rhys: I'll go later; the beans are almost done.
Jack: Beans are almost done.
Ianto: Bloody beans.
Jack: I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever.
Ianto: So, one day you'll see me die... of old age... and just keep going?
Jack: Yeah...
Ianto: We'd better make the most of it then.
Jack: Suppose...
Ianto: Like right now?
Jack: Ianto, the world could be ending.
Ianto: World's always ending. And I have missed that coat.
Jack: Rhys, do you want to take the car down to those shops by the Wharf? We need some discs for these things. Should take about 20 minutes.
Ianto: [quickly] Thirty.
Jack: 30 minutes.
Rhys: I'll go later; the beans are almost done.
Jack: Beans are almost done.
Ianto: Bloody beans.
TV Show: Torchwood
Clem: And who's the queer?
Ianto: Oi! [beat] It's not 1965 anymore.
Clem: He's queer. I can smell it.
Ianto: Oi! [beat] It's not 1965 anymore.
Clem: He's queer. I can smell it.
TV Show: Torchwood
Rhys: Took me a while to get used to those things [the filming contacts].
Ianto: [shoots Rhys a questioning glance] What? You've used the lenses?
Rhys: Yeah. That's why Gwen had 'em.
Gwen: I only took them home for a bit of fun.
Ianto: Fun?
Rhys: You know. Fun.
Ianto: [realising] Yeah, well; been there done that. It is fun.
Ianto: [shoots Rhys a questioning glance] What? You've used the lenses?
Rhys: Yeah. That's why Gwen had 'em.
Gwen: I only took them home for a bit of fun.
Ianto: Fun?
Rhys: You know. Fun.
Ianto: [realising] Yeah, well; been there done that. It is fun.
TV Show: Torchwood