Extras Quotes

E.T.: E.T. phone home.

TV Show: Extras
Elliot: But, look, you can't tell. Not even mom.
Gertie: Why not?
Elliot: Because grownups can't see him. Only little kids can see him.
Gertie: Give me a break!

TV Show: Extras
Kate Winslet: My husband's gonna be rummaging around in my basement while I polish his Oscar.

TV Show: Extras
Maggie Jacobs: Would you rather have a bionic arm or a bionic leg?
Andy Millman: I think a bionic leg, so I could hop to work.
Maggie Jacobs: I think leg too, but so I could kick people.
Andy Millman: But a bionic arm would come in handy some nights.
Maggie Jacobs: I don't get it...
Andy Millman: Never mind.

TV Show: Extras
Mary: Michael, please do the dishes
Michael: I set and cleared
Elliot: *I* set and cleared
Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast
Gertie: I did breakfast
Mary: [Mary slams a pot down on the sideboard]

TV Show: Extras
Tyler: Douche bag.

TV Show: Extras
Chegwin: [as Alfie] My sister buried me today.
Andy: Oh, for fuck's sake! Why would your sister bury you?

TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: July 21, 2005
Guest Star(s): Ben Stiller

TV Show: Extras
Stiller: A lot of you might be thinking, 'Why am I making this movie?' Sure, you guys look at me as one of the world's most successful comedy actors ... what does that mean? I mean, yeah, I make Along Came Polly, it opens to $32 million, one of the biggest Martin Luther King, Jr. birthday holiday opening weekends ever, goes on to gross 170 million worldwide. Meet the Parents, double that. But what does the money and the success mean in real terms? If I find a little orphan child in a warzone, hiding in a burnt out building. His parents, murdered. Persecuted for his race, his religion. What am I gonna do? Pop on Dodgeball on DVD?
Goran: Is funny film.
Stiller: Thanks, and I can put on Dodgeball, and he's gonna laugh for an hour and 32 minutes, you know, escape reality for a while, but what happens when the film finishes? Back to reality. Still an orphan. Still living with fear. How do I help him? Put on Dodgeball again? Sure, he's gonna laugh again. He'll see things he didn't see the first time, it's layered, it was made like that. But, this can't go on indefinitely. All right, at a certain point, you know, after the fifth, sixth, seventh viewing, he's ... still laughing, but it's not getting to the root of the problem. OK? How do I help him?
Andy: [quietly, to Maggie] Make Dodgeball 2?

TV Show: Extras
Maggie: [commenting on attractive man's high-fibre lunch] No bowel cancer for you, then!

TV Show: Extras
Stiller: [irritated sigh] Will you stop going on about your fucking dead wife?

TV Show: Extras
[After Andy has spoken to Ben Stiller out of turn]
Stiller: Who are you?
Andy: Nobody.
Stiller: What's that? Who?
Andy: Nobody.
Stiller: That's right. Nobody. Yeah. And who am I?
Andy: It's either Starsky or Hutch, I can never remember.
Stiller: Was that supposed to be funny?
Andy: You tell me, you were in it.
Stiller: Get off my set. Go on, get off my set.
[Andy shrugs and turns to leave. Ben Stiller turns his back to Andy, then swings back again, not finished]
Stiller: Hey, do you know how much Meet the Fockers made in its opening weekend?
Andy: No.
Stiller: No, you don't do you? [Suddenly points to a random crew member] What do you think?
Random Crewmember: I dunno.
Stiller: Take a wild guess.
Random Crewmember: Twenty million?
Stiller: [Smugly, to Andy] Way off. Double it. Add six. Forty-six, three days. Seventy million, five days. Five hundred million worldwide. Number one movie in India, right now.
Andy: [Unimpressed] Well done. Bye, nerd.
Stiller: [Livid] Oh, I'm a nerd?!
Andy: Yes, you are.
Stiller: I'm a nerd! I've kissed Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore! I, uh, I slapped Jennifer Aniston's butt!
Maggie: In films.
Stiller: It still counts! [Stomps away, turns, realizes the entire cast and crew is staring at him; defensively] It still counts! ... It still counts. I did it. [Stomps off]

TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: July 28, 2005
Guest Star(s): Vinnie Jones & Ross Kemp

TV Show: Extras
Andy: Sorry, the reason I'm here is, I want to know what your plan of action is. What's your strategy, what is your business plan?
Darren: Well, my plan is, when you get some work, then I can start making some money. 'Cause what I'm no good at, is, you know, breaking an act.
Andy: Oh! So, when I'm successful, you can deduct 12.5%, no problem.
Darren: 15 for adverts. That's what I'm hanging on for, really.
Andy: [incredulous] Yeah? You just want someone to call up and give me an advert?
Darren: That would be amazing; that would be brilliant.
Andy: Right, OK. Make sure the phone's on the hook, then.
Darren: You joke about it; it was unplugged for two days! No one noticed. Tsk!

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Kemp: I headbutted a horse, once.
Andy: Must've really annoyed you.

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Andy: Ah and what do you recommend my good man.
Caterer: Chicken's the warmest.
Andy: Is it? I'll have that then.
Caterer: One chicken.

TV Show: Extras
Andy: Your heart isn't in this is it? Oh but one of your pubes is I notice.

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Andy: Ooh straight in there no fuss.
Caterer: That's not a pube it's a dog hair.
Andy: Oh it's alright everyone it's not a pube it's just a dog hair that's all I thought it was pube but no. Oh by the way if you do happen to find any hairs in your food, he just goes straight in there with his sausage fingers.

TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: August 4, 2005
Guest Star(s): Kate Winslet

TV Show: Extras
Andy: Have you talked dirty back to him? Have you?
Maggie: No, no, I have not. I don't know what to say to him, it's too embarassing. What if I say, like, something and he just laughs at me, or something and he, and it's too much and he gets all offended.
Andy: Well, no, it's just all stuff like, "Ooh, I'm playing with myself."
Winslet: Sounds interesting.
Andy: Hi. Not me. Her.
Winslet: Go on.
Andy: Her boyfriend likes to talk dirty on the phone and she doesn't know what to say to him.
Winslet: Oh, yeah, that can be a bit awkward. Well, why don't you just start off with something light, you know, like, um, "I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa Loompas." You know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore, rattle off the old classics, like, "I'm playing with my dirty pillows," "I'm aching for your big purple-headed womb-ferret," and then go straight in hard, like, "Get 'round here 'cause I'm fudding myself stupid and I'm bloody loving it." Right?
Maggie: Yeah.

TV Show: Extras
Andy: Dear God, I've got Jeremy Clarkson's wardrobe!

TV Show: Extras
Winslet: My God, I'm not doing it for that. I mean, I don't think we really need another film about the Holocaust, do we? It's like, how many have there been, you know? We get it. It was grim. Move on. No, I'm doing it because I've noticed that if you do a film about the Holocaust you're guaranteed an Oscar. I've been nominated four times. Never won. The whole world is going, "Why hasn't Winslet won one?"
Andy: Def-yeah
Winslet: Right, so... That's why I'm doing it. "Schindler's bloody List." "The Pianist." Oscars coming out of their arse.

TV Show: Extras
[Andy kisses the priest's hand]
Priest: Oh, you don't have to do that, I'm not the Pope!
Andy: No, old habits die hard - my old priest used to make me kiss him... on the ring... on his finger, not like that, there's none of that going on, and that makes me sick as well, people saying priests are paedophiles and kiddy-fiddlers, and it's probably... I mean they probably are, you probably know some, but there's no higher percentage of perverts in... but, you know... they're all walks of life, aren't they? There are nonces everywhere, but let's not exaggerate the issue is what I'm saying. I've never been touched by a priest. I've been touched by God - not in that way - in the heart... but, you know, or... ah... oh... condoms. Do we need them? Don't think so. Let the free seed of love gush forth.

TV Show: Extras
Darren: [checks computer] Errm. Do you want to put another meeting in?
Andy: Any point?
Darren: May as well. Errm. And then when nothing comes in, just phone you up and cancel it.
Andy: That's a plan.

TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: August 11, 2005
Guest Star(s): Les Dennis

TV Show: Extras
[Genie appears out of a big lamp]
Dennis: Blimey! What a big poof.
Andy: [as Genie] Cheeky!
Dennis: Who are you?
Andy: Well, I'll be anyone you want me to be but you can call me Genie.
Dennis: How does someone as big as you squeeze into this tiny lamp?
Andy: Don't worry about it. I'm used to squeezing myself into tight holes! Ewwwwgh! No pain, no gain.

TV Show: Extras
Andy: [prompting Les] Where do you want to go from?
Dennis: How about 1992?

TV Show: Extras
Dennis: You don't remember. Nobody remembers. That's why I'm in a shitty little panto, where the only people laughing were that bunch of gays.
Andy: Nothing wrong with gays.
Dennis: I know. But they'll laugh at anything. No victory in making a bunch of gays laugh, they laugh at anything. Look at that Graham Norton.
Andy: He's alright, i'n' he?
Dennis: Is he? Is this funny, is it? "Oooh! Look at this website about cocks and fannies. Oooh! Jackie Collins, what lovely tits. Do you like a cock up your arse? Oooh!" Is that funny?
Andy: It is quite funny when you do it, but keep it down a little bit, 'cause you're in a pub
Dennis: What is that? I want to do something more high-brow, Oscar Wilde or something.
Andy: Yeah, definitely, he was gay.
Dennis: I know. But not in the same way. He was clever. Would this have been funny? Him going through customs: "I have nothing to declare but my genius. Ooooh! And this vibratin' tongue for pleasurin' fannies. Oooh!" Is that funny?
Andy: Again quite funny when you do it. But it's Sunday, can you keep the "fannies" down to a minimum?

TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: August 18, 2005
Guest Star(s): Samuel L. Jackson

TV Show: Extras
Jobsworth: ...Whoa. Where are you going? You can't come on here, it's actors only.
Andy: I am an actor.
Jobsworth: No, you're background. Your bus is over there. This is for actors.
Andy: I am an actor.
Jobsworth: No, your voucher's green, that means you're background.
Andy: Right. So you're judging my entire career on the colour of my badge.
Jobsworth: No, I'm sure you've had major roles in other things.
Maggie: He hasn't.
Andy: Shut up.

TV Show: Extras