The West Wing Quotes
Bartlet: They’re telling me that we’re out of time. I just want to mention that at several points during the evening, I was referred to as both a liberal and a populist, and a fellow fourth from the back called me a socialist, which is nice, I haven’t heard that for a while. Actually, I’m an economics professor. My great-grandfather’s great-grandfather was Dr. Josiah Bartlett, who was the New Hampshire delegate to the second Continental Congress, the one that sat in session in Philadelphia in the summer of 1776 and announced to the world that we were no longer subjects of King George III, but rather a self-governing people. "We hold these truths to be self-evident," they said, "that all men are created equal." Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down. Decisions are made by those who show up. Class dismissed. Thank you, everyone. God bless you. And God bless America.
TV Show: The West Wing
Danny: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this!
C.J.: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
C.J.: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: You're not going to spoil my good time for me.
Mrs. Landingham: Oh, sir, I think we both know from experience that's not true.
Bartlet: Yeah.
Mrs. Landingham: You need to be in the car ten minutes ago, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Do you see me walking out the door?
Mrs. Landingham: No, I see you standing and arguing with a senior citizen.
Mrs. Landingham: Oh, sir, I think we both know from experience that's not true.
Bartlet: Yeah.
Mrs. Landingham: You need to be in the car ten minutes ago, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Do you see me walking out the door?
Mrs. Landingham: No, I see you standing and arguing with a senior citizen.
TV Show: The West Wing
Admiral Fitzwallace: The eagle... on the seal in the carpet. In one talon he's holding arrows and in the other an olive branch. Most of the time, the eagle is facing the olive branch, but when congress declares war, the eagle faces the arrows... How do they do that? You think they've got a second carpet sitting around in the basement someplace?
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [on operating table] It didn't hit anything, they're just gonna look around and make sure.
Zoey: Are you in a lot of pain?
Bartlet: No...
Zoey: Are you lying?
Bartlet: Yeah, cause I want these guys to tell reporters that I was brave and joking around.
Zoey: You are brave. You were so good tonight Dad.
Zoey: Are you in a lot of pain?
Bartlet: No...
Zoey: Are you lying?
Bartlet: Yeah, cause I want these guys to tell reporters that I was brave and joking around.
Zoey: You are brave. You were so good tonight Dad.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: What about our people?
Leo: : CJ hit her head on the ground, but other than that.
Bartlet: Get the cabinet together, and the security council. Tell Jerome to suspend trading on the stock exchange...do we know who the shooters were?
Leo: : [shaking his head] No.
Bartlet: I'm gonna be under anesthesia for a couple hours.
Leo: : It'll be fine.
Bartlet: You know what I'm talking about, right?
Leo: : I'll talk to Abbey.
Doctor: : [grabbing Leo's arm] Sir, it's time.
Bartlet: Hey, come here. [Leo leans in toward the President and turns his head. Jed plants a reassuring kiss on Leo's cheek.] It's okay.
Leo: : I'll see you in a few hours Mr. President.
Leo: : CJ hit her head on the ground, but other than that.
Bartlet: Get the cabinet together, and the security council. Tell Jerome to suspend trading on the stock exchange...do we know who the shooters were?
Leo: : [shaking his head] No.
Bartlet: I'm gonna be under anesthesia for a couple hours.
Leo: : It'll be fine.
Bartlet: You know what I'm talking about, right?
Leo: : I'll talk to Abbey.
Doctor: : [grabbing Leo's arm] Sir, it's time.
Bartlet: Hey, come here. [Leo leans in toward the President and turns his head. Jed plants a reassuring kiss on Leo's cheek.] It's okay.
Leo: : I'll see you in a few hours Mr. President.
TV Show: The West Wing
[flashback]
Woman: You've been a... um, uh, what did you call it?
Toby: Professional political operative.
Woman: You've been one your whole life.
Toby: Well, there was a while back there when I was in elementary school.
Woman: [laughs] You any good?
Toby: [long pause] I'm very good at it.
Woman: What's your record?
Toby: My record?
Woman: How many elections have you won?
Toby: Altogether?
[The woman nods]
Toby: Including city council, two Congressional elections, a senate race, a Gubernatorial campaign, and a national campaign? [long pause] None.
Woman: None of them?
Toby: You gotta be impressed with my consistency.
Woman: You've been a... um, uh, what did you call it?
Toby: Professional political operative.
Woman: You've been one your whole life.
Toby: Well, there was a while back there when I was in elementary school.
Woman: [laughs] You any good?
Toby: [long pause] I'm very good at it.
Woman: What's your record?
Toby: My record?
Woman: How many elections have you won?
Toby: Altogether?
[The woman nods]
Toby: Including city council, two Congressional elections, a senate race, a Gubernatorial campaign, and a national campaign? [long pause] None.
Woman: None of them?
Toby: You gotta be impressed with my consistency.
TV Show: The West Wing
[flashback]
Man: Governor Bartlet, when you were a member of Congress, you voted against the New England Dairy Farming Compact. That vote hurt me sir. I'm a businessman. That vote hurt me to the tune of maybe, 10 cents a gallon. I voted for you three times for Congress. I voted for you twice for Governor. And I'm here sir, and I'd like to ask you for an explanation.
Bartlet: [pause] Yeah, I screwed you on that one.
Man: I'm sorry?
Bartlet: I screwed you. You got hosed.
Man: Sir, I...
Bartlet: And not just you. A lot of my constituents. I put the hammer to farms in Concord, Salem, Laconia, and Pelham. You guys got rogered but good. Today, for the first time in history, one in five Americans living in poverty are children. One in five children live in the most abject, dangerous, hopeless, backbreaking, gut wrenching, poverty, one in five, and they're children. If fidelity to freedom and democracy is the code of our civic religion then surely, the code of our humanity is faithful service to that unwritten commandment that says 'We shall give our children better than we ourselves had.' I voted against the bill 'cause I didn't want it to be hard for people to buy milk. I stopped some money from flowing into your pocket. If that angers you, if you resent me, I completely respect that. But if you expect anything different from the President of the United States, I suggest you vote for somebody else. Thanks very much. Hope you enjoyed the chicken.
Man: Governor Bartlet, when you were a member of Congress, you voted against the New England Dairy Farming Compact. That vote hurt me sir. I'm a businessman. That vote hurt me to the tune of maybe, 10 cents a gallon. I voted for you three times for Congress. I voted for you twice for Governor. And I'm here sir, and I'd like to ask you for an explanation.
Bartlet: [pause] Yeah, I screwed you on that one.
Man: I'm sorry?
Bartlet: I screwed you. You got hosed.
Man: Sir, I...
Bartlet: And not just you. A lot of my constituents. I put the hammer to farms in Concord, Salem, Laconia, and Pelham. You guys got rogered but good. Today, for the first time in history, one in five Americans living in poverty are children. One in five children live in the most abject, dangerous, hopeless, backbreaking, gut wrenching, poverty, one in five, and they're children. If fidelity to freedom and democracy is the code of our civic religion then surely, the code of our humanity is faithful service to that unwritten commandment that says 'We shall give our children better than we ourselves had.' I voted against the bill 'cause I didn't want it to be hard for people to buy milk. I stopped some money from flowing into your pocket. If that angers you, if you resent me, I completely respect that. But if you expect anything different from the President of the United States, I suggest you vote for somebody else. Thanks very much. Hope you enjoyed the chicken.
TV Show: The West Wing
[flashback]
Bartlet: Why are you doing this? You're a player. You're bigger in the party than I am. Hoynes would probably make you National Chairman. Leo, tell me this isn't one of the twelve steps.
Leo: That's what it is. Right after admitting that we are powerless over alcohol and a higher power can restore us to sanity. That's where you come in.
Bartlet: Leo...
Leo: Because I'm tired of it! Year, after year, after year of having to choose between the lesser of who cares? Of trying to get myself excited over a candidate who can speak in complete sentences. Of setting the bar so low, I can hardly look at it. They say a good man can't get elected president. I don't believe that, do you?
Bartlet: And you think I'm that man?
Leo: Yes.
Bartlet: Doesn't it matter that I'm not as sure?
Leo: Nah. 'Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you.' Put another way: 'Fake it until you make it.'
Bartlet: Why are you doing this? You're a player. You're bigger in the party than I am. Hoynes would probably make you National Chairman. Leo, tell me this isn't one of the twelve steps.
Leo: That's what it is. Right after admitting that we are powerless over alcohol and a higher power can restore us to sanity. That's where you come in.
Bartlet: Leo...
Leo: Because I'm tired of it! Year, after year, after year of having to choose between the lesser of who cares? Of trying to get myself excited over a candidate who can speak in complete sentences. Of setting the bar so low, I can hardly look at it. They say a good man can't get elected president. I don't believe that, do you?
Bartlet: And you think I'm that man?
Leo: Yes.
Bartlet: Doesn't it matter that I'm not as sure?
Leo: Nah. 'Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you.' Put another way: 'Fake it until you make it.'
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: We're confirming now that a suspect is in custody, and is being questioned by federal law enforcement . At this time, we cannot, we are not releasing any information whatsoever about the suspect.
Steve: Can you tell us anything, his name, where he's from, his ethnicity, if you guys suspect a motive?
C.J.: Yes, Steve, I can tell you those things, because when I said that we weren't releasing any information whatsoever, I meant except than his name, his address, his ethnicity, and what we think his motives are.
Steve: Can you tell us anything, his name, where he's from, his ethnicity, if you guys suspect a motive?
C.J.: Yes, Steve, I can tell you those things, because when I said that we weren't releasing any information whatsoever, I meant except than his name, his address, his ethnicity, and what we think his motives are.
TV Show: The West Wing
[flashback]
Toby: Come join the campaign.
C.J.: How much does it pay?
Toby: How much were you making before?
C.J.: $550,000 a year.
Toby: This pays $600 a week.
C.J.: So this would be less.
Toby: Come join the campaign.
C.J.: How much does it pay?
Toby: How much were you making before?
C.J.: $550,000 a year.
Toby: This pays $600 a week.
C.J.: So this would be less.
TV Show: The West Wing
Margaret: Can I - can I just say something for the future?
Leo: Yeah.
Margaret: I can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.
Leo: You can sign the President's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo: On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else?
Margaret: Yeah. Or... do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?
Leo: I think the White House Counsel would say it was a coup d'etat!
Margaret: Well...I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
Leo: I would think! And what the hell were you doing practicing the President's signature?
Margaret: It was just for fun.
Leo: We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret vetoing things and sending them back to the Hill!
Leo: Yeah.
Margaret: I can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.
Leo: You can sign the President's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo: On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else?
Margaret: Yeah. Or... do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?
Leo: I think the White House Counsel would say it was a coup d'etat!
Margaret: Well...I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
Leo: I would think! And what the hell were you doing practicing the President's signature?
Margaret: It was just for fun.
Leo: We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret vetoing things and sending them back to the Hill!
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: This is our fifth press briefing since midnight. Obviously, there's one story that's going to dominate news around the world for the next few days, and it would be easy to think that President Bartlet, Joshua Lyman, and Stephanie Abbott were the only victims of a gun crime last night. They weren't. Mark Davis and Sheila Evans of Philadelphia were killed by a gun last night. He was a biology teacher and she was a nursing student. Tina Bishop and Linda Larkin were killed with a gun last night. They were 12. There were 36 homicides last night. 480 sexual assaults, 3,411 robberies, 3,685 aggravated assaults, all at gunpoint. And if anyone thinks those crimes could have been prevented if the victims themselves had been carrying guns, I'd only remind you that the President of the United States was shot last night while surrounded by the best trained armed guards in the history of the world. Back to the briefing.
TV Show: The West Wing
[flashback]
Bartlet: Tonight, what began on the commons in Concord, Massachusetts, as an alliance of farmers and workers, of cobblers and tinsmiths, of statesmen and students, of mothers and wives, of men and boys, lives two centuries later as America! My name is Josiah Bartlet, and I accept your nomination for the Presidency of the United States!
Bartlet: Tonight, what began on the commons in Concord, Massachusetts, as an alliance of farmers and workers, of cobblers and tinsmiths, of statesmen and students, of mothers and wives, of men and boys, lives two centuries later as America! My name is Josiah Bartlet, and I accept your nomination for the Presidency of the United States!
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Tell me democracy doesn't have a sense of humor. We sit here, we drink this beer out here on the stoop, in violation of about 47 city ordinances. I don't know, Toby, it's election night. What do you say about a government that goes out of its way to protect even citizens that try to destroy it?
Toby: God bless America.
Toby: God bless America.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Good morning, everybody. Anybody know what the word 'acalculia' means?
Sam: It's the inability to perform arithmetic functions...I'm sorry, Mr. President. You wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?
Bartlet: Yeah, but I'll get over it.
Sam: Good for you, sir. That's very mature.
Bartlet: Shut up.
Sam: You're not over it yet, are you?
Sam: It's the inability to perform arithmetic functions...I'm sorry, Mr. President. You wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?
Bartlet: Yeah, but I'll get over it.
Sam: Good for you, sir. That's very mature.
Bartlet: Shut up.
Sam: You're not over it yet, are you?
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Toby, I'm drinking the most fantastic thing I've ever tasted in my life: chocolate syrup, cold milk, and seltzer. I know it sounds terrible, but trust me, I don't know where this has been all my life.
Toby: It's called an egg cream, Mr. President. We invented them in Brooklyn.
Toby: It's called an egg cream, Mr. President. We invented them in Brooklyn.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie Okay. Zoey and I are going out. I'll be on my pager.
Leo: You're going out?
Charlie: Yeah.
Leo: Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?
Charlie: Hey, Leo...
Leo: Secret Service protection, Charlie. But thanks for loading me up with that image.
Leo: You're going out?
Charlie: Yeah.
Leo: Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?
Charlie: Hey, Leo...
Leo: Secret Service protection, Charlie. But thanks for loading me up with that image.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18: 22.
President Josiah Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35: 2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11: 7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18: 22.
President Josiah Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35: 2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11: 7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Toby, come quick, Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl.
Toby: Ginger, get the popcorn.
Toby: Ginger, get the popcorn.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Charlie, when they close the book on me and you, it will say that at this moment you were not there for me. And for that, obviously, there will be some kind of punishment.
Charlie: Well, you could sing Puccini for me again, Mr. President, and we'll call it even.
Charlie: Well, you could sing Puccini for me again, Mr. President, and we'll call it even.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Charlie, I wanna hire a woman whose voice I think would fit in nicely around here, She's a conservative Republican, you think I should do it?
Charlie: Absolutely Mr. President, cause I'm told that theirs is the party of inclusion.
Charlie: Absolutely Mr. President, cause I'm told that theirs is the party of inclusion.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: But for a brilliant surgical team and two centimeters of a miracle, this guy's dead right now. From bullets fired from a gun bought legally. They bought guns, they loaded 'em, they drove from Wheeling to Rosslyn, and until they pulled the trigger they had yet to commit a crime. I am so off the charts tired of the gun lobby tossing around words like personal freedom and nobody calling 'em on it. It's not about personal freedom. And it certainly has nothing to do with public safety. It's just that some people like guns.
TV Show: The West Wing
Ainsley: [to her Republican friends about Democrats] Say they are smug and superior. Say their approach to public policy makes you want to tear your hair out. Say they like high taxes and spending your money. Say they want to take your guns and open your borders but don't call them worthless. At least don't do it in front of me. The people I have met have been extraordinarily qualified. Their intent is good. Their commitment is true. They are righteous, and they are patriots. And I'm their lawyer.
TV Show: The West Wing
Engineer: Cut take.
Bartlet: Sorry, everybody. This is gonna be it. Four is my lucky number.
Donna: This is take five, sir.
Bartlet: Five is my lucky number. "Fifth-take Bartlet" - that's what Jack Warner used to call me.
Donna: Did you really know Jack Warner, Mr. President?
Bartlet: Yeah, because I used to be a contract player in Hollywood and I'm 97 years old.
Bartlet: Sorry, everybody. This is gonna be it. Four is my lucky number.
Donna: This is take five, sir.
Bartlet: Five is my lucky number. "Fifth-take Bartlet" - that's what Jack Warner used to call me.
Donna: Did you really know Jack Warner, Mr. President?
Bartlet: Yeah, because I used to be a contract player in Hollywood and I'm 97 years old.
TV Show: The West Wing
Engineer: Saturday morning radio address, take 21.
Donna: I have a really good feeling about this one, sir.
Bartlet: Is this still my first term?
Donna: I have a really good feeling about this one, sir.
Bartlet: Is this still my first term?
TV Show: The West Wing
Ainsley: You lied to me just then.
Leo: I'm a politician, Ainsley. Of course I lied to you just then.
Leo: I'm a politician, Ainsley. Of course I lied to you just then.
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: This is Ainsley Hayes. She's scared of meeting you, so be nice.
Tribbey: The girl who's been writing the columns?
Leo: Yeah.
Tribbey: [to Ainsley] You're an idiot.
Ainsley: Oh God.
Leo: She's not an idiot, Lionel, she clerked for Dreifort!
Tribbey: Well, Dreifort's an idiot.
Leo: Dreifort's a Supreme Court Justice, Lionel, so let's speak of him with respect and practice some tolerance for those who disagree with us.
Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you.
Leo: She's working for you, Lionel.
Tribbey: Under whose orders?
Leo: The President.
Tribbey: The President of what, exactly?
Leo: The United States.
Tribbey: The girl who's been writing the columns?
Leo: Yeah.
Tribbey: [to Ainsley] You're an idiot.
Ainsley: Oh God.
Leo: She's not an idiot, Lionel, she clerked for Dreifort!
Tribbey: Well, Dreifort's an idiot.
Leo: Dreifort's a Supreme Court Justice, Lionel, so let's speak of him with respect and practice some tolerance for those who disagree with us.
Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you.
Leo: She's working for you, Lionel.
Tribbey: Under whose orders?
Leo: The President.
Tribbey: The President of what, exactly?
Leo: The United States.
TV Show: The West Wing
Ainsley: Mr. Tribbey? I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment. Any advice you could give me that might point me the way of success would be, by me, appreciated.
Tribbey: Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right direction.
Tribbey: Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right direction.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Charlie!
Charlie: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Can I have a couple of aspirin or a weapon of some kind to kill people with?
Charlie: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Can I have a couple of aspirin or a weapon of some kind to kill people with?
TV Show: The West Wing