The West Wing Quotes
Josh: [about the President] How's he doing in there?
Toby: He's got that look on his face like he's thinking of ways of killing himself.
Toby: He's got that look on his face like he's thinking of ways of killing himself.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: This is a debate that is obviously going to continue in town halls, city halls, state legislatures, and the U.S. House of Representatives. There is a population in this country that seems to focus so much time and energy into this conversation, so much so that I am forced to ask this question - is there an epidemic of flag burning going on that I'm not aware of?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: I just figured out who you were.
Kiefer: He's gonna say Satan.
Toby: No, you're the guy that runs into the 7-11 to get Satan a pack of cigarettes.
Kiefer: He's gonna say Satan.
Toby: No, you're the guy that runs into the 7-11 to get Satan a pack of cigarettes.
TV Show: The West Wing
Joey: Vox populi, vox dei.
Josh: The voice of the people is the voice of a dog.
Joey: The voice of God, Joshua.
Josh: Yes.
Josh: The voice of the people is the voice of a dog.
Joey: The voice of God, Joshua.
Josh: Yes.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: We're gonna do 'good cop, bad cop.'
Toby: No, we're really not.
Josh: Why not?
Toby: 'Cause this isn't an episode of Hawaii Five-O. How about you be the good cop and I be the cop that doesn't go to the meeting?
Toby: No, we're really not.
Josh: Why not?
Toby: 'Cause this isn't an episode of Hawaii Five-O. How about you be the good cop and I be the cop that doesn't go to the meeting?
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Try to find out who those friends of my wife's are in the wire piece and take them out back and have them shot. Can I do that?
Leo: Yeah.
Bartlet: Yeah, Leo says I can do that.
Leo: Yeah.
Bartlet: Yeah, Leo says I can do that.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: You're concerned about American labor and manufacturing.
Congressman: Yeah.
Toby: What kind of car do you drive?
Congressman: Toyota.
Toby: Then shut up.
...
Josh: What would you have done if he had said he drove an American car?
Toby: Found some other way of humiliating him.
Congressman: Yeah.
Toby: What kind of car do you drive?
Congressman: Toyota.
Toby: Then shut up.
...
Josh: What would you have done if he had said he drove an American car?
Toby: Found some other way of humiliating him.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: This, right here, this is the reason why you have a reputation as a pain in the ass.
Toby: I've cultivated that reputation.
Toby: I've cultivated that reputation.
TV Show: The West Wing
Mrs. Landingham: I'm not used to having members of the print media in here.
Danny: I'll try not to get ink on the furniture.
Mrs. Landingham: Aw, Danny, and I was just about to offer you a cookie.
Danny: And now?
Mrs. Landingham: No.
Danny: I'll try not to get ink on the furniture.
Mrs. Landingham: Aw, Danny, and I was just about to offer you a cookie.
Danny: And now?
Mrs. Landingham: No.
TV Show: The West Wing
Jeff Breckenridge: You got a dollar?
Josh: Yeah.
Jeff Breckenridge: Take it out. Look at the back. The seal, the pyramid, it's unfinished, with the eye of God looking over it, and the words annuit coeptis - he, God, favors our undertaking. The seal is meant to be unfinished, because this country's meant to be unfinished. We're meant to keep doing better. We're meant to keep discussing and debating. And, we're meant to read books by great historical scholars and then talk about them...
Josh: Yeah.
Jeff Breckenridge: Take it out. Look at the back. The seal, the pyramid, it's unfinished, with the eye of God looking over it, and the words annuit coeptis - he, God, favors our undertaking. The seal is meant to be unfinished, because this country's meant to be unfinished. We're meant to keep doing better. We're meant to keep discussing and debating. And, we're meant to read books by great historical scholars and then talk about them...
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes. We need gigantic revolutionary changes. Schools should be palaces. Competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be getting six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge for its citizens, just like national defense. That is my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: I feel like I've lost 180 pounds. I am smiling, I am laughing, I am enjoying the people I work with - I gotta snap outta this. What's on your mind?
Mandy: I want you to help me get the Chinese to give us a new panda bear to replace LumLum.
Toby: Well that did the trick.
Mandy: I want you to help me get the Chinese to give us a new panda bear to replace LumLum.
Toby: Well that did the trick.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [reading from a book by George Washington] "In public, put not your hands on any part of your body that is usually covered."
C.J.: Well... I do what it takes to keep the press corps happy, Mr. President.
C.J.: Well... I do what it takes to keep the press corps happy, Mr. President.
TV Show: The West Wing
[The office staff watches the Senate start to vote on Mendoza's confirmation to the Supreme Court and begin celebrating. Bonnie starts handing around a bottle of champagne]
Toby: Put it down! Put it down!
Bonnie: Toby!
Toby: No champagne.
Bonnie: We're just getting--
Toby: Put it down. Everyone in this room, let me have your attention! Please. The law of our land mandates that Presidential appointees be confirmed by a majority of the Senate, a majority being a total of half plus one for a total of what, Ginger?
Ginger: Fifty-one.
Toby: Fifty-one 'yea' votes is what we see on these screens before a drop of wine is swallowed! Because there's a little thing called what, Bonnie?
Bonnie: "Tempting fate"?
Toby: "Tempting fate" is what it's called. In the three months that this man has been on my radar screen, I have aged forty-eight years. This is my day of jubilee, I will not have it screwed up by what, Bonnie?
Bonnie: By tempting fate.
Toby: By tempting fate! These things take patience. These things take skill. These things take luck. In the fifteen months we've been in office, what kind of luck have we had? Ginger?
Ginger: Bad luck.
Toby: [clears his throat and raises his eyebrows] What kind of luck?
Ginger: Very bad luck.
Toby: We've had very bad luck.
Toby: Put it down! Put it down!
Bonnie: Toby!
Toby: No champagne.
Bonnie: We're just getting--
Toby: Put it down. Everyone in this room, let me have your attention! Please. The law of our land mandates that Presidential appointees be confirmed by a majority of the Senate, a majority being a total of half plus one for a total of what, Ginger?
Ginger: Fifty-one.
Toby: Fifty-one 'yea' votes is what we see on these screens before a drop of wine is swallowed! Because there's a little thing called what, Bonnie?
Bonnie: "Tempting fate"?
Toby: "Tempting fate" is what it's called. In the three months that this man has been on my radar screen, I have aged forty-eight years. This is my day of jubilee, I will not have it screwed up by what, Bonnie?
Bonnie: By tempting fate.
Toby: By tempting fate! These things take patience. These things take skill. These things take luck. In the fifteen months we've been in office, what kind of luck have we had? Ginger?
Ginger: Bad luck.
Toby: [clears his throat and raises his eyebrows] What kind of luck?
Ginger: Very bad luck.
Toby: We've had very bad luck.
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: The theme of the Egg Hunt is "learning is delightful and delicious" - as, by the way, am I.
TV Show: The West Wing
Mrs. Landingham: You're not getting enough roughage in your diet, you know I'm right about that.
Bartlet: I know I'd like to beat you senseless with a head of cabbage, I know that for damn sure.
Mrs. Landingham: Once again you display an immaturity about vegetables that I think is not at all Presidential.
Bartlet: I know I'd like to beat you senseless with a head of cabbage, I know that for damn sure.
Mrs. Landingham: Once again you display an immaturity about vegetables that I think is not at all Presidential.
TV Show: The West Wing
Major Tate: Sir, we're not prejudiced toward homosexuals.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: You just don't want to see them serving in the Armed Forces?
Major Tate: No sir, I don't.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: 'Cause they impose a threat to unit discipline and cohesion.
Major Tate: Yes, sir.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: That's what I think, too. I also think the military wasn't designed to be an instrument of social change.
Major Tate: Yes, sir.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: The problem with that is that what they were saying to me 50 years ago. Blacks shouldn't serve with whites. It would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I'm an admiral in the United States Navy and chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff... Beat that with a stick.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: You just don't want to see them serving in the Armed Forces?
Major Tate: No sir, I don't.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: 'Cause they impose a threat to unit discipline and cohesion.
Major Tate: Yes, sir.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: That's what I think, too. I also think the military wasn't designed to be an instrument of social change.
Major Tate: Yes, sir.
Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: The problem with that is that what they were saying to me 50 years ago. Blacks shouldn't serve with whites. It would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I'm an admiral in the United States Navy and chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff... Beat that with a stick.
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: You want to see me orchestrate this right now? You want to see me mobilize these people? These people who would walk into fire if you told them to. These people who showed up to lead. These people who showed up to fight. [points at Charlie] That guy gets death threats because he’s black and he dates your daughter! He was warned: “Do not show up to this place. Your life will be in danger.” He said, “To hell with that, I’m going anyway.” You said, “No.” Prudent or not prudent, this 21 year old for 600 dollars a week says, “I’m going where I want to because a man stands up!”
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: Listen up. Our ground game isn't working; we're gonna put the ball in the air. If we're gonna walk into walls, I want us running into them full-speed.
Josh: What are you saying?
Leo: Well, you can start by telling the Hill the President's named his nominees to the FEC. And we're gonna lose some of these battles. And we might even lose the White House. But we're not going to be threatened by issues: we're going to put 'em front and center. We're gonna raise raise the level of public debate in this country, and let that be our legacy. That sound alright to you Josh?
Josh: I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.
Leo: Yeah?
CJ: I serve at the pleasure of the President.
Sam: I serve at the pleasure of President Bartlet.
Leo: Toby?
Toby: I serve at the pleasure of the President.
Josh: What are you saying?
Leo: Well, you can start by telling the Hill the President's named his nominees to the FEC. And we're gonna lose some of these battles. And we might even lose the White House. But we're not going to be threatened by issues: we're going to put 'em front and center. We're gonna raise raise the level of public debate in this country, and let that be our legacy. That sound alright to you Josh?
Josh: I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.
Leo: Yeah?
CJ: I serve at the pleasure of the President.
Sam: I serve at the pleasure of President Bartlet.
Leo: Toby?
Toby: I serve at the pleasure of the President.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bonnie: [after Josh told the Senate Majority Leader to "shove his legislative agenda up [his] ass"] Rambo!
Josh: You talking to me?
Bonnie: Nice phone call.
Josh: That's how we do things in New England, my friends.
Bonnie: In Indiana, we're not allowed to talk like that.
Ginger: In New Jersey, we encourage it.
Josh: You talking to me?
Bonnie: Nice phone call.
Josh: That's how we do things in New England, my friends.
Bonnie: In Indiana, we're not allowed to talk like that.
Ginger: In New Jersey, we encourage it.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: Mandatory Minimums are racist.
Toby: I understand that.
Sam: They're a red herring.
Toby: I understand that, too.
Sam: It's a way of looking like you're tough on crime, without assuming the burden of being tough on crime.
Toby: Everything you've said I understand.
Sam: I'm saying...
Toby: We do things one thing at a time.
Sam: But I'm saying we don't have time to do things one thing at a time.
Toby: We're talking about treatment.
Sam: I'm talking about treatment and I'm talking about Mandatory Minimums and I'm saying it's a red herring and I'm saying it's racist.
Toby: When you talk to the President, I want you talking about treatment. I want you talking about treatment vs. enforcement and I don't want you to stray from that!
Sam: Toby, is this what you meant when you said, "Sam, you're completely in charge of this"?
Toby: Yes, I meant, you're in charge of this, in the sense that you're subordinate to me in every way.
Toby: I understand that.
Sam: They're a red herring.
Toby: I understand that, too.
Sam: It's a way of looking like you're tough on crime, without assuming the burden of being tough on crime.
Toby: Everything you've said I understand.
Sam: I'm saying...
Toby: We do things one thing at a time.
Sam: But I'm saying we don't have time to do things one thing at a time.
Toby: We're talking about treatment.
Sam: I'm talking about treatment and I'm talking about Mandatory Minimums and I'm saying it's a red herring and I'm saying it's racist.
Toby: When you talk to the President, I want you talking about treatment. I want you talking about treatment vs. enforcement and I don't want you to stray from that!
Sam: Toby, is this what you meant when you said, "Sam, you're completely in charge of this"?
Toby: Yes, I meant, you're in charge of this, in the sense that you're subordinate to me in every way.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: [to Andy] I have to get back to work. And you, being a Congresswoman... I'm sure you need to be back out there... you know, screwing the people.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Take it easy.
Sam: I won’t take it easy! Give me the phone. I'm gonna call the Senator and I'm gonna tell him that he can shove his legislative agenda up his ass!
Josh: I've already done that.
Sam: I'll do it again.
Josh: You know what this is like? This is like The Godfather. When Pacino tells James Caan that he's gonna kill the cop. It's a lot like that scene, only not really.
...
Josh: It is like that scene. I'm James Caan. [to Sam] You're...you're Al Pacino.
Toby: Let's go.
Josh: Toby, you're the guy who shows Pacino how to make tomato sauce.
Sam: I won’t take it easy! Give me the phone. I'm gonna call the Senator and I'm gonna tell him that he can shove his legislative agenda up his ass!
Josh: I've already done that.
Sam: I'll do it again.
Josh: You know what this is like? This is like The Godfather. When Pacino tells James Caan that he's gonna kill the cop. It's a lot like that scene, only not really.
...
Josh: It is like that scene. I'm James Caan. [to Sam] You're...you're Al Pacino.
Toby: Let's go.
Josh: Toby, you're the guy who shows Pacino how to make tomato sauce.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: Mr. President.
Bartlet: We were almost done.
Toby: I... met with Congresswoman Wyatt today.
Bartlet: When you were married to her, did you call her Congresswoman Wyatt?
Toby: No, sir.
Bartlet: Sometimes I call my wife Dr. Bartlet.
Toby: I call her Andy or uh... Andrea.
Bartlet: Okay.
Toby: Mandatory Minimums.
Bartlet: You're whupped, my friend.
Toby: Sir.
Bartlet: No, she's been talking to you for a year about Mandatory Minimums. You've been saying no. Looks like we know who wears the pants in the Ziegler family.
Toby: You call your wife “Dr. Bartlet”?
Bartlet: Just for the turn-on.
Bartlet: We were almost done.
Toby: I... met with Congresswoman Wyatt today.
Bartlet: When you were married to her, did you call her Congresswoman Wyatt?
Toby: No, sir.
Bartlet: Sometimes I call my wife Dr. Bartlet.
Toby: I call her Andy or uh... Andrea.
Bartlet: Okay.
Toby: Mandatory Minimums.
Bartlet: You're whupped, my friend.
Toby: Sir.
Bartlet: No, she's been talking to you for a year about Mandatory Minimums. You've been saying no. Looks like we know who wears the pants in the Ziegler family.
Toby: You call your wife “Dr. Bartlet”?
Bartlet: Just for the turn-on.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: We agree on nothing, Max.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Education, guns, drugs, school prayer, gays, defense spending, taxes - you name it, we disagree.
Senator Lobell: You know why?
Bartlet: Because I'm a lily-livered, bleeding-heart, liberal, egghead communist.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir. And I'm a gun-toting, redneck son-of-a-bitch.
Bartlet: Yes, you are.
Senator Lobell: We agree about that.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Education, guns, drugs, school prayer, gays, defense spending, taxes - you name it, we disagree.
Senator Lobell: You know why?
Bartlet: Because I'm a lily-livered, bleeding-heart, liberal, egghead communist.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir. And I'm a gun-toting, redneck son-of-a-bitch.
Bartlet: Yes, you are.
Senator Lobell: We agree about that.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: Since when are you an expert on language?
C.J.: In polling models?
Toby: Okay.
C.J.: 1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?
Toby: Since long before that.
C.J.: In polling models?
Toby: Okay.
C.J.: 1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?
Toby: Since long before that.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: What do we do with him?
Sam: Make him the Ambassador to Paraguay.
Bartlet: What do we do with the Ambassador to Paraguay?
Sam: Make him Ambassador to Bulgaria.
Bartlet: I like this. Because, if everybody keeps moving up one, I can go home.
Sam: Make him the Ambassador to Paraguay.
Bartlet: What do we do with the Ambassador to Paraguay?
Sam: Make him Ambassador to Bulgaria.
Bartlet: I like this. Because, if everybody keeps moving up one, I can go home.
TV Show: The West Wing
Margaret: Want to hear a joke?
Leo: Uh... Okay.
Margaret: You know why they only eat one egg for breakfast in France?
Leo: Why?
Margaret: 'Cause in France, one egg is 'un oeuf'.
Leo: Uh... Okay.
Margaret: You know why they only eat one egg for breakfast in France?
Leo: Why?
Margaret: 'Cause in France, one egg is 'un oeuf'.
TV Show: The West Wing
Cochran: I'd like to speak to your supervisor.
Charlie: Well, I'm Personal Aide to the President, so my supervisor's a little busy right now trying to find a back door to this place to shove you out of but I'll let him know you'd like to lodge a complaint.
Charlie: Well, I'm Personal Aide to the President, so my supervisor's a little busy right now trying to find a back door to this place to shove you out of but I'll let him know you'd like to lodge a complaint.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Here’s another one. Two politicians are having an argument. One of them stands up and says, "You’re lying!" The other one answers, "Yes, I am, but hear me out." [audience laughs]
Moderator: Mr. President, do you have time for one more question?
Bartlet: I don’t think I answered the last one. Suzanne’s got me telling jokes. Here’s an answer to your question that I don’t think you’re going to like: the current crop of 18-25 year olds is the most politically apathetic generation in American history. In 1972, half of that age group voted. In the last election, 32%. Your generation is considerably less likely than any previous one to write or call public officials, attend rallies, or work on political campaigns. A man once said this, "decisions are made by those who show up." So are we failing you, or are you failing us? It's a little of both.
Moderator: Mr. President, do you have time for one more question?
Bartlet: I don’t think I answered the last one. Suzanne’s got me telling jokes. Here’s an answer to your question that I don’t think you’re going to like: the current crop of 18-25 year olds is the most politically apathetic generation in American history. In 1972, half of that age group voted. In the last election, 32%. Your generation is considerably less likely than any previous one to write or call public officials, attend rallies, or work on political campaigns. A man once said this, "decisions are made by those who show up." So are we failing you, or are you failing us? It's a little of both.
TV Show: The West Wing