Corner Gas Quotes

Lacey: We're sorry if this town seems a little, you know... boring.
Dr. Chris Garner: Oh, it's all right. I'm quite accustomed to slower life.
Emma Leroy: It gets slower than this?

TV Show: Corner Gas
Mrs. Jensen: With him the customer was always number one. Oscar always treated people with great respect.
Oscar Leroy: [suddenly enters] Hey jackass, stop talking to this old wing-nut and pump my gas!
Brent LeRoy: Well, he's a people person.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Oscar Leroy: Let me answer that question with another question: Shut up!

TV Show: Corner Gas
[Wanda is reading a book]
Customer: What's that, quantum physics?
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, I've always been fascinated that light could be a particle and a wave. I was gonna study it in college, but then I got interested in biochemistry. And then on a whim settled on liguistics with minor in comparative religion.
Customer: Wow, how'd you end up in a place like this?
Wanda Dollard: The last girl quit, can you believe it?

TV Show: Corner Gas
[a cable TV company van pulls up to the Corner Gas pumps]
Brent LeRoy: Want me to fill it up?
Cable Guy: Please.
Brent LeRoy: Okay. How about I do it next Tuesday, sometime between eight and four?

TV Show: Corner Gas
[Brent's new, black gas station uniform shirt inspires him to take on a too-cool attitude]
Gas Customer: Yeah, so it was cloudy this morning, but it looks like it's clearing up.
Brent Leroy: Whoopty ding.
Gas Customer: Pardon?
Brent Leroy: You heard me. [inside Corner Gas, Lacey stares at Brent through a window]
Wanda Dollard: Drool much?
Lacey Burrows: I am not drooling.
Wanda Dollard: Whatever you say, Droolie, but you like this new bad boy Brent, don'tcha?
Lacey Burrows: Brent a bad boy? The same Brent who won't eat crunchy peanut butter because, and I quote, "it feels lumpish and bumply"?
Wanda Dollard: That was Blue Shirt Brent. Black Shirt Brent would eat crunchy peanut butter right off the spoon, no bread. He's a bad boy and you like it.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Davis: At least I'm not...
Karen: Blonde? Thin? Pretty?
Davis: I'm pretty...

TV Show: Corner Gas
Hank: I stand by my work... had I done it.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Davis: I was young and bored, thin and pretty.
Wanda: What the hell happened?

TV Show: Corner Gas
Lacey: Yeah, Brent. Why don't you look Fitzy's grandma in the eye and give her one good reason this town can't build a great big dirty hoe.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Hank: I'm like Wanda, I don't have any fears.
Brent: What about bees?
Hank: I don't have any bees either. [Pause] Oh, fear of bees, right, yeah.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Davis: Fear is natural. It's what makes us human. It's what separates us from the animals.
Wanda: That, and opposable thumbs. And pants.
Hank: Rollerblading.
Wanda: Any kind of bipedal locomotion.
Karen: We can make fire. Animals can't make fire.
Hank: Well, if you don't count dragons.
Wanda: Actually, there's a lot that separates us from animals.
Davis: You had me at pants.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Brent: Want me to fill it up?
Man: Sure. You know I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.
Brent: Well, you still haven't really. About halfway to go yet.
Man: Sure is flat.
Brent: How do you mean?
Man: You know, flat. Nothing to see.
Brent: What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.
Hank: How do you mean?
Brent: Topographically, I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.
Hank: There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.
Brent: There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh... Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.
Man: You guys always this sarcastic?
Brent: Nothin' else to do.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Hank: Freaky abstract art on the walls, and she puts weird cloths on the table.
Brent: You mean tablecloths...
Hank: It's too much. She's turned the coffee shop into a gay bar.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Lacey: I mean come on, a boycott? Look, I'm not clubbing baby seals and I'm not using Honduran children to make sneakers.
Hank: You could be clubbing baby seals with Hondurian children; I don't care about that!

TV Show: Corner Gas
Oscar: (to Emma)Your son is turning the gas station into a movie theatre!
Brent: Bear in mind that Dad has a tendency to overstate things.
Oscar: I have never overstated a single thing in the history of the planet!

TV Show: Corner Gas
Brent: Well, you're not in Toronto anymore, Lacey, with your grande-mocha-dappo-loppa-frappochinos! This is Saskatchewan! Tommy Douglas fought the federal government for free refills on coffee.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Brent: It's not just you. Dad once got mad at a butterfly. Called it a 'sonofabitch' and told it to get out of his garden.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Oscar: Oh, I see, all buddy-buddy with the tax man. My taxes pay for your suit, buddy boy!

TV Show: Corner Gas
Marvin Drey the Taxman: I can appreciate that you don't wanna help me. I get that a lot, sometimes I get outright hostility. Just because of my job.
Brent: Well, no offence but I mean I can't just turn over my father. There's a bond between father and son that's strong and sacred.
Oscar: Hey idiot! You left the lid on the dumpster up last night! Crows have scattered garbage all over the place out there. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it, it'll be you out there on your hands and knees scrapin' up crow crap!
Brent: I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Oscar: My taxes pay your salary!
Brent: Geez, Dad, you gotta stop paying everyone's salary! You're only one man!

TV Show: Corner Gas
Oscar: Why'd you come in person? You ever hear of a telephone? It's a handy invention; I'll show you how it works sometime.
Marvin Drey the Taxman: We did call.
Oscar: You did not!
[flashback, Oscar is on the phone]
Oscar: What are you calling me on the phone for? My taxes paid for this call! You got something to say, you come here and say it in person. Get in the car, you ever hear of a car? It's a handy invention; I'll show you how it works sometime!
[He slams the phone down.]
Emma: Who was that?
Oscar: I don't know, some jackass!

TV Show: Corner Gas
Marvin Drey the Taxman: I just need to speak to your father to verify a few things.
Brent: I don't think he's here. I think he went to Hawaii.
Marvin Drey the Taxman: Hawaii?
Brent: Not Hawaii. Somewhere cheaper than that. Red Deer.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Brent: It's not just you. I once saw him [Oscar] yelling at a butterfly. Called it a 'son-of-a-bitch' and told it to get out of his garden.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Brent: No fear. You know where I read that?
Lacey: Where?
Brent: On the T-shirt of a kid working down at the co-op. He didn't let fear stand in his way. He stood there bravely bagging onions.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Hank: I don't even want to get into your pants.
Brent: And you're not going to with that kind of whining.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Lacey: If I start a Pilates class, will you join?
Brent: That depends.
Lacey: On what?
Brent: On what is Pilates?
Lacey: Oh okay. Pilates is a method of unifying your mind and body...
Brent: You lost me.
Lacey: Oh, come on Brent. Don't you wanna unify your mind and body?
Brent: No, I'm not gonna put all my eggs in one basket!

TV Show: Corner Gas
Emma: A child's mind is their strength and their weakness.
Brent: You're like Yoda.
Emma: I don't know what that means.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Brent: Do you have any books about child psychology?
Alice: About what?
Brent: Child psychology.
Alice: Chives on top of me?
Brent: Yes, that's right, Alice. I want a book about chives on top of you.

TV Show: Corner Gas
Oscar: Are you saying I'm that easy to distract?
Emma: Look Oscar, this spoon's dirty. (holds up spoon)
Oscar: Really? (Oscar snatches the spoon and cleans it)

TV Show: Corner Gas