The Simpsons Quotes
Marge: [eight years in the future, praising technology] It's greeat! We can do *anything* now that Science has invented Magic.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: [loveingly] Oh Monty! You're the devil himself
Mr. Burns: [shouting] Who told yo- [realises]
Mr. Burns: oh, and I would say you are an angel, but angels don't dance that well
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: [reading the back of a super glue tube] "In case of accidental ingestion, consult a mortician."
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: [reading] "Due to the unscheduled trip to the autowrecking yard the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. Note by reading this letter out loud you have waived any responsibility on our part in perpetuity throughout the known universe?" [groaning]
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: [sings] How many roads must a man walk down / Before you can call him a man...
Homer: Seven.
Lisa: No, dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: OK, eight.
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?
Homer: Do *I* know what "rhetorical" means?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: [the Simpsons are touring Toronto, Canada] So, I see you drive on the left up here.
Tour Guide: No, ma'am. I'm drunk.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: And our kids are getting lazy.
Bart: I'm not lazy, I'm... hey, Lisa, finish my sentence for me.
Lisa: Why don't you finish your own darn... [falls asleep, falls off couch]
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: And punish Lisa for lying to us.
Homer: All right, young lady. March yourself right down to the Quik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Artie Ziff, why are you living in our attic?
Artie Ziff: Let me explain. I used to run an internet company.
Bart: Say no more.
Artie Ziff: I would stop, but I love the sound of my own voice.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Careful of that apple pie on the back seat...
Grampa: Uh-oh.
Marge: Grampa, are you sitting on the pie?
Grampa: I sure hope so.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Church should help you with your everyday life.
Homer: It should, but it doesn't. Now who wants to go down to the dump with me?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.
Homer: You intergalactic hussy. [cries]
Homer: Was he better than me?
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Marge: Look at this place. The house number is spelled out with letters.
Homer: Get used to it, honey. From now on we'll be spelling everything with letters.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Ooh. I never knew Jim Belushi made so many movies.
Homer: Yeah, isn't it amazing? They're filming one right now in the bathroom. It's gonna be on towards the end of the flight. [a camera crew films Jim Belushi walking down the aisle]
Belushi: Toga. Toga. Toga 2000.
Homer: Marge. They stole my idea.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.
Homer: Talking to me while I'm watching TV is bad for your health.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: The only thing I asked you to do for this party was put on clothes, and you didn't do it.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it's lost *all* meaning.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Well, I guess it was a pretty funny practical joke. I like the ones where nothing catches on fire.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: Who cut my brakes?
Homer: Oh, yeah. When I was fixing your car, I kinda spilled all your brake liquid. I didn't want to tell you, 'cause I thought you'd get mad.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: You know, you have to stop drinking?
Cowboy: What do you care?
Marge: I don't know. I just naturally I assumed that it was any of my business.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Marge: You should probably see a doctor about this...
Homer: OK.
Marge: [realizing] A competent doctor.
Homer: D'oh!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Fat Tony: Greetings, Homer.
Homer: Hey, Tony. Still with the mafia?
Fat Tony: Uh, yes, thank you for asking. You might remember, a while ago you were done a favor by our... how shall I put this... mafia crime syndicate.
Homer: Oh yeah, that's right?
Fat Tony: Well, I have come to inform you that now it's your turn to do US a favor.
Homer: Wait - you mean the only reason the Mob did me a favor was because they wanted something back in return? Fat Tony. I say good day to you, sir.
Fat Tony: [Ashamed] Okay... I'll go now. [He leaves the building]
Fat Tony: Hey... wait a minute.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Bart, Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob!
Sideshow Bob: Please, we've been through so much together. Call me Bob.
Bart, Lisa: Aah! Bob!
TV Show: The Simpsons