The Simpsons Quotes
Psychiatrist: Is there a lot of screaming at your house?
Bart: Well, my dad's always yelling about the white man keeping him down.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Quimby's Assisstant: Election in November. Election in November.
Mayor Quimby: AGAIN? This stupid country.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Radio Announcer: So, Monty, tell us when was your first gay experience.
Mr. Burns: Oh, that was when I was 5. My father took me to the park, that was a gay old time.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Restaurant Owner: C'Mon. You gonna kill him with a pastry? I've seen this man eat a bowl of change.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Scratchy: Hey you're beautiful.
Marge: Aww. Look who's found a new love. That means you'll have to be neutered.
Scratchy: [grabbing himself] NOOOOOOO!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Secret Service Agent: I can do everything from reading bedtime stories to changing diapers.
Grampa: Put me down for one of each.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Social Worker: So, this is your room?
Lisa: Yes. My room is my sanctuary. My family members know that and respect that.
Bart: [runs in] Lisa, I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.
Lisa: [takes out stress ball and starts squeezing it] Just ten more years, just ten more years, just ten more years...
TV Show: The Simpsons
State Comptroller Atkins: This grant ensures a light bulb in every classroom, and a high-definition TV for the teachers lounge.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Townspeople: Aye!
Mayor Quimby: And all those against horsewhipping Homer J. Simpson?
Homer: Nay?
TV Show: The Simpsons
TV Announcer: [At the end of a commercial for a combination hair restorer/penis enlarger] Possible side effects include loss of scalp and penis.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Waiter: The Spruce Caboose, the biggest, most expensive train ever built. Some said it was too big to stay on the tracks. [Points to a picture of the train lying on its side and chuckles]
Waiter: They were right.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Warden: He drew a unicorn in space. I ask ya, what's it breathing?
Homer: Air?
Warden: Ain't no air in space.
Homer: There's an Air & Space Museum...
TV Show: The Simpsons
Warden: You will dance and you will like it. Then you will have punch and you will drink it. Then your eyes will meet and it will be awkward. So help me God!
TV Show: The Simpsons