The Simpsons Quotes
Homer: I don't mind being called a liar when I'm lying, or about to lie, or just finished lying, but NOT WHEN I'M TELLING THE TRUTH.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: If the Flintstones have taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: I'll be the nicest man in the world!
Marge: Homer, you've said that before.
Homer: Yes, but this time I'm sober!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: I'm gonna come back with the best gift a husband can get a wife- an annulment from his secret wife.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Its been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up and I'm able to recognise simple shapes and patterns.
Lisa: Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: I've got it! Lee Harvey Oswald killed Kennedy to get the jack ruby.
Marge: Homer, Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel.
Homer: Oh, back to square one.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: I've joined the Movementarians, Marge.
Marge: You WHAT?
Homer: I've joined the Movementarians. And so have all of you.
Marge: We WHAT?
Homer: All I had to give them was our life savings, the deed to our house, and a commitment of 10 trillion years of labor.
Marge: I can't go along with this, Homer.
Homer: Marge, when I join an underground cult, I expect a little support from my family.
Lisa: Do you think you might have been brainwashed, Dad?
Homer: I haven't been brainwashed. [Goes glassy eyed]
Homer: Kill the girl. Kill the girl.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Lisa, why didn't you warn me? Being a brain has alienated me from all my friends.
Lisa: Dad, as intelligence goes up, happiness often goes down. In fact I made a graph... [wistfully]
Lisa: I make a lot of graphs...
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Marge, promise me you'll put me in a home. It's like being a baby, only you're old enough to apreciate it.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Oh Bart, don't worry, people die all the time. In fact, you could wake up dead tomorrow.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Oh, I almost forgot. While I was at the court house, I had them change your name.
Marge: To what?
Homer: Chesty La Rue.
Marge: CHESTY LARUE?
Homer: Just try it for two weeks. If you don't like it, you can be Busty St. Claire.
Marge: I don't want to be Chesty La Rue or Busty St. Claire.
Homer: Fine. Hooty McBoob it is.
Marge: Goodnight, Homer.
Homer: Goodnight, Hooty.
Marge: Give me those.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Oh, Margie, you came and you found me a turkey on my vacation away from workey.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Ohhh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway? [menacingly]
Homer: Was it you, Bart?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Olive oil? Asparagus? If your mother wasn't so fancy, we could just shop at the gas station like normal people.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Ooh, it's been St. Patrick's Day for hours, and I'm still not drunk yet.
TV Show: The Simpsons