The Office (U.S. TV series) Quotes
Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the '60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain... and it's possible a man slipped in. [shrugs] There'd be no way of knowing.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: Ain't no party like a Scranton party cause a Scranton party don't stop!
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: [crying] The Sebring is cool! The Sebring is so cool! Please don't fire me Michael, I'll do anything!
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight: ...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight: Yeah...
Michael: What's his name?
Dwight: ...Crentist.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist... huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
Dwight: ...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight: Yeah...
Michael: What's his name?
Dwight: ...Crentist.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist... huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: I lost Ed Truck... and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
Ryan: I don't think you know what you're saying.
Ryan: I don't think you know what you're saying.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Pam: What time is it there?
Jim: What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone.
Pam: Uh, oh, yeah, right.
Jim: How far away did you think we were?
Pam: I don't know. It felt far.
Jim: ...Yeah.
Jim: What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone.
Pam: Uh, oh, yeah, right.
Jim: How far away did you think we were?
Pam: I don't know. It felt far.
Jim: ...Yeah.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who has seen that before?
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Oh, that's what they call it!
Kevin: This is the best meeting that we have ever had.
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Oh, that's what they call it!
Kevin: This is the best meeting that we have ever had.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: It is an outrage, that’s all. They’re making a huge, huge mistake. Let’s see Josh replace these people. Let’s see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don’t. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Andy: I'll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a... carpenter... that makes stairs.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of Sales.
Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of Sales.
Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Kelly: Jim! Oh my God, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Suri! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named it Shiloh! And both babies are amaziiiing!
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: [blank stare] I just told you.
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: [blank stare] I just told you.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: I'm Prison Mike! You know why they call me Prison Mike?!
Angela: Do you really expect us to believe that you're another person?
Prison Mike: Do you really not expect me to throw you up against that wall, biatch?!
Jim: Where did you learn all of this?
Prison Mike: Internet.
Jim: So, not prison.
Prison Mike: And prison. Fifty-fifty... both. Look, prison stinks is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home and recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and be with your friends, having fun in the office.
Jim: What did you do, Prison Mike?
Prison Mike: I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the President's son. And held him for ransom.
Jim: That is quite the rapsheet, Prison Mike.
Prison Mike: And I never got caught neither!
Jim: Well, you are in prison. But mmhmm.
Angela: Do you really expect us to believe that you're another person?
Prison Mike: Do you really not expect me to throw you up against that wall, biatch?!
Jim: Where did you learn all of this?
Prison Mike: Internet.
Jim: So, not prison.
Prison Mike: And prison. Fifty-fifty... both. Look, prison stinks is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home and recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and be with your friends, having fun in the office.
Jim: What did you do, Prison Mike?
Prison Mike: I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the President's son. And held him for ransom.
Jim: That is quite the rapsheet, Prison Mike.
Prison Mike: And I never got caught neither!
Jim: Well, you are in prison. But mmhmm.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: [bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
Toby: C'mon, Dwight, we talked about this: no dead animals in the office.
Toby: C'mon, Dwight, we talked about this: no dead animals in the office.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is cancelled.
Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael: Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's.
Stanley: What's that mean?
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael: Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's.
Stanley: What's that mean?
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly...she's not yo' ho no mo'.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: Why do I feel like crap?
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael: A rebound?
Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but when it's over... you're left thinking about the girl you really like— the one that broke your heart.
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael: A rebound?
Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but when it's over... you're left thinking about the girl you really like— the one that broke your heart.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Pam: [seeing a picture of Michael and Jan in Jamaica] Oh my God, is that Jan?
Michael: No... that's a German woman named... Urkel... grue.
Michael: No... that's a German woman named... Urkel... grue.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice... strike three.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Jan: And where it asks you to state your business he wrote, "Beeswax, Not Yours, Inc."
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Michael: I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I am going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)
Dwight: I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
TV Show: The Office (U.S. TV series)