Firefly Quotes

Book: I'd forgotten, you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
Simon: No... but I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

TV Show: Firefly
Jayne: I don't understand why we didn't leave that son of a bitch in a pool of his own blood.
Mal: We'd be dead. Can't get paid if your dead.
Jayne: Can't get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither. I got a share of this job. 10 percent of nothing is... let me do the math here... nothing, and a nothing...

TV Show: Firefly
Mal: If anyone gets nosey, you know, just... shoot 'em.
Zoë Washburne: Shoot 'em?
Mal: Politely.

TV Show: Firefly
Mal: Okay, uh, I'm lost. I'm angry. And I'm armed.

TV Show: Firefly
Saffron: I don't please you?
Mal: You can't please me - you've never met me.

TV Show: Firefly
For other uses of "Firelfy", see Firefly.

TV Show: Firefly
Please read Firefly (TV series)/Format for notes on how to use and edit this article.

TV Show: Firefly
Mal: We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.

TV Show: Firefly
Bendis: We're gonna die.
Mal: We are not gonna die. You know why? Because we are so... very... pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw!

TV Show: Firefly
[Wash is at his station on the bridge, playing with plastic dinosaurs.]
Wash [as Stegosaurus]: Yes... yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... This Land.
Wash [as Allosaurus]: I think we should call it... your grave!
Wash [as Stegosaurus]: Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Wash [as Allosaurus]: Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now DIE!
Wash [as Stegosaurus, doing a Christopher Walken impression]: Oh no, God, oh dear God in heaven...

TV Show: Firefly
Wash: Kaylee! Go to blackout! We're being buzzed!
Kaylee: Shi [Affirmative] going dark.
[She climbs on top of the engine and flicks a switch, causing everything to go dark]
Kaylee: Okay, now I can't get down

TV Show: Firefly
Zoe: I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.

TV Show: Firefly
Zoe: Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again.
Mal: Why not?
Zoe: She shot you.
Mal: Well, yeah, she did a bit.
. . .
Mal: Did you send word to Patience?
Wash: Yeah, ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?
Mal: Everyone's makin' a fuss!

TV Show: Firefly
[Shepherd Book is checking the port for a ship, and meets Kaylee sitting on a lawn chair outside Serenity]
Kaylee: You're gonna come with us.
Book: Excuse me?
Kaylee: You like ships. You don't seem to be lookin' at the destinations. What you care about is the ships, and mine's the nicest.
Book: She don't look like much.
Kaylee: Oh, she'll fool ya.

TV Show: Firefly
Mal: You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I will sew it shut. Is there an understanding between us?
Jayne: You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed-up over some big-city dandy--
Mal: Walk away from this table, right now.
[Jayne exits, reluctantly]
Simon: What do you pay him for?
Mal: What?
Simon: I was curious... what is his job on this ship?
Mal: ... Public relations

TV Show: Firefly
[The crew waits quietly as a Reaver ship passes.]
Simon: What happens if they board us?
Zoe: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.

TV Show: Firefly
[Dobson is tied up in his room]
Mal: I got to know how close the Alliance is, exactly how much you told them 'fore Wash scrambled your call. So I've given Jayne here the job of finding out.
Jayne: [draws a huge knife] He was non-specific as to how.
. . .
Mal: [to Jayne] Now, you've only got to scare him.
Jayne: Pain is scary.

TV Show: Firefly
Jayne: [over radio] Testing. Testing, Cap'n, can you hear me?
Mal: I'm standing right here.
Jayne: You're coming through good and loud.
Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here.

TV Show: Firefly
[After Wash executes a brilliant escape from the Reavers using the "Crazy Ivan", Zoe turns to Mal.]
Zoe: Sir? I'd like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off.
[She grabs Wash by the jacket and drags him off.]
Wash: Work, work, work...

TV Show: Firefly
Book: I've been out of the abbey two days, I've beaten a lawman senseless, I've fallen in with criminals. I watched the captain shoot the man I swore to protect. And I'm not even sure if I think he was wrong. I believe... I just... I think I'm on the wrong ship.
Inara: Maybe. Or maybe you're exactly where you ought to be.

TV Show: Firefly
Mal: But he did try to get you to turn on me?
Jayne: Yeah.
Mal: So, why didn't you?
Jayne: [smiling] Money wasn't good enough.
Mal: What happens when it is?
Jayne: Well, that'll be an interesting day.

TV Show: Firefly
Simon: I'm trying to put this as delicately as I do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?
Mal: You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake. You'll be facing me. And you'll be armed.
Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
Mal: I had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.

TV Show: Firefly
Lund: You know, your coat is kinda a brownish color...
Mal: It was on sale. (calmly sips drink)
Lund: You didn't toast. You know, I'm thinkin' you one of 'em In'e'pen'ents.
Mal: And I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other until we go away?
Lund: The In'e'pen'ents were a bunch of inbred, cowardly piss-pots. Should've been killed off of every world spinnin'.
Mal: [turns] Say that to my face.
Lund: I said you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are you gonna do about it?
Mal: [smiles] Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you.
[Lund turns, and Zoe knocks him out with the butt of her rifle]
Mal: Drunks are so cute.

TV Show: Firefly
Wash: (over intercom to Lund and other Alliance supporters) Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this little moon.

TV Show: Firefly
Mal: (to Shepherd Book) Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?
Book: Oh, I've got heathens aplenty right here.

TV Show: Firefly
(Inara is brushing Kaylee's hair and explaining how Companions choose their clients)
Inara: Physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly. You look for compatibility of spirit. There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide.You try to feel that--
Mal: (entering Inara's shuttle) And then you try to feel the energy of their credit account, it has a sort of...aura...
Inara: What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?
Mal: That it was manly and impulsive?
Inara: Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was, "Don't."
Mal: Well, you're holding my mechanic in thrall. And Kaylee! What the hell is goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
Mal: I'm not sure you'd be safe.
Inara: Mal, if you're being a gentleman, I may die of shock.
Mal: Hm. (bows and leaves, then reenters) Have you got time to do my hair?
Inara: Out.

TV Show: Firefly
Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

TV Show: Firefly
[Mal is insisting on continuing the job, despite the train car full of Alliance soldiers]
Mal: Hell, this job I would pull for free.
Zoe: Then can I have your share?
Mal: No!
Zoe: If you die can I have your share?
Mal: Yes.

TV Show: Firefly
[Jayne is demanding that Wash take off for the delivery without Mal and Zoe.]
Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here! Now we're finishing this deal, and then maybe, maybe we'll come back for those morons... got themselves caught... and you can't change that by getting all... bendy.
Wash: All what?
Jayne: You got the light... from the console to keep you... lifting you up... they shine like... [starts grabbing at the air] little angels...
[Jayne falls flat on the floor.]
Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Simon: I told him to sit down.

TV Show: Firefly
[Jayne, still sprawled on the staircase, shoots Crow in the lower leg before he can stab Mal]
Mal: Nice shot.
Jayne: [slurred] I was aimin' for his head.

TV Show: Firefly