The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy Quotes
Lord Byron: We will write a witty poem about Sperg's mother. Your words will be as 10,000 arrows in his buttocks!
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Lord Byron: [after stopping Billy from attacking Sperg] No, Billy. A gentleman is a gentle man. We are pacifists by nature. The pen is mightier than the sword.
Billy: What about an axe?
Lord Byron: Huh?
Billy: Crossbow?
Lord Byron: No.
Billy: A phase plasma rifle with a forty watt range?
Lord Byron: Let's just get you a pen.
Billy: What about an axe?
Lord Byron: Huh?
Billy: Crossbow?
Lord Byron: No.
Billy: A phase plasma rifle with a forty watt range?
Lord Byron: Let's just get you a pen.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Lord Byron: You must not fear, Billy. Fear is the death that brings total obliteration!
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Lord Byron: Trained well and strong with coolness you are... But not that strong. [disappears]
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Mandy: [to Atilla the Hun and Rasputin] You and you, get teaching. [to Abraham Lincoln] Honest Abe, you get the chips.
Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: Why is it always my job to get the chips?
Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: Why is it always my job to get the chips?
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Billy: But I thought you were against fighting. Like Switzerland.
Lord Byron: Switzerland is a cursed, selfish, SWINISH country of BRUTES, located in the most romantic region in the world...
Lord Byron: Switzerland is a cursed, selfish, SWINISH country of BRUTES, located in the most romantic region in the world...
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Grim: (After Mandy asks why he's crying) Billy, and... and his... UGLY friend... They made a call during the week, and I've only got a limited amount of weekday minutes! That is so EVIL, mon! And I know evil - I'm the Grim Reaper!
Mandy: Get ahold of yourself. They were probably playing around with your phone making phony phone calls. Where are they, anyway?
Grim: Oh, I don't know. They probably got sucked through the phone into another dimension beyond time and space, yadda-yadda-yadda. And we're all doomed if he awakens the Great Cthulhu, 'cause he'll probably come up and destroy the universe. Let's go watch television.
Mandy: Get ahold of yourself. They were probably playing around with your phone making phony phone calls. Where are they, anyway?
Grim: Oh, I don't know. They probably got sucked through the phone into another dimension beyond time and space, yadda-yadda-yadda. And we're all doomed if he awakens the Great Cthulhu, 'cause he'll probably come up and destroy the universe. Let's go watch television.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
[Billy is transforming into a Lovecraftian monster]
Mandy: Your nose looks like? a cuttlefish.
Billy: Chicks dig cuttlefish!
Mandy: And your mouth looks like a big, disgusting? sucker.
Billy: Chicks dig--
Grim: Don't go there.
Mandy: Your nose looks like? a cuttlefish.
Billy: Chicks dig cuttlefish!
Mandy: And your mouth looks like a big, disgusting? sucker.
Billy: Chicks dig--
Grim: Don't go there.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Grim: I never liked the livin' undead... walkin' around all dead but alive... Makes a mockery of my job.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Grim: Oh come on, Mandy. I always wanted to save Christmas with a vampire sidekick. Ever since I was a little boy...
(Flashes back to Grim as a child in kindergarden.)
Grim: (out loud to no one in particular) Someday I'll save Christmas wih a vampire! (cheesy smile)
(A snowball hits him in the face.)
(Flashes back to Grim as a child in kindergarden.)
Grim: (out loud to no one in particular) Someday I'll save Christmas wih a vampire! (cheesy smile)
(A snowball hits him in the face.)
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Baron Van Ghoulish: Besides, you don't want the Head Vampire, you want the "Head" Head Vampire.
Mandy: The "Head" Head Vampire?
Baron Van Ghoulish: Yes, they did this whole reorganization thing a couple of hundred years ago. It doesn't make much sense to me... eh what was I talking about? Oh yes, yes, the "Head" Head Vampire. I think he was at my Labor Day Soiree. I'd definitely know him if i saw him.
Mandy: If he spilled something on your rug, I'm sure you'd recognize him.
(Van Ghoulish hisses at her.)
Mandy: The "Head" Head Vampire?
Baron Van Ghoulish: Yes, they did this whole reorganization thing a couple of hundred years ago. It doesn't make much sense to me... eh what was I talking about? Oh yes, yes, the "Head" Head Vampire. I think he was at my Labor Day Soiree. I'd definitely know him if i saw him.
Mandy: If he spilled something on your rug, I'm sure you'd recognize him.
(Van Ghoulish hisses at her.)
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Grim: How come every time I take you kids to a mall it burns to the ground?
Billy: I blame the economy.
Billy: I blame the economy.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Mandy: [to vampire Santa] You're lucky Death was here to save you this time, fat man!
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Grim: [after knocking on Santa's door and nobody answering] Strange, the door is locked and nobody is answering.
Mandy: If you saw the Grim Reaper at your door, would you answer?
Grim: Good point. But their should at least be some frightened screamin'. (reaches into pocket) Hang on, I got something for this.
Mandy: What?
Grim: (pulls out a key) A skeleton key!
(A snowball hits him in the face.)
Mandy: If you saw the Grim Reaper at your door, would you answer?
Grim: Good point. But their should at least be some frightened screamin'. (reaches into pocket) Hang on, I got something for this.
Mandy: What?
Grim: (pulls out a key) A skeleton key!
(A snowball hits him in the face.)
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Captain Deadwood the Heartless: They call me Captain Deadwood, the Heartless, Arrrr! But don't let the name fool ya'... I'm not a real captain.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Billy: I've never been a real son to anybody before! Except my real dad...
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Geppetto: My name is Gepetto. I carved Pinnochio from wood. But you're not like Pinnocio, are you?
Billy: Well, I'm not a cannibal!
Pinocchio: Hey! I'm not a cannibal either! [His nose gets bigger]
Billy: Well, I'm not a cannibal!
Pinocchio: Hey! I'm not a cannibal either! [His nose gets bigger]
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
[Mandy gets sprayed by cow's milk]
Grim: What's this? [He sees a retro cartoon phonograph] Hey, Mandy, I've figured out what's making that music. [Mandy gets up] You okay?
Mandy: Do I look okay?
Grim: It's hard to tell; you sort of always look that way.
[Mandy gets sprayed by cow's milk again]
Grim: [laughing] Now that's comedy!
Mandy: [really furious; screams]I hate retro cartoons! (The retro phonograph hears this and becomes infuriated)
Grim: She said it! (They both start to run away)
Grim: What's this? [He sees a retro cartoon phonograph] Hey, Mandy, I've figured out what's making that music. [Mandy gets up] You okay?
Mandy: Do I look okay?
Grim: It's hard to tell; you sort of always look that way.
[Mandy gets sprayed by cow's milk again]
Grim: [laughing] Now that's comedy!
Mandy: [really furious; screams]I hate retro cartoons! (The retro phonograph hears this and becomes infuriated)
Grim: She said it! (They both start to run away)
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Gepetto: Pinocchio, it's not that I don't love you anymore. It's just that I love Billy more. And you're dead to me.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Pinocchio: I've always wanted a father!
Captain Deadwood the Heartless: And I've always wanted a son!
Both: Oh, nice meeting you. [Both leave]
Captain Deadwood the Heartless: And I've always wanted a son!
Both: Oh, nice meeting you. [Both leave]
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Billy: Destroying stuff makes me feel so alive!
Mandy: I second that emotion.
Grim: Ditto.
Mandy: I second that emotion.
Grim: Ditto.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Harold: Honey, remember what I promised would happen someday?
Gladys: You got the surgery?
Harold: Even better! I got transferred on work!
Billy: Transferred?
Harold: Aren't you excited? We get to move to another town and leave behind everything that has meaning to you!
Billy: But I don't wanna leave. I just finished marking my territory.
Gladys: You got the surgery?
Harold: Even better! I got transferred on work!
Billy: Transferred?
Harold: Aren't you excited? We get to move to another town and leave behind everything that has meaning to you!
Billy: But I don't wanna leave. I just finished marking my territory.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Grim: Stop it! Just stop it! You're behaving like spoiled children! I suggest you behave like spoiled adults, and settle this in court.
Billy: Fine! I'll see you in court! [He appears in a tennis court]
Grim: Wrong court, dummy.
Billy: Fine! I'll see you in court! [He appears in a tennis court]
Grim: Wrong court, dummy.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Judge Roy Spleen: Let's get this party started. Do you, Billy, take Mandy to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Billy: I do!
Judge Roy Spleen: And do you, Mandy, take Billy to be... [security guard whispers in his ear] Wait, not a wedding?
Billy: I do!
Judge Roy Spleen: And do you, Mandy, take Billy to be... [security guard whispers in his ear] Wait, not a wedding?
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Mandy: This whole charade is pointless! Grim should belong to me!
Billy: Shut your dirty pie hole! He should belong to me!
Judge Roy Spleen: Both of you shut your dirty pie holes! You will follow the rules of the underworld court, or so help me, I'll make you sit in the chocolate pudding chair! The stains will never come out of your clothes!
Billy and Mandy: : gulp:
Judge Roy Splean: Got it?!
Billy: Shut your dirty pie hole! He should belong to me!
Judge Roy Spleen: Both of you shut your dirty pie holes! You will follow the rules of the underworld court, or so help me, I'll make you sit in the chocolate pudding chair! The stains will never come out of your clothes!
Billy and Mandy: : gulp:
Judge Roy Splean: Got it?!
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Billy: Don't worry Irwin, the monsters won't hurt you... unless they decide to hurt you.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Billy: Irwin, if you would, please read to this court your pre-written words that I, Billy, not MANDY, is the best person to take custody of said Grim.
Irwin: I'm wet and naked. Can I get some pants please?
Billy: Read it!
Irwin: I believe... Billy is the best person... in all of the universe to take care of Grim. To keep him fed and clothed... and without him there will be nobody to unleash a deep reservoir of love...
Grim: Reservoir of love?! Sick.
Irwin: I wanna go home, please!
Billy: Not until you read the part about my warehouse of COMPASSION!
Mandy: Objection! He's leading the witness.
Billy: I'm not leading him. I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say.
Irwin: I'm wet and naked. Can I get some pants please?
Billy: Read it!
Irwin: I believe... Billy is the best person... in all of the universe to take care of Grim. To keep him fed and clothed... and without him there will be nobody to unleash a deep reservoir of love...
Grim: Reservoir of love?! Sick.
Irwin: I wanna go home, please!
Billy: Not until you read the part about my warehouse of COMPASSION!
Mandy: Objection! He's leading the witness.
Billy: I'm not leading him. I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
[Jeff is being questioned by Mandy in the court.]
Jeff the Spider: Hi, everyone.
Billy: : gasp:
Mandy: Could you tell the court your relationship with Billy?
Jeff the Spider: He's my dad.
Jury and Court: Ewwwwwww!
Grim: Billy only hatched the egg, people. That's all.
Jury and Court: Ohhhhhhhh.
Mandy: And how would you rate Billy as a caregiver?.
Jeff the Spider: Pretty good, I guess... except he's never remembered my birthday... or paid child support... in fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick. OW!
Billy: (Begins to jab Jeff with a really big stick) I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!
Jeff the Spider: Why don't you love me, dad?! I'll be anything you want me to be!
Billy: I want you to be dead!!!
Mandy: No further questions.
Jeff the Spider: Hi, everyone.
Billy: : gasp:
Mandy: Could you tell the court your relationship with Billy?
Jeff the Spider: He's my dad.
Jury and Court: Ewwwwwww!
Grim: Billy only hatched the egg, people. That's all.
Jury and Court: Ohhhhhhhh.
Mandy: And how would you rate Billy as a caregiver?.
Jeff the Spider: Pretty good, I guess... except he's never remembered my birthday... or paid child support... in fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick. OW!
Billy: (Begins to jab Jeff with a really big stick) I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!
Jeff the Spider: Why don't you love me, dad?! I'll be anything you want me to be!
Billy: I want you to be dead!!!
Mandy: No further questions.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
[Li'l Porkchop is being questioned by Mandy in the court.]
Mandy: Li'l Porkchop, how long were you Billy's pet?
Li'l Porkchop: Eleven minutes.
Mandy: And what did he do to you, in those eleven minutes?
Li'l Porkchop: Horrible, horrible things... I don't want to talk about it! I still wake up, every night, screaming... Screaming! (quietly) Screaming...
Mandy: No further questions.
Mandy: Li'l Porkchop, how long were you Billy's pet?
Li'l Porkchop: Eleven minutes.
Mandy: And what did he do to you, in those eleven minutes?
Li'l Porkchop: Horrible, horrible things... I don't want to talk about it! I still wake up, every night, screaming... Screaming! (quietly) Screaming...
Mandy: No further questions.
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Billy: So, Mandy? You think you can make me look bad?! Well, guess what, Mr. Missy-miss? I don't need you to make me look bad! I can do that all on my own. And now, you force me to play dirty. [Billy starts playing in mud, laughing] I'm a dirty boy. I'm a dirty, I'm a dirty boy!
Mandy: Billy, you've just evolved a notch up the idiot ladder.
Billy: Such biting comments, Mandy. But now, they'll bite you - in the butt! I call to this court, Mandy's mom and dad!
Mandy: Billy, you've just evolved a notch up the idiot ladder.
Billy: Such biting comments, Mandy. But now, they'll bite you - in the butt! I call to this court, Mandy's mom and dad!
TV Show: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy