The Golden Girls Quotes
Sophia: Rose, what the hell are you doing?
Rose: I'm making omelets for us without yolks so we don't get too much cholesterol. That leaves us all these yolks which I hate to throw out, so I thought we'd give 'em to the homeless.
Sophia: Fine, give them egg yolks. They'll die of heart attacks, they won't need homes. Your heart's in the right place, Rose, but I don't know where the hell your brain is!
Rose: I'm making omelets for us without yolks so we don't get too much cholesterol. That leaves us all these yolks which I hate to throw out, so I thought we'd give 'em to the homeless.
Sophia: Fine, give them egg yolks. They'll die of heart attacks, they won't need homes. Your heart's in the right place, Rose, but I don't know where the hell your brain is!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[the girls are testing different hair-removal products]
Rose: Dorothy, would you like to try this thing?
Dorothy: What is it?
Rose: Well, that wire vibrates and it's supposed to whisk hair away below the skinline.
Dorothy: I don't know whether I want to use this, it says it's gonna hurt.
Rose: Well, you can try it on your right leg and then use the hot wax on your left one.
Dorothy: Why don't we just set each other on fire?
Rose: Dorothy...
Dorothy: All right, all right. Let's see if they sent a bullet to bite on.
Rose: Dorothy, would you like to try this thing?
Dorothy: What is it?
Rose: Well, that wire vibrates and it's supposed to whisk hair away below the skinline.
Dorothy: I don't know whether I want to use this, it says it's gonna hurt.
Rose: Well, you can try it on your right leg and then use the hot wax on your left one.
Dorothy: Why don't we just set each other on fire?
Rose: Dorothy...
Dorothy: All right, all right. Let's see if they sent a bullet to bite on.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I remember when I started shaving. I was thirteen, and I wanted to shave because I was going to a movie with Alan Steckler, you remember him, Ma?
Sophia: Small head, enormous lips.
Dorothy: Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving, I'd never be able to stop. I mean she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.
Sophia: I was right. By the time you were sixteen, I could grate cheese on your knees!
Sophia: Small head, enormous lips.
Dorothy: Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving, I'd never be able to stop. I mean she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.
Sophia: I was right. By the time you were sixteen, I could grate cheese on your knees!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: You know, a lot of those European girls don't shave under their arms.
Rose: Is that true?
Blanche: They just let it all hang out.
Rose: Really?
Blanche: Bushy as can be.
Rose: Well, what do they look like in a strapless dress?
Dorothy: Like Milton Berle, Rose.
Rose: Is that true?
Blanche: They just let it all hang out.
Rose: Really?
Blanche: Bushy as can be.
Rose: Well, what do they look like in a strapless dress?
Dorothy: Like Milton Berle, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Blanche, you saw that dolphin, all tangled up in that tuna boat's net. Thousands of them die that way each year. We have to do something.
Blanche: You're absolutely right. From this moment on, no more tuna fish.
Rose: Blanche, you hate tuna fish.
Blanche: Alright, then no more tuna fisher... men.
Blanche: You're absolutely right. From this moment on, no more tuna fish.
Rose: Blanche, you hate tuna fish.
Blanche: Alright, then no more tuna fisher... men.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, Miles called again. He wants you to meet him outside the concert hall.
Rose: I asked you to tell him I'm not going.
Blanche: I'm not gonna do your dirty work for you, Rose.
Rose: Well, I don't wanna talk to him. He makes me feel foolish. I don't even feel comfortable telling him St. Olaf stories.
Dorothy: I want to know exactly what he said to make you feel that way.
Rose: Look, I'm not going out with him. You go, Blanche.
Dorothy: What?!
Rose: Well, you like him, I know you do. So you go.
Blanche: Well, I couldn't!
Dorothy: Of course she couldn't!
Blanche: You stay out of this, Dorothy.
Rose: Well, why not? It's all over between us. He'll know that tonight.
Blanche: It's impossible. I'd feel like a... like a...
Dorothy: A backstabbing slut?
Blanche: ...No...
Rose: Please go. For me. I'll feel better knowing this thing is finally over with.
Blanche: Well, since you put it that way. But only as a personal favor to you, honey. I guess I'd better go get dressed. [Blanche exits]
Rose: [to Dorothy] Can you believe that backstabbing slut?
Rose: I asked you to tell him I'm not going.
Blanche: I'm not gonna do your dirty work for you, Rose.
Rose: Well, I don't wanna talk to him. He makes me feel foolish. I don't even feel comfortable telling him St. Olaf stories.
Dorothy: I want to know exactly what he said to make you feel that way.
Rose: Look, I'm not going out with him. You go, Blanche.
Dorothy: What?!
Rose: Well, you like him, I know you do. So you go.
Blanche: Well, I couldn't!
Dorothy: Of course she couldn't!
Blanche: You stay out of this, Dorothy.
Rose: Well, why not? It's all over between us. He'll know that tonight.
Blanche: It's impossible. I'd feel like a... like a...
Dorothy: A backstabbing slut?
Blanche: ...No...
Rose: Please go. For me. I'll feel better knowing this thing is finally over with.
Blanche: Well, since you put it that way. But only as a personal favor to you, honey. I guess I'd better go get dressed. [Blanche exits]
Rose: [to Dorothy] Can you believe that backstabbing slut?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Rose, you are not stupid, you just... march to a different drummer?
Sophia: Yeah, the little wind-up monkey banging on the snare drum.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: I was agreeing!
Sophia: Yeah, the little wind-up monkey banging on the snare drum.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: I was agreeing!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Miles: She sure left in a hurry.
Sophia: Hey, who told her to feed me cabbage?
Sophia: Hey, who told her to feed me cabbage?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Hi, Ma. Hello, Martha. Where were you?
Sophia: I'll give you a hint. The guest of honor had lipstick on her teeth and didn't give a damn.
Blanche: Who died?
Martha: My best friend, Lydia.
Dorothy: I'm so sorry.
Martha: She suffered so. It was a blessing in disguise.
Sophia: I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.
Sophia: I'll give you a hint. The guest of honor had lipstick on her teeth and didn't give a damn.
Blanche: Who died?
Martha: My best friend, Lydia.
Dorothy: I'm so sorry.
Martha: She suffered so. It was a blessing in disguise.
Sophia: I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [to Dorothy, who is about to leave for a doctor's appointment] Wipe off your makeup.
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: You look too healthy. Maybe that's why they don't believe you, you don't look sick.
[Blanche enters the kitchen in her pajamas, clutching her notebooks to her chest. She looks gaunt, exhausted and emaciated.]
Sophia: [indicating Blanche]She should go, they'd believe her.
Rose: Blanche, you look terrible.
Blanche: What day is this? I've been up for 72 hours. I've had a breakthrough. I've discovered a new form of writing. I will go down in history. First I wrote all day, then I tore it all up, and then that night it came to me and the words poured forth like liquid from a stream. It was almost a mystical experience. Somebody else was writing this.
Rose: Who?
Blanche: Everyman. This is "Everyman"'s work. It's all gold. Just open it anywhere, the magic will touch you. But I'm so tired, I must sleep, but I cannot sleep, I'm too tired to sleep. I will never sleep again. I may die from this. I just don't know what I'm going to do--[seeing a bag of egg yolks; after a minute she picks them up and studies them]--my God, I'm hallucinating! I see little balls of sunshine in a bag! Does this mean something?
Rose: Those are egg yolks, Blanche.
Blanche: [tosses bag aside] My brain's gone. My body is limp with exhaustion. I suppose all the greats knew this feeling. And the thing is, after all this, I've decided not to sell my book. It's too good to sell. They can publish it after I'm dead, like Vincent van Gogh.
Dorothy: Van Gogh was a painter, Blanche.
Blanche: Whatever. It's all the same thing. We're all artists, we're all misunderstood. He cut off his hair, maybe I'll cut off mine. [grasps at her hair]
Dorothy:
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: You look too healthy. Maybe that's why they don't believe you, you don't look sick.
[Blanche enters the kitchen in her pajamas, clutching her notebooks to her chest. She looks gaunt, exhausted and emaciated.]
Sophia: [indicating Blanche]She should go, they'd believe her.
Rose: Blanche, you look terrible.
Blanche: What day is this? I've been up for 72 hours. I've had a breakthrough. I've discovered a new form of writing. I will go down in history. First I wrote all day, then I tore it all up, and then that night it came to me and the words poured forth like liquid from a stream. It was almost a mystical experience. Somebody else was writing this.
Rose: Who?
Blanche: Everyman. This is "Everyman"'s work. It's all gold. Just open it anywhere, the magic will touch you. But I'm so tired, I must sleep, but I cannot sleep, I'm too tired to sleep. I will never sleep again. I may die from this. I just don't know what I'm going to do--[seeing a bag of egg yolks; after a minute she picks them up and studies them]--my God, I'm hallucinating! I see little balls of sunshine in a bag! Does this mean something?
Rose: Those are egg yolks, Blanche.
Blanche: [tosses bag aside] My brain's gone. My body is limp with exhaustion. I suppose all the greats knew this feeling. And the thing is, after all this, I've decided not to sell my book. It's too good to sell. They can publish it after I'm dead, like Vincent van Gogh.
Dorothy: Van Gogh was a painter, Blanche.
Blanche: Whatever. It's all the same thing. We're all artists, we're all misunderstood. He cut off his hair, maybe I'll cut off mine. [grasps at her hair]
Dorothy:
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: If you will excuse me, Becky and I are having breakfast on the lanai. We're still bonding.
Sophia: Dorothy, how come we never bond?
Dorothy: We're from before bonding and quality time. We're from when people stayed together because they had no choice.
Sophia: Dorothy, how come we never bond?
Dorothy: We're from before bonding and quality time. We're from when people stayed together because they had no choice.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [in the sperm bank during Becky's doctor's appointment] What in hell are we doin' here? I feel like I'm in the middle of some awful dream, yet I know it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers.
Rebecca: Mother!
Blanche: I just cannot believe you are actually going to give money to someone like this "sperm pusher!" You are a Devereaux, a Devereaux has never had to pay for it, I certainly haven't.
Dorothy: She's always depended on the kindess of strangers.
Rebecca: Mother!
Blanche: I just cannot believe you are actually going to give money to someone like this "sperm pusher!" You are a Devereaux, a Devereaux has never had to pay for it, I certainly haven't.
Dorothy: She's always depended on the kindess of strangers.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: I got up early and did some research. There's a sperm bank not far from here.
Rose: How convenient.
Sophia: No kidding do they have a drive up window?
Rose: How convenient.
Sophia: No kidding do they have a drive up window?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Just last week, I was reading that you can buy the sperm of Nobel Prize winners. Or was it Star Search winners?
Blanche: Buy? Well sperm used to be free, it was all over the place!
Blanche: Buy? Well sperm used to be free, it was all over the place!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: Well, Mama, I'm going to do this whether you like it or not.
Blanche: Oh? Oh, I see, missy. So this is the thanks I get for all those cold nights when you were a baby crying, and I had to get up out of bed and grope around in the dark for my slippers and robe, make my way all the way downstairs and, scream for the governess?!! [storms off]
Blanche: Oh? Oh, I see, missy. So this is the thanks I get for all those cold nights when you were a baby crying, and I had to get up out of bed and grope around in the dark for my slippers and robe, make my way all the way downstairs and, scream for the governess?!! [storms off]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [enters kitchen and sees various plates of food laid out in front of Blanche on the table] Hungry or suicidal?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: My little girl is going to have a baby by artificial insemination.
[Rose, Sophia and Dorothy all pause and stare at Blanche with shocked expressions on their faces.]
Blanche: I just can't bear to think about it.
[More silence and shocked expressions.]
Blanche: I'm just being silly, aren't I?
[Yet more silence and shocked expressions.]
Blanche: For God's sake, someone say something!
Rose: [shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
Dorothy: [to Rose] Big help.
Blanche: Dorothy, what about you? You're always the sensible one around here, the free, modern thinker who keeps up with the times. Now what do you think?
Dorothy: [shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
[Rose, Sophia and Dorothy all pause and stare at Blanche with shocked expressions on their faces.]
Blanche: I just can't bear to think about it.
[More silence and shocked expressions.]
Blanche: I'm just being silly, aren't I?
[Yet more silence and shocked expressions.]
Blanche: For God's sake, someone say something!
Rose: [shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
Dorothy: [to Rose] Big help.
Blanche: Dorothy, what about you? You're always the sensible one around here, the free, modern thinker who keeps up with the times. Now what do you think?
Dorothy: [shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[the doorbell rings]
Rose: Oh, that must be the baby.
Sophia: There's a baby coming?
Rose: A couple from my church are going camping over the weekend and we get to take care of the baby.
Sophia: Good. Maybe now you'll get some food I can chew!
Rose: Oh, that must be the baby.
Sophia: There's a baby coming?
Rose: A couple from my church are going camping over the weekend and we get to take care of the baby.
Sophia: Good. Maybe now you'll get some food I can chew!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: How about a cup of tea, Martha?
Martha: A little. I made a pig of myself at the funeral.
Sophia: It was nice. Everybody had a good time.
Martha: I'm going to miss her so much.
Sophia: I know. But you said yourself, the last few weeks were so hard on her. At least now she's resting peacefully.
Martha: I feel so bad.
Sophia: Hey, I'm the one who should feel bad. Lydia and I were wearing the same dress.
Martha: A little. I made a pig of myself at the funeral.
Sophia: It was nice. Everybody had a good time.
Martha: I'm going to miss her so much.
Sophia: I know. But you said yourself, the last few weeks were so hard on her. At least now she's resting peacefully.
Martha: I feel so bad.
Sophia: Hey, I'm the one who should feel bad. Lydia and I were wearing the same dress.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Bartender: Hi. Can I get you ladies drinks?
Sophia: I'll have a Manhattan and I'm watching, so don't slip me any of the cheap stuff.
Martha: I'll have another Harvey Wallbanger.
Sophia: Seeing quite a bit of Mr. Wallbanger tonight!
Sophia: I'll have a Manhattan and I'm watching, so don't slip me any of the cheap stuff.
Martha: I'll have another Harvey Wallbanger.
Sophia: Seeing quite a bit of Mr. Wallbanger tonight!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Martha: I'm celebrating, because I've just had an idea that will change my life. Order anything you like. I'm going to have the shrimp cocktail, the cream of mushroom soup, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and the filet mignon.
Sophia: I like cholesterol as much as the next guy, but you're never gonna get blood to your feet again.
Sophia: I like cholesterol as much as the next guy, but you're never gonna get blood to your feet again.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Martha: I'd like to drink a toast. To Sophia, whom I hope I can count on.
Sophia: For what? Get your lips off Harvey and tell me what you want!
Martha: Since you mentioned it, I want you to do something for me. I want you to come over to my place tomorrow night.
Sophia: Oh, what is it, your birthday?
Martha: Sophia, there aren't going to be anymore birthdays.
Sophia: What are you telling me?
Martha: I have so many things wrong with me - arthritis, high blood pressure, angina, just to mention a few.
Sophia: Who doesn't? You can't get into a canasta game unless you have at least two debilitating diseases.
Sophia: For what? Get your lips off Harvey and tell me what you want!
Martha: Since you mentioned it, I want you to do something for me. I want you to come over to my place tomorrow night.
Sophia: Oh, what is it, your birthday?
Martha: Sophia, there aren't going to be anymore birthdays.
Sophia: What are you telling me?
Martha: I have so many things wrong with me - arthritis, high blood pressure, angina, just to mention a few.
Sophia: Who doesn't? You can't get into a canasta game unless you have at least two debilitating diseases.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Martha: You don't understand. I'm afraid of the pain, of the hurting. I'm afraid of being alone, of dying alone. I could take the pills myself, but I want you to be there with me and hold my hand.
Sophia: You're right; I don't understand. I'd do anything to stay alive. If my heart stopped beating, I'd want every doctor in town jumping up and down on my chest.
Sophia: You're right; I don't understand. I'd do anything to stay alive. If my heart stopped beating, I'd want every doctor in town jumping up and down on my chest.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: It was just a dream, Sophia.
Sophia: It's not just a dream for me. Martha wants to commit suicide...and she wants me to be there with her.
Blanche: And what did you say?
Sophia: I said I'd think about it. You can't say no to someone who pops for a $75 dinner; tell them, Blanche.
Sophia: It's not just a dream for me. Martha wants to commit suicide...and she wants me to be there with her.
Blanche: And what did you say?
Sophia: I said I'd think about it. You can't say no to someone who pops for a $75 dinner; tell them, Blanche.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Sophia, I can't believe you're doing this! This reminds me of the story of Gunilla Olfstatter, St. Olaf's very own Angel of Death.
Dorothy: Tell it, Rose, tell it.
Rose: Really? All the way through?
Dorothy: All the way through, but please try to make the end come as close to the beginning as possible!
Rose: Well, Gunilla Olfstatter was a nurse at Cedars of St. Olaf Hospital. One night she was taking care of Sven Bjornsen, and he asked her if she would get him some more mouth moisteners and then kill him. Gunilla brought the mouth moisteners right away, but the killing thing, it seemed to go against everything she'd been taught!
Dorothy: You're doing beautifully, Rose.
Rose: He begged and he begged and by her coffee break she couldn't stand it anymore, so she pulled the plug and he died. Well, she was wracked with guilt that night. Not only had she parked her car in a doctor's spot, but she was never sure whether Sven's pleading was the pain talking or the medication talking or the guy in the next bed talking. You see, the guy in the next bed was Ingmar Von Bergman, St. Olaf's meanest ventriloquist.
Dorothy: Rose, we are going somewhere with this, aren't we? I mean, if not, I'm gonna cut out your tongue.
Rose: Yes! Sven came back to haunt Gunilla. Since then, every Tuesday night at ten - nine Central -
[Dorothy slams her fork down in frustration]
Rose: ...she hears noises. Some say it's the wind, but some say it's Sven's voice whispering back from the other side, saying: "Turn around, quick! His lips are moving!"
Dorothy: [to Sophia] You see that, Ma? You kill someone, you end up being a Rose story.
Dorothy: Tell it, Rose, tell it.
Rose: Really? All the way through?
Dorothy: All the way through, but please try to make the end come as close to the beginning as possible!
Rose: Well, Gunilla Olfstatter was a nurse at Cedars of St. Olaf Hospital. One night she was taking care of Sven Bjornsen, and he asked her if she would get him some more mouth moisteners and then kill him. Gunilla brought the mouth moisteners right away, but the killing thing, it seemed to go against everything she'd been taught!
Dorothy: You're doing beautifully, Rose.
Rose: He begged and he begged and by her coffee break she couldn't stand it anymore, so she pulled the plug and he died. Well, she was wracked with guilt that night. Not only had she parked her car in a doctor's spot, but she was never sure whether Sven's pleading was the pain talking or the medication talking or the guy in the next bed talking. You see, the guy in the next bed was Ingmar Von Bergman, St. Olaf's meanest ventriloquist.
Dorothy: Rose, we are going somewhere with this, aren't we? I mean, if not, I'm gonna cut out your tongue.
Rose: Yes! Sven came back to haunt Gunilla. Since then, every Tuesday night at ten - nine Central -
[Dorothy slams her fork down in frustration]
Rose: ...she hears noises. Some say it's the wind, but some say it's Sven's voice whispering back from the other side, saying: "Turn around, quick! His lips are moving!"
Dorothy: [to Sophia] You see that, Ma? You kill someone, you end up being a Rose story.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Remember better. Remember life!
Martha: I don't have much of one. I'm not like you. You live with friends and family, holidays and warmth. I...hear the silence.
Sophia: We'll talk. We'll talk all the time. You can come over Thanksgiving, Christmas, every Friday night. I may not be there, but you could always talk to Rose.
Martha: I don't have much of one. I'm not like you. You live with friends and family, holidays and warmth. I...hear the silence.
Sophia: We'll talk. We'll talk all the time. You can come over Thanksgiving, Christmas, every Friday night. I may not be there, but you could always talk to Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Martha: No, I want to go. Lydia looked so peaceful. [takes hold of the pills]
Sophia: [immediately grabs the pills] We're not in this life for peace!
Martha: You're crying.
Sophia: No, I'm not, I don't cry.
Martha: I can see your tears!
Sophia: And I can see yours, you know what that tells me?
Martha: What?
Sophia: You're not as ready to die as you think you are. You still wanna live, kid!
Martha: Some kid! I don't know what to do.
Sophia: That's the point. If you're not sure, then you can't change your mind tomorrow. You wanted me to be there for your death. How about letting me be here for your life?
Martha: Like a friend?
Sophia: Like a best friend.
Sophia: [immediately grabs the pills] We're not in this life for peace!
Martha: You're crying.
Sophia: No, I'm not, I don't cry.
Martha: I can see your tears!
Sophia: And I can see yours, you know what that tells me?
Martha: What?
Sophia: You're not as ready to die as you think you are. You still wanna live, kid!
Martha: Some kid! I don't know what to do.
Sophia: That's the point. If you're not sure, then you can't change your mind tomorrow. You wanted me to be there for your death. How about letting me be here for your life?
Martha: Like a friend?
Sophia: Like a best friend.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh, my God, if they want to make spies talk, they should force them to grade junior high English essays. Kids today can't write the English language! "The characters in The Grapes of Wrath are so real that it's interesting."
Rose: Weren't they?
Rose: Weren't they?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: All we did all night was talk about George. How much George loved me, how George couldn't take his eyes off me, how George would have to save his money to buy presents good enough for me. It felt so good talking about George.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy's going through her high school yearbook to see who alls dead.
Sophia: That's my pussycat, fun, fun, fun!
Sophia: That's my pussycat, fun, fun, fun!
TV Show: The Golden Girls