Rome Quotes

Lucius Vorenus: It makes no sense. We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
Lucius Vorenus: Soldiers of the Republic do not run, so it must be a stratagem, a trick.
Titus Pullo: It's a good trick.
Lucius Vorenus: Unless the gods have abandoned Rome... If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace.
Titus Pullo: Maybe he was havin' a crap and missed it.

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Mark Antony: Poor sad wretch gives everything you ask for. The Senate will ratify your status. You get your triumph, stand for consul, and Pompey will retire to Spain. He'd suck Posca's cock if you asked him to.
Gaius Julius Caesar: Too generous by far. I never thought Pompey would accept such terms.
Mark Antony: You think it's a strategem?
Gaius Julius Caesar: I doubt it. He and what few forces he has are trapped and grow weaker by the day. We might crush him at will. But now that he has offered truce, I would look like the worst sort of tyrant if I attack him. Posca here thinks I should accept. Make peace.
Mark Antony: In exchange for what?
Posca: Peace is its own reward.
Mark Antony: Snivelry! The ram has touched the wall! No mercy!
Posca: Pompey has no great army, but he has the Senate with him. He has legitimacy.
Mark Antony: In Rome they are the Senate. Beyond these walls they're just three hundred old men.
Gaius Julius Caesar: As you say Anthony. But others will agree with Posca. They have made this shameful surrender public. It will be read throughout Italy. If I am not a tyrant. If I merely seek legitimacy then why would I not accept such favorable terms?
Posca: [Perusing Pompey's surrender] He refuses to meet us in person?
Gaius Julius Caesar: [thinking] Very good. Simple. Hoi polloi can understand a reason like that. He refuses to meet me face to face, man to man. [in mock anger]
Gaius Julius Caesar: He refuses to meet me!
Mark Antony: [laughing] Right. That's it. No truce. Let's be after him. [begins to leave]
Gaius Julius Caesar

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Niobe: [with admiration while helping Lucius put on his magistrate's toga] Look at you.
Titus Pullo: You look like laundry.

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[to his men before a battle]
Roman General: There is no shame in fear. There is only shame in letting fear rule you. Try not to look scared, and you'll find bravery in your hearts!

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[Ann explains the problem of being formerly married]
Ann: We can't claim to be the town virgins and can't afford to be the town tramps.

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[Vorenus and Pullo are stranded on an island, awaiting their death]
Titus Pullo: I don't understand it. Something should've turned up by now. I am not meant to die this way.
Lucius Vorenus: You were misinformed.
Titus Pullo: Doesn't seem right. [pause]
Titus Pullo: Still... be good to see my mother again. Do you think they have a system, for finding people?
Lucius Vorenus: What?
Titus Pullo: In the afterlife? I mean, how do you-how do you go 'bout finding people? There must be millions.
Lucius Vorenus: There must be.
Titus Pullo: [pause] She wouldn't recognise me, probably. I was very young when she died. [Another pause, as Vorenus shivers from the cold]
Titus Pullo: [sniggers] Probably give her a big scare though, huh? Big ugly brute coming along and giving her a hug.

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Caesar: You are a thief. A foolish, incompetent thief. But we will treat your foolishness as some species of loyalty.

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Caesar: I do not like to argue with fortune, and clearly she's taken you for a pet.

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Caesar: [after having an epileptic seizure] Swear by Orcus never to speak of this.

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Caesar: They say a slave talks of bravery like a fish talks of flying.
Posca: They say that, do they? How very witty of them.

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[On finding Rome unprotected by Pompeian troops: ]
Lucius Vorenus: [aghast] This can only mean that the Republic has fallen.
Titus Pullo: And yet, the sky is still above us and the earth still below. Strange.
Vorenus: How could Mars allow such a thing to happen?
Pullo: Maybe he was out having a crap and missed it!

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Cassius: Look now. Look at that.
Marcus Junius Brutus: It is a chair. What of it?
Cassius: A chair? It's a throne!
Marcus Junius Brutus: I believe thrones are generally more decorative. That is decidedly plain, and chair-like.

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Caesar: [of an assassinated political opponent]I didn't know he existed until he didn't.

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Atia: Why would she want to see me? She hates me!
Mark Antony: So do I; that's no bar to friendship.

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Titus Pullo: [after a flogging] Is that it? I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

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Scipio: What a dreadful noise plebs make when they're happy.
Cato: This is music. Wait until Caesar starts them howling for our blood; then you'll hear something dreadful!

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Vorenus: Fortune pisses on me.

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Titus Pullo: Forculus, if you be the right god for the business here, I call on you to help. If you would open this door, then I would kill for you a fine white lamb, or, failing that, if I couldn't get a good one at a decent price, then six pigeons.

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Atia: The man has tears in his eyes. Tears!
Octavia: He loves me.
Atia: A womanish husband is no use to anyone. And your servants! What a fuss! I think you feed them too much.

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Titus Pullo: I have simpler tastes. I like to kill my enemies, take their gold and enjoy their women. That's it. Why tie yourself to one? Where's the flavor? Where's the joy?
Vorenus: Pullo, when is the last time you had a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment?

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Pullo: Look here, Mars! Look here, Mars! I am Titus Pullo! These bloody men are my gift to you.

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Titus Pullo: [on returning to Rome]] Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke, and fuck every whore in the city!

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Atia: By the Five Furies, if I were not a genteel woman, I'd have you flayed and hung from a bracket at the door! Castor!
Castor: Yes, domina?
Atia: Fetch the dogs!

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[Mark Antony, when discussing terms of Caesar's return to Rome]
Pompey: He sits alone in Ravenna with one mutinous skeleton of a legion and he dares to dictate terms to me!?.
Mark Antony : Caesar has many more legions than the Thirteenth.
Scipio: Yes, on the far side of the Alps.
Mark Antony: Winter does not last forever. Spring comes. Snows melt.
Scipio: That is a threat!
Mark Antony : No, I assure you, that is no threat. Snows always melt.

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Julius Caesar: [regarding Antony's dishevelled state] You look fine exactly as you are. Like Leonidas at Thermopylae!

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Vorena: What is going to happen?
Niobe: War is going to happen.

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Brutus: Mother, you are blinded by untapped lust. I'll get you a good big Cyrenian at the market and have done with it!

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[Caesar has sent Vorenus ahead to scout with a squadron of cavalry]
Gaius Julius Caesar: Can we trust him?
Mark Antony: Who?
Gaius Julius Caesar: Lucius Vorenus.
Mark Antony: Vorenus? Deep Thirteenth, him. He'd follow the Eagle up Pluto's arse!

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[Pullo instructs Vorenus on the fine points of wooing.]
Titus Pullo: Now, your best method of pleasing a woman is the warm, beating heart of an enemy. Oh, women say they don't like it, but they do! Makes them wet as October!

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[discussing how to please Lucius's wife.]
Titus Pullo: Also: very important. When you couple with her there's this spot just above her cunny. It's like a button. Now, attend to that button and she will open up like a flower.
Lucius Vorenus: [outraged] How do you know this about her?!
Titus Pullo: [momentarily gobsmacked] All women have them! Ask anyone!

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