Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere in time and space.
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Are caught in nasty place.
They try to survive the wrath of Pearl,
Just an evil gal who wants to the rule the world.
From her castle below,
She sets her sights above,
Just to torture all her captives
On the Satellite of Love!
(Mike: Get... me... down!)
Somewhere in time and space.
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Are caught in nasty place.
They try to survive the wrath of Pearl,
Just an evil gal who wants to the rule the world.
From her castle below,
She sets her sights above,
Just to torture all her captives
On the Satellite of Love!
(Mike: Get... me... down!)
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
"I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind"
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Man: That's an asteroid!
Joel: That's no asteroid... that's a battle station!
Joel: That's no asteroid... that's a battle station!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Joel: Hey, Crow.
Crow: Yes, Joel Hodgson?
Joel: I found the secret of life the other day... but it kinda bummed me out.
Crow: You found the secret of life? Why should it bum you out?
Joel: It was on 8-track.
[Gypsy and Crow laugh.]
Crow: Yes, Joel Hodgson?
Joel: I found the secret of life the other day... but it kinda bummed me out.
Crow: You found the secret of life? Why should it bum you out?
Joel: It was on 8-track.
[Gypsy and Crow laugh.]
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Troy Tempest pilots the Stingray into a crater in the inkiest depths of the ocean bottom.]
Crow: That's very well lit for the bottom of a crater of an abandoned volcano at the bottom of the sea.
Crow: That's very well lit for the bottom of a crater of an abandoned volcano at the bottom of the sea.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[During an effects sequence.]
Servo: They must've spent tens of dollars on this.
Servo: They must've spent tens of dollars on this.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Japanese General: Operation Rear View Mirror has failed.
Servo: Now do Operation Fuzzy Dice.
Servo: Now do Operation Fuzzy Dice.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Hidaka and his Eskimo hosts observe fighter jets pursuing another jet.]
Dr. Hidaka: The war even comes to this Eskimo village. Soon there won't be any peace anywhere.
[Cut to a ship cutting through the ice.]
Joel: There's nothing more tragic than a war in an Eskimo village.
Dr. Hidaka: The war even comes to this Eskimo village. Soon there won't be any peace anywhere.
[Cut to a ship cutting through the ice.]
Joel: There's nothing more tragic than a war in an Eskimo village.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Kenny searches for his turtle Tibby among the shore rocks.]
Kenny: Tibby? Tibby? Tibby?
Joel: Like the turtle's gonna call out if he hears him.
Kenny: Tibby? Tibby? Tibby?
Joel: Like the turtle's gonna call out if he hears him.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[At night, Kenny mopes about his lost stones that he was collecting for "Gamera's new house".]
Joel [as Catherine]: When you get up in the morning, Kenny, we'll get you a whole box of gravel.
Joel [as Catherine]: When you get up in the morning, Kenny, we'll get you a whole box of gravel.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[While playing back phone messages left by viewers.]
Joel: All you scary guys with the low I.Q.s, don't call any more because you're scaring Gypsy.
Joel: All you scary guys with the low I.Q.s, don't call any more because you're scaring Gypsy.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[A supertanker has just exploded in flames.]
Servo: Oh my God, it's Gordon Lightfoot!
Servo: Oh my God, it's Gordon Lightfoot!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Helen: I think he's so wonderful, I love Gamera!
Joel: Keep your shirt on, honey.
Joel: Keep your shirt on, honey.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Servo: Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be beat.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: Looks kinda skinny. Must be a Carpenterant. [chuckling] Carpenter... get it? Carpenter ant. See 'cause—
Joel: [horrified] Oh no...
Crow: Never mind.
Joel: You don't mean that...
Servo: Ant-orexic.
Crow: [laughs] See? Servo got it.
Joel: [horrified] Oh no...
Crow: Never mind.
Joel: You don't mean that...
Servo: Ant-orexic.
Crow: [laughs] See? Servo got it.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Servo: You know, ants can carry entire watermelons. And big chicken legs. Happened in The Flintstones.
Crow: I had a chicken leg once. I had to wear corrective shoes.
Crow: I had a chicken leg once. I had to wear corrective shoes.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[During an unpleasant closeup of the queen ant laying eggs.]
Crow: Hope no one's eating rice at this point.
Crow: Hope no one's eating rice at this point.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Servo: So Crow, if we ever get off this ship, what's the first thing you're going to do when we get to Earth?
Crow: Uh well the first thing I'm gonna do is kill Sandy Frank!
Servo: Oh, that's just a given!
Crow: Uh well the first thing I'm gonna do is kill Sandy Frank!
Servo: Oh, that's just a given!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[While the end credits roll.]
Crow: I thought it was deep...
Joel: What did you think, Servo?
Servo: I thought it was pathetic.
Crow: So deep, we should've been wearing boots.
Servo: This made flying turtles look good.
Crow: I thought it was deep...
Joel: What did you think, Servo?
Servo: I thought it was pathetic.
Crow: So deep, we should've been wearing boots.
Servo: This made flying turtles look good.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Tony and Koenig watch a video of an "alien" — a man whose face shows through his pumpkin-shaped and -colored rubber mask.]
Joel: Kind of a jack-o'-lantern monster.
Servo: [deadpan] Ooh, very scary. I'm trembling.
Crow: I think the prop department juuuust ran out of money.
Joel: Kind of a jack-o'-lantern monster.
Servo: [deadpan] Ooh, very scary. I'm trembling.
Crow: I think the prop department juuuust ran out of money.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Integrating an alien power supply into their Eagle, Tony, reading some instructions, counts off numbers to Commander Koenig.]
Tony: 1... 2...
Servo [as Tony]: 3...
Tony: 5...
Joel, Crow, Servo: What?!
Tony: 6...
Joel: That's why they're in such trouble.
Tony: 7... 4.
Crow: Well, they are British.
Tony: 1... 2...
Servo [as Tony]: 3...
Tony: 5...
Joel, Crow, Servo: What?!
Tony: 6...
Joel: That's why they're in such trouble.
Tony: 7... 4.
Crow: Well, they are British.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[During the credits.]
Crow: Nick Brimble! I had a knick on my Brimble once.
Crow: Nick Brimble! I had a knick on my Brimble once.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Joel: Just because you lost your hair, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the planet.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000