Married with Children Quotes
Marcy: Oh, Peggy, what are you going to do with $10,000?
Peg: Well, I think I'll give it to the needy. Of course, I needy it all.
Peg: Well, I think I'll give it to the needy. Of course, I needy it all.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Beth: Thanks for signing my inner thigh, Mr. Bundy
Al: Now, now, Beth. We promised not to speak of such things in front of Les Misérables.
Al: Now, now, Beth. We promised not to speak of such things in front of Les Misérables.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Now, Al, don't go to sleep. You know our deal: you get beef, I get beef.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Mark: Now, remember, we're gonna be giving away free limo service to this Friday's formal to the student with the most pathetic reason for wanting it. [phone rings] You're on the air.
Bud: Uh, hi. This is Bud Bundy and I'm trying to—
Mark: Bud Bundy, we have our winner.
Bud: Uh, hi. This is Bud Bundy and I'm trying to—
Mark: Bud Bundy, we have our winner.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Woman: I'll have your jobs for this.
Al: Fine, if we can trade for what's in your fridge.
Al: Fine, if we can trade for what's in your fridge.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Jefferson: Stay cool. Our lives are in your feet.
Peg: That's why life stinks.
Peg: That's why life stinks.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Al, I think this thing is broken.
Al: Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.
Al: Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Kelly: It's just a junior prom. I can do this with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back.
Bud: That's sort of like one of your real dates, right?
Bud: That's sort of like one of your real dates, right?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: The best way to ruin a heartfelt goodbye party is to stay where you're not wanted.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: You know, I've always wanted a place where I could stretch out and do nothing.
Al: Well, get in the car: I'll take you to the morgue.
Al: Well, get in the car: I'll take you to the morgue.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Bud: Mom, I had a horrible day, and I could really use some motherly advice right now.
Peg: Shut up, Bud. Oprah is doing a show on mothers who don't pay attention to their sons.
Peg: Shut up, Bud. Oprah is doing a show on mothers who don't pay attention to their sons.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: It's a remote control override. Peg. They're on sale at the Real Man's Shop.
Peg: Well, while you were there, why didn't you pick up a real man?
Al: Don't push it, Peg. It also overrides all of your other handheld electronic devices.
Peg: Well, while you were there, why didn't you pick up a real man?
Al: Don't push it, Peg. It also overrides all of your other handheld electronic devices.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: And to think I could've had any man on the football team.
Al: Peg, you had them all.
Al: Peg, you had them all.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Kelly: Let's call him Lucky. Lucky Bundy.
Al: I was saving that name for my tombstone.
Al: I was saving that name for my tombstone.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Kelly: You know what I'd do if my lover lost interest in me?
Bud: Sleep with his parole officer?
Bud: Sleep with his parole officer?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Jefferson: Like all other religions, we have a sacred obligation to make a lot of money and open our own theme park.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Bud: I've put all the family finances right here on this computer.
Al: You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.
Peg: You know, that reminds me of our sex life.
Al: That's putting something I have into something I don't like.
Al: You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.
Peg: You know, that reminds me of our sex life.
Al: That's putting something I have into something I don't like.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Kelly: Mom, Dad, Bud: you will never guess what I got.
Bud: A better game would be guess what you haven't got. I'll take Virginity for $100.
Kelly: Well, that's funny. Nobody will take yours for less than $1000.
Bud: A better game would be guess what you haven't got. I'll take Virginity for $100.
Kelly: Well, that's funny. Nobody will take yours for less than $1000.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: When I felt that hairy hand go in my pocket, I naturally assumed it was Peg.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Jefferson: I think I got a way to put an end to all of this.
Al: Well, if you got the tailpipe, I got the lips.
Al: Well, if you got the tailpipe, I got the lips.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Wow, we must have gone back in time 'cause I'm experiencing déjà moo.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Now, that is a real man, not some high school football hero who got married and turned to mush.
Al: Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.
Al: Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Marcy: What's Mr. Potato Head doing here?
Al: Well, I don't know: you married him.
Marcy: Not that Mr. Potato Head, the one that's actually worth something.
Al: Well, I don't know: you married him.
Marcy: Not that Mr. Potato Head, the one that's actually worth something.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Eric: It's amazing how your looks can improve with nice clothes, contacts and $10,000,000.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Nothing drowns your sorrows like a three-day binge at the Nudie Bar.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: I would like to start with a genuine picture of the Loch Ness Monster.
Jefferson: My God, Al, that's horrific. What the hell is it?
Al: A picture of Peg's mom in the bathtub.
Jefferson: My God, Al, that's horrific. What the hell is it?
Al: A picture of Peg's mom in the bathtub.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Why are you doing this to me, Marcy?
Marcy: Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.
Marcy: Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: When a Bundy doesn't get what's rightfully his, he makes sure that no one gets it either.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Hey, Peg, you know what I was dreaming about at work today?
Peg: Me, Al?
Al: Yes, Peg.
Peg: Was I in bed?
Al: Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.
Peg: Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?
Al: Cindy Crawford.
Peg: Me, Al?
Al: Yes, Peg.
Peg: Was I in bed?
Al: Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.
Peg: Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?
Al: Cindy Crawford.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Peg, I'm telling you, me and the floor boards can't take any more of her.
TV Show: Married... with Children